Some feedback please.

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  • jidnffc 13 Jan 2011 20:57:40 14 posts
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    Post deleted
  • Deleted user 13 January 2011 20:58:18
    YES
  • jidnffc 13 Jan 2011 20:58:51 14 posts
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    As much as I hate self-publication I just started a blog principally about videogame writing. While it's cool having my stuff up there I have absolutely no idea if it's any good or not and if anyone know decent games writing it's the eurogamer readers.

    I've written a defence of Shadowrun, and I'd love to know if you guys think I'm any good at this stuff. Constructive criticism is obviously welcome but please don't just go "Of course you're wrong how can you like that its shit".

    It's pretty long (went a little bit crazy) but any feedback would be awesome.

    Here it is: http://multiplaying.wordpress.com/2011/01/13/article-shad...

    Thanks
  • Khanivor 13 Jan 2011 21:05:08 40,490 posts
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    I don't like the first sentence.

    Seriously.

    Your grammar and syntax also need work and there are too, many commas. Not enough full stops.

    I like the passion behind it though. You also got the balance on the vocabulary moron/pretentious-prick scale right.
  • jidnffc 13 Jan 2011 21:11:32 14 posts
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    @Khanivor:

    Cheers for reading.

    Having mostly written academic stuff for uni I seriously worry that I come across as a right tosser while writing this because of the style of language that I'm used to so that's definitely good.

    Also explains a bit why I use so many commas. I did wonder about that, I always err on the side of caution when I think about whether one's necessary. Guess I shouldn't.

    PS. I deleted like 3 commas while writing this reply, clearly working already! :p
  • AaronTurner 13 Jan 2011 21:17:30 7,669 posts
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    Jidnffc, you write with an air of panache and beauty rarely found within the computer games community. I wish you all the best.
  • ronuds 13 Jan 2011 21:18:05 21,788 posts
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    You deleted the first freaking post.
  • thenastypasty 13 Jan 2011 21:18:08 5,180 posts
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    Not a bad read at all,although I would have like you to have linked elements of Shadowruns gameplay to Halo Reach.

  • Emmit_Assassin 13 Jan 2011 21:32:22 752 posts
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    I enjoyed the article. Well thought out, good arguments, but I agree with others here, way too many commas, but I'm a bugger for that, as well.

    The language and tone is sound, though. I'd recommend you are good at it, but I'd have to read more varied articles to give a proper opinion on your personal style. This one article, though well written, was lacking in personality for me, but I always find that just comes across with familiarity with a writer as well as good writing.
  • jidnffc 13 Jan 2011 22:02:36 14 posts
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    Awesome, thanks guys. Some stuff to think about for the future definitely but it bodes well that you guys liked it. Certainly encouragement to keep trying.

    Less commas needed!

    Oh and @ronuds Yeah the link was wrong and rather than edit I stupidly deleted then repost, God knows why. Otherwise it was the same.
  • Jazzy_Geoff 13 Jan 2011 22:17:12 7,767 posts
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    I wanted to read about Shadowrun on the SNES, not the shitty 360 memory rape. I am disappoint.

    :)
  • MysteryLamb 13 Jan 2011 22:33:30 525 posts
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    I'm going to usurp the thread just a tad, in the spirit of the title, and post a link to my pointless blog.

    CultivatedGamer.com


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