So there I was with this large task ahead of me, namely sifting through all the gubbins and bickering littering my beautiful thread to try and count up all the votes to bring this to a fair conclusion.|
My good friend and Scottish Ubergeek Mr. DFawkes kindly told me that he would happily assist me in this daunting task, as counting things and making tally charts was a particular hobby of his.
I was very appreciative of this fact, and so decided that we could work on this together over the course of the following week, and reveal the answers just before Christmas.
Turns out that Mr. fawkes had other ideas.
Last night as I was shooting people in the face on Halo, I got a rather demanding/excited message sent to me via the dash from Mr. Fawkes.
He was scalding me for playing when there was serious work to be done, saying that he had been crunching numbers and scanning pie charts all evening whilst I tossed it off.
I tried to tempt the crazy Scottish scamp away from his duties for the evening, saying that a night of pwning n00bs and teabagging victims may be just what the doctor ordered.
Of course Fawkes' OCD would NOT allow him to do anything until the task at hand was completed, and so the heavily tartaned warrior vanished for another hour, I assumed to munch on Haggis sandwiches and perhaps have a little Sword Dance in his Spock Y-Fronts and fishnets.
Just cuz, you know that's how he rolls.
But No! The next thing I know there is a message in my EG inbox, which for once isn't from EG itself telling me to
BUY SONIC FREE RIDERS NOW!!!but actually a full and complete report on the winners in each category!!
So, I cannot take any credit for the following.
The man you should all bow down to and thank, lavish gifts upon and generally treat with an air of respect and admiration is the wonderful Mr DFawkes!!
And before I hand over to him, oh lovely EG staff- I know for a fact that the one thing that would make Fawkes cream his Star Trek Pyjamas would be a litle shoutout on the Podcast.
Either that or, like money or something.
Anyway- that's me out. I hand you over now to the man himself!! ....
Yes indeed ladies and gentlemen, the votes have been counted and verified (not verified really, but do you really think they verify them on the X-Factor and shit? No way), and I can now reveal to you the people who have won infamy and famy!
There doesn't really seem to be much consensus, possibly to do with the word "best" being so open to interpretation. Luckily there was a winner, by a single vote, only just edging out Blerk and his weekly releases post that is both faster released and wittier than the EG one (sorry EG people). KTM was also pretty close, with his adventures in Afgahnistan. But in the end, they were edged
out, only just, by...
Kalel! Get de-modded and everyone loves you.
Lots of very funny people about on EG. Some are good at trolling, some do a good rant like second place winner Load "$". Meme was pretty in a pretty close 3rd, but in the end there can only be on (like in that Highlander film. Some horrendous accents in that film)...
Dirtbox! If you're so funny, tell us a joke. Come on then, a joke. JOKE!
Some people can be helpful by offering advice, some can give you stuff, some can simply stop punching you in the crotch (cheers Biggy).
Blerk was pretty close again, with his lovely new releases thread annd being generally lovely. ButtThe winner here got it by giving very sound advice, as well as a hilarious battle with a Norton peddling spam troll.
Dirtbox! Funny AND helpful. That's a good combination
There are a lot of idiots on EG, or people that don't put time into their posts, or people that troll, or people that love things, or people that make sentences too long by overusing commas. But they sometimes change. They make the extra effort to see more in the world of gaming, and people appreciate this. For fianlly taking the blinkers off and embracing more of what gaming has to offer, the winner is...
I don't know what Worst means. Does it mean the person who just isn't good at it and never manages to hook someone in and start a retarded argument? Or person who is good at it, but leads to the stupidest threads ever that end up reading as a pro-eugenics case? From this result, I think it's a bit of both. People just love to rip him to shreds, but also want him to just piss off.
Spartan! And his multitude of socks.
Socks, for those that are uninitiated, are secondart accounts people create. Sometimes, it's to post when they got banned, or to post annonymously. Some just do it for the fun of it. There were a real mixed bag for this, but one clear winner.
It's IRONOMAN! Oh the ironing.
Some people are just dull, and write stuff that makes you fall asleep. Yes, me, but also a lot of other people. But one person
managed to edge it at the end. It's..
Kalel! From this, I assume the best way to be a favourite on EG is to also be dull? I don't get you people sometimes.
MOST ILLITERATIST FORUMITE
we do generally Love our grammer on EG - indeed most of you Got annoyed when I used grammer there insted of grammar. Mines is awful, but there are some that go the extra mile to ensure you;d need to be a skild Cryptologist to reed any posts by then.
Mcmonkeyplc was in second (even voting for himself so it'd come as little surprise), but the clear winner with more than twice as many votes is...
Big Swiss! It's also worth nothing the majority of people voting for him understood why and tried to be nice about it.
I don't really like this catagory, and you already mostly know, so I'm glossing over it. Dirtbox was second. It's Smuggo though.
Edit: I ALMOST feel guilty for introducing this category, which turned into a ferocious savaging of poor Smuggsy. I know he can handle it though, and I shall just pop in here and say that I have met the man in RL, and he offered to buy me a pint.
Anybody who does that- Alright by me.- Biggy
MOST MISSED FORUMITE
I genuinely hope no-one in this catagory died. That's be horrible. But some got jobs and can't post as much, some left for pastures new, some emoquit. Plenty of people just can't get the time to post anymore. Otto almost made it, though I don't think he really left, but no.1 is...
MOST LIKELY TO EMOQUIT
Soome people seem to get worked up, and it's never clear if they enjoy it, or are just pissed off at everyone. Of those people, a select few commit forum Harikiri and nuke their account to "win", or possibly "lose". Of those people, one person is clearly perceived to be more likely to quit as a big "fuck you!"...
Darkmorgado! Which for some reason I've never really read the full name of and always see it as Darkmordo.
MOST LIKELY FORUM ROMANCE
I bet you all think you;re so funny, don't you? Posting seperate things from everyone else. Only 3 suggestions even got more than one vote, so you've got 4 winners.
Smuggo & Darkmorgado - YOu can cut the sexual tension between these 2 with a knife. Which one will suggest should be taxed, and the other will say how that tax will cause the rape of schoolchildren, and the dance will begin again.
Razz & Mcmonkeyplc - Because... they both like Star Trek? I have no idea, the few people that did vote for them will have to expalin that one to me.
Diana Vickers & GiantYerkub - It's inevitable, isn't it? The new report about a stalking breaking into her home, getting a bit over friendsly, and the resulting murder trial. Who got killed? Give it a while and real life shall answer us.
Kalel-sturbation - Because apparently he loves himself. Can you blame him though, he's your favourite! And dull too, clearly.
He rants a lot, but the rant about the Old Ladies is a clear favourite. They were rude about it, to be fair. No-one orders Smuggo to do anything with volumes anymore.
I'm going to speed past this, as I ry to to speak of things I know nothing of.
The Premiership Thread! May it rest in pieces.
Bizarrely, the worst thread isn't a bad thread. No-one really hates it, not even the people that voted for it. It's the result that people hate - an inability to purchase food or pay rent/mortgages.
It's the All New Bargains Thread! Theory is to save you money, but that's not how it goes.
Lots of great threads on EG, though finding them can be a challenge. Most are spontaneous fun, others are slow burners that gather pace and undercurrents of creepiness as they go. This is definitely the later.
The Diana Vickers Thread! He loves her, you know. Carlo, I mean.
I'll be honest, I was concerned for a while that kalel would win. Nothing wrong with kal, but that'd be 2 prize winning catagories which feels a bit unfair. But another mod swept in and got it, though only just - lots of mods got votes and love lavished on
them, but the clear victor is...
THis didn't even need to be a thread on EG, so we've got the likes of "coming on a blonde girls tits" and someone losing their local cinema. The winner isn't really a thread, but the culmination of so much antagonistic behaviour I'm surprised it took until 2010. It's...
BlizeH, his meltdown and resulting perma-ban. He almost got Most Missed Forumite too.
So there you go. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Remember, there are prizes kindly being supplied by Venatio! The following are a summary
of the prize threads and winners.
BEST FORUMITE: Kalel
MOST HELPFUL FORUMITE: Dirtbox
BEST THREAD: The Premier League Thread (I'm assuming this'll go to the thread creator... kalel. After me going on about how it would be weird to win twice. Perhaps kalel can name someone that contributed a lot to that thread?)
OVERALL OUTSTANDING MOMENT: BlizeH ban. No idea who can get that. Certainly not Blize himself when the winner is "him
Anyway, sorry for any spelling errors, I'm using Noteepad - am I heck doing this post in the browser for it to crash on me. Yes, I could use OpenOffice.
I'm not going to.
At weekends when my wife is away I like to wear her stockings and put Stickle bricks up my bottom whilst listening to Ke$ha songs.