GF has just broken up - massive shock, help :(

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  • woodnotes 27 Sep 2010 23:23:16 4,916 posts
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    I know, get a blog etc, in the wrong place etc, but I'm mind-fucked right now.

    She's on holiday, she's had time "to think", she's called me this evening, it's definitely over. Buying a house together (we were due to exchange next week) has tipped her over the edge to make this decision.

    Been with her over 5 years, it's been good, this is a real shock. Living with her for the past 3.5 years in her apartment. Now either I move out by the weekend when she gets back, or she stays at a friends until I find somewhere. Can't be arsed with the latter, it's her apartment, I want to move out ASAP.

    Still in a bit of shock and I need some advice. I'm 29, all my own mates have gfs now, I'm losing her friends too. It's really shit. Where do I start? Looking for somewhere to live? I feel on the shelf all of a sudden.

    Anyone else been through a similar situation? How do I get my head around it :(
  • graysonavich 27 Sep 2010 23:25:12 6,801 posts
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    Girls can be such bitches :(

    Sounds like a lucky escape (re: before the exchange!). Shave your balls and head out to town :)
  • binky Moderator 27 Sep 2010 23:26:37 9,236 posts
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    That sucks dude. Was there no signs that this was on the horizon? This is just out of the blue? If that's the case then perhaps you'll find that a bit of talking when she's back from holiday can resolve the matter.
  • lucky_jim 27 Sep 2010 23:27:22 5,161 posts
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    Sorry to hear that woodnotes. What a shitty way to end it after such a long time, a relationship that long deserves better than a phone call from holiday.

    My suggestion is hit the gym with a view to getting in really good shape and finding someone else, preferably younger, prettier and more interesting. Even if it doesn't work out that way, it's amazing how regular exercise can help your mental state.
  • CosmicFuzz 27 Sep 2010 23:27:44 21,240 posts
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    Fuck mate that's awful. Sounds like it was completely out of the blue as well.

    But it's defo better to have happened now rather than later, are you tied into the house at all? I know that sounds like shit advice too...

    What's your thoughts on Heroes Reborn? Read my TV musings here.

  • neilka 27 Sep 2010 23:27:48 14,942 posts
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    FHUTA
  • woodnotes 27 Sep 2010 23:28:03 4,916 posts
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    graysonavich wrote:
    Girls can be such bitches :(

    Sounds like a lucky escape (re: before the exchange!). Shave your balls and head out to town :)
    Cheers mate.

    The night out though, I know how that works after a break-up. Starts off great, then I'll be on the floor in tears at 1AM :/

    The thing that always troubles me is the instant thought of her with another man, either kissing or in bed. Makes me sick in the stomach. Why do I have to even think about that at this stage :(
  • Syrette 27 Sep 2010 23:29:10 41,801 posts
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    neilka wrote:
    FHUTA

    :D

    Completely predictable but still amusing.

  • woodnotes 27 Sep 2010 23:30:52 4,916 posts
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    binky wrote:
    That sucks dude. Was there no signs that this was on the horizon? This is just out of the blue? If that's the case then perhaps you'll find that a bit of talking when she's back from holiday can resolve the matter.
    We've had our ups and downs, but our focus has been on buying the house, moving and the excitement of that recently. I suppose her time away has just made her thing beyond that. It is out of the blue really though, but she's adamant that she's made her decision.
    CosmicFuzz wrote:
    Fuck mate that's awful. Sounds like it was completely out of the blue as well.

    But it's defo better to have happened now rather than later, are you tied into the house at all? I know that sounds like shit advice too...
    Luckily not tied in to anything, the vendors will be mega-pissed though. Although I've got my own shit to worry about.
    neilka wrote:
    FHUTA
    Again?
  • trip919 27 Sep 2010 23:31:10 2,249 posts
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    woodnotes wrote:
    I know, get a blog etc, in the wrong place etc, but I'm mind-fucked right now.

    She's on holiday, she's had time "to think", she's called me this evening, it's definitely over. Buying a house together (we were due to exchange next week) has tipped her over the edge to make this decision.

    Been with her over 5 years, it's been good, this is a real shock. Living with her for the past 3.5 years in her apartment. Now either I move out by the weekend when she gets back, or she stays at a friends until I find somewhere. Can't be arsed with the latter, it's her apartment, I want to move out ASAP.

    Still in a bit of shock and I need some advice. I'm 29, all my own mates have gfs now, I'm losing her friends too. It's really shit. Where do I start? Looking for somewhere to live? I feel on the shelf all of a sudden.

    Anyone else been through a similar situation? How do I get my head around it :(

    I really don't think that should be weighing on your mind at any time or should be a deciding factor for getting a relationship. It's crap that this has happend to you, especially if you thought everything was hunky dory.

    Condolences dude.
  • Razz 27 Sep 2010 23:31:38 59,993 posts
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    Move back in with your parents ora close family member. No way you should be living on your own right now. You need to be around people that love you, and work through it. Get all your feelings out and get a big hug from someone that loves you unconditionally. Don't think about moving out to live strangers or on your own just yet mate. I've been there, it's not pretty. it hurts real bad.

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  • Dirtbox 27 Sep 2010 23:31:39 76,324 posts
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    Leave a used condom floating in the toilet.

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  • Goban 27 Sep 2010 23:31:40 8,996 posts
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    That's a bit shite (understatement).

    You need to talk to her when she gets back to get some sort of explanation.

    Shoddy way of treating someone you care about.
  • graysonavich 27 Sep 2010 23:33:10 6,801 posts
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    I've been there with the phone call from holiday. Not the nicest feeling in the world that's for sure :(

    Passing advice/2 pence worth/whatever from random person on the internet: it makes you stronger for the next one. And there will be a next one, she'll be younger and have bigger breasts too.

    Oh, and 6 months down the line, when she invites herself over after staying out in town and having nowhere else to go and wants to sleep in your bed, slam the door in her face. It makes it all worth it :)
  • CosmicFuzz 27 Sep 2010 23:33:18 21,240 posts
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    woodnotes wrote:

    The thing that always troubles me is the instant thought of her with another man, either kissing or in bed. Makes me sick in the stomach. Why do I have to even think about that at this stage :(

    Edited by woodnotes at 23:28:24 27-09-2010

    Yeah, this was what kept getting me after I broke up with my ex (well, after I was dumped pretty much).

    Was it really out of the blue? Maybe binky's right and she'll have calmed down after her holiday. Might have been just some fears about moving in?

    I know it's a massive cliche as well but, if this is the end of it, nothing heals better than time.

    What's your thoughts on Heroes Reborn? Read my TV musings here.

  • Metalfish 27 Sep 2010 23:35:32 8,688 posts
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    Condolences on a shitty situation. Good luck, and don't do anything illegal.
  • woodnotes 27 Sep 2010 23:36:06 4,916 posts
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    graysonavich wrote:
    I've been there with the phone call from holiday. Not the nicest feeling in the world that's for sure :(

    Passing advice/2 pence worth/whatever from random person on the internet: it makes you stronger for the next one. And there will be a next one, she'll be younger and have bigger breasts too.

    Oh, and 6 months down the line, when she invites herself over after staying out in town and having nowhere else to go and wants to sleep in your bed, slam the door in her face. It makes it all worth it :)
    Cheers mate.
    Razz wrote:
    Move back in with your parents ora close family member. No way you should be living on your own right now. You need to be around people that love you, and work through it. Get all your feelings out and get a big hug from someone that loves you unconditionally. Don't think about moving out to live strangers or on your own just yet mate. I've been there, it's not pretty. it hurts real bad.
    My family all live miles away now though. Just not feasible. Hence why I'm at a loss at where to start or what to do - such a mess.
    CosmicFuzz wrote:
    woodnotes wrote:

    The thing that always troubles me is the instant thought of her with another man, either kissing or in bed. Makes me sick in the stomach. Why do I have to even think about that at this stage :(

    Edited by woodnotes at 23:28:24 27-09-2010

    Yeah, this was what kept getting me after I broke up with my ex (well, after I was dumped pretty much).

    Was it really out of the blue? Maybe binky's right and she'll have calmed down after her holiday. Might have been just some fears about moving in?

    I know it's a massive cliche as well but, if this is the end of it, nothing heals better than time.
    Knowing her well, she's unlikely to change her mind. She wouldn't say something at all unless she was 100%. That's why I just know I've got to move on quickly.
  • Orange 27 Sep 2010 23:36:53 4,564 posts
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    /hug
  • Bremenacht 27 Sep 2010 23:37:27 15,749 posts
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    woodnotes wrote:
    The thing that always troubles me is the instant thought of her with another man, either kissing or in bed. Makes me sick in the stomach. Why do I have to even think about that at this stage :(
    You need to get that thought out of your head. It's just an insecurity, and you need to convince yourself you don't care.

    Razz's advice is great - get with any family you've got; get out with mates etc. Don't allow your head to, errr, do your head in. Are you sure you're losing her friends too?

    PS. Your mates will probably be envious that you're 29 and single again..

    Once an eagle taught me courage. And I will never forget that day

  • Derblington 27 Sep 2010 23:37:34 20,951 posts
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    Jesus. Nice way to finish it.

    Been on the recieving end of a surprise 5 year break up, and I sympathise. However, if you're sure it's over (fuck it, even if it's not), crash with a mate or something to get out of the flat. Talk to her once she's back to smooth things over a bit, maybe, if you're ending on good terms - I imagine there will be mood swings that leave it a bit hit and miss for a while regardless of how you do end up.

    It's a kick in the nuts, but time will see you through.
  • oldfruit 27 Sep 2010 23:38:18 48 posts
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    Everybody has a right to happiness. Even her. If she can't find that with you then cast her off and let her go and find her happiness. Treat her with respect and act like a true gent as you deal with the paperwork. Wish her well. Concentrate on building your own life giving equal attention to all areas - work, friends, social, hobbies - and you will find yours too. Nothing anyone says right now will make you feel any better. It's just one of lifes ways of "building your character". All the best.
  • Dirtbox 27 Sep 2010 23:40:06 76,324 posts
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    I think I've been here before. I can't really remember.

    That's how much it matters in the long run.

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  • Razz 27 Sep 2010 23:40:27 59,993 posts
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    woodnotes wrote:
    Razz wrote:
    Move back in with your parents ora close family member. No way you should be living on your own right now. You need to be around people that love you, and work through it. Get all your feelings out and get a big hug from someone that loves you unconditionally. Don't think about moving out to live strangers or on your own just yet mate. I've been there, it's not pretty. it hurts real bad.
    My family all live miles away now though. Just not feasible. Hence why I'm at a loss at where to start or what to do - such a mess.
    Fair enough, but you shouldn't be alone right now. The mind tends to start dwelling on stuff, bad stuff. ;_; Is there a mate you could go stay with tonight. Trust me, you do not want to sleep in that house tonight.

    That's not a proposition by the way ;op

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  • woodnotes 27 Sep 2010 23:41:16 4,916 posts
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    oldfruit wrote:
    Everybody has a right to happiness. Even her. If she can't find that with you then cast her off and let her go and find her happiness. Treat her with respect and act like a true gent as you deal with the paperwork. Wish her well. Concentrate on building your own life giving equal attention to all areas - work, friends, social, hobbies - and you will find yours too. Nothing anyone says right now will make you feel any better. It's just one of lifes ways of "building your character". All the best.
    You're absolutely right mate. I don't have any hard feelings towards her. It's not like she's had an affair and of course she's got a right to happiness. But it's just very sudden and I'm struggling to get my head around it.
  • woodnotes 27 Sep 2010 23:42:00 4,916 posts
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    Razz wrote:
    woodnotes wrote:
    Razz wrote:
    Move back in with your parents ora close family member. No way you should be living on your own right now. You need to be around people that love you, and work through it. Get all your feelings out and get a big hug from someone that loves you unconditionally. Don't think about moving out to live strangers or on your own just yet mate. I've been there, it's not pretty. it hurts real bad.
    My family all live miles away now though. Just not feasible. Hence why I'm at a loss at where to start or what to do - such a mess.
    Fair enough, but you shouldn't be alone right now. The mind tends to start dwelling on stuff, bad stuff. ;_; Is there a mate you could go stay with tonight. Trust me, you do not want to sleep in that house tonight.

    That's not a proposition by the way ;op
    Razz, I'm already on the way ;)
  • PearOfAnguish 27 Sep 2010 23:42:12 6,989 posts
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    Have a waaaank
  • Goban 27 Sep 2010 23:42:33 8,996 posts
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    Or you could smash some of her stuff up and shit in her underwear drawer, far more mature ;)
  • Deckard1 27 Sep 2010 23:42:44 25,404 posts
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    Went through this a few years ago mate, and there's nothing worse - took me fucking ages to get over it and its one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but the point is, it will get better in time. Nothing anyone's gonna say to you now is gonna make it feel better, but believe me it will get better on its own mate. Fuck it mate, she's a cunt for doing it like this so fuck her, time to upgrade to a younger model... you'll be amazed how much more fun you can have with your life when you change it up a bit.

    Called it

  • Red-Moose 27 Sep 2010 23:43:23 5,345 posts
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    woodnotes wrote:
    I know, get a blog etc, in the wrong place etc, but I'm mind-fucked right now.

    She's on holiday, she's had time "to think", she's called me this evening, it's definitely over. Buying a house together (we were due to exchange next week) has tipped her over the edge to make this decision.

    Been with her over 5 years, it's been good, this is a real shock. Living with her for the past 3.5 years in her apartment. Now either I move out by the weekend when she gets back, or she stays at a friends until I find somewhere. Can't be arsed with the latter, it's her apartment, I want to move out ASAP.

    Still in a bit of shock and I need some advice. I'm 29, all my own mates have gfs now, I'm losing her friends too. It's really shit. Where do I start? Looking for somewhere to live? I feel on the shelf all of a sudden.

    Anyone else been through a similar situation? How do I get my head around it :(

    This screams MTFU.

    Get your head around it? Are you joking? You basically set this entire thing up to fail - live together, in her place for over 12 months, without being married, friends are her friends and you are socially isolated.

    Let me guess, it's "her apartment" although you've been lviing there for 3.5 years. You probably pay equal rent - maybe even more than equal - yet still, it's "her apartment". Tells me everything I need to know :(
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