Crap towns

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  • Tiger_Walts 11 Oct 2004 15:49:15 16,610 posts
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    Crap towns.

    Town/Village: Morecambe
    Pubs: Too many to count, too dangerous to go in.
    Amenities:
    Bubbles Leisure Complex - Closed
    Frontierland Western Theme Park - Closed
    Blobbyland - Closed
    The Midland Hotel - Fucked

    Poor old Morecambe. The seaside town they should never have opened. Where a silent and grey day comes as a blessed relief from the gales of black depression that generally batter its desolate promenades.

    I can't possibly think why anyone would ever go to Morecambe, unless of course, they're unlucky enough to live there, or are attracted to misery and squalor in the same way hearty moor-walking kind of Victorians used to be attracted to grave yards and consumption.

    It long ago seems to have given up on being a holiday resort. Its attractions hunch empty and unused on the sea front. A few forlorn chip shops, gaudily painted signs and boarded up buildings giving testimony to the crushed hopes and rubbish holidays of the not too distant past.

    The town would be almost entirely empty if it wasn't for the fact that the DHSS have put its bed and breakfasts to good use in housing the North West's homeless and hopelessly addicted. You are now more likely to find needles on the prom than lollipop sticks, and the cheery face of naughty holiday sex that Morecambe once tried to show to the world has been covered in legions.

    It's as depressing as hell. It's a stain. The only hope is that global warming will soon wash it off the face of the earth.

    Crap Town/Village: Lancaster

    Everyone you meet who knows you come from Lancaster says the same thing. Oh, historical town, university, close to the Lake District, marvellous, blah blah blah.

    It's not, it's crap. Lancaster has slowly drowned its historical legacy under a succession of dismal concrete retailing ventures and has compounded this disaster with the traffic planning of a three year old's train set...

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  • Tiger_Walts 11 Oct 2004 15:57:38 16,610 posts
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    I wonder who posted the reply at the bottom?

    Crap Town/village: Preston

    Once a proud mill town, Preston's fastest growth industry today is the takeaway. At least twenty new establishments must have opened up on Friargate Hill, the favoured route of students going into the 'town' to indulge in the singular delights of clubs all run by Northern Leisure.

    It must really bite, the fact that Preston must rely on the presence of students to bring cash into this most bleak and desperately miserable northern town. Perhaps this is why the locals seem to loathe them so, except the dealers and kebab shop owners of course.

    Friday and Saturday nights are particularly colourful as the good folk of Preston come out in force to celebrate the weekend. Itís genuinely frightening being out on the streets at kicking out time, when the frustrations of the small minded, dipshit scrags of humanity that inhabit this shit-hole are intensified by alcohol.

    All this under the blanket of CONSTANT precipitation that starts in September and goes on till late June.

    Dan Morgan
    WHEN DEFENCES ATTACK!
    I refuse to accept that a town which boasts the largest bus station in Europe can be described as "crap".

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  • urizen 11 Oct 2004 15:59:36 2,158 posts
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    Very droll!

    I love the right of reply.

    'Would it surprise you, Mr. Greenough, to learn that the yearly rainfall in Sydney, Australia, is heavier than it is in Manchester? As it is in London and Paris, I might add.'

    /is surprised


    Edit: lol@preston bus station. The things some folk are proud of...

    Edited by urizen at 15:00:56 11-10-2004
  • mal 11 Oct 2004 16:37:25 22,787 posts
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    I'm amazed noone's submitted Cleethorpes yet. All you have to do is copy and paste the entry for Morecambe.

    Crap Town/Village: Lancaster
    [...]with the traffic planning of a three year old's train set...
    If only. At least then they'd be limited in the mess you can make, unless Fisher Price have released a minature plastic magic roundabout, or box junctions with three lanes in but only two out.

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  • Tiger_Walts 11 Oct 2004 16:43:52 16,610 posts
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    Are you referring to the Shrimp (figure of eight) Roundabout or the bizarre double mini-roundabout at the end of Scale Hall Lane?

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  • mal 11 Oct 2004 16:53:25 22,787 posts
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    Oops. Sorry, hit post before fully disgorging brain. Forgot to mention that I don't actually know Lancaster, per se, but as a comment about modern town planning in general (as I'm sure Lancaster is not alone)...

    Cubby didn't know how to turn off sigs!

  • Fat-Boy 11 Oct 2004 17:17:27 4,300 posts
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    Now I don't live in Morcambe so maybe my view is invalid, but when I went there last year to watch the 'mighty' Woking play them we stayed over night and had a damn good time. I thought it was quite a nice town to be honest!
  • Ginger 11 Oct 2004 17:24:07 6,896 posts
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    Milton Keynes = Roundabout hell

    Luton = Crappest town evah

    that is all.

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  • silentbob 11 Oct 2004 20:48:02 29,025 posts
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    "Delaware"

    Name the film. There's a choccy drop in it for ya.

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  • Nimmy 11 Oct 2004 20:48:43 220 posts
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    Luton is shit, totally.

    but some of the places on there are completely arbitrary, I mean ffs Bath? Huntingdon? St Albans?

    I reckon theses people have just visited a lot of the bigger towns(or cities ) and found bad stuff.

    But yes Luton is shit, unless you like prossies, crackheads, and other general scum.

    Also shit is -
    Bradford - total shithole
    Ascot - rich tossers
    Dagenham- shitsville
    Corby- Plastic jocks
    Dover- edge of the universe- complete voidness
    Eastborne-death valley
    Horsham- Martians
    Redditch- ugh
    Richmond- Rich cunts again
    WGC-weird absense of pubs



    sorry rant over
  • mooth-EcToX 11 Oct 2004 20:57:49 3,619 posts
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    Glasgow!..... just cos!
  • mugwump 11 Oct 2004 21:02:26 654 posts
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    silentbob wrote:
    "Delaware"

    Name the film. There's a choccy drop in it for ya.

    ummm Waynes World?

    "here we are in... Delaware... Yee-eeeah... :-S"
  • Sid-Nice 11 Oct 2004 21:09:36 15,851 posts
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    Sunderland sounds like a nice place. :)

    NNID Sid-Nice

  • sam_spade 11 Oct 2004 21:12:30 15,745 posts
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    Tiger_Walts wrote:
    Crap towns.

    Town/Village: Morecambe
    Pubs: Too many to count, too dangerous to go in.
    Amenities:
    Bubbles Leisure Complex - Closed
    Frontierland Western Theme Park - Closed
    Blobbyland - Closed
    The Midland Hotel - Fucked

    Poor old Morecambe. The seaside town they should never have opened. Where a silent and grey day comes as a blessed relief from the gales of black depression that generally batter its desolate promenades.

    I can't possibly think why anyone would ever go to Morecambe, unless of course, they're unlucky enough to live there, or are attracted to misery and squalor in the same way hearty moor-walking kind of Victorians used to be attracted to grave yards and consumption.

    It long ago seems to have given up on being a holiday resort. Its attractions hunch empty and unused on the sea front. A few forlorn chip shops, gaudily painted signs and boarded up buildings giving testimony to the crushed hopes and rubbish holidays of the not too distant past.

    The town would be almost entirely empty if it wasn't for the fact that the DHSS have put its bed and breakfasts to good use in housing the North West's homeless and hopelessly addicted. You are now more likely to find needles on the prom than lollipop sticks, and the cheery face of naughty holiday sex that Morecambe once tried to show to the world has been covered in legions.

    It's as depressing as hell. It's a stain. The only hope is that global warming will soon wash it off the face of the earth.

    I was sitting next to a woman and her kids on the train this summer, and they were off to Morecambe. I feel quite sorry for her now.

    Edited by sam_spade at 20:14:09 11-10-2004
  • silentbob 11 Oct 2004 21:14:04 29,025 posts
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    mugwump wrote:
    silentbob wrote:
    "Delaware"

    Name the film. There's a choccy drop in it for ya.

    ummm Waynes World?

    "here we are in... Delaware... Yee-eeeah... :-S"
    Yay!

    /Posts Cadbury's Chocolate button second class

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  • andrewfromdoncaster 11 Oct 2004 21:35:06 1,687 posts
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    Donny gets a mention!!! There was more to say, but the person went lightly on us i.e. council objectives not to have any 2 wards in the 10 most deprived in the country!!!!

    Hahaha. Talk about setting your sights high!
  • TheSaint 8 Oct 2013 16:11:54 14,702 posts
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    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/10360428/Crap-Towns-Returns-top-ten-worst-places-in-Britain.html?frame=2694567

    Bizarre list including London, York, Gibraltar and Chipping Norton.
  • nickthegun 8 Oct 2013 16:18:25 60,990 posts
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    To be fair, chipping norton is crap but for very different reasons to a place like stoke.

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  • billythekid 8 Oct 2013 16:23:40 11,304 posts
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    Wycombe deserves it's place on that list, but Slough is definitely missing from it.
  • Deleted user 8 October 2013 16:25:54
    TheSaint wrote:
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/10360428/Crap-Towns-Returns-top-ten-worst-places-in-Britain.html?frame=2694567

    Bizarre list including London, York, Gibraltar and Chipping Norton.
    I'd agree with it.
  • imamazed 8 Oct 2013 16:26:03 5,888 posts
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    We're (Bedford) normally in there I think, or at least our close cousins (Luton).
  • TheSaint 8 Oct 2013 16:28:25 14,702 posts
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    They were probably in the first book so they had to mix it up a bit.

    London is widely regarded as one of the greatest cities in the world and shouldn't be anywhere near the top of that list.
  • imamazed 8 Oct 2013 16:30:15 5,888 posts
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    TheSaint wrote:
    They were probably in the first book so they had to mix it up a bit.

    London is widely regarded as one of the greatest cities in the world and shouldn't be anywhere near the top of that list.
    It's based on a survey of the public though isn't it? So it's probably just based on a load of Northerners saying "Ooooh, London for me, they intimidate me with their culture, and their wealth and their lack of tractor access"
  • superdelphinus 8 Oct 2013 16:32:13 8,123 posts
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    they are extremely serious about that bus station in preston, there's an activist group to protect it and everything.

    My contribution would be Stockport
  • Armoured_Bear 8 Oct 2013 16:32:41 11,659 posts
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    York seems a very odd choice, it used to be lovely.
    Has it changed?

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  • Trafford 8 Oct 2013 16:33:12 5,927 posts
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    Strange to put Gibraltar on the list. Historic, iconic and a finger up at the Spanish.
    If the author was struggling he should have looked further south to Tristan da Cunha, and this place

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edinburgh_of_the_Seven_Seas
  • ElNuevo9 8 Oct 2013 16:35:45 13,542 posts
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    No Plymouth? Absolute fucking shit dive.

    Hated, adored, never ignored.

  • quadfather 8 Oct 2013 16:36:03 13,146 posts
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    Surprised Milton Keynes isn't on there. Roundabouts and piss stinking shopping centres a go go

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  • quadfather 8 Oct 2013 16:36:55 13,146 posts
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    ElNino9 wrote:
    No Plymouth? Absolute fucking shit dive.
    Is it shit? I've only been there once as a young kid and I always wanted to settle in a nice coastal town.

    Wank, I presume then?

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  • ElNuevo9 8 Oct 2013 16:40:03 13,542 posts
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    One of the most depressing places I've ever been. Plus it's full of 14/15 year olds pushing prams around.

    Hated, adored, never ignored.

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