Stealing from communal work fridge Page 4

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  • smoothpete 17 Aug 2010 10:40:10 31,347 posts
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    Fill the butter tub with wasps
  • heyyo 17 Aug 2010 10:44:38 14,374 posts
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    @Alastair - I upset him by being the new guy, and also I instantly had more responsibilities than him and he'd been there for ages and felt he deserved. It was a call centre so getting upset about more resposibilities is a bit special as everyone who works there loses.

    @mrpon - You put the syringe into the bread layers and inject ;) I would have liked to see the mess as he chowed down on it... or maybe it didn't work? I dunno it was the last thing I did there and I left before lunchtime.

    @S.J.Rogers - Do I really live close to you? haha, don't worry I won't run you over having only passed my test last week ... but I will inject you with milk!
  • Alastair 17 Aug 2010 10:48:32 15,459 posts
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    heyyo! wrote:
    @Alastair - I upset him by being the new guy, and also I instantly had more responsibilities than him and he'd been there for ages and felt he deserved. It was a call centre so getting upset about more resposibilities is a bit special as everyone who works there loses.

    I guessed it might be something like that. People can act like right arseholes when they feel threatened.

    Not as nice as I used to be

  • Load_2.0 17 Aug 2010 10:51:27 18,919 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:
    Fill the butter tub with wasps

    Not everyone has a wasp halberd like yours to herd them into the tub.
  • Lexx87 17 Aug 2010 10:51:33 20,869 posts
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    Replace butter with plastic explosive.

    Speak the truth hussy!

  • yupyup 17 Aug 2010 10:55:39 3,679 posts
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    Not food related, but I had a coworker who kept nicking my headphones after I went home. Didn't like him to begin with, and he never asked, or said thanks etc. So I messaged him at work to ask if he'd had any itching in his ear, because I'd had an ear infection a week earlier and just to be aware of it. He never took them again. Although he did blurt it out in front of a few colleagues which was a bit embarrasing :(

    So, lick the butter knife in front of everyone and then butter your bread.

    Hands Off Our Penises

  • Vice.Destroyer 17 Aug 2010 10:58:00 5,823 posts
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    Deckard1 wrote:
    Take an automatic weapon in to work tomorrow and take your colleagues hostage. Kill one of them every five minutes until someone owns up to stealing your butter. Kill him, and then kill the rest of your colleagues for hiding the truth from you.

    By this time the police should have arrived. The police are coming for your butter, so you need to kill as many of them as possible. You can then turn the gun on yourself, safe in the knowledge that your butter is safe.

    Post of the day.

    (stealth watch BBC News Scotland later today. There will be a lot of cadaverous bread thieves on the news tonight)
  • boo 17 Aug 2010 11:54:15 11,706 posts
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    The butter's being stolen from a hospital fridge?
    Are you sure it's a thief? It might be the ebola virus.

    Just Another Lego Blog

  • matt6666 17 Aug 2010 12:01:24 2,620 posts
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    Rest your dick through a hole in the tub.. Tricky, but doable.
  • Salaman 17 Aug 2010 12:16:15 18,874 posts
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    Make an imprint of your cock in the butter? See if that works?
  • freaxgamer 17 Aug 2010 12:19:23 1,604 posts
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    I HATE Fridge thieves.....I lost a sandwich I made yesterday coz of some thief. It was a Sunday Lunch (Left Overs) Sarnie!! They are like the best butties ever.

    I'm gonna do something next week and see if I can catch them!! Laxative.....LMAO
  • DFawkes 17 Aug 2010 12:21:19 22,605 posts
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    "Please don't take any of this butter. This is a passive aggressive note, the handgun in my desk is significantly less passive."

    I'd kick the living daylights out of the producers of Tipping Point - Ghandi

  • Grunk 17 Aug 2010 13:05:17 4,718 posts
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    Get a tub of "I can't believe it's not butter"
    Remove contents.
    Insert Butter.
    Place in fridge.
  • freaxgamer 17 Aug 2010 13:06:41 1,604 posts
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    Grunk wrote:
    Get a tub of "I can't believe it's not butter"
    Remove contents.
    Insert Butter.
    Place in fridge.


    Pure Genius!! lol
  • President_Weasel 17 Aug 2010 14:48:12 8,983 posts
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    dutchspeededup wrote:
    Stop buying butter, and steal someone else's.

    That is literally the first time I have ever used my Economics degree.

    Oh Noes, it's the tragedy of the commons all over again, but with butter.
  • billythekid 17 Aug 2010 14:53:33 11,028 posts
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    Get one of those recordable greetings cards, take it apart, record a message detailing what's going to happen to the motherfucker who steals your butter and place it in the butter so it activates when the lid is removed.
  • Salaman 17 Aug 2010 14:54:25 18,874 posts
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    Or scream "BUTTER THIEF!!!!!" into it as a recording.
  • bigshot316 17 Aug 2010 14:56:16 23,425 posts
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    For weeks I got fed up of someone stealing my milk from the work fridge.
    I eventually realised that it was dissapearing on certain days, at the same time each day.

    Looking at the staffing sheets, I could see that there were only 2 people on their breaks at this time who would be making brews.

    So from there it was just common sense really.

    I brought in a hammer and I murdered every single person in the whole building.
  • Cadence 17 Aug 2010 15:49:21 1,680 posts
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    LOL. This thread has made my day :)
  • President_Weasel 17 Aug 2010 16:03:13 8,983 posts
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    bigshot316 wrote:
    For weeks I got fed up of someone stealing my milk from the work fridge.
    I eventually realised that it was dissapearing on certain days, at the same time each day.

    Looking at the staffing sheets, I could see that there were only 2 people on their breaks at this time who would be making brews.

    So from there it was just common sense really.

    I brought in a hammer and I murdered every single person in the whole building.

    Work shoul probably provide milk; I'm not saying it's a basic human right but certainly tea is an embedded part of British working culture, and the tea round is a bonding ritual (or source of insane fury, but never mind). Failing that, a tea kitty should probably be arranged to cover communal milk purchase, as it's absurdly wasteful to have a bottle of milk for everyone then throw it away when you don't use all of it.

    Butter and cheese are non-communal dairy products in my worldview though. A man's butter should be his castle, or something. Property may be theft, but get your hands off my butter or I'll stab you right up, sort of thing.

    Cereal-eaters should pay for their own damn milk though.
  • LeoliansBro 17 Aug 2010 16:16:12 43,236 posts
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    Attach length of string to butter.

    Attach other end of string to big toe.

    Et voila! Whenever anyone moves your butter, you'll instantly know through the agonising feeling of your toe being pulled off.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • Vice.Destroyer 17 Aug 2010 16:17:40 5,823 posts
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    I think I prefer the whole 'kill-the-office' option. It's less CRAZY, LB.
  • matt6666 17 Aug 2010 16:21:53 2,620 posts
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    Crazy gets the dude respect though, fear, less likely to do it again!

    Anyway, back on topIc, have sex with the butter.
  • matt6666 17 Aug 2010 16:21:56 2,620 posts
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    Crazy gets the dude respect though, fear, less likely to do it again!

    Anyway, back on topIc, have sex with the butter.
  • Shivoa 17 Aug 2010 17:29:03 5,677 posts
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    Y'know the great thing about LSD is you really only need a tiny amount of it. And unlike laxatives this'll lead to great amusement for the whole office. I suspect a thin brushing of the top of the butter with the fluid would be enough to get the thief.

    Just saying.
  • Whatsfor 17 Aug 2010 17:32:50 2,189 posts
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    I hear the real reason Raul Moat went ape shit was because he got home from prison and some fucker had lifted his butter.
  • TechnoHippy 17 Aug 2010 17:40:30 14,698 posts
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    I knew someone , who on his last day at work replaced all the milk powder with laxative and then removed all the toilet paper from the toilets. He was fondly remembered :-)

    Alternatively, come into work naked, except for butter to cover your unmentionables. Then go round and ask everyone do they want any butter, anyone who doesn't look you in the eye is clearly guilty and deserves death by butter choking.

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • mal 17 Aug 2010 17:44:27 22,341 posts
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    President Weasel wrote:
    Cereal-eaters should pay for their own damn milk though.
    I know someone who drinks it

    Luckily we seem to have magic fridges. They're always half-full of full cartons with at least a few days left on their best befores. Only think that annoys me is people who open a new carton instead of using the last drops out of the currently opened ones, leaving me to empty, rinse out and recycle three cartons just to get a drop of milk for my tea.

    IF IT'S FINISHED, THROW IT AWAY FFS.

    Cubby didn't know how to turn off sigs!

  • skuzzbag 17 Aug 2010 19:41:29 5,636 posts
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    I injected blue food colouring into one of those blueberry breakfast bars once after mine kept getting knicked. It was my team leader and he wasn't happy. :D
  • Deleted user 17 August 2010 19:52:05
    To quote Frankie Boyle

    "There is only one way to find out who keeps stealing my butter....................an HIV test"
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