Stealing from communal work fridge

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  • Vice.Destroyer 17 Aug 2010 08:05:34 5,791 posts
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    Does anyone know of some sort of custom lock, that you can put a tub of butter in? Sort of like a safe for butter? Because if one more person steals some of mine, I am liable to go medieval on their bitch asses. For real, yo!
  • phAge 17 Aug 2010 08:06:32 24,280 posts
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    Just poison the butter. Whoever dies is the thief. Also prevents future butter-theft.
  • BillMurray 17 Aug 2010 08:10:59 7,235 posts
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    Have you tried writing the words 'Fuck off' in your butter?
  • elstoof 17 Aug 2010 08:15:13 6,141 posts
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    Attach a photo of you with your cock in the butter to the tub.

    Or put all your stuff in a carrier bag and tie it up.
  • motti82 17 Aug 2010 08:23:17 2,818 posts
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    Get a butter dish, the ones with a little lid on them, and then seal it with sellotape, no one can then nick your butter without ripping off the tape. That, or send a threatening email saying you will kick them into next week if they use your butter in future.
  • dutchspeededup 17 Aug 2010 08:30:07 4,368 posts
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    Stop buying butter, and steal someone else's.

    That is literally the first time I have ever used my Economics degree.
  • GingerPixel 17 Aug 2010 08:34:01 220 posts
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    I steal milk from the work fridge from time to time. I hate my job and it gives me a minute moment of satisfaction, stickin it to the man!
  • dutchspeededup 17 Aug 2010 08:36:23 4,368 posts
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    GingerPixel wrote:
    I steal milk from the work fridge from time to time. I hate my job and it gives me a minute moment of satisfaction, stickin it to the man!

    For maximum satisfaction, dip your boaby in it once you've finished making the tea.
  • Razz 17 Aug 2010 08:41:15 60,009 posts
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    Start a butter kitty? Or leave it at home and just take a knob in a small container for the week.

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  • crashVoodoo 17 Aug 2010 08:42:55 3,821 posts
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    Razz wrote:
    Start a butter kitty? Or leave it at home and just take a knob in a small container for the week.
    true story ?

    a Nexus a day keeps the apple away

  • mwtb 17 Aug 2010 08:43:33 2,381 posts
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    Places like Staples sell cheap cashboxes that would do the job, but you'll look a bit odd. Also, the Internet tells me that any action taken to defend food in an office fridge is "passive aggressive".
  • dutchspeededup 17 Aug 2010 08:44:13 4,368 posts
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    Fashion a convincing fake butter slab from food dye and dog shite.

    Job done.
  • Vice.Destroyer 17 Aug 2010 08:45:29 5,791 posts
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    elstoof wrote:
    Attach a photo of you with your cock in the butter to the tub.

    Or put all your stuff in a carrier bag and tie it up.

    I'll skip the first part of your advice. And I am already doing the second part of your advice. The bitches just tear through it. Like the criminal, thieving bitches that they are. Then they have the audacity to tie the bag up again. Presumably that nobody else steals what has now become our (thief and victim) butter.
  • Vice.Destroyer 17 Aug 2010 08:47:11 5,791 posts
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    mwtb wrote:
    Places like Staples sell cheap cashboxes that would do the job, but you'll look a bit odd. Also, the Internet tells me that any action taken to defend food in an office fridge is "passive aggressive".

    Trust me, I am beyond giving a shit what people think of me. What kind of a world do we live in, where a mans butter is not sacred?

    /channels Michael Douglas
    //falls down
  • wobbler147 17 Aug 2010 08:48:58 5,125 posts
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    I can't believe you're being butter about this.

    /coat
  • Nexus_6 17 Aug 2010 08:49:42 3,833 posts
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    Make a big deal out of it one day and see what people say. See if there is a reaction from anyone.

    Then, pretend to back down and say that anyone can use the butter - that you were being petty and you are now ashamed etc.

    Then make the swap over night to a preprepared butter tub, one that you have taken the butter out of, placed a nice big poo in then lightly packed the sides and skim coated the top of with lovely tasty butter.

    Be sure to be in the kitchen the next day when some thieving gypsy bastard scrapes a nice line over the top of the butter only to reveal a brown bottom bomb sitting there.
  • Grunk 17 Aug 2010 08:51:57 4,718 posts
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    Just mtfu and use lard instead
  • Grunk 17 Aug 2010 08:52:03 4,718 posts
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    Just mtfu and use lard instead
  • dutchspeededup 17 Aug 2010 08:52:04 4,368 posts
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    Lie in wait for the culprit then stab them in the face.

    Or get rapey.

    Your (binary) choice
  • craigy Senior UI Designer, Gamer Network 17 Aug 2010 08:53:27 7,386 posts
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    This website may help.
  • dutchspeededup 17 Aug 2010 08:55:28 4,368 posts
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    Go on a spree killing before taking your own life. Your sacrifice will bring this important issue to the forefront of our national consciousness.
  • DFawkes 17 Aug 2010 08:56:57 22,077 posts
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    Stick laxatives in it for a week (and do remember not to eat it yourself), hopefully this "allergy" they develop should stop them. Though I'd be more inclined to go with dutchspeededup.

    To be honest I at my old work if you took butter in, that was a communal thing. That was the understanding we worked on, and it went pretty well. So ensure the same type of understanding hasn't been mistakenly assumed by everyone by setting fire to your place of work.

    I'd kick the living daylights out of the producers of Tipping Point - Ghandi

  • matt6666 17 Aug 2010 08:57:14 2,620 posts
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    BillMurray wrote:
    Have you tried writing the words 'Fuck off' in your butter?
    Change the butter for shit and the butter for a wall!


    show those fucks, we're behind you dude.
  • QueenofSpain 17 Aug 2010 08:59:37 433 posts
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    I have same problem at work. Annoying to say the least. I even tried buying a big tub and wrote for all staff on It and the buggers bypassed it and still stole my nice butter! I've found the only way is to buy cheap shit smartprice for myself then no one wants to use It!! That and keep it in my locker in a cool box and take it home each day.
  • DFawkes 17 Aug 2010 09:02:32 22,077 posts
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    QueenofSpain wrote:
    I even tried buying a big tub and wrote for all staff on It and the buggers bypassed it and still stole my nice butter!

    You know, not a court in the world would convict you if you turned the place into a bloodbath using a butter knife. You go to the bother of buying them their own butter and they still take yours, not a single throat should be left uncarved.

    I'd kick the living daylights out of the producers of Tipping Point - Ghandi

  • dutchspeededup 17 Aug 2010 09:04:21 4,368 posts
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    Seriously guys, the more you do, (bags etc) the more people will realise it irritates you, and the more they will do it.

    Tell folk they can help themselves, spend £8 more a year on butter, and leave all this stress behind.
  • phAge 17 Aug 2010 09:06:30 24,280 posts
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    Buy a t-shirt with the words "I'm a gentle, fun-loving kind of guy..." on the front, and the words "... but if you steal my butter again I will fucking cut you" on the back, and wear it at work.
  • FairgroundTown 17 Aug 2010 09:09:05 2,522 posts
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    Decant it into a small Tupperware, and label it 'Garlic Butter'.

    Or...

    There was a thing in Freakonomics which showed that people were less likely to steal if there was a picture of some eyes watching them, which sounds crazy, but maybe you could try it as an act of science!
  • Ged42 17 Aug 2010 09:12:07 7,643 posts
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    Leave a note saying you've been using it for your amateur dramatics production of 'Last Tango in Paris' and not to consume.

    Smear a little marmite on it for extra effect.
  • Deleted user 17 August 2010 09:20:07
    Keep this on your desk and put your butter in it. For extra cool points get a Simpsons one like mine.

    This approach also has the added benefit of you not having to get up to make your sandwiches.
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