I was perusing TV Tropes when I came across this xkcd comic, and then this blog post on the matter, and then this series of pages. I think that last one is supposed to be a parody or something, although I submit that there is more to being funny than simply being loudmouthed and abusive.
Aaanyway. They're all fairly old - apologies if they've been discussed before - but all touch on things that I previously had not given much thought to: that is, the nature of my own "niceness", past and present.
I don't think I've ever been one of those "Nice Guys" that get torn down to various degrees in the links - at least not completely. I can't recall ever making friends with a girl specifically to get in her pants. Sometimes I will want to take it beyond friendship, but I don't think I'd ever start a friendship if I didn't find the girl interesting in the first place, even as a friend.
And I've never continued to pursue a girl friend after she's told me that she's not interested. Occasionally, it has hurt the friendship, but mostly because of the embarrassment and the weirdness that can ensue.
But I confess to some feelings of bitterness in the past, or feelings that I "deserve" a relationship for trying to be a good guy, as if "niceness" was something to be traded for affection. In my defense, those feelings were the result of something that happened about 2 years ago, where a girlfriend broke up with me to be with the ex that cheated on her. It didn't help that the ex was my roommate who gave me permission to date her (it's complicated), then decided he wanted her back, and that I then had to listen to them fucking every night. ;_;
But yes. I did get those bitter "nice guys finish last" feelings back then. I was sad, frustrated that I was getting less than what I "deserved". Sure, I probably wouldn't have had a future with her anyway, but that was how I felt.
I'm a lot better now that I realised, to quote the wise Clint Eastwood, that "deserve's got nothing to do with it". I'm not entitled to anything just for trying to be decent. Right now, I like to believe that I'm just being decent for the sake of it, rather than as some sort of tactic. And now I'm happily in a kind of long-distance relationship that might not work out, but still happy. The bitterness seems to be mostly gone. It might return at some point, but who knows?
Anyway. Sorry for the blog post about my life..gif)
The point of this thread was to discuss this with EG forum people! So, are you a nice guy? A Nice Guy? An asshole, "bad boy" or somewhere in between? I'd say most people are in between - the links at the top do seem to be filled with stereotypes, especially the last one.
What are your stories? Epiphanies? Nuggets of advice?
Aaanyway. They're all fairly old - apologies if they've been discussed before - but all touch on things that I previously had not given much thought to: that is, the nature of my own "niceness", past and present.
I don't think I've ever been one of those "Nice Guys" that get torn down to various degrees in the links - at least not completely. I can't recall ever making friends with a girl specifically to get in her pants. Sometimes I will want to take it beyond friendship, but I don't think I'd ever start a friendship if I didn't find the girl interesting in the first place, even as a friend.
And I've never continued to pursue a girl friend after she's told me that she's not interested. Occasionally, it has hurt the friendship, but mostly because of the embarrassment and the weirdness that can ensue.
But I confess to some feelings of bitterness in the past, or feelings that I "deserve" a relationship for trying to be a good guy, as if "niceness" was something to be traded for affection. In my defense, those feelings were the result of something that happened about 2 years ago, where a girlfriend broke up with me to be with the ex that cheated on her. It didn't help that the ex was my roommate who gave me permission to date her (it's complicated), then decided he wanted her back, and that I then had to listen to them fucking every night. ;_;
But yes. I did get those bitter "nice guys finish last" feelings back then. I was sad, frustrated that I was getting less than what I "deserved". Sure, I probably wouldn't have had a future with her anyway, but that was how I felt.
I'm a lot better now that I realised, to quote the wise Clint Eastwood, that "deserve's got nothing to do with it". I'm not entitled to anything just for trying to be decent. Right now, I like to believe that I'm just being decent for the sake of it, rather than as some sort of tactic. And now I'm happily in a kind of long-distance relationship that might not work out, but still happy. The bitterness seems to be mostly gone. It might return at some point, but who knows?
Anyway. Sorry for the blog post about my life.
The point of this thread was to discuss this with EG forum people! So, are you a nice guy? A Nice Guy? An asshole, "bad boy" or somewhere in between? I'd say most people are in between - the links at the top do seem to be filled with stereotypes, especially the last one.What are your stories? Epiphanies? Nuggets of advice?
