The Daily Mash Page 4

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  • JuanKerr 21 Dec 2012 10:36:14 36,965 posts
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    Another good one.
  • Razz 21 Dec 2012 11:01:44 62,320 posts
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    :D
  • dsmx 21 Dec 2012 14:09:13 8,001 posts
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    To be honest I preferred this one
  • Kay 21 Dec 2012 14:11:49 18,264 posts
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    "Lidl Champions League." :D
  • spamdangled 21 Dec 2012 15:07:15 27,932 posts
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    Man unable to form opinion on cushion

    :D
  • spamdangled 5 Jan 2013 13:43:06 27,932 posts
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    Sun is "double bluffing" Argentina into war
  • quadfather 16 Jan 2013 13:25:32 17,519 posts
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    Hawking baffled by electricity bill

    And literally tears of laughter at People who know how to fucking park on brink of extinction
  • smoothpete 16 Jan 2013 13:28:41 32,403 posts
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    quadfather wrote:
    And literally tears of laughter at People who know how to fucking park on brink of extinction
    You may enjoy this website

    http://youparklikeacunt.com/
  • quadfather 16 Jan 2013 13:36:31 17,519 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:
    quadfather wrote:
    And literally tears of laughter at People who know how to fucking park on brink of extinction
    You may enjoy this website

    http://youparklikeacunt.com/
    Fantastic!!
  • billythekid 16 Jan 2013 13:43:07 11,778 posts
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    smoothpete wrote:
    quadfather wrote:
    And literally tears of laughter at People who know how to fucking park on brink of extinction
    You may enjoy this website

    http://youparklikeacunt.com/
    I've got some crackers I'm going to submit to that site!
  • quadfather 16 Jan 2013 13:46:47 17,519 posts
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    JuanKerr wrote:
    Another good one.
    “But to say an arse like that could have happened by genetic accident is just mental.”

    glol
  • quadfather 16 Jan 2013 13:58:12 17,519 posts
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    "What are we for?" Welsh forced to ask themselves

    RUGBY defeats by Samoa and Argentina have forced Wales into a long overdue questioning of its very existence.

    Caernarfon Castle would be really good for paintball
    Experts say the best options open to the terminally vanquished country are to be subsumed into the Isle of Man, or used for paintball tournaments.

    But others insist both moves will ultimately end in as yet unimagined levels of failure and called for the Welsh to be placed into boats and forgotten about.

    A spokesman for the Welsh ‘government’ said: “Thirty years ago our young men had three choices – play rugby, go down the mines or become New Romantics.

    “Many still go down the mines and just sit there in the dark doing nothing, while our New Romantics are regularly out-dressed by the exotic islanders of the South Pacific.”

    “But just when rugby was once again giving us a reason to be pleased with ourselves, we find it snatched from our grasp like it was some sort of ball.

    “I suppose we still have the singing but after a while it does start to grate. A bit like a bronchial cough.”

    But the spokesman insisted that Wales would be fine in the long term ‘because Charlotte Church is bound to come up with something’.
  • billythekid 16 Jan 2013 14:07:12 11,778 posts
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    billythekid wrote:
    smoothpete wrote:
    quadfather wrote:
    And literally tears of laughter at People who know how to fucking park on brink of extinction
    You may enjoy this website

    http://youparklikeacunt.com/
    I've got some crackers I'm going to submit to that site!
    Here are a few,
    Exhibit A
    Exhibit B
    Exhibit C
    Exhibit D
  • Psychotext 16 Jan 2013 14:13:22 57,663 posts
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    They're good. :)
  • quadfather 16 Jan 2013 14:15:52 17,519 posts
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    Feeling drunk not the same as being drunk, say "morning after" drivers
  • quadfather 16 Jan 2013 14:19:12 17,519 posts
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    I can't stop reading it :)
  • quadfather 16 Jan 2013 14:41:25 17,519 posts
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    UK to vote on return to 'Good old days'
  • quadfather 16 Jan 2013 14:46:51 17,519 posts
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    Fears 'Apprentice' stars could breed

    /crying
  • smoothpete 26 Apr 2013 11:05:16 32,403 posts
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    'Drinksitting' to become a legitimate weekend activity
  • mal 26 Apr 2013 13:11:03 24,331 posts
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    :)

    I thought the mash went pay per view a few years back, yet here it still is. Did I dream that?
  • twelveways 26 Apr 2013 13:22:22 5,204 posts
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    You can only read 3 stories per month, gayers.
  • boo 2 May 2013 10:59:53 12,220 posts
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    If this one were true, Google wouldn't be able to sell them fast enough..."
  • smoothpete 17 May 2013 11:15:46 32,403 posts
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    This is an old one but really made me laugh this morning:

    Paper cut sparks new swear words

    A VICIOUS paper cut has been the catalyst for a string of new and creative obscenities.

    Office worker Nikki Hollis sustained the unbelievably painful flesh wound three minutes ago, while handling a wad of deceptively treacherous A4 printer paper without due care and attention.

    She has since uttered 43 previously-unheard pieces of profanity, ranging from deeply unpleasant and highly illogical to oddly poetic.

    Hollis, whose volatile temperament has led her colleagues to believe she is partly Scottish, although she isn’t, said: “Owwwwww.

    “Dickmonger. Twatto-shitto-fuck-factories! Big balls in a big balls hat.

    “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckaluck. Fer-lucking bitches, bastards, bitches. Big bat-winged bitches.

    Kicking a bin over, she continued: “Christing shitbeard, you bugger. Owwwwwww. Curtains made of bastard!

    “Mechanical lizard penis.”

    After pausing to repeatedly bang her hand on the side of the printer – a vain attempt to confuse the pain signals detonating in her brain – she added: “Dog’s arse on a cat’s body.”

    Hollis’s colleagues are watching her tirade with a mixture of sympathy, fear and disgust.

    Sales co-ordinator Stephen Malley said: “She wants to stick that under a tap.”
  • smoothpete 28 Jun 2013 10:05:41 32,403 posts
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    Everyone at Glastonbury wishing they were dead

    "... booths have been set up to help people cope with the realisation they have paid the price of a holiday in Tuscany to camp in a farm whilst listening to XFM.

    Hollis added: “It’s like the end of Apocalypse Now but instead of repeating ‘the horror’ I keep whispering ‘the falafel’.” "
  • unicorn69 28 Jun 2013 10:21:12 84 posts
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    dont know if this has been posted

    Edited by unicorn69 at 10:22:30 28-06-2013
  • smoothpete 5 Jul 2013 11:30:14 32,403 posts
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    This is great

    The Labour / Falkirk Controversy Explained

    - The Labour Party is a poisonous collection of chippy, tribal cretins, none of whom are capable of running a bath.

    - This is especially true in Scotland.

    - Falkirk is in Scotland.
  • Dougs 8 Aug 2013 13:40:32 72,977 posts
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    :D

    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/we-dont-get-any-aid-says-president-of-bongobongoland-2013080777988
  • Jono62 8 Aug 2013 19:58:03 15,110 posts
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    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/luis-suarez-quotes-martin-luther-king-2013080878121
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