The Daily Mash

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  • smoothpete 14 May 2010 15:53:05 31,514 posts
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    Why is there no thread? Is there a thread? There is now!

    Anyways I fucking love The Daily Mash, it is the only news site I actually read anymore. The Onion pales into insignificance and irrelevance compared to the excellence of The Mash. There's isn't any point have a "Daily Mash on form" thread as they're basically always on form

    I liked this one from today

    "Oh shit, there's a fucking bee in here, it was confirmed last night."

    :D
  • Deleted user 14 May 2010 15:54:34
    I really liked the story about England's 30 preliminary excuses for the World Cup.

    Meanwhile 'Exhaustion after a long league campaign screaming at referees for awarding a throw-in' is aiming to appear in its fourth World Cup and 'Being distracted by the thought of fucking everybody else's wife' was named captain as expected.
  • smoothpete 14 May 2010 16:00:29 31,514 posts
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    The Opinion columns are excellent too, there's a recent Danny Dyer one:

    "As I strolled down the street, hands in the pockets of me Crombie, I was walking the walk of a geezer what knows that around the corner there may well be some fuckin' lunatic waitin' to open me up like a tin of beans and make a name for himself, but on this occasion I was in luck - it wasn't no fuckin' lunatic, but Rory my producer who'd just been in to Café Nero to get me a skinny latte and a blueberry muffin, the fuckin' mug."
  • JuanKerr 14 May 2010 16:06:34 36,248 posts
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    I agree - The Daily Mash is head and shoulders about The Onion. Great story about Fulham's defeat in the Europa cup this week.

    Fulham have had an epic season, having played for almost 100 hours since July of last year. But Hodgson said the team was now showing the adverse effects of having to cram the equivalent of three weeks work into a space of just 10 months.

    Got myself 'Everyone Dead by Teatime' book last week. Great stuff.
  • smoothpete 14 May 2010 16:07:41 31,514 posts
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    Isn't the book just bits off the website compiled? I've read nearly everything on the site over the years
  • JuanKerr 14 May 2010 16:08:54 36,248 posts
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    Yeah, it is, but it's still nice to have and perfect bog reading. Kind of like a Viz annual.
  • mcmonkeyplc 14 May 2010 16:13:22 39,457 posts
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    Love the mash, my blog is supposed to be an homage to it...I'm not funny enough though.

    Me me me me all me. Shut up.

    Come and get it cumslingers!

  • iokthemonkey 14 May 2010 17:02:12 4,664 posts
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    Did you see the one about Rammstein scaling down their pyro show to Til Linderman lighting some matches and scaling down a rope with some sparklers? That was class. Somebody on another site thought it was a real story...

    http://that-figures.blogspot.com/

  • PrivateFloyd 14 May 2010 23:31:16 4,135 posts
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    /starts petition for Daily Mash app for iphone

    Goat is hungry.....

  • TechnoHippy 14 May 2010 23:32:22 14,718 posts
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    More Daily Mash love here, I check it every morning for a little happiness boost.

    I have 2 of the books, as Juankerr says, they're good toilet reads. Along with MCV and New Scientist.

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Kovacs77 14 May 2010 23:34:43 365 posts
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    my daily web routine is: Daily Mash > Pitchfork > Eurogamer > other bits and pieces..

    this made me laugh

    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-%26-entertainment/britain-haunted-by-thought-of-heston-and-delia-at-it-201005132729/



  • TechnoHippy 14 May 2010 23:49:26 14,718 posts
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    My favourite from the archives:

    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/war/army-can't-fight-14-wars-at-once%2c-says-duke-of-wellington--200806261048/

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Popzeus 20 May 2010 12:44:26 8,330 posts
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    Skeletor joins Labour leadership race

    :D

    Currently playing: Standing In A Car Park Simulator 2013

  • GrandTheftApu 20 May 2010 12:52:17 6,119 posts
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    I must be in the minority then, while it can be amusing, I think the majority of the material is way below the standard of the Onion. It's all very one dimensional and lacking subtlety.
  • JuanKerr 20 May 2010 12:53:45 36,248 posts
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    You certainly are in the minority :D
  • ecureuil 20 May 2010 12:55:07 76,814 posts
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    I find both of them to be pretty average. Mash generally has better articles, but only a few are really funny.

    That Fulham article was gold though.
  • Retroid Moderator 25 May 2010 19:07:42 44,782 posts
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    MOIR CONDEMNS RONAN KEATING'S SORDID HETEROSEXUAL LIFESTYLE

    :D
    In an article entitled, 'The Sordid World of the Male Fanny Jabbers', fundamentalist lesbian Moir attacked the sensitive Irish pop star for undermining traditional homosexual values.

    She wrote: "Most of us are quite content with our staid and suburban subcultures - whether it be diesel dykes or leather daddies - while young, carefree celebrities galavant from one vagina to the next, seemingly oblivious to the norms of an otherwise tolerant gay society.

    "Stars like Keating openly revel in the perverse delights of female genitalia, slaves to the twisted desire to jab their bits into a woman like they were completing some horrific jigsaw puzzle made of meat.

    "It is believed Keating cheated on his so-called 'wife' with a scantily-clad female dancer - the type of woman commonly known in the straight scene as a 'slag', a 'tart' or a 'filthy ricker'.

    "In the perverse patois of this grubby, twilight world some are even known as 'bikes' because they like to be 'ridden'.
  • TechnoHippy 8 Jun 2010 09:50:09 14,718 posts
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    Another good one:

    FAT BOYS TO BE SENT ON OUTWARD BOUND PORN HUNT

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • JuanKerr 8 Jun 2010 09:53:34 36,248 posts
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    :D

    "If they're on an overnight snatch-hunt they will have to learn how to pitch a tent, start a campfire and fashion a makeshift tube sock out of a dock leaf. It'll be like the Duke of Edinburgh Award, but with loads of tits and fannies."
  • JuanKerr 14 Jun 2010 16:26:16 36,248 posts
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    Good old Daily Mash :)
  • JuanKerr 21 Jun 2010 11:46:40 36,248 posts
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    Roy Hobbs, an England supporter who spent £5658.23 on his trip to South Africa, said: "If they fail to beat Slovenia I hope there's a camera on hand to catch Wayne Rooney reflecting on how nice it is when your own fans chase you down the street with a credit card bill and a fucking great sword."

    Heh heh.

  • TechnoHippy 25 Jun 2010 08:33:27 14,718 posts
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    Escorting Willard for the early part of his mission, senior club steward, Bill Kilgore, said: "Smell that? You smell that? Strawberries, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that.

    "I love the smell of strawberries in the morning.

    "You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that sweet, fruity smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory. Someday this match is gonna end."


    Tennis Match Goes Insane

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • Dougs 19 Aug 2010 09:05:54 67,752 posts
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  • superdelphinus 19 Aug 2010 09:19:16 8,074 posts
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    It's nowhere near as good as it was. Now most of it is just reactive, prejudiced, sub-brooker toss
  • Genji 19 Aug 2010 09:25:53 19,689 posts
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    Recently I've been liking it more than The Onion. It's like a tabloid version of The Onion.

    I particularly loved LOONY LEFTIES BAN ENGLAND FLAG MADE WITH BLOOD OF DEAD ARGIES
  • TechnoHippy 24 Sep 2010 12:24:10 14,718 posts
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    Excellent plan to tackle crime in these hard times

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • DaM 24 Sep 2010 12:50:12 13,226 posts
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    Did anyone notice a Mash story on Ryan Air earlier on the week? During a pub discussion on Ryanairs extra charges last night, I was going to pull it up on my phone, but couldn't find it.

    So either they had it pulled due to legal abuse, or I'm dreaming DM stories....
  • Megapocalypse 24 Sep 2010 13:29:21 5,427 posts
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    Techno Hippy wrote:
    Excellent plan to tackle crime in these hard times

    With some of the shite ideas that management come up with that really wouldn't surprise me.
  • lucky_jim 24 Sep 2010 13:35:17 5,298 posts
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    @DaM, I have those sort of problems when trying to find something that's not in their "new" or "featured" lists. I thought it was me being crap with the search, but seeing as you've had the same thing, maybe the app's search function just isn't that great?

    As entertaining as the Random selection thing can be, I do wish they had a "browse all articles" function to complement the search.
  • Deleted user 24 September 2010 14:20:53
    :D
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