I wish to end my neighbours Page 17

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  • FWB 7 May 2013 17:37:38 44,833 posts
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    What's a Chinese oven?
  • billythekid 7 May 2013 17:42:24 11,195 posts
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    FWB wrote:
    What's a Chinese oven?
    Crispy duck?
  • nickthegun 7 May 2013 17:47:48 60,421 posts
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    It's like a Dutch oven but smells of five spice.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
    He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller

  • FWB 7 May 2013 17:49:10 44,833 posts
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    Do that then.
  • Shikasama 7 May 2013 17:50:16 6,956 posts
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    Holy shit thanks for bumping this, from Kalel's fence to Nick's fight this thread had been absolutely hilarious.
  • Deleted user 9 May 2013 14:53:06
    Just read 17 pages. Need. More. Situations.
  • TarickStonefire 9 May 2013 15:04:24 3,240 posts
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    Our new neighbours aren't that annoying at all. The woman across the hall is a single mum with a 7 year old kid, and she's also an art teacher at some posh school, and the kid's idea of playing is to run around their flat literally SCREAMING, so we get to hear her oh-so-strained 'teacher voice' a LOT as she screams at her kid to stop screaming, get off the Xbox, and stop having a fucking shit of a father who left them both to fuck younger women.

    Quote unquote.

    Apparently seven years ago her neighbours at the time complained to the caretaker that she was incredibly loud during sex, including moment by moment updates of her proximity to orgasm, and then running updates of how that orgasm was going for her.

    Apparently not so much of that in the subsequent seven years... Although I did hear her going a bit bunny-boiler on one of the builders that were doing up the building for a couple of months, who she started shagging. He didn't hang around.

    And now there's an older Italian gentleman in the picture. Apparently the wayward father is Italian as well, leading her 27 year old son to observe to the 7 year old son as he was bringing him home from school one day "What is it with mum and Italians?"

    You can hear *everything*. I've had to really watch the volume on Fapdu.

    Edited by TarickStonefire at 15:27:08 09-05-2013

    Any Netflix library in the world for a couple of quid a month? Gimme!

  • Shikasama 9 May 2013 15:18:03 6,956 posts
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    Is she fit?
  • TarickStonefire 9 May 2013 15:24:03 3,240 posts
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    Well... She's 51 apparently and yeah I'd say for 51 she's pretty fit. But now I know her personality a bit, no, not fit at all, stay away, stay far away.

    But if you're a builder looking for a Shag Of The Week, yeah, she's pretty fit.

    Any Netflix library in the world for a couple of quid a month? Gimme!

  • nickthegun 9 May 2013 15:26:03 60,421 posts
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    Everyone will be happy to know that I have moved house since my previous posts and am biding my time before returning to my old street and bricking his windows.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
    He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller

  • Deleted user 9 May 2013 15:31:23
    Excellent work Nick. Brick 'em good, son.
  • ronuds 9 May 2013 15:35:14 21,788 posts
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    I have a strange neighbour who's always putting signs on his sidewalk, telling people not to loiter or walk on his grass, cut through his property, etc. He spraypainted "no loitering" on the sidewalk itself as well. Thing is, I've never seen anyone do anything but walk by.

    Sometimes I'll see him throwing trash from his lawn angrily into the street. He's also the type to tell everyone driving by to "slow down!" even though they're not speeding.

    Now, though, he's placed a small mirror leaning against a bush, facing the sidewalk. I have no clue why?!? I keep thinking there's a camera behind it, but looking would obviously mean being caught on camera. It's been there at least 2 weeks now, which is far longer than any of his profanity-laden signs lasted.
  • Tryhard 9 May 2013 15:41:38 4,128 posts
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    My 60 year old neighbour used to play Shirley Bassey at 2 am sometimes. He was a little hard of hearing.He had a caravan in our private car park,and had his daughter living in there.Sounded like he had hammered 2 million nails into his walls.And once found him in our back garden trimming the bushes.He also hosed over the fence when we had the washing out.

    Think he is dead now as have not seen him in awhile only his wife.[And no I had nothing to do with it if he has passed on].
  • Deckard1 9 May 2013 15:42:39 28,686 posts
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    Sounds like the signs are working then eh
  • DaM 9 May 2013 15:44:31 13,326 posts
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    ronuds wrote:
    I have a strange neighbour who's always putting signs on his sidewalk, telling people not to loiter or walk on his grass, cut through his property, etc. He spraypainted "no loitering" on the sidewalk itself as well. Thing is, I've never seen anyone do anything but walk by.

    Sometimes I'll see him throwing trash from his lawn angrily into the street. He's also the type to tell everyone driving by to "slow down!" even though they're not speeding.

    Now, though, he's placed a small mirror leaning against a bush, facing the sidewalk. I have no clue why?!? I keep thinking there's a camera behind it, but looking would obviously mean being caught on camera. It's been there at least 2 weeks now, which is far longer than any of his profanity-laden signs lasted.
    Has he boarded up all his windows and put big locks on the cellar/sheds? He'll have one of them American arrangements, captured girl in every spare room.
  • BigOrkWaaagh 9 May 2013 15:46:48 2,089 posts
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    I once lived in a dingy flat above a hairdressers, and my neighbours at the time were quite noisy, chavvy and they annoyed me a bit. Then they moved out only to be replaced my a man who immediately put an A4 sheet of paper in his window saying something to the tune of 'MOBILE PHONES ARE THE TOOL OF SATAN'. He also walked with a little fanny dog in one hand with his other arm pointing directly out sideways from his body, forearm pointed up, palm out. Imagine 'live long and prosper' without the V hand. He would walk this way all the way down the street, everywhere he went.

    I've since bought a house and I once again have mildly annoying chavvy, noisy neighbours, but I am orders of magnitude less terrified.

    Edited by midnight_walker at 15:46:57 09-05-2013

    Previously midnight_walker

  • TarickStonefire 9 May 2013 15:53:25 3,240 posts
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    ronuds wrote:

    Now, though, he's placed a small mirror leaning against a bush, facing the sidewalk. I have no clue why?!? I keep thinking there's a camera behind it, but looking would obviously mean being caught on camera. It's been there at least 2 weeks now, which is far longer than any of his profanity-laden signs lasted.
    When standing on the PAVEMENT looking towards the mirror, what does it reflect? ie, has he lined it up Partridge-style so he can see the PAVEMENT in the reflection from a vantage point within his house?

    I'm thinking pen-lasers, personally.

    Edited by TarickStonefire at 15:53:55 09-05-2013

    Any Netflix library in the world for a couple of quid a month? Gimme!

  • ronuds 9 May 2013 15:59:43 21,788 posts
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    @TarickStonefire - It would be your own reflection. He can only see the back of it from his house.

    Maybe I can get a pic, but then he'll have me on camera* taking a pic of his mirror!

    *if there's a camera

    Edited by ronuds at 16:00:21 09-05-2013
  • Tryhard 9 May 2013 16:09:43 4,128 posts
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    Getting caught on camera taking a picture of a mirror.
  • ronuds 9 May 2013 16:17:10 21,788 posts
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    I doubt it's a camera, though. This guy doesn't seem very advanced. He dresses like The Fonz with tight blue jeans and white t-shirts, and drives a tiny little mini-bike around his yard until it runs out of gas. He also walks around with his shirt off a lot, which I think is gross.

    He's actually very nice, but just a tad off his rocker. He's got a peach tree that grows so many peaches that he gives them to the whole neighbourhood. Just puts them in a basket with a sign (of course) saying "FREE PEACHES!" Let me tell you what, those are the best effing peaches I ever had. Everyone goes nuts over them. One year he gave us our own batch of primetime peaches. I don't know what we did wrong, but he never did that again. Now we have to scrounge through the leftovers with everyone else.
  • Mageme 9 May 2013 16:20:55 2,030 posts
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    So the chav kid next door who has been playing footie in our shared drive and smashing the ball into my garage door countless times has kicked both his footballs on my roof. Am I going to get them down? Like hell I am!

    3DS: 5086-1465-9252

  • billythekid 9 May 2013 16:50:51 11,195 posts
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    My dog absolutely rips the fuck out of any ball that comes into the garden, the kids actually now make an effort to stop it happening.
    One point last summer they were knocking on the door up to five times a night asking for their ball back. It's much more peaceful now!
  • Tryhard 9 May 2013 17:16:33 4,128 posts
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    I am beginning to believe neighbours come form another planet.
  • JoeBlade 9 May 2013 18:46:10 2,582 posts
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    I've a strange situation in the house just opposite my appartment.
    The former occupants moved out of the place several years ago, it was then renovated and turned into three apartments. Never saw a "for sale" sign or anything but perhaps the place was rented before too, so that's not odd per se.

    Anyhow, what looked like three student chaps occupied the place for a number of months after renovation finished and then were suddenly gone. The place is, as far as I can tell, entirely unlived in since (though at least partially furnished; I can look right in on the top apartment). That has been the case for at least a couple of years now.

    Considering location and type of house it's worth a small fortune and one could make a hefty sum each month off those apartments. Moreover, those renovations can't have been cheap either. And yet, no indication at all the places are to let.
    In fact, the renovations were never even entirely finished, there's still tape left on the windows from when the frames have been painted for instance.

    Very odd indeed.
  • ronuds 9 May 2013 18:55:50 21,788 posts
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    Maybe someone ran out of money.
  • Rusty_M 9 May 2013 19:11:52 4,758 posts
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    Maybe someone is dead and has lain undiscovered

    The world is going mad. Me? I'm doing fine.

  • thelzdking 9 May 2013 19:18:26 4,369 posts
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    Maybe someone is using it for a cannabis farm.
  • Load_2.0 9 May 2013 20:38:36 19,440 posts
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    Maybe some used it as a cannabis farm, ran out of money and is now dead.
  • robthehermit 9 May 2013 21:09:13 4,146 posts
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    TarickStonefire wrote:
    Well... She's 51 apparently and yeah I'd say for 51 she's pretty fit. But now I know her personality a bit, no, not fit at all, stay away, stay far away.

    But if you're a builder looking for a Shag Of The Week, yeah, she's pretty fit.
    TTIUWP

    GT: robthehermit

    Velim esset mundus iustus futuis procul et mori.

  • Tonka 9 May 2013 21:34:13 20,762 posts
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    Maybe someone is locked up in the basement.

    If you can read this you really need to fiddle with your forum settings.

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