Failing job interviews.

  • Page

    of 21 First / Last

    Previous
  • Timmy 19 Oct 2009 22:58:11 9,031 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    What are your top tips for failing interviews?

    I need something subtle but brilliant. I'm being sent for an interview I don't want by the dole. Low pay, long distance, late finishes and weekend work do not make a good job in my opinion. If I don't turn up they could stop my benefits.

    It's especially annoying as I've got a job pretty much lined up that starts about a week after this one for better money, better hours and that sounds quite interesting. The dole however, in their infinite wisdom are being dicks about it.

    I've started by handwriting my CV instead of printing one off. No spelling mistakes, but it looks shoddy. Anything else you'd recommend?

    I'm tempted to do a Trainspotting. ;)

  • Deleted user 19 October 2009 22:58:53
    No. Way.
  • JuanKerr 19 Oct 2009 22:59:16 36,192 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    Damn those dole people for trying to help you get a job.
  • Tomo 19 Oct 2009 23:00:59 13,878 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Spill coffee everywhere. Slip a few swear words in and correct yourself apologetically.
  • FWB 19 Oct 2009 23:01:13 43,793 posts
    Seen 1 minute ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Hand written and then photocopied? Make sure there's some obvious tippexing on there too.
  • heyyo 19 Oct 2009 23:01:48 14,374 posts
    Seen 13 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    Say you have a criminal record
  • Timmy 19 Oct 2009 23:01:58 9,031 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    Tomo wrote:
    Spill coffee everywhere. Slip a few swear words in and correct yourself apologetically.

    Tourettes might be a good excuse.
  • PazJohnMitch 19 Oct 2009 23:02:04 7,779 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    FWB wrote:
    Hand written and then photocopied? Make sure there's some obvious tippexing on there too.

    Like the spelling of your own name.
  • SG 19 Oct 2009 23:02:30 1,885 posts
    Seen 1 day ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    Wear scruffy, shit clothes.
  • Timmy 19 Oct 2009 23:02:50 9,031 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    heyyo! wrote:
    Say you have a criminal record

    It's for Royal Mail ffs. they only take you if you HAVE a criminal record.
  • TheSaint 19 Oct 2009 23:03:10 14,198 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    Just go for it it's not like they will want you to start the next day so if the new job comes through just pull out of this one.

    Beggars can't be choosers.
  • PazJohnMitch 19 Oct 2009 23:03:16 7,779 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    Just act like a typical Big brother contestant.
  • Timmy 19 Oct 2009 23:03:24 9,031 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    JuanKerr wrote:
    Damn those dole people for trying to help you get a job.

    I'm more than capable of getting myself one.
  • cubbymoore 19 Oct 2009 23:03:33 36,468 posts
    Seen 28 minutes ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    Spunk on your hands just before you go to meet the interviewer.
  • FWB 19 Oct 2009 23:03:37 43,793 posts
    Seen 1 minute ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Arhh temp job. :) They're calling you in? I don't think there's anything you can do to get out of this*. You're getting the job.



    *Unless you can resolve the coming strike.
  • Timmy 19 Oct 2009 23:03:53 9,031 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    SG wrote:
    Wear scruffy, shit clothes.

    I'll have that suggestion!
  • JuanKerr 19 Oct 2009 23:04:06 36,192 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    Or you could just be fucking grateful that you've got an interview and do it properly. What if the job you've got "pretty much lined up" doesn't turn out that way? You might be grateful for work, even if it doesn't tick all your great job boxes.
  • Hunam 19 Oct 2009 23:05:14 20,674 posts
    Seen 17 minutes ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    I knew there was a reason I didn't sign on. Being a temp postal worker sounds about as fun as aids.
  • Deleted user 19 October 2009 23:05:54
    Applied for a job last week and got an email today saying I have until Wednesday to complete an online test consisting of psychometric, verbal and numeric reasoning. Arsed.
  • Deleted user 19 October 2009 23:06:58
    Timmy wrote:
    JuanKerr wrote:
    Damn those dole people for trying to help you get a job.

    I'm more than capable of getting myself one.
    Why are you on the dole then? Are you a benefit scrounger?
  • Timmy 19 Oct 2009 23:06:59 9,031 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    It's for data entry. My typing speed is alright normally, but i've actually hurt my index finger somehow which might be all I need to get out of it to be honest. The one true reason sounds like a blag though. Typical.
  • FWB 19 Oct 2009 23:07:10 43,793 posts
    Seen 1 minute ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    That's the case with so many jobs today, mowgli. Best get used to it.

    I also like how they ask for a CV, then tell you to type it all out into their forms, which have usually be designed by an ape.
  • Deleted user 19 October 2009 23:07:26
    Timmy wrote:
    JuanKerr wrote:
    Damn those dole people for trying to help you get a job.

    I'm more than capable of getting myself one.

    Then why not do that? They only force you onto one if you're not doing enough yourself.
  • malloc 19 Oct 2009 23:07:46 2,297 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Be a little too over-enthusiastic. Think about it, when chatting up a girl and you're too keen you get nowhere. Trust me. :)
  • Trowel 19 Oct 2009 23:08:42 17,423 posts
    Seen 30 minutes ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    I've reported you to the DSS. The good news is you no longer have to go to the interview.
  • PazJohnMitch 19 Oct 2009 23:08:48 7,779 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    mowgli wrote:
    Applied for a job last week and got an email today saying I have until Wednesday to complete an online test consisting of psychometric, verbal and numeric reasoning. Arsed.

    That is fairly normal nowdays although I had to do this as part of the interview day when I got my current job.

    The verbal and numerical reasoning test is simply an IQ test with a different name.
  • cubbymoore 19 Oct 2009 23:09:15 36,468 posts
    Seen 28 minutes ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    Gremmi has a point, you must be over the 6 month period for them to be organising jobs for you that you have to go to.
  • Timmy 19 Oct 2009 23:09:25 9,031 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    iHAZaCHEEZ3burger wrote:
    Timmy wrote:
    JuanKerr wrote:
    Damn those dole people for trying to help you get a job.

    I'm more than capable of getting myself one.
    Why are you on the dole then? Are you a benefit scrounger?

    This may have slipped your notice, but there's a recession going on and about a thousand people applying for every sodding job.
  • cubbymoore 19 Oct 2009 23:10:58 36,468 posts
    Seen 28 minutes ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    Nah the recession was months ago. Now it's just all scroungers making excuses.
  • Hunam 19 Oct 2009 23:11:00 20,674 posts
    Seen 17 minutes ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    If this was 70 years ago Timmy would be bumming people to get out of national service.
  • Page

    of 21 First / Last

    Previous
Log in or register to reply