Best Man Speech Idea

  • Page

    of 2 First / Last

    Previous
  • Mike_Hunt 7 Jul 2004 20:56:01 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Ok, I've got a speech to do for a wedding recption on Saturday. The bride and groom got married abroad and the evening is simply the provision of some food and some music in a nice hotel. Now, because it isn't an official "formal" do, there isn't really an opportunity for the 3 speeches to take place, so there aren't going to be any. However, I don't think I can let the evening pass without something being said.

    So far I've got two choices:

    1) Do a traditional, yet short speech. Just after the bride and groom say their "thankyous".

    2) A bit more outlandish setup - Judge and Jury type thing. I'd presenting a case to the jury (the audience) and they'd have to assess whether or not the groom was deserving of the bride. My thinking behind this is that it

    a) Gets everyone involved
    b) Means that eyes wont be on me the WHOLE time
    c) It fits because they eloped and now have to earn our approval
    d) It's something a bit different.

    What do you people think? I've only been to a couple of weddings and was bored senseless each time. I'd like to do something different, but I'm afraid of dying on my arse infront of 200 people.

    Anyway, honest opinions would really be appriciated. Or any other thoughts, suggestions or tips...

    [MH]
  • MikeD 7 Jul 2004 20:57:13 10,063 posts
    Seen 9 months ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    2 sounds cool.

    as long as you let someone proofread your jokes, nothing hurts as much as not getting any laughs before a big crowd. (not that I want to make you nervous)
  • Pike 7 Jul 2004 21:02:33 13,446 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Nr 2 sounds good if you believe you will be able to pull it of and avoid embarrassing shit about old girlfriends and the like.

    If you have the option it might be a good idea to have a few trusted "plants" in the jury that can help get the audience interaction going.
  • Mike_Hunt 7 Jul 2004 21:03:05 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Nah mate I'm already nervous.

    I guess it's a bit like in here. With my sense of humour I'm sure 95% of you think I spount rubbish all the time, with 5% finding me vaguely amusing. So the thought of only 10 out of 200 people laughing isn't helping my sphincter muscle at the moment.

    [MH]
  • Pike 7 Jul 2004 21:08:09 13,446 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    I'd try not to worry to much about people not laughing. At a wedding reception most people will be predisposed to be positive towards people who give speaches. They tend to be an easy crowd. Just avoid things people might find uncomfortable and embarassing.
  • MikeD 7 Jul 2004 21:12:31 10,063 posts
    Seen 9 months ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    And demand free drinks.

    Well, for the guests, you should start drinking AFTER the speech.

    Well, maybe 1 or 2 (or 3) before to get rid of some nerves.
  • Mike_Hunt 7 Jul 2004 21:16:25 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Pike wrote:
    Nr 2 sounds good if you believe you will be able to pull it of and avoid embarrassing shit about old girlfriends and the like.

    If you have the option it might be a good idea to have a few trusted "plants" in the jury that can help get the audience interaction going.
    Ok - so no old g/friend jokes. Gottit.

    Good second point. I'll sort that out. Thanks mate.

    [MH]
  • Mike_Hunt 7 Jul 2004 21:17:28 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    MikeD wrote:
    Well, maybe 1 or 2 (or 3) before to get rid of some nerves.
    I think that's a given ;)

    Cheers!

    [MH]
  • Jetset_UK 7 Jul 2004 21:18:28 3,563 posts
    Seen 10 hours ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    I got a best man speech coming up in Sep, and I'm shitting bricks I can tell ya!

    All the jokes I get off people so far are shite, so far I've got about 20secs of speech sorted.

    Great.

  • Mike_Hunt 7 Jul 2004 21:24:54 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Jetset_UK wrote:
    I got a best man speech coming up in Sep, and I'm shitting bricks I can tell ya!

    All the jokes I get off people so far are shite, so far I've got about 20secs of speech sorted.

    Great.

    Let me guess, every man and his dog have suggested that I open with "Being asked to be best man is like being asked to sleep with the Queen. It's a great honour but nobody wants to do it!".

    Thanks. No. Really. Thanks.

    [MH]
  • Sid-Nice 7 Jul 2004 22:44:59 15,852 posts
    Seen 2 days ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Tell them " If this country isn't good enough to get married in, then why have the reception here? " Tell them they're tight fisted c*nts. And you should have been flown to the country of where they were wed to make your speach.

    I bet they were married in Mexico, that's the norm in the fly away and get wed stakes these days, half the time the person heading the ceremony isn't a proper minister. Have a look at the marriage certificate, make a bullshit story up about the minister being a conman and all marriage ceremonies carried out by him/her are null and void.

    Tell them that all the wedding presents have been forwarded to the country they were married in, tell them that all marriages in that country aren't recognised by the British government. How about any man married in the said country between 1974 and the present day can be called up for war to fight for cause at any said time. On the birth of their first born the groom has to present the brides father with a donkey. :)

    NNID Sid-Nice

  • MikeD 7 Jul 2004 22:47:09 10,063 posts
    Seen 9 months ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    hahahaha, great stuff.

  • hoathenfold 8 Jul 2004 00:08:23 418 posts
    Seen 4 days ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Here's one I wrote for a friend who was to be a best man a couple of months back (he was up to his neck in work at the time.) He added a few personal bits and took a few bits out but it went down OK. If anyone finds it a useful template, please feel free to use it!!

    (the names have been changed to protect the innocent!!)


    Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

    In the interests of political correctness and in order to spare Fredís blushes, this speech will contain nothing controversial or embarrassing about him, but instead, will refer only to the nice, pleasant side of his character.

    (Pause) Thank you very much and good-evening to you all !!!
    (Pretend to go and to sit down)

    Joking apart though, its typical isnít it - it's the first time Fredís ever brought me dinner and Iíve been too nervous to eat it!!

    For those of you that don't know me, my name is Bob and Iím one of Fredís oldest and closest friends. I'm also a complete novice at public speaking and have an overwhelming urge to prove it to you all today.

    Iíd like to start by saying how fantastic Wilma looked at todayís ceremony Ė as always, she looked absolutely stunning as Iím sure you will all agree. And, for a change, Fred has scrubbed up quite nicely too. He looks very refreshed, don't you think? I feel I can take a certain amount of credit for this, as I tried to ensure he got a good night's sleep last night. We only had a few pints, after which he slept like a baby Ė he did however keep waking up every half an hour or so, crying and asking for his mum!

    Anyhow, it's traditional for the best man to let the bride's parents know what sort of a man has married their daughter, so Iím stood here right now to say a few kind words about Fred and to hopefully give you an idea on how we all came to be sitting here today.

    Starting from the very beginning, Fred was born in Dartford Kent on the 23rd December 1970. I did try to link this moment in time with some big world event, but it seems that nothing very much happened that day. It is however a day that the staff at West Hill Hospital Dartford now refer to as "Monkey Boy Tuesday".

    1970 was in fact the same year as the ill fated Apollo 13 mission and the same year in which the movie 'The Exorcist' was first released. So it's true - bad things do come in threes.

    I understand that Fred was quite a mischievous child and that one of his favourite pastimes was to read Mr Men books. And if you know Fred well, Mr Greedy, Mr Clumsy or even Mr Forgetful would all seem like plausible sources of influence on him in his formative years. But I'm sure Wilma would agree that Mr Messy is the one Mr Men character to which Fred bears the closest resemblance - and if his taste in magazines during his late teens is anything to go by, I can personally testify that Fred is ĎMr Filthy.í

    I first met Fred some 16 years ago. Since then we really have been through a lot together - in fact, we were just saying earlier how glad we are that none of them have turned up today.

    During this time, Fred has always had a passion for fast cars, and in the time I have known him has owned (and sold) more sports cars than the average dealership. One unusual turn of events however was when he went from 300 Brake Horse Power down to just one. A horse. Called Henry. I seem to remember Fred borrowing some cash from me to fit a new kitchen, and then the horse turned up. I donít ever remember seeing the new kitchen though??

    Fred has also been known to enjoy the occasional drink. I understand that at around 5am on one particular morning after an extremely long drinking session, he was very happy to sing and shout at the top of his voice about his fantastic night and also take part and a fire extinguisher water fight to express his enjoyment and appreciation of the evening. Itís a pity the same couldnít be said of the hotel full of Born-again Christians who were booked into the same hotel!

    I know that Fred and Wilma share the same core values and principles, and I am sure that their relationship will continue to grow. Fred told me that he often thinks of Wilma when he is away from her ... especially when he is watching the Bill and someone gets handcuffed. Iím not exactly sure what he means by that? I guess it's a sentimental thing??

    I once heard marriage described as being nature's way of stopping people from fighting with strangers. It will teach Fred loyalty, self restraint, control, and it will develop in him a sense of fair play, selflessness and so many other qualities he wouldn't need if he had just stayed single.

    He could also be described as charming, good-looking, intelligent and entertaining Ö and if he hangs around long enough with me, perhaps one day he will be. But he is a great guy and I couldnít wish for a better friend, nor Wilma a better husband.

    But despite all these quirks I've mentioned - and, of course, quite a few others that I haven't Ė Fred is one of the most generous, kindest, and thoughtful friends that I have. I am very grateful for your friendship Fred, and you deserve plenty of luck and future happiness. And you know what? I think you got it today marrying Wilma. She is beautiful, intelligent and caring, and I think she's made a wonderful choice for her first husband. Just one word of advice though: 'Remember who's boss, and never answer her back!'

    So finally, on behalf of everyone here, I can truly say that you are both wished nothing but the best for the future. You are a unique and perfectly matched couple and we hope that all your dreams come true and you have a magical life together. Wilma, you have found a brilliant bloke who has been a great friend to me, and many others over the years. I've never met anyone more honest and genuine than Fred, and he is someone who I'm sure will make a fantastic husband.

    Ladies and gentlemen, please raise you glasses to Fred and Wilma - the bride and groom!
  • Mike_Hunt 8 Jul 2004 00:39:43 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Sid Nice wrote:
    Tell them " If this country isn't good enough to get married in, then why have the reception here? " Tell them they're tight fisted c*nts. And you should have been flown to the country of where they were wed to make your speach.

    I bet they were married in Mexico, that's the norm in the fly away and get wed stakes these days, half the time the person heading the ceremony isn't a proper minister. Have a look at the marriage certificate, make a bullshit story up about the minister being a conman and all marriage ceremonies carried out by him/her are null and void.

    Tell them that all the wedding presents have been forwarded to the country they were married in, tell them that all marriages in that country aren't recognised by the British government. How about any man married in the said country between 1974 and the present day can be called up for war to fight for cause at any said time. On the birth of their first born the groom has to present the brides father with a donkey. :)

    Heh, it was Sri Lanka not Mexico, but I still like a couple of those ideas towards the end... cheers!

    [MH]
  • Mike_Hunt 8 Jul 2004 00:43:50 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Not a bad template hoathenfold, not bad at all.

    /pinches ideas

    [MH]
  • Sid-Nice 8 Jul 2004 00:44:00 15,852 posts
    Seen 2 days ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    It was called Ceylon when I got married, nice place, but not my cup of tea for a wedding. :)

    NNID Sid-Nice

  • Sid-Nice 8 Jul 2004 01:18:27 15,852 posts
    Seen 2 days ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Yes good idea Jim Bob. " It's Ceylon way to a wedding in Sri Lanka, It's Ceylon way to go! "

    NNID Sid-Nice

  • Juninho 8 Jul 2004 09:40:59 1,825 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    how about that old chestnut:

    "weddings are emotional events of course, even the cake is in tiers"

    ......badum tish!
  • pjmaybe 8 Jul 2004 09:41:57 70,676 posts
    Seen 5 years ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    Juninho wrote:
    how about that old chestnut:

    "weddings are emotional events of course, even the cake is in tiers"

    ......badum tish!

    LOL!!!!


    I might nick that one!

    Peej
  • dose 8 Jul 2004 10:48:48 42 posts
    Seen 4 days ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Two useful best man speech links...

    here...

    and here...

    Some cheesy stuff on there, but I've nicked a few decent quips from them when I helped a mate write his speech.
  • BravoGolf Moderator 8 Jul 2004 10:55:51 12,740 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Heh, the second one seems good.
    Beer always helps :-D


    Good luck with it, Mike of the Hunt.
  • Mike_Hunt 8 Jul 2004 17:20:36 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Ok, I've got a speech down on paper, and as far as speeches go I think it's ok, but it's yet to be tested.

    However, in typical Hunt style, I've had loads of good ideas for the Judge and Jury setup, and I'm busy writing those down at the moment. If it works then I'll go with that idea.

    I could do with a little help though, my mind's drawn a blank and I could really do with some courtroom phrases which I can link in. Such as "Your Honour" and "Adjurned"

    So if you know any that may be useful, slap them down here please!

    [MH]
  • MikeD 8 Jul 2004 17:23:25 10,063 posts
    Seen 9 months ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    /watches judge judy
  • Mike_Hunt 8 Jul 2004 17:24:35 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    I'll wear the wig, but there's no way I'm putting on any fake breasts...


    ...I'd never leave my hotel room!

    [MH]
  • terminalterror 9 Jul 2004 12:51:56 18,937 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    Mike_Hunt wrote:
    Nah mate I'm already nervous.

    I guess it's a bit like in here. With my sense of humour I'm sure 95% of you think I spount rubbish all the time, with 5% finding me vaguely amusing. So the thought of only 10 out of 200 people laughing isn't helping my sphincter muscle at the moment.

    [MH]

    Well, if you lose control of said muscle, I'm sure you'll be raising the roof with the laughs you'll get!
  • Mike_Hunt 9 Jul 2004 12:56:54 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    /buys man size Pampers

    [MH]
  • squaylor 9 Jul 2004 12:59:15 3,737 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    I've never been inside a courtroom...

    /is innocent

    ...but I do watch Law & Order and they say things like -

    'this court is in session'
    'all rise' - something you could get people to do?
    'this court is adjourned'
    'any more noise from the gallery and I'll have this courtroom cleared' - if they start to laugh a lot/throw things (depending on how it goes down)
    'how do you plead?'
    'this court finds you in contempt'
    'have you reached a verdict?' - a bit of audience participation, perhaps?

    etc.
  • Mike_Hunt 9 Jul 2004 13:02:18 23,512 posts
    Seen 3 months ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Spot on mate, spot on.

    You're forgiven for your love of all things with 6 legs.

    [MH]
  • squaylor 9 Jul 2004 13:04:57 3,737 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    ...and 8 legs :)
  • Page

    of 2 First / Last

    Previous
Log in or register to reply