Opening line for a grooms speech? Page 2

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  • Clive_Dunn 5 Jun 2009 07:48:18 4,780 posts
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    I think I used something along the lines of "feel free to cheer and clap when hearing the all important word of 'wife'....and mother in law of course." Seemed to break the ice, although the 30 bottles of champers already consumed may well have done that.

  • mrpon 5 Jun 2009 07:52:26 29,003 posts
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    "Took my wife up the shitter last night, funny name for a pub I thought"

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • speedofthepuma 5 Jun 2009 07:56:35 13,293 posts
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    "Opening line for a grooms speech?":

    "Hello little girl, do you want to stroke my puppies?"

    I lurk. If I've spoken to you, I'm either impassioned, or drunk.

  • MrTomFTW Moderator 5 Jun 2009 08:35:28 38,375 posts
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    I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration against freedom in the history of our nation.

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
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  • Deleted user 5 June 2009 08:36:58
    So, I fucked your fiance last week... only kidding! She's minging, wouldn't touch her with a ten foot barge pole let alone my penis... only kidding! Is that the time? Gotta run, got somewhere more interesting to be! ONLY KIDDING!
  • Alastair 5 Jun 2009 08:40:01 15,894 posts
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    'On behalf of my wife and I' tends to get a pretty big cheer...
    Not very edgy or original, but it does the job.
  • LeoliansBro 5 Jun 2009 08:40:54 44,428 posts
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    ...and to think you all said I was gay...

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • SirScratchalot 5 Jun 2009 08:43:09 7,874 posts
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    The groom has to speak?
    I just had to lazily get drunker and drunker....
  • PES_Fanboy 5 Jun 2009 08:45:29 16,482 posts
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    Not sure of an opening line, but for Chrissakes don't forget (after all the thanks) to say how awesome your new wife looks.

    I reminded my mate about that, even put a post-it note on his lapel as we were getting changed, and he still forgot......I mentioned it in my speech but by then the damage was done and he's still paying for that, nearly a year on.
  • rutter 5 Jun 2009 08:47:16 1,919 posts
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    Just found my speech, here's my opening few lines from just over 3 years ago....

    I'm not very good at speeches, so I'm gonna try to keep this under half-an-hour!
    I must say, its been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers!

    On behalf of my wife, and I, I would like to start by thanking you all for coming along today. blah blah blah


    I love the 'in tiers' joke - I've also used it in two best man speeches. It's a cracker :)
  • mrpon 5 Jun 2009 08:48:16 29,003 posts
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    :D

    /takes notes

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • MrTomFTW Moderator 5 Jun 2009 08:49:07 38,375 posts
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    My groom's speech was written on a post-it note. Just a few pointers to hit.

    #1 on the list - HOW GOOD YOUR BRIDE LOOKS
    #2 on the list - HOW GOOD YOUR BRIDE LOOKS

    Follow me on Twitter: @MrTom
    Voted by the community "Best mod" 2011, 2012 and 2013.

  • rutter 5 Jun 2009 08:52:22 1,919 posts
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    Here's another couple of extracts. The dummy and honeymoon gags were the best I found. The fishing bit was my own - and obviously only works if you're an angler....

    I must say - isn't it funny how history repeats itself? (pause) 25 years ago Louises Mum and Dad were putting her to bed with a dummy - and now it's happening all over again! (pause)

    I told Louise that Id take her somewhere hot, steamy and somewhere shed never been before for our honeymoon (pause) so I can now reveal that were going to the kitchen! (pause)

    Now, most of you will know that Im a very keen fisherman. Im not always very successful; however 5 years and 128 days ago, I made the catch of a lifetime. And, it makes me so very proud that shes sitting beside me today as my wife.


    I put in the (pause) to remind me to stop, breath and enjoy the laughter (hopefully)
  • Pirotic Moderator 5 Jun 2009 08:54:03 20,647 posts
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    I'm going to have to go to the dr's today, my face is stuck in a cringe thanks to this page :(
  • cubbymoore 5 Jun 2009 08:55:52 36,497 posts
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    Pirotic wrote:
    I'm going to have to go to the dr's today, my face is stuck in a cringe thanks to this page :(
    That one doesn't even make sense.
  • mrpon 5 Jun 2009 08:56:27 29,003 posts
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    cubbymoore wrote:
    Pirotic wrote:
    I'm going to have to go to the dr's today, my face is stuck in a minge thanks to this page :(
    That one doesn't even make sense.
    Better?

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • otto Moderator 5 Jun 2009 08:59:06 49,320 posts
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    I cringe when I remember my speech at my wedding.

    My advice would be, keep it short and don't try to be funny, just thank everyone you need to thank and sit down. Being funny isn't your job, it's the best man's job.

    say no to Eurogamer sigs

  • MetalDog 5 Jun 2009 09:04:37 23,701 posts
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    Stance, roarrr and speech.

    -- boobs do nothing for me, I want moustaches and chest hair.

  • LeoliansBro 5 Jun 2009 09:06:39 44,428 posts
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    Heh, I was going to go with the Blackadder recommendation.

    WWWAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRunaccustomed as I am..

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • kalel 5 Jun 2009 09:10:41 87,933 posts
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    Groom's sppech is a piece of piss, you can't go wrong. The whole room is made up of people who love you and are there to make your day nice for you - if you make a joke, they'll laugh, if you say something soppy, they'll go "ahhhh".

    Just make sure you get the basics right and thank everyone that needs thanking (do NOT forget the bride's family), say how amazing your bride looks, sit down.

    Opening lines often get a bit swallowed so I wouldn't try to hard to make it impactful, just ease into it. And don't be nervous about it serious, there's no point, it's guaranteed to go fine. Best man has the way harder job.
  • jiveguy 5 Jun 2009 09:11:30 843 posts
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    By The Power of Greyskull!

    Live: BocoGuy | Steam: jiveguy | Origin: Boco

  • JuanKerr 5 Jun 2009 09:13:46 36,280 posts
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    rutter wrote:
    Now, most of you will know that Im a very keen fisherman. Im not always very successful; however 5 years and 128 days ago, I made the catch of a lifetime. And, it makes me so very proud that shes sitting beside me today as my wife.

    Awwww, you old charmer, you :)
  • Dante_Cubit 5 Jun 2009 09:22:20 1,927 posts
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    There comes a time in your life when you realize that you haven't got a chance with Beyonce. You need to be pragmatic, to compromise, to be willing to trade-down if you will. I am not saying you shouldn't have standards, just that sometimes that beggars can't be choosers. I could have done much worse you know, and with a bit of slap she looks very passable don't you think? So please join me in applauding the parents of the bride and I'd just like to add "cheers for your daughter. I can't iron for shit".

  • Spanky 5 Jun 2009 09:23:40 14,509 posts
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    "thank you for being frank" if your father in laws name happens to be frank, which mine was, not that anybody heard or got the joke :p

    Plubs

  • boo 5 Jun 2009 09:26:22 11,795 posts
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    Three cardinal rules of public speaking:

    Stand up
    Speak up
    Shut up

    Just Another Lego Blog

  • Deleted user 5 June 2009 09:29:30
    'So i said to her, that ain't my ring, that's my watch bitch!!!!!!'.

    Then punch the bride in the tits.
  • Trowel 5 Jun 2009 09:29:36 17,797 posts
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    "I have a dream."
  • evilashchris 5 Jun 2009 09:29:40 7,024 posts
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    I didn't do a groom speech, but my brother did a best man speech.

    "HI, as we all know, Sharon is pregnant..'

    No, no they didn't. But they do now.

    /Massive ten-gigawatt facepalm from space.

    Twitter: @COToole

  • Nasty 5 Jun 2009 09:37:29 4,747 posts
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    "Good afternoon. As you might imagine, this is not the first time today I've got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand...."
  • dr_swin 5 Jun 2009 09:43:02 4,893 posts
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    mrpon wrote:
    "Took my wife up the shitter last night, funny name for a pub I thought"

    loved that!
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