Opening line for a grooms speech? Page 2

  • Page

    of 5 First / Last

  • Clive_Dunn 5 Jun 2009 07:48:18 4,833 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    I think I used something along the lines of "feel free to cheer and clap when hearing the all important word of 'wife'....and mother in law of course." Seemed to break the ice, although the 30 bottles of champers already consumed may well have done that.
  • mrpon 5 Jun 2009 07:52:26 30,447 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    "Took my wife up the shitter last night, funny name for a pub I thought"
  • speedofthepuma 5 Jun 2009 07:56:35 13,347 posts
    Seen 9 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    "Opening line for a grooms speech?":

    "Hello little girl, do you want to stroke my puppies?"
  • MrTomFTW Moderator 5 Jun 2009 08:35:28 42,112 posts
    Seen 7 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration against freedom in the history of our nation.
  • Deleted user 5 June 2009 08:36:58
    So, I fucked your fiance last week... only kidding! She's minging, wouldn't touch her with a ten foot barge pole let alone my penis... only kidding! Is that the time? Gotta run, got somewhere more interesting to be! ONLY KIDDING!
  • Alastair 5 Jun 2009 08:40:01 17,005 posts
    Seen 9 hours ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    'On behalf of my wife and I' tends to get a pretty big cheer...
    Not very edgy or original, but it does the job.
  • SirScratchalot 5 Jun 2009 08:43:09 7,879 posts
    Seen 10 hours ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    The groom has to speak?
    I just had to lazily get drunker and drunker....
  • PES_Fanboy 5 Jun 2009 08:45:29 23,697 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    Not sure of an opening line, but for Chrissakes don't forget (after all the thanks) to say how awesome your new wife looks.

    I reminded my mate about that, even put a post-it note on his lapel as we were getting changed, and he still forgot......I mentioned it in my speech but by then the damage was done and he's still paying for that, nearly a year on.
  • rutter 5 Jun 2009 08:47:16 1,919 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    Just found my speech, here's my opening few lines from just over 3 years ago....

    I'm not very good at speeches, so I'm gonna try to keep this under half-an-hour!
    I must say, its been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers!

    On behalf of my wife, and I, I would like to start by thanking you all for coming along today. blah blah blah


    I love the 'in tiers' joke - I've also used it in two best man speeches. It's a cracker :)
  • mrpon 5 Jun 2009 08:48:16 30,447 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    :D

    /takes notes
  • MrTomFTW Moderator 5 Jun 2009 08:49:07 42,112 posts
    Seen 7 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    My groom's speech was written on a post-it note. Just a few pointers to hit.

    #1 on the list - HOW GOOD YOUR BRIDE LOOKS
    #2 on the list - HOW GOOD YOUR BRIDE LOOKS
  • rutter 5 Jun 2009 08:52:22 1,919 posts
    Seen 1 year ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    Here's another couple of extracts. The dummy and honeymoon gags were the best I found. The fishing bit was my own - and obviously only works if you're an angler....

    I must say - isn't it funny how history repeats itself? (pause) 25 years ago Louises Mum and Dad were putting her to bed with a dummy - and now it's happening all over again! (pause)

    I told Louise that Id take her somewhere hot, steamy and somewhere shed never been before for our honeymoon (pause) so I can now reveal that were going to the kitchen! (pause)

    Now, most of you will know that Im a very keen fisherman. Im not always very successful; however 5 years and 128 days ago, I made the catch of a lifetime. And, it makes me so very proud that shes sitting beside me today as my wife.


    I put in the (pause) to remind me to stop, breath and enjoy the laughter (hopefully)
  • Pirotic Moderator 5 Jun 2009 08:54:03 20,643 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    I'm going to have to go to the dr's today, my face is stuck in a cringe thanks to this page :(
  • cubbymoore 5 Jun 2009 08:55:52 36,510 posts
    Seen 7 hours ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Pirotic wrote:
    I'm going to have to go to the dr's today, my face is stuck in a cringe thanks to this page :(
    That one doesn't even make sense.
  • mrpon 5 Jun 2009 08:56:27 30,447 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    cubbymoore wrote:
    Pirotic wrote:
    I'm going to have to go to the dr's today, my face is stuck in a minge thanks to this page :(
    That one doesn't even make sense.
    Better?
  • otto Moderator 5 Jun 2009 08:59:06 49,323 posts
    Seen 1 week ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    I cringe when I remember my speech at my wedding.

    My advice would be, keep it short and don't try to be funny, just thank everyone you need to thank and sit down. Being funny isn't your job, it's the best man's job.
  • MetalDog 5 Jun 2009 09:04:37 23,928 posts
    Seen 4 days ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    Stance, roarrr and speech.
  • Deleted user 5 June 2009 09:10:41
    Groom's sppech is a piece of piss, you can't go wrong. The whole room is made up of people who love you and are there to make your day nice for you - if you make a joke, they'll laugh, if you say something soppy, they'll go "ahhhh".

    Just make sure you get the basics right and thank everyone that needs thanking (do NOT forget the bride's family), say how amazing your bride looks, sit down.

    Opening lines often get a bit swallowed so I wouldn't try to hard to make it impactful, just ease into it. And don't be nervous about it serious, there's no point, it's guaranteed to go fine. Best man has the way harder job.
  • jiveguy 5 Jun 2009 09:11:30 870 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    By The Power of Greyskull!
  • JuanKerr 5 Jun 2009 09:13:46 36,776 posts
    Seen 9 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    rutter wrote:
    Now, most of you will know that Im a very keen fisherman. Im not always very successful; however 5 years and 128 days ago, I made the catch of a lifetime. And, it makes me so very proud that shes sitting beside me today as my wife.

    Awwww, you old charmer, you :)
  • Dante_Cubit 5 Jun 2009 09:22:20 1,962 posts
    Seen 18 hours ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    There comes a time in your life when you realize that you haven't got a chance with Beyonce. You need to be pragmatic, to compromise, to be willing to trade-down if you will. I am not saying you shouldn't have standards, just that sometimes that beggars can't be choosers. I could have done much worse you know, and with a bit of slap she looks very passable don't you think? So please join me in applauding the parents of the bride and I'd just like to add "cheers for your daughter. I can't iron for shit".
  • Spanky 5 Jun 2009 09:23:40 14,648 posts
    Seen 15 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    "thank you for being frank" if your father in laws name happens to be frank, which mine was, not that anybody heard or got the joke :p
  • boo 5 Jun 2009 09:26:22 12,119 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Three cardinal rules of public speaking:

    Stand up
    Speak up
    Shut up
  • Deleted user 5 June 2009 09:29:30
    'So i said to her, that ain't my ring, that's my watch bitch!!!!!!'.

    Then punch the bride in the tits.
  • Trowel 5 Jun 2009 09:29:36 18,730 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    "I have a dream."
  • evilashchris 5 Jun 2009 09:29:40 7,265 posts
    Seen 11 hours ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    I didn't do a groom speech, but my brother did a best man speech.

    "HI, as we all know, Sharon is pregnant..'

    No, no they didn't. But they do now.

    /Massive ten-gigawatt facepalm from space.
  • Nasty 5 Jun 2009 09:37:29 4,759 posts
    Seen 1 week ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    "Good afternoon. As you might imagine, this is not the first time today I've got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand...."
  • dr_swin 5 Jun 2009 09:43:02 4,925 posts
    Seen 3 days ago
    Registered 10 years ago
    mrpon wrote:
    "Took my wife up the shitter last night, funny name for a pub I thought"

    loved that!
  • Page

    of 5 First / Last

Log in or register to reply