STOP PRESS! New Dan Brown book on the way! Page 3

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  • Tonka 21 Apr 2009 08:58:56 22,422 posts
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    angeltreats wrote:
    435
    4 Number of elements
    3 Holy Trinity
    5 second prime.. seconf coming ... made of 2 and 3 where 2 is man/woman night/day yin/yang etc etc and three the wholy trinity

    4+3+5 = 12 Number of apostles.
    1+2 = 3 Third Langdon novel. Holy trinity.

    If you can read this you really need to fiddle with your forum settings.

  • nickthegun 21 Apr 2009 09:10:29 63,362 posts
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    grayson wrote:
    RichardDawkins wrote:
    Claiming somehow that Dan Brown's fucking awful work is ok, because it's just a bit of light reading is akin to saying it's okay for McDonalds to make a burger out of shite, because it's just a snack.

    You deserve more than that.

    It's okay when it's just a few inches of water

    Sounds like a perfect read by the pool.

    ---------------------------------------------------------
    funkula

  • Angel_Treats 21 Apr 2009 09:18:57 11,070 posts
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    Oh given that I started this thread, I should have said that I read The Da Vinci Code and liked it while at the same time knowing it was utter, utter toss. And I watched the movie, and enjoyed that while realising it was also utter toss.

    I read his other books too and they were all exactly the same thing with different character names and slightly different locations, as someone said.

    I might get this one out of the library, but I won't buy it.

    And I am unrepentant about reading shit. At least I recognise that it's shit, and given that I have to read Literature (note the capital L) for uni, I'm allowed to read trash once in a while.
  • PearOfAnguish 21 Apr 2009 09:19:29 7,544 posts
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    President Weasel wrote:
    Dan Brown is the only published author I have encountered who is painfully bad at writing.

    You've never read a Matthew Reilly book, have you?

    If Dan Brown and Michael Bay had a child, that retarded offspring would be called Matthew Reilly and would write really fucking terrible novels that somehow still get published despite being fucking awful on every level.
  • Deleted user 21 April 2009 09:21:30
    I don't think Reilly's books are as badly written as Brown's.

    They are badly written though - but that's more down to their complete silliness - most being one long action sequence rather than having coherent plot.

    At least Reilly doesn't have the problem Brown has trying to write intelligent characters while not being very bright himself, all Reilly's characters are pretty dumb to start with. :)
  • Angel_Treats 21 Apr 2009 09:21:34 11,070 posts
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    Nah mate, I'll have a look for it.
  • StarchildHypocrethes 21 Apr 2009 09:22:09 27,522 posts
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    :D

    The Scarecrow books were in the bracket of so bad they're good though.

    Those ones involving the action professor, his team of commandos and his pet eagle weren't, however.
  • PES_Fanboy 21 Apr 2009 09:23:00 22,793 posts
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    PES_Fanboy read the thread on Eurogamer whistfully, combing his widow's peak hairstyle.

    Suddenly, he ran into his front yard and jumped into his car. He gunned the sedan to the local bookstore, searching for the new Dan Brown novel.
  • PearOfAnguish 21 Apr 2009 09:26:18 7,544 posts
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    The only advantage Dan Brown has is he doesn't italicise loads of words for effect like Matthew Reilly does. Yeah.
  • Deleted user 21 April 2009 09:26:52
    Meh you forgot to say how you caught a glimpse at your own awesome image in a mirror on the way.
  • PES_Fanboy 21 Apr 2009 09:28:53 22,793 posts
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    The dark shadows, that made it difficult to see, meant PES_Fanboy couldn't see the written names on the spines of the books, that were in a row.

    Just then a Catholic priest, who had just finished preaching Catholicism, moved into the dark, difficult-to-see row of books with their names written on each spine, and started to strangle PES_Fanboy with his hands, cutting off the air to his lungs, trying to crush his windpipe by the strangling which he was doing with his hands.
  • Dougs 21 Apr 2009 09:31:17 71,796 posts
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    :D
  • Deleted user 21 April 2009 09:32:01
    PearOfAnguish wrote:
    The only advantage Dan Brown has is he doesn't italicise loads of words for effect like Matthew Reilly does. Yeah.


    After italicising some more words Reilly leapt from the exploding desk, somersaulted over the killer whale, before firing his grappling hook into the stealth jet. He swung on the rope towards an attack chopper and kicked it so hard it exploded into a million pieces seemingly killing our hero.

    Only for our hero to be completely fine at the beginning of the next chapter.
  • Dougs 21 Apr 2009 09:32:30 71,796 posts
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    Leolian'sBro wrote:
    My personal award for excellence goes to the casting director for the Da Vinci Code. The main character is described in the first dozen pages of the book as 'Harrison Ford in Harris tweed' (because Dan Brown needed to rip off Indiana Jones to lend some much needed academic authority to his trash novel). So, who do we cast when we come to make the film?

    Tom Hanks. Bravo!

    Not just that, how on earth was Richard Griffiths not the big posh sod. Sure readig the book he was a fatty with gout, not Sir Ian McKellen.
  • PearOfAnguish 21 Apr 2009 09:33:12 7,544 posts
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    Leolian'sBro wrote:
    The main character is described in the first dozen pages of the book as 'Harrison Ford in Harris tweed'

    Reilly does this too! He describes one of his characters as being like 'Enrique Iglesias, but tougher'. Hilarious.
  • Deleted user 21 April 2009 09:37:09
    Now if Dan Brown could take some tips from this thread I'd buy more of his books :D
  • Dougs 21 Apr 2009 09:37:10 71,796 posts
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    That's the fella. Is it really! Ha, that's quite funny. Nice to see he has a twisted sense of humour anyway.
  • PES_Fanboy 21 Apr 2009 09:38:29 22,793 posts
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    PearOfAnguish wrote:
    Leolian'sBro wrote:
    The main character is described in the first dozen pages of the book as 'Harrison Ford in Harris tweed'

    Reilly does this too! He describes one of his characters as being like 'Enrique Iglesias, but tougher'. Hilarious.

    I've read all of Brown's books (really!) as I was trying to impress someone who liked him, and the plots are usually pretty interesting (if plagiarized), but his awkward, slow writing style always reminds me that it might be Peter Griffin behind the typewriter.
  • StarchildHypocrethes 21 Apr 2009 09:39:17 27,522 posts
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    Leolian'sBro wrote:
    Sir Leigh Teabing? Not only is that the worst pastiche of an American view of English society and names, but it's an anagram of the two people he swore blind he didn't rip off in the writing of his novel!
    If that's true, then I have a whole new level of respect for him :)
  • StarchildHypocrethes 21 Apr 2009 09:42:37 27,522 posts
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    Couldn't even be arsed to change it, even better!
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