FML: A brilliant timewaster of a site

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  • terminalterror 27 Feb 2009 15:14:36 18,937 posts
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    Just found a new site destined for internet legend status, and thought I'd share with you lot :)


    Fuck My Life

    The idea is that if you've just had a really shitty day, you post to FML and then people rate it, either "I agree, your life is f***ed" or "you deserved that one".


    Some of the stories really make you feel very sorry for the poster's misfortune and make you feel glad to not have their problems. Some of the stories make you laugh as to how comically wrong things can get. Others give you a great sense of schadenfreude where the poster has obviously deserved it.

    The flops are generally more fun to read than the tops, as the tops do make you wince, but they are fascinating to read through.


    The best place to head is one of the following links, which collate the FMLs that have had most of one of the two ratings.

    Top FML

    sample Top FMLs:

    Today, I found out that I am being sued for losing a set of wedding photos that I took. I lost them by being mugged on the way home after the shoot and 10,000 worth of equipment was stolen from me. FML

    Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

    Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

    Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML



    Flop FML

    sample Flop FMLs:

    Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

    Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

    Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

    Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML
  • terminalterror 27 Feb 2009 15:15:54 18,937 posts
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    Just found two more brilliant flops:


    Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out : "Are you having fun ?" FML


    Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML



    :D
  • Popzeus 27 Feb 2009 15:30:39 8,300 posts
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    Today, I was drunk and horny. So I texted "I want to fuck your pussy" to my girlfriend. I later realized that I had accidentally substituted the s for the p, and actually said "I want to fuck your puppy." FML

    hah

    Currently playing: Standing In A Car Park Simulator 2013

  • Deleted user 27 February 2009 15:32:12
    kick your puppy
  • Ged42 27 Feb 2009 15:45:08 7,719 posts
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    Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML

    If that's true, then that is some seriously fucked up shit
  • BillMurray 27 Feb 2009 15:46:55 7,701 posts
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    Found this the other day and spent about 2hrs going through the archives.

    Definitely an awesome site.
  • Popzeus 27 Feb 2009 15:47:29 8,300 posts
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    I'd be more worried that he didn't realise until that point. It'd be pretty bloody obvious, wouldn't it?

    Currently playing: Standing In A Car Park Simulator 2013

  • terminalterror 27 Feb 2009 15:48:12 18,937 posts
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    Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

    :D

    Today, I let my 7 year old niece cut my hair. I thought she was using fake scissors. Now, I have a cut on my left ear and a bald spot on the right side of my head. Tomorrow, I have a job interview for Tony&Guy hair salon. FML

    /simultanious wince and hearty laugh
  • Salaman 27 Feb 2009 15:49:33 18,959 posts
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    Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
  • Deleted user 27 February 2009 15:55:14
    Fantastic!
  • terminalterror 27 Feb 2009 15:56:49 18,937 posts
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    Salaman wrote:

    Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

    That one is currently my favourite :)
  • andywilkie35 27 Feb 2009 15:57:11 5,338 posts
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    Annoyingly this is blocked at my work! Gonna have to hope people keep pasting beauts into here!

    PSN ID & Xbox Gamertag: Wedjwants

  • StringBeanJean 27 Feb 2009 15:58:07 1,777 posts
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    Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

    I can imagine doing this.
  • terminalterror 27 Feb 2009 15:58:38 18,937 posts
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    Oooof, this one really made me wince:

    Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML
  • Salaman 27 Feb 2009 16:03:11 18,959 posts
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    Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
  • StringBeanJean 27 Feb 2009 16:04:09 1,777 posts
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    This site is awesome. Again though, this one is worryingly close to home:

    Today, my religious girlfriend of 8 months finally lets me have sex with her. She invites me over, and just when we are about to do it, her dad comes home from work 3 hours early. She said it is a sign from God that we have to wait. FML
  • Deleted user 27 February 2009 16:05:59
    Salaman wrote:
    Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

    Scarred for life :D
  • Donny 27 Feb 2009 16:08:52 1,491 posts
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    Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML
  • terminalterror 27 Feb 2009 16:09:30 18,937 posts
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    StringBeanJean wrote:
    This site is awesome. Again though, this one is worryingly close to home:

    Today, my religious girlfriend of 8 months finally lets me have sex with her. She invites me over, and just when we are about to do it, her dad comes home from work 3 hours early. She said it is a sign from God that we have to wait. FML

    Reminds me of this horror:

    Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML
  • Deleted user 27 February 2009 16:09:59
    I just read through it all and think, "Fake. Fake. GOT to be fake. I heard an urban myth about that one, so Fake. Fake. Can't possibly be true. Fake. Fake." etc.

    Funny, but fake. In my opinion.
  • Deleted user 27 February 2009 16:10:23
    I hope that last one is made up.
  • Gl3n Moderator 27 Feb 2009 16:12:43 5,387 posts
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    This has already wasted a good 35 minutes of my life.

    PSN: Glendemic Xbox: Gl3n Steam: Gl3n

  • Master_Miller 27 Feb 2009 16:12:50 1,642 posts
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    Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML
  • StringBeanJean 27 Feb 2009 16:19:42 1,777 posts
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    I have wasted the last hour and half on this. Sure, they're all fake p[robably. What the hell:

    Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML

    I think I just find people breaking noses funny.
  • yupyup 27 Feb 2009 16:20:29 3,680 posts
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    MrED209 wrote:
    I just read through it all and think, "Fake. Fake. GOT to be fake. I heard an urban myth about that one, so Fake. Fake. Can't possibly be true. Fake. Fake." etc.

    Funny, but fake. In my opinion.

    This, unfortunately. The sad bastards who feel the need to submit the fake ones make any legitimately funny ones look fake. Still funny mind.

    Hands Off Our Penises

  • Rankin 27 Feb 2009 16:21:42 2,930 posts
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    Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down.
    lmao

    Today, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble".
    lmao

    Fake or not, some of these are great.
  • Super_Zee 27 Feb 2009 16:26:06 2,110 posts
    Seen 14 hours ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML
    So much win. Love the site, thanks for the link.
  • andywilkie35 27 Feb 2009 16:27:15 5,338 posts
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    Registered 9 years ago
    Rankin wrote:

    Today, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble".
    lmao

    Fake or not, some of these are great.

    hahahaha that got a hearty laugh from me!

    PSN ID & Xbox Gamertag: Wedjwants

  • terminalterror 27 Feb 2009 16:30:08 18,937 posts
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    Registered 13 years ago
    Today, I woke up to my car covered in shaving cream and tampons and the word CHEATER written on my windshield in lipstick. The guy a few doors down from me in my dorm has the same car as me. I'm a virgin. FML

    Ouch!


    Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

    glol
  • Ged42 27 Feb 2009 16:32:14 7,719 posts
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    Reading those posts, its quite clear that there are some really evil parents out there.

    Odds on the majority are fake, but I bet its the really awful ones that are true.

    And I wonder how many people on Eurogamer are guilty of this.

    Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example he responded "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of WarCraft."

    or this

    Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4.
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