Separating Mum from Baby

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  • Roos-V 25 Feb 2009 12:33:11 457 posts
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    Good day to all you dad's club folks.

    Figured it was about time I updated the situation with me and Jake. Over the last few weeks I've had so much more time with him than I was initially given. Getting two nights a week now for a couple of hours a time, and also managed a couple of full days out with him and the ex. I've had him up at my dad's and had him at my grans (both with the ex there) and we've now hit sticking point. She still wont face my mum, and at the same time will not let me take him anywhere without her.

    Now I know this is only natural for a new mother to be protective of her child, but when did your respective other halves decide they could manage an hour or so apart from their child? I really dont want to force the issue, because I'm not the type of person who forces anyone to do anything. But I'm in a position where everyone I care about has seen my son with the exception of my mum. I know it's different for different folks but I need to know what's within the realms of reason I suppose.

    It's a pity that it's come to this as everything else is so much better than it was before. Me and the ex are getting on really well, to the point where we're talking about trying to rekindle things together. Jake DEFINITELY knows I'm his dad now, just the small things like him being upset with other people but fine when he's back to me lets me know that.

    So to summarise : Much better now :)
  • Stickman 25 Feb 2009 12:37:32 29,660 posts
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    God knows really, mate. I imagine you'll just have to play it by ear. It would be a shame to lose all this progress by pushing for her. I'm sure it'll come with time.

    I think my wife was ready to leave him on his own (just leave some food down, crack a window, that kind of thing) for a night around the six month mark, but I could be remembering that way off.

    She was fine leaving him with grandparents for a couple of hours pretty much from day one though, so that's no help!
  • Nasty 25 Feb 2009 12:38:47 4,763 posts
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    With our first, I think she was almost a year before I could convince the wife that she could leave her with me for the night while she went out for the night or that I could take her to Tesco without WWIII occuring. Takes time, some time and a wee bit of time.

    Good to hear all is getting a bit better though.
  • deem 25 Feb 2009 12:39:44 31,641 posts
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    Pretty much from day 1 here too. I used to go off walking on Saturday and Sunday mornings for a couple of hours.
  • Roos-V 25 Feb 2009 12:45:09 457 posts
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    Yeah, overnight's a long way off, and to be honest, I can live with that. As much as I'd love him to stay with me for a night I'm not silly enough to hope for that just now. But even half an hour to just let my mum hold him and see that he's not just some 2-D photograph would make a world of difference. The ex knows how much this is hurting me (and has even apologised for it) but just says shes not ready.

    I'm not going to push it, as you say Stickman I dont want to lose all this progress. But the longer this goes on the harder it'll be for both of us (myself and the ex I mean)
  • DaM 25 Feb 2009 13:17:20 14,289 posts
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    Is there a big issue between the ex and your mum? That seems to be the problem!

    I'd be surprised if my wife would let her mum (or anyone else) take our 4 monther overnight. Not that she's offering!
  • rutter 25 Feb 2009 13:22:22 1,919 posts
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    So the issue is that your ex doesn't want to see your Mum, not that she doesn't want Jake to see your Mum?

    Will your ex let you take him out for a stroll - just round the block even. Arrange to 'bump into' your Mum whilst your out. Then, at least she gets to see him.

    This wouldn't work if you're not local to each other, obviously.
  • CasperCCC 25 Feb 2009 13:59:43 1,087 posts
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    Hm. Alice let me take out C from a pretty early age. Slightly surprised me, actually. Couldn't take her out for all that long, obviously, but I'm pretty sure it was within a month or so that she'd let me strap her into the sling and take her out for an hour or so.
  • guts 25 Feb 2009 14:34:44 1,690 posts
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    That's a great update, glad to see you are getting plenty of contact, and if you get back together that would be great news. I'm sure she will come round to the mum side of things soon enough. It must be gutting for your ma though, especially if this is the first grandchild (?). I remember facing the in-laws after my breakup/back together episode was a very scary time. Is it just a 'nervous about seeing your mum in case she has a pop/thinks bad of me' situation, if so get a couple of vodkas down them both first. I'm sure your mum would be more interested in Jake than you and your ex at first anyway.
  • Roos-V 25 Feb 2009 17:51:40 457 posts
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    Yeah,the issue now appears to be solely between her and my mum. It's a bit silly really,but the ex now despises my mum (rightly or wrongly,since I've got differing versions of what's happened from each of them). Although she's also said she doesn't want Jake having anything to do with her either but she accepts that'll never happen.

    I've no bother with her inlaws either,but I think they may have guilty consciences as they've still not attempted to be in the same room as me in all the times I've been down. Not that I'm complaining about that I suppose!

    She won't let me take him anywhere without her-while a lot of people appreciate the peace this would let them get, Jake's such a good baby that peace isn't much of an issue either. Like I've said to her, I can understand where she's coming from but I don't think she fully understands where I am. She's said she'll let me take him eventually,but eventually just won't come soon enough.

    Edit - fixing my naff iPhone usage
  • Deleted user 25 November 2010 10:54:52
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