Cats. Shitting in the garden.

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  • Nemesis 21 May 2004 16:58:06 18,593 posts
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    Those cunt cats next door. I've seen 'em leap over the fence to lay some cable in the wood bark. Dirty cunts don't even bury it.

    I've tried everything. I stored up fag butts in a pot and let them soak in water for two weeks. Poured them over one of the cats. I've chased the fuckers.

    I'm VERY tempted to fling the shit back over the fence, actually.

    Short of an air rifle, any suggestions???

  • UncleLou Moderator 21 May 2004 16:59:22 35,421 posts
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    Get a cat yourself. Bigger than the neighbours' cats. Will scare them away, and will not shit in your own garden. Problem solved. :-)
  • unwashed 21 May 2004 16:59:42 1,857 posts
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    Go to your local zoo and get some big cat poo, put that in the garden, the fuckers wont even dare coming in then! (This is actually true, and Chester Zoo used to sell big cat poo for this very purpose!)
  • Lutz 21 May 2004 17:00:07 48,854 posts
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    Super Soaker. Seriously. It worked at my Dads when I lived there, got this bitch of a cat who kept entering the house (Cat flap) and nicking the food.

    Got another and dropped it in a pond FULL of blanket weed.

    Edited by Lutz at 16:01:23 21-05-2004
  • pjmaybe 21 May 2004 17:00:10 70,676 posts
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    Keep chucking the shit over the owner's garden.

    Alternatively rhythm's suggestion works, as does getting a shitload of black pepper and dousing it everywhere...!

    Peej
  • Seto 21 May 2004 17:01:13 671 posts
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    Jump over the fence yourself and take a dump on their lawn - see how they like it!!
  • RubyRed 21 May 2004 17:01:23 4,303 posts
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    I agree with Unc. Or line your garden with orange and lemon peel. Cats hate the smell of citrus. It repels them imeediately. Make sure it's fresh mind. Plus, it'd do no harm to your garden by biodegrading properly.
  • Stevas-mkII 21 May 2004 17:02:18 3,848 posts
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    UncleLou wrote:
    Get a cat yourself. Bigger than the neighbours' cats. Will scare them away, and will not shit in your own garden. Problem solved. :-)


    I like the way this guy is thinking.
    Plus, you ever seen cats fight? They kick fucking arse at fighting.

    Specially if, Like me, you take the time to train them in hand to paw.

    Cats rock, man.
  • Lutz 21 May 2004 17:03:14 48,854 posts
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    Or the kind of mental judo they perform at opposite ends of the garden.

    Cool...
  • pjmaybe 21 May 2004 17:03:20 70,676 posts
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    Stevas mkII wrote:
    UncleLou wrote:
    Get a cat yourself. Bigger than the neighbours' cats. Will scare them away, and will not shit in your own garden. Problem solved. :-)


    I like the way this guy is thinking.
    Plus, you ever seen cats fight? They kick fucking arse at fighting.

    Specially if, Like me, you take the time to train them in hand to paw.

    Cats rock, man.

    What he said! Anyone seen that clip of the big ginger cat taking the other cat to bits? (the other cat's doing this hilarious sorta wavey "don't hit me, don't hit me" thing)

    Best video on the intardnet EVAR!

    Peej
  • Nemesis 21 May 2004 17:03:33 18,593 posts
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    Holmes, you're putting orange peel around the catflaps?

    It's a lemon entry my dear Watson.


    Ahhhhhhhhh, the classics.

  • Angel_Treats 21 May 2004 17:04:26 11,072 posts
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    My friends have a cat that pisses all over their house. On the carpet, on the sofa, even in one of the beds once and on some clothes. The bloody thing is still allowed in the house and strangely enough, I don't visit them too much these days...
  • UncleLou Moderator 21 May 2004 17:04:41 35,421 posts
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    Lutz wrote:
    Or the kind of mental judo they perform at opposite ends of the garden.

    Cool...

    lol, exactly!
  • semprini 21 May 2004 17:04:52 3,144 posts
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    edit: decided to remove the way to remove cats, in case someone irresponsible reads it.

    Edited by semprini at 15:12:19 24-05-2004
  • Nemesis 21 May 2004 17:06:42 18,593 posts
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    Ooooooooh. What happens to the cat?
  • Mike_Hunt 21 May 2004 17:07:06 23,512 posts
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    Seto wrote:
    Jump over the fence yourself and take a dump on their lawn - see how they like it!!
    This is the best suggestions so far...

    [MH]
  • UncleLou Moderator 21 May 2004 17:07:22 35,421 posts
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    Well, your friend needsa good kicking in the balls, if you ask me. And someone to scratch his car.

    Never trust someone who doesn't like cats!
  • Lutz 21 May 2004 17:07:44 48,854 posts
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    Cats OWN.
  • Mike_Hunt 21 May 2004 17:08:05 23,512 posts
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    Stevas mkII wrote:
    UncleLou wrote:
    Get a cat yourself. Bigger than the neighbours' cats. Will scare them away, and will not shit in your own garden. Problem solved. :-)


    I like the way this guy is thinking.
    Plus, you ever seen cats fight? They kick fucking arse at fighting.

    Specially if, Like me, you take the time to train them in hand to paw.

    Cats rock, man.

    Are they tougher than ninja robot monkeys though?

    [MH]
  • Stevas-mkII 21 May 2004 17:08:49 3,848 posts
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    You ever seen two cats bump into each other without being aware of each others presence? Fucking brilliant. Doesn't happen often, because... well, you know, cats rock and they're like little fluffy ninjas and shit, but when it does... whooooo, boy.

    About twenty minutes of standing within two inches of each other, howling, fur bristling, backs arched, NOT LOOKING AT EACH OTHER FOR SOME REASON, followed by about seven seconds of whirling teeth and claw. Repeat until one realises he's had his arse kicked rather more than he'd wished.
  • Killerbee 21 May 2004 17:09:13 5,016 posts
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    The worst bit about cats shitting in your garden is when you come to mow the lawn and you don't notice there's a pile of shit there until you've just mowed over the top...

    Ugh.
  • Mike_Hunt 21 May 2004 17:09:19 23,512 posts
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    Nemesis wrote:
    Holmes, you're putting orange peel around the catflaps?

    It's a lemon entry my dear Watson.


    Ahhhhhhhhh, the classics.

    That's so bad it hurts!

    [MH]
  • Lutz 21 May 2004 17:09:29 48,854 posts
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    Stevas mkII wrote:
    You ever seen two cats bump into each other without being aware of each others presence? Fucking brilliant. Doesn't happen often, because... well, you know, cats rock and they're like little fluffy ninjas and shit, but when it does... whooooo, boy.

    About twenty minutes of standing within two inches of each other, howling, fur bristling, backs arched, NOT LOOKING AT EACH OTHER FOR SOME REASON, followed by about seven seconds of whirling teeth and claw. Repeat until one realises he's had his arse kicked rather more than he'd wished.

    LOL!!! So friggin true!
  • urizen 21 May 2004 17:10:55 2,158 posts
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    UncleLou wrote:
    Well, your friend needsa good kicking in the balls, if you ask me. And someone to scratch his car.

    Never trust someone who doesn't like cats!
    I agree. It's plain wrong to dislike cats.
    I even forgave our cat when he did a man-piss on my leather jacket, ruining it.
    But only after we had the vet remove his balls.
  • MikeD 21 May 2004 17:11:47 10,063 posts
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    Lutz's suggestion is the only one I know to have a working and lasting effect. cats hate being sprayed with water, just do it a few times and they won't be there anymore.

    Incidentally when we moved from an apartment to a house with a garden we have hardly ever had to clean the kitty litter. They just don't use it anymore :-).

    But since we haven't had any complaints from the neighbours I assume they shit on the fields around my block.
  • Spanky 21 May 2004 17:12:01 14,458 posts
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    I just have to warn cat haters that if they harm someones cat in any way shape or form they will be tortured to death. I would quite happily smash broken glass up my neighbours arse if he touched either of my cats, i'd probably rape him with a brick too, just to finish the job. I'd do time for my family and there part of it.

    I'd recommend the super soaker, cats hate anything sprayed in there direction and will learn to avoid your place, and you won't hurt them either, so your arse will be fine.

    Plubs

  • Killerbee 21 May 2004 17:13:09 5,016 posts
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    urizen wrote:
    But only after we had the vet remove his balls.

    Heh. 'Tis true.

    I'm sure every cat misdemeanour is actually revenge for the bollock lopping they receive just as they reach their prime.
  • Nemesis 21 May 2004 17:13:33 18,593 posts
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    /takes notes

    Now, I used to train my cat to ensure her reflexes were top drawer. Bits of twigs and suchlike and she was a ninja after 6 months.

    Then we get our new cat. New cat...meet Ninja cat.

    /watches kitten tumble out of basket

    /watches Ninja cat rush out of room

    /watches Ninja cat crawl ON IT'S BELLY across the room.

    /dies of shame. Shame I say. SHAME.
  • Stevas-mkII 21 May 2004 17:14:27 3,848 posts
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    Lutz wrote:
    Cats OWN.


    fuck - ing A, dude.

    They r0xx0r right the hell over dogs, man.

    RIGHT the hell.
  • MikeD 21 May 2004 17:14:37 10,063 posts
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    Spanky wrote:
    I just have to warn cat haters that if they harm someones cat in any way shape or form they will be tortured to death. I would quite happily smash broken glass up my neighbours arse if he touched either of my cats, i'd probably rape him with a brick too, just to finish the job. I'd do time for my family and there part of it.

    seconds.

    Doesn't just go for cats but any pet/animal.
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