How to hand your notice in

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  • malloc 23 Nov 2008 22:52:25 2,345 posts
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    I've been made a job offer, which I intend on taking and I need to give my employer notice, but I don't know how to do it, only done it once before when I was at a supermarket about 8 years ago, but don't know how to do it.

    Presumably hand my boss an envelop with a brief note saying I'm handing in my notice? Any tips? Thanks.
  • JuanKerr 23 Nov 2008 22:53:30 36,246 posts
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    Leave a little gift wrapped box containing one of your turds on the boss's desk.
  • mull 23 Nov 2008 22:53:47 463 posts
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    Call your boss a cunt and run out.

    Worked for me.
  • Trowel 23 Nov 2008 22:54:18 17,743 posts
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    malloc wrote:
    Presumably hand my boss an envelop with a brief note saying I'm handing in my notice? Any tips?
    Not unless you still need a reference - maybe a tenner to be on the safe side.

    (sorry)
  • warlockuk 23 Nov 2008 22:54:40 19,161 posts
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    Do what I did. Write a list of reasons why you're unhappy, tell him you quit and wipe your resignation letter on your balls before posting it. :)

    I'm a grumpy bastard.

  • OutpostCommand 23 Nov 2008 22:59:28 366 posts
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    Grab each of your bosses arse cheeks in your hands, pull apart, and dig your face in
  • Fatiguez 23 Nov 2008 23:01:35 8,735 posts
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    How not to hand your notice in.
  • Carlo 23 Nov 2008 23:06:05 18,047 posts
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    iresign.com

    PSN ID: Djini

  • _Price_ 23 Nov 2008 23:06:56 3,074 posts
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    Fling it across the room ninja-style so that it embeds itself, juddering in your boss's desk before casually flicking your jacket over one shoulder and strolling out of the building.

    Monetary cost: An extra six weeks learning how to fold paper into needle-sharp points, three months in Japan being taught how to throw it correctly and a tailored jacket.

    Actual worth: Priceless.
  • sirtacos 23 Nov 2008 23:12:14 7,280 posts
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    Write him a Haiku.


    I hate working here
    So I quit. You are a cunt
    A quiet pond ripples
  • Carlo 23 Nov 2008 23:19:52 18,047 posts
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    This job like goats;
    sucks far too much for me.
    So goodbye, my friend

    PSN ID: Djini

  • M83J01P97 24 Nov 2008 00:08:30 6,652 posts
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    The worst thing you can do now a days is leave your current job in a blaze of insults and incompetence as my friend recently did when he left his awful job of 3 years for a much better, well paid job.

    One week after starting his new employment he was promptly fired after the reference from his old job came through.
  • FWB 24 Nov 2008 00:10:23 44,530 posts
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    Isn't it against the law to provide a bad reference? The worst they can be is totally neutral; state what you did and how long you worked there for.
  • M83J01P97 24 Nov 2008 00:13:22 6,652 posts
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    It was a verbal reference, so I assume his new boss, rang up his old boss and was told he hadn't exactly been a model employee towards the end.
  • Hunam 24 Nov 2008 00:14:23 20,674 posts
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    The worst they can do is refuse.
  • FWB 24 Nov 2008 00:14:29 44,530 posts
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    As I understand it that is still against the law, not that it (clearly) stops people.

    Have your mate sue them. Though that'll really highlight to the ex-new company what a "model employee" he is.
  • neilka 24 Nov 2008 00:15:18 15,907 posts
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    Nuke the building from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.

    A map is like comparing velocity and speed.

  • Chopsen 24 Nov 2008 00:22:37 15,948 posts
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    rodpad wrote:
    ^
    They can't legally do that.

    They CAN do it. It's just that you can try and sue them if you lost your job because of it.

    A poor reference can be challenged as libel (or slander, if verbal). But if you take it court and they agree with the reference then you're still stuffed......

    It's just that most employers can't be bothered defending themselves in court over something so piddling as a job reference. So they give something dull and safe. Just in case.

  • Xerx3s 24 Nov 2008 00:27:18 23,944 posts
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    malloc wrote:
    I've been made a job offer, which I intend on taking and I need to give my employer notice, but I don't know how to do it, only done it once before when I was at a supermarket about 8 years ago, but don't know how to do it.

    Presumably hand my boss an envelop with a brief note saying I'm handing in my notice? Any tips? Thanks.

    I punched my last employer in the face to get my point across.* He was a slavedriving cunt that treated people unfairly.**

    *american psycho style
    **completely accurate.
  • Dirtbox 24 Nov 2008 03:28:26 78,135 posts
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    Just a brief note saying:

    This is notice that I will be leaving on [date] to begin a new job. I would appreciate if I could count you amoungst my references. It's been an unbridaled joy to work here and I will send a postcard. Lots of love, me. xxx

    +1 / Like / Tweet this post

  • Dirtbox 24 Nov 2008 03:28:48 78,135 posts
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    And smear AIDS on it.

    +1 / Like / Tweet this post

  • Syrette 24 Nov 2008 05:31:52 43,432 posts
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    Send him that pic of you at the work Christmas party getting to know his wife a little better.

  • FairgroundTown 24 Nov 2008 06:41:29 2,522 posts
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    It is NOT against the law to give a bad reference, but almost all companies have a policy against it, because it isn't worth the risk of trying to prove it in court.
  • matrim83 24 Nov 2008 06:54:07 5,587 posts
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    sirtacos wrote:
    Write him a Haiku.


    I hate working here
    So I quit. You are a cunt
    A quiet pond ripples

    I really wish I had done that when I quit a couple of weeks ago.

    Valar morghulis.

  • Dirtbox 24 Nov 2008 08:42:07 78,135 posts
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    FairgroundTown wrote:
    It is NOT against the law to give a bad reference, but almost all companies have a policy against it, because it isn't worth the risk of trying to prove it in court.
    This is true, although it is illegal to offer unsubstatiated claims and personal misgivings about a person because it's slander pure and simple. You can however say that disciplinary action was taken against the person regarding so and so because it's recorded and admissible.

    +1 / Like / Tweet this post

  • Hermiod 24 Nov 2008 08:58:22 3,702 posts
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    My company actually provides a standard form letter for you to fill out if you decide to give notice. All it asks for is your leaving date.

    You are asked, on your last day, to go through an exit interview with your line manager which is to gather reasons why you are leaving, what the company could have done to keep you etc.
  • Xerx3s 24 Nov 2008 09:03:34 23,944 posts
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    potata_fan_fan wrote:
    make sure you wipe your access card on your sweaty balls before you hand it in ... like i did : )

    Like the guy before you did.... ;)
  • Deleted user 24 November 2008 09:05:30
    Hermiod wrote:
    You are asked, on your last day, to go through an exit interview with your line manager which is to gather reasons why you are leaving, what the company could have done to keep you etc.
    Isn't that all stuff that they really should have been all over waaaaaay before the day you actually left? Especially the bit about what they could have done to keep you. I'm assuming they'd ask that the same day you hand your notice in if they're remotely interested in keeping you.
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