further to my best mates a tard. Dont read if your not interested

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  • Monsta 14 May 2004 00:58:32 1,276 posts
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    I'm sure some of you have read the my best mates a tard thread

    here is the final update

    today i finally plucked up the courage to ask her nto to got out but to go as my guest to my work summer ball

    it took me 2 days to pluck up the courage to do this so this was quite a step for me
    She said yes, which is a good thing (i was the happiest man in the world for about 90 minutes)

    Then i received a phoen call from a friend (the one she lives with, read the other read for detail, although your probably nto interested) to say that she had asked to him to make sure that i knew that whe wasn't interested in me in a dating type way and to make sure that i didn't get my hopes up that anything would happen.

    Damn

    I spent the rest of the afternoon listening to depressing or loud or both music whilst being stroppy with people (staind, Audioslave, Damian Rice, rival schools, any other suggestions would be gratefully received)/ i then wne tto the pub and have spent all the time since then drink and trying pouring out my heart to another friend. I think i probably said more that he wanted to hear and mroe than i wanted to say but ah well.

    so now i am pissed and depressed and work tomorrow should be a bundle of fun.

    And i still can't stop thinking about her. evening the counterstrike source video and the pictures of PSP havent cheered me up.

    Before my stomach was filled with butterflies. Now it has gone completelt and i just feel hollow. Hopefully this will pass within a few weeks.

    thanks for listen

    i just needed to write this down somewhere so feel free to let it drop down the list very quickly.

    Thanks

    Monsta
  • Daryoon 14 May 2004 01:04:45 4,555 posts
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    Not to sound nasty or anything, but that's a lesson learned, hopefully.

    The lesson being to not chase after girls you barely know and expect something to happen.

    Remember: friends first. You can't build anything without a foundation, and the stronger the foundation the better the construct. A flimsy foundation, and you risk it collapsing at the first sign of a breeze.
  • Retroid Moderator 14 May 2004 01:04:55 44,501 posts
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    :(

    /Offers jaffa cake of consolement
  • Megatron 14 May 2004 01:07:21 13 posts
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    You should crush her like an insect!
  • Megatron 14 May 2004 01:14:20 13 posts
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    Well, I think you'll find that if you get yourself wrapped up in something else, that hollowness will edge itself out after a while - at least that's my experience.

    I think the lesson you should learn is to try to make sure that a prospect is interested in you at an earlier stage - just speak plainly. Life is too short for misinterpretations.

    Incidentally, you do realise you really shouldn't be seeing the gel in question anymore? It'll only make matters worse. Besides, having a FRIEND call you and tell you she's not interested "that way" is pretty fucking poor in my book.
  • Daryoon 14 May 2004 01:15:46 4,555 posts
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    Wow, Megs, I thought you were more the insane warlord/conquer type, but it turns out you can be an agony uncle too! What would Starscream say?!
  • kalel 14 May 2004 01:17:11 83,877 posts
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    Daryoon wrote:
    Not to sound nasty or anything, but that's a lesson learned, hopefully.

    The lesson being to not chase after girls you barely know and expect something to happen.

    Remember: friends first. You can't build anything without a foundation, and the stronger the foundation the better the construct. A flimsy foundation, and you risk it collapsing at the first sign of a breeze.

    I dunno mate. Most of my relationships with girls have initially been based on sexual attraction. The only ones that have lasted have been the ones where we had enough in common to build a friendship, but its never hapenned the other way round for me.

    Monsta, I feel for you buddy, I've been with my girlfriend for a while now, but I remember that gutted feeling very well, and your description brought it back to me. If it makes you feel better, it happens to the best of us, and it won't matter to you a piss when you've got yourself a gorgeous sweetheart further down the line.
  • Foregone Reality 14 May 2004 01:19:24 2,218 posts
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    Megatron wrote:
    Besides, having a FRIEND call you and tell you she's not interested "that way" is pretty fucking poor in my book.

    Shame she didn't pluck up the courage to tell you herself though, Monsta.

    I find information is worse when it comes through someone else. Not to add paranoia to the scenario but the thought of "someone else knowing that you've been let down" isn't great..

    Chin up though Monsta; I know it's tough. It's happened to most of us at least once. Keep in mind that there's a lot of people out there who are looking for the right kind of person. I know plenty of girls who'd kill for someone who's casual about friendship but timid in terms of relationships.

    Just keep an eye out. You'll see.

    Or move to the USA - The European touch works very well ;).
  • Megatron 14 May 2004 01:20:18 13 posts
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    Daryoon wrote:
    Wow, Megs, I thought you were more the insane warlord/conquer type, but it turns out you can be an agony uncle too! What would Starscream say?!

    I don't care, I'd CRUSH him like the futile attempt at a nosejob of Karl Malden!
  • Khab 14 May 2004 01:22:50 6,576 posts
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    Foregone Reality wrote:
    Or move to the USA - The European touch works very well ;).

    Ooooh yes.

    /remembers completely unknown girls stepping up and enthusiastically introducing themselves to him around prom-time.

    Love, Actually really isn't THAT far off. :)
  • Foregone Reality 14 May 2004 01:26:38 2,218 posts
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    Khab wrote:
    Ooooh yes.

    /remembers completely unknown girls stepping up and enthusiastically introducing themselves to him around prom-time.

    Love, Actually really isn't THAT far off. :)

    Lol

    Went over there with my brother when I was 17, was approached by three 18 year old girls outside of the cinema when we were qeueing for tickets.

    Just..Excellent..

    There's something about the light voices that come with some (very few) american accents. Not the loud Hillbilly kind though. Then it's back here..Irish Women.

    GAH @ the thought of seeing one more woman with a pint of Guinness. More manly than the rest of my platoon.

    Edited by Foregone Reality at 00:27:23 14-05-2004
  • Daryoon 14 May 2004 01:28:18 4,555 posts
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    Foregone Reality wrote:
    GAH @ the thought of seeing one more woman with a pint of Guinness. More manly than the rest of my platoon.

    I have a thing for a girl like that *embarassed*
  • Randy Eastman 14 May 2004 01:34:16 122 posts
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    Woman are strange creatures monsta, don't feel down. There's a girl out there right now just waiting for a guy like you.
    When my wife left me I was so depressed, I think the girls I was trying to date, could see I was down and it put them off. I felt lower than a bum on the sidewalk begging for money, a close friend of mine told me I was giving out the wrong signals, code red he said. Relax and send out a more friendly signal the color green, I didn't kinda realise what he was trying to tell me. Until I accepted that I should go out have a good time and if the right lady happens to be there then fine. What I was doing was going out trying to find a replacement for my ex and the girls were picking up on this.
    You see monsta I can pick up on your desperation for wanting a long term relationship, the girl might like you, but you might be coming on too strong, you may not be noticing this but other people will. Take her to the ball have a good time, arrange another date, before you know it she might start chasing you.
    Patience is the name of the game.
  • JaysonG 14 May 2004 03:33:09 825 posts
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    kalel wrote:
    Daryoon wrote:
    Not to sound nasty or anything, but that's a lesson learned, hopefully.

    The lesson being to not chase after girls you barely know and expect something to happen.

    Remember: friends first. You can't build anything without a foundation, and the stronger the foundation the better the construct. A flimsy foundation, and you risk it collapsing at the first sign of a breeze.

    I dunno mate. Most of my relationships with girls have initially been based on sexual attraction. The only ones that have lasted have been the ones where we had enough in common to build a friendship, but its never hapenned the other way round for me.

    Monsta, I feel for you buddy, I've been with my girlfriend for a while now, but I remember that gutted feeling very well, and your description brought it back to me. If it makes you feel better, it happens to the best of us, and it won't matter to you a piss when you've got yourself a gorgeous sweetheart further down the line.

    Yep Kal-El's right, don't get caught in the friendzone, no way out. I can't think of a girlfriend I've had where we shared what we had in common before we were flirting... I'd love to find out how Daryoon does it though, got a few "friends" I'd like to build on our solid relationship with.
  • Daryoon 14 May 2004 03:53:59 4,555 posts
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    JaysonG wrote:Yep Kal-El's right, don't get caught in the friendzone, no way out. I can't think of a girlfriend I've had where we shared what we had in common before we were flirting... I'd love to find out how Daryoon does it though, got a few "friends" I'd like to build on our solid relationship with.

    Quite simple really - I see them as friends, not potential lays o_O I can't see the sense in going after someone you barely know, since you could go into a relationship and end up with a harsh break-up because you realise you really weren't suited to each other in the first place.

    I value their friendship above all else. To me a close friend is equal to a partner, and I love them just as much. As for the "caught in the friendzone" - that's a load of bollocks! If the two of you are right for one another, and if you're truely compatible, then it will happen. If you lust after a friend and they don't reciprocate, that means it's not supposed to happen!

    It's true that you don't get as much 'action' that way, but that's never been important to me anyway. Given a choice between dating someone for 6 months full of sex, and being friends with them for life, I will always choose the latter. I don't see the point behind a load of quick, passionate affairs where the couple break up and never have anything to do with each other again. It's a waste.
  • JaysonG 14 May 2004 04:16:55 825 posts
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    Alas and we see why I am a Boy and you are Man. I'll grow up one day, one day...
  • Daryoon 14 May 2004 04:20:02 4,555 posts
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    I think you'll find most men are probably more like you than me! I have about as much man in me as Laurence Llewelyn Bowen!









    That sounds -so- wrong...
  • Gatwick Parrot 14 May 2004 04:36:07 195 posts
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    If she's not interested in you, in the dating sense, then why bother? Don't waste your money on the bitch, go to the ball alone, if you score great, if you don't, then spend the money you've saved by not taking her, on a prostitute. At least that way you'll get a shag.
    At the end of the day mate all woman are whores, even when your married you pay for sex. I take the missus out for a meal at the weekend we might go on to a club or to the cinema. We get back home and have sex, now if I said to her, lets skip the meal and the night out, we'll stay in and have sex, she'd say fuck off.
    Is this the Monsta's Ball your going to? Halle Berry now she's worth a shag.
    There's no such thing as love, don't be fooled it's just a mixture of emotions, lust, passion, envy, jealousy, possessiveness. I read your other thread on this subject, you seem to be emotionally insecure. You've went 5 years without a woman, your lucky, I bet you've got plenty of money saved up. You'll end up with a right dog getting her claws into you, she'll spend all your money then she'll piss off. If I were you I'd stay clear of woman, I'd watch Frankie Vaughn and have a ham shank. Woman aren't worth a light and I'm talking from experience.
  • shane 14 May 2004 06:03:29 863 posts
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    Gatwick Parrot wrote:
    ..and I'm talking from experience.
    Yeah, cause you seem to be very well informed on the matter. I havn't been on this forum for a while and havn't seen you before but I already don't like you.
  • Monsta 14 May 2004 08:56:05 1,276 posts
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    cheers for the conflicting and in the hungover state i am in now utterly confusing advice.

    I'm going to mope for a couple of weeks so my post for the next few weeks could be on the bitter side. Don't take it personally if i insult you. just feel a warm feeling inside for helping take the brunt. Cheers

    By the way most of my posts will contain the words life stinks.

    Btw i know i shouldn't be thinking like this. but when a girl says she isn't interested is there much chance of them changing their mind. A mate of mine asked out my sister about 30 times andshe said no everytime. Then one day for no reason she changed her mind and they've been together for abotu 5 years now.

  • UncleLou Moderator 14 May 2004 09:01:32 35,172 posts
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    If you've got the courage, ask her about that "strange call" of her friend, and why she thought it would be necessary to tell you she isn't interested.

    If you haven't (understandably), just go to the ball with her anyway. Who knows, she might be interested afterwards. Just relax, don't get your hopes up, and just try to enjoy the evening.

    Anyway, chin up, it happened to all of us.
  • Shivoa 14 May 2004 09:09:04 5,677 posts
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    /thinks Gatwick Parrot is about 14.

    > but when a girl says she isn't interested is there much chance of them changing their mind.

    My guess would be no in this situation. Sometimes it is part of the chase that many girls like (to feel wanted) that they say no while still flirting and so getting rid of anyone not up for the chase but in this case I'd say that was probably a straight no. Sorry to have to say that, but if it takes the edge off, you probably have much better luck than I do.

    Seriously, I'd go with Dayroon and say you want to start a relationship with someone who you know and who wants you back. That way you have a future. You don't get as much instant action that way but you are aiming for the big picture. A few of my mates seem happy to work their way through the female population of where ever they're living but it seems to just cause problems and the times they've been with someone and truly cared about them then previous encounters have screwed them over and destroyed their current relationship (which normally leads to about a year of heartache and depression). As least this girl was honest with you, even if she couldn't do it face to face, and didn't string you along and really destroy you once she'd had her fun.


    Purely personally (and this doesn't seem to work for everyone) I don't have a problem with 'just being friends' with someone I fancy and so I wouldn't say that you should break off all contact with this girl if you still find you enjoy being around her. If it really hurts then it obviously won't be a good plan but if you can get over it you might just find a new friend in them.
  • Monsta 14 May 2004 09:09:45 1,276 posts
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    its not the fact that it has happen thats getting me down (well actually it is, i am really gutted about this, no matter how trivial i make it sound) its more the fact that it keeps happening (by the way i'm at quite a low point so my self image is in tatters).

    I'd love to sit down with the last few girls i've asked out (theres only been about 4 of them so it wouldn't be a large gathering) and ask them why. If they could give me an honest answer, a reason that put them offi could maybe do something about it. If it that i give off an air of lack of confidence then i would try to do something about it.

    I wouldn't change my personality wholesale. But there always room to tweak it a little.

    I tried it one time. I asked why. And she said, " i don't know" and i was like, "cheers, that make me feel so much better"./sarcasm if you didn't realise

    Latter on in the conversation when the topic had changes che said that she was feed up with being single and was annoyed that there were no nice guys who wanted to go out with her. At this point i lost my cool, called her several things i shouldn't have and we never spoke again. But that has no relevance to todays topic. Just felt liek getting it off my chest
  • LaundroMat 14 May 2004 09:54:00 1,442 posts
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    Yup.
  • pjmaybe 14 May 2004 09:55:38 70,676 posts
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    It's fuckwittage, plain and simple. Amazing to see a woman doing it instead of a bloke though, for a change.

    Sorry though Monsta....don't bother with the date if she's just looking to score a free nosh/drinks off you!

    (or better still, go on it but make her pay and say you're a liberated neu-male!)

    Peej
  • urizen 14 May 2004 10:00:52 2,158 posts
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    I'm sorry you're at a low point Monsta - we've all been there and it really stinks.

    There's a possibility that if you go to the ball, hold your head high, behave like a gent and realise who the bad cop is, you'll feel a bit better. A bit.

    I say this based on the number of times I fell in love with female friends when I first moved to co-ed school (having given the Jesuits the slip). I was ever hopeful, then I saw them snog my best mate. It hurt, hurt, hurt - yet dealing with it was strangely catharthic.

    /offers virtual hug
  • mentat 14 May 2004 10:03:34 5,613 posts
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    Well i'll tell you what, you've done well asking her out.
    That's more than i've achieved in a long time - so good on you.
    It's a shame about her attitude, and the using a friend to tell you. However, the other approach would be to take her to the ball and charm her pants off (literally)
    Get her to yourself for a while.
    Besides, i don't trust anybody, so i therefore wouldn't trust that her friend is telling the truth...

    Make the most of it, you'll never know what might come of it:)
  • The_Lid 14 May 2004 11:32:11 233 posts
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    You're analysing too much. Sometimes there is no answer.

    Did you ever hear the words "logic" and "woman" in the same sentance?

    /Ducks under desk
  • Stevas mkII 14 May 2004 11:42:20 3,848 posts
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    The_Lid wrote:
    You're analysing too much. Sometimes there is no answer.

    Did you ever hear the words "logic" and "woman" in the same sentance?

    /Ducks under desk


    Look, I already warned you lot about this. For fucks fucking sake, are you all trying to bring about the end of the universe, or what?
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