Just stare at them and occasionally say things like "The child of man will burn"
I'm a grumpy bastard.
Snippets of Overheard Conversations Thread • Page 18
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warlockuk 18,673 posts
Seen 20 hours ago
Registered 9 years ago -
Graveland 878 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 3 years agoI was sat using one of the computers in the break room at work one lunch break. A girl walked in and sat next to me and said "Alright, gorgeous?" Thinking it was someone I knew I enthusiastically replied "Yeah, I'm alright thanks!" I then turned to her to see who it was and realised it was some stranger talking on her phone.
A real face-palm moment."If I cast my eyes before me, what an
Infinite space in which I do not exist;
And if I look behind me, what a terrible
Procession of years in which I do not
Exist, and how little space I occupy in
This vast abyss of time..." -
boo 10,798 posts
Seen 14 hours ago
Registered 10 years ago
D
Should have just styled it out!
Everyone thinks I'm gorgeous, love! -
DaM 11,835 posts
Seen 3 hours ago
Registered 11 years agoAt the light bulb bit in B&Q:
"Just how bright does a massage parlour have to be?". -
Chopsen 13,795 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 8 years agosport wrote:
I wish I was more like that. Life would be an endless source of wonderment.
In the company breakout area alone getting some water when 2 young ladies walk in:
Girl 1: I hate being cold...
Girl 2: Me too. Used 3 blankets last night, but I couldn't sleep coz I was having nightmares.
Girl 1: Awwww, noooo...
Girl 2: Yeah, we were playing with the ouija board but we didn't finish it so the spirits didn't leave. I was, like, no way I'm getting sleep tonight.
I'm not making this up.Thanks for expressing interest in my signature!
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evilashchris 6,651 posts
Seen 4 minutes ago
Registered 8 years agodr_swin wrote:
I...
"So he ran upstairs, desperately trying to outrun his wifi signal, because he had mistakenly sent a photo of his balls to his daughter instead of his wife".
What..
FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUTwitter: @COToole
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Dougs 59,489 posts
Seen 32 minutes ago
Registered 10 years agoThought I posted this the other day, but clearly not. Father-in-law overheard (honest) in local Tesco on New Years Eve. Two student types. "Why are you buying veggie soup, I fancied pizza"? ----" Its a lot easier to throwup soup than pizza" "Good call" -
whatfruit 418 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 2 years agoWent to pub for sunday lunch, while I was outside having a ciggarette overheard this little gem of a guy talking to his mate on the phone.
"Mate, Mate calm down. I didn't see her last night. Mate why would i do that? your like my brother.(response) Alright, alright she was at my house but all we did was talk about you. We just talked about how much we care about you. Nothing happened. (response). Ok we might have kissed but it went no furthur than that. If she tells you otherwise she is lying, I wouldn't do that to you mate." -
Psychotext 49,584 posts
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sport 10,979 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 8 years agowhatfruit wrote:
Just reading that wants me to punch his face in.
Went to pub for sunday lunch, while I was outside having a ciggarette overheard this little gem of a guy talking to his mate on the phone.
"Mate, Mate calm down. I didn't see her last night. Mate why would i do that? your like my brother.(response) Alright, alright she was at my house but all we did was talk about you. We just talked about how much we care about you. Nothing happened. (response). Ok we might have kissed but it went no furthur than that. If she tells you otherwise she is lying, I wouldn't do that to you mate." -
mrpon 24,445 posts
Seen 17 minutes ago
Registered 7 years agoC'mon man, it was only a little ciggy! -
cubbymoore 35,647 posts
Seen 23 hours ago
Registered 9 years agowhatfruit wrote:
You realise you're now going to have to testify at the murder trial, right?
Went to pub for sunday lunch, while I was outside having a ciggarette overheard this little gem of a guy talking to his mate on the phone.
"Mate, Mate calm down. I didn't see her last night. Mate why would i do that? your like my brother.(response) Alright, alright she was at my house but all we did was talk about you. We just talked about how much we care about you. Nothing happened. (response). Ok we might have kissed but it went no furthur than that. If she tells you otherwise she is lying, I wouldn't do that to you mate." -
Graveland 878 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 3 years agoLast month me and my friend visited some museums in London. In the Natural Science Museum we deliberately acted like American tourists to wind people up. So with faked American accents and straight faces we asked one another things like "Do you think you need a passport to travel to the centre of the Earth?" And then the other would reply "Not if you're an American, dude." Standing next to the Apollo 11 replica we said things like "I can't believe the Russians landed on Mars with this thing. It's amazing."
The best was when we were on the escalator going through that representation of the core of the Earth. I said "Beam me up to the Mothership." The woman in front turned around and fixed me with such a sour stare."If I cast my eyes before me, what an
Infinite space in which I do not exist;
And if I look behind me, what a terrible
Procession of years in which I do not
Exist, and how little space I occupy in
This vast abyss of time..." -
Salaman 16,741 posts
Seen 20 hours ago
Registered 9 years agoDougs wrote:
That's clever thinking actually! I'll remember that.
Thought I posted this the other day, but clearly not. Father-in-law overheard (honest) in local Tesco on New Years Eve. Two student types. "Why are you buying veggie soup, I fancied pizza"? ----" Its a lot easier to throwup soup than pizza" "Good call" -
whatfruit 418 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 2 years agoAfter reading Graveland's post it has jogged a memory of possibly the greatest stupid question I have ever an American ask. I was in Rome and had decided to go on one of those bus guided tour things to show you where the main sites are in the city. On the tour it was pretty much myself and lots of americans. At one point we went to the old forum, a market which was built before the romans existed. The guide was saying how this was one of the oldest aracheolgical sites in the city, at this point one of the americans puts up his hand and asks in genuine wonder "Do you mean the dinosaurs built this?" -
Aargh. 11,347 posts
Seen 45 minutes ago
Registered 2 years agoThat never happened did it. -
imamazed 2,165 posts
Seen 8 minutes ago
Registered 6 years agoGraveland wrote:
You two sound like a hoot
Last month me and my friend visited some museums in London. In the Natural Science Museum we deliberately acted like American tourists to wind people up. So with faked American accents and straight faces we asked one another things like "Do you think you need a passport to travel to the centre of the Earth?" And then the other would reply "Not if you're an American, dude." Standing next to the Apollo 11 replica we said things like "I can't believe the Russians landed on Mars with this thing. It's amazing."
The best was when we were on the escalator going through that representation of the core of the Earth. I said "Beam me up to the Mothership." The woman in front turned around and fixed me with such a sour stare. -
AcidSnake 6,692 posts
Seen 46 minutes ago
Registered 7 years ago@whatfruit:
Hang on, the old forum was built when Romans didn't exist?
You're talking about the Forum Romanum?AcidSnake - He can't see your sig, avatar, images or vids and talks about himself in the third person because he's proper old-skool...UID 24017
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Youthist 8,855 posts
Seen 18 hours ago
Registered 7 years agoGraveland wrote:
comedic genius of the like that is rarely seen these days
Last month me and my friend visited some museums in London. In the Natural Science Museum we deliberately acted like American tourists to wind people up. So with faked American accents and straight faces we asked one another things like "Do you think you need a passport to travel to the centre of the Earth?" And then the other would reply "Not if you're an American, dude." Standing next to the Apollo 11 replica we said things like "I can't believe the Russians landed on Mars with this thing. It's amazing."
The best was when we were on the escalator going through that representation of the core of the Earth. I said "Beam me up to the Mothership." The woman in front turned around and fixed me with such a sour stare. -
Alastair 12,383 posts
Seen 4 minutes ago
Registered 11 years agoimamazed wrote:
Also, sounds like you were in two different museums - Natural History museum has the escalator up through the earth (This section was formerly the separate Geological museum). Science museum has Apollo 11.Graveland wrote:
You two sound like a hoot
Last month me and my friend visited some museums in London. In the Natural Science Museum we deliberately acted like American tourists to wind people up. So with faked American accents and straight faces we asked one another things like "Do you think you need a passport to travel to the centre of the Earth?" And then the other would reply "Not if you're an American, dude." Standing next to the Apollo 11 replica we said things like "I can't believe the Russians landed on Mars with this thing. It's amazing."
The best was when we were on the escalator going through that representation of the core of the Earth. I said "Beam me up to the Mothership." The woman in front turned around and fixed me with such a sour stare.
/sad pedant.Not as nice as I used to be
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Shikasama 4,836 posts
Seen 26 minutes ago
Registered 4 years agoTREACHERY! -
whatfruit 418 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 2 years agoYeah. I think he meant it in refernce that the oldest layers of archaeological deposition at the site went back to way before the Romans had formed as a single entity but he was jazzing it up for the tourists.
@ Argh that is the reaction I get from most people but it did happen. The silence that followed after his question went on for a good 30 seconds, no one really sure what to say he was a nice old guy. The guide ignored his question and carried on without giving him an answer. -
Aargh. 11,347 posts
Seen 45 minutes ago
Registered 2 years agoCould anyone else see your old man friend or just you? -
smoothpete 29,463 posts
Seen 43 minutes ago
Registered 9 years agoColleague discussing when he drove his wife to hospital in his new car when she was in labour, he made her sit on a big bag because "you'll never get that stuff out" - what a romantic. -
Psychotext 49,584 posts
Seen 14 minutes ago
Registered 7 years agoSounds sensible to me.This post is sponsored by Apple and the iPhone 4S. Think different.
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FWB 39,238 posts
Seen 5 hours ago
Registered 11 years agoA kid, four or five, in a supermarket with her mum was throwing a tantrum about something and the mother grabbed her and sternly said, "If you don't stop it, I will tell your father." To which the child replied, "Then I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing daddy's willy."
Of course just as priceless was the look on the mum's face. Grabbed the kid and stormed out.
* * * * *
Just walking along the street, overheard some bloke on his phone say,
"My balls and sweaty anus have more flavour."
Edited by FWB at 16:32:48 15-01-2013 -
oceanmotion 13,385 posts
Seen 13 hours ago
Registered 10 years ago"God, I hate Jessie J. If I had two bullets, I would shoot her twice."
She was lovely too -
Psychotext 49,584 posts
Seen 14 minutes ago
Registered 7 years agoFWB wrote:
That's too good to be real. But still.
A kid, four or five, in a supermarket with her mum was throwing a tantrum about something and the mother grabbed her and sternly said, "If you don't stop it, I will tell your father." To which the child replied, "Then I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing daddy's willy."
Of course just as priceless was the look on the mum's face. Grabbed the kid and stormed out.
This post is sponsored by Apple and the iPhone 4S. Think different.
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RyanDS 7,737 posts
Seen 15 minutes ago
Registered 5 years agoI walked past two kids a while back, they can't have been more that 10 or so.
"...and he says you stick your willy in her thingy!"
It was said with such wonder. -
I call bullshit. No way the husband is still getting blowjobs after the kids have arrived.
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