Snippets of Overheard Conversations Thread Page 18

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  • warlockuk 14 Jan 2013 10:38:23 19,134 posts
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    Just stare at them and occasionally say things like "The child of man will burn"

    I'm a grumpy bastard.

  • boo 14 Jan 2013 10:52:02 11,706 posts
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    :oD

    Should have just styled it out!

    Everyone thinks I'm gorgeous, love!

    Just Another Lego Blog

  • DaM 14 Jan 2013 10:54:02 12,901 posts
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    At the light bulb bit in B&Q:

    "Just how bright does a massage parlour have to be?".
  • Chopsen 14 Jan 2013 11:01:36 15,727 posts
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    sport wrote:
    In the company breakout area alone getting some water when 2 young ladies walk in:

    Girl 1: I hate being cold...
    Girl 2: Me too. Used 3 blankets last night, but I couldn't sleep coz I was having nightmares.
    Girl 1: Awwww, noooo...
    Girl 2: Yeah, we were playing with the ouija board but we didn't finish it so the spirits didn't leave. I was, like, no way I'm getting sleep tonight.


    I'm not making this up.
    I wish I was more like that. Life would be an endless source of wonderment.
  • evilashchris 14 Jan 2013 11:16:02 6,957 posts
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    dr_swin wrote:
    "So he ran upstairs, desperately trying to outrun his wifi signal, because he had mistakenly sent a photo of his balls to his daughter instead of his wife".
    I...

    What..

    FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU

    Twitter: @COToole

  • Dougs 14 Jan 2013 12:01:55 66,713 posts
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    Thought I posted this the other day, but clearly not. Father-in-law overheard (honest) in local Tesco on New Years Eve. Two student types. "Why are you buying veggie soup, I fancied pizza"? ----" Its a lot easier to throwup soup than pizza" "Good call"
  • whatfruit 14 Jan 2013 12:25:14 1,291 posts
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    Went to pub for sunday lunch, while I was outside having a ciggarette overheard this little gem of a guy talking to his mate on the phone.

    "Mate, Mate calm down. I didn't see her last night. Mate why would i do that? your like my brother.(response) Alright, alright she was at my house but all we did was talk about you. We just talked about how much we care about you. Nothing happened. (response). Ok we might have kissed but it went no furthur than that. If she tells you otherwise she is lying, I wouldn't do that to you mate."
  • Psychotext 14 Jan 2013 12:27:00 53,849 posts
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    Ugh
  • sport 14 Jan 2013 12:33:48 12,572 posts
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    whatfruit wrote:
    Went to pub for sunday lunch, while I was outside having a ciggarette overheard this little gem of a guy talking to his mate on the phone.

    "Mate, Mate calm down. I didn't see her last night. Mate why would i do that? your like my brother.(response) Alright, alright she was at my house but all we did was talk about you. We just talked about how much we care about you. Nothing happened. (response). Ok we might have kissed but it went no furthur than that. If she tells you otherwise she is lying, I wouldn't do that to you mate."
    Just reading that wants me to punch his face in.
  • mrpon 14 Jan 2013 12:38:31 28,478 posts
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    C'mon man, it was only a little ciggy!

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • cubbymoore 14 Jan 2013 14:07:43 36,468 posts
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    whatfruit wrote:
    Went to pub for sunday lunch, while I was outside having a ciggarette overheard this little gem of a guy talking to his mate on the phone.

    "Mate, Mate calm down. I didn't see her last night. Mate why would i do that? your like my brother.(response) Alright, alright she was at my house but all we did was talk about you. We just talked about how much we care about you. Nothing happened. (response). Ok we might have kissed but it went no furthur than that. If she tells you otherwise she is lying, I wouldn't do that to you mate."
    You realise you're now going to have to testify at the murder trial, right?
  • Salaman 14 Jan 2013 14:43:56 18,874 posts
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    Dougs wrote:
    Thought I posted this the other day, but clearly not. Father-in-law overheard (honest) in local Tesco on New Years Eve. Two student types. "Why are you buying veggie soup, I fancied pizza"? ----" Its a lot easier to throwup soup than pizza" "Good call"
    That's clever thinking actually! I'll remember that.
  • whatfruit 14 Jan 2013 14:50:03 1,291 posts
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    After reading Graveland's post it has jogged a memory of possibly the greatest stupid question I have ever an American ask. I was in Rome and had decided to go on one of those bus guided tour things to show you where the main sites are in the city. On the tour it was pretty much myself and lots of americans. At one point we went to the old forum, a market which was built before the romans existed. The guide was saying how this was one of the oldest aracheolgical sites in the city, at this point one of the americans puts up his hand and asks in genuine wonder "Do you mean the dinosaurs built this?"
  • Deleted user 14 January 2013 16:06:39
    That never happened did it.
  • imamazed 14 Jan 2013 16:12:04 5,524 posts
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    Graveland wrote:
    Last month me and my friend visited some museums in London. In the Natural Science Museum we deliberately acted like American tourists to wind people up. So with faked American accents and straight faces we asked one another things like "Do you think you need a passport to travel to the centre of the Earth?" And then the other would reply "Not if you're an American, dude." Standing next to the Apollo 11 replica we said things like "I can't believe the Russians landed on Mars with this thing. It's amazing."

    The best was when we were on the escalator going through that representation of the core of the Earth. I said "Beam me up to the Mothership." The woman in front turned around and fixed me with such a sour stare.
    You two sound like a hoot
  • AcidSnake 14 Jan 2013 16:12:08 7,215 posts
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    @whatfruit:
    Hang on, the old forum was built when Romans didn't exist?
    You're talking about the Forum Romanum?

    AcidSnake - He can't see your sig, avatar, images or vids and talks about himself in the third person because he's proper old-skool...UID 24017

  • Youthist 14 Jan 2013 16:13:58 10,010 posts
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    Graveland wrote:
    Last month me and my friend visited some museums in London. In the Natural Science Museum we deliberately acted like American tourists to wind people up. So with faked American accents and straight faces we asked one another things like "Do you think you need a passport to travel to the centre of the Earth?" And then the other would reply "Not if you're an American, dude." Standing next to the Apollo 11 replica we said things like "I can't believe the Russians landed on Mars with this thing. It's amazing."

    The best was when we were on the escalator going through that representation of the core of the Earth. I said "Beam me up to the Mothership." The woman in front turned around and fixed me with such a sour stare.
    comedic genius of the like that is rarely seen these days

    Think of how stupid the average person is, and realise half of them are stupider than that

  • Alastair 14 Jan 2013 16:14:35 15,459 posts
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    imamazed wrote:
    Graveland wrote:
    Last month me and my friend visited some museums in London. In the Natural Science Museum we deliberately acted like American tourists to wind people up. So with faked American accents and straight faces we asked one another things like "Do you think you need a passport to travel to the centre of the Earth?" And then the other would reply "Not if you're an American, dude." Standing next to the Apollo 11 replica we said things like "I can't believe the Russians landed on Mars with this thing. It's amazing."

    The best was when we were on the escalator going through that representation of the core of the Earth. I said "Beam me up to the Mothership." The woman in front turned around and fixed me with such a sour stare.
    You two sound like a hoot
    Also, sounds like you were in two different museums - Natural History museum has the escalator up through the earth (This section was formerly the separate Geological museum). Science museum has Apollo 11.
    /sad pedant.

    Not as nice as I used to be

  • Shikasama 14 Jan 2013 16:15:53 6,624 posts
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    TREACHERY!
  • whatfruit 14 Jan 2013 16:22:42 1,291 posts
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    Yeah. I think he meant it in refernce that the oldest layers of archaeological deposition at the site went back to way before the Romans had formed as a single entity but he was jazzing it up for the tourists.

    @ Argh that is the reaction I get from most people but it did happen. The silence that followed after his question went on for a good 30 seconds, no one really sure what to say he was a nice old guy. The guide ignored his question and carried on without giving him an answer.
  • Deleted user 14 January 2013 16:23:31
    Could anyone else see your old man friend or just you?
  • smoothpete 15 Jan 2013 16:25:27 31,347 posts
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    Colleague discussing when he drove his wife to hospital in his new car when she was in labour, he made her sit on a big bag because "you'll never get that stuff out" - what a romantic.
  • Psychotext 15 Jan 2013 16:27:57 53,849 posts
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    Sounds sensible to me.
  • FWB 15 Jan 2013 16:31:48 43,849 posts
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    A kid, four or five, in a supermarket with her mum was throwing a tantrum about something and the mother grabbed her and sternly said, "If you don't stop it, I will tell your father." To which the child replied, "Then I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing daddy's willy."

    Of course just as priceless was the look on the mum's face. Grabbed the kid and stormed out.

    * * * * *

    Just walking along the street, overheard some bloke on his phone say,

    "My balls and sweaty anus have more flavour."

    Edited by FWB at 16:32:48 15-01-2013
  • oceanmotion 15 Jan 2013 16:35:28 15,662 posts
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    "God, I hate Jessie J. If I had two bullets, I would shoot her twice."

    She was lovely too
  • Psychotext 15 Jan 2013 16:54:02 53,849 posts
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    FWB wrote:
    A kid, four or five, in a supermarket with her mum was throwing a tantrum about something and the mother grabbed her and sternly said, "If you don't stop it, I will tell your father." To which the child replied, "Then I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing daddy's willy."

    Of course just as priceless was the look on the mum's face. Grabbed the kid and stormed out.
    That's too good to be real. But still. :D
  • RyanDS 15 Jan 2013 17:05:46 9,062 posts
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    I walked past two kids a while back, they can't have been more that 10 or so.

    "...and he says you stick your willy in her thingy!"

    It was said with such wonder.
  • smoothpete 15 Jan 2013 17:07:15 31,347 posts
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    I call bullshit. No way the husband is still getting blowjobs after the kids have arrived.
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