Does anyone know any really GOOD jokes? Page 48

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  • mal 10 Feb 2013 22:59:00 23,887 posts
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    Madder-Max wrote:
    Weird. Thread loaded some random page when clicked on last page, but posting gets me back to last page
    Yeah, 'cos wogsy double posted, then like a noob deleted the latter of the two posts.

    Edited by mal at 22:59:47 10-02-2013
  • Trafford 10 Feb 2013 23:18:06 6,798 posts
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    Mola_Ram wrote:
    When I get a dog, I'm going to name it "Syndrome"

    So when it's naughty I have an excuse to yell DOWN, SYNDROME
    That's a really shit olde joke you know.
    Be ashamed you anus.

    Edited by Trafford at 23:28:48 10-02-2013
  • Mola_Ram 11 Feb 2013 02:51:45 10,316 posts
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    It was the first I'd heard it.

    :(
  • mal 11 Feb 2013 02:57:16 23,887 posts
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    90% of the jokes in here are as old as houses. If we started complaining about that we'd be beating the Premier thread for pages.

    Edit: Mixing my tenses

    Edited by mal at 02:57:38 11-02-2013
  • PhoenixFlames 11 Feb 2013 07:43:58 9,262 posts
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    I met an Ethiopian the other day who said he hadn't had a bite in almost 5 days...so I bit him.
  • _Price_ 16 Feb 2013 11:49:50 3,071 posts
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    I just got a date by complementing a girl on the quality of her stamp collection.

    Turns-out philately gets your somewhere afterall....
  • riceNpea 16 Feb 2013 11:54:04 592 posts
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    after dropping off my new girlfriend the other night after our first date, she told me i'd have to wait at least 6 months before she would have sex with me.

    i told her i fully understand and respect her decision and that i'd call her nearer the time.
  • welshben23 16 Feb 2013 12:00:01 1,117 posts
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    Tesco are doing a new promotion. For every 10 of fuel you buy, you will receive a box of burgers.

    The deal is called 'Only Fuels And Horses'
  • riceNpea 16 Feb 2013 14:06:18 592 posts
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    @Graveland

    before they said that the chicken turned to the egg and said, ' well, that settles that old argument then.'
  • Deleted user 16 February 2013 14:18:35
    What's blue and f**ks old ladies?
  • Deleted user 16 February 2013 14:19:03
    ME! In my lucky blue coat. ;)
  • Madder-Max 3 Apr 2013 17:22:08 11,947 posts
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    I keep seeing this cow. Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    M

    Mwho?................
  • Madder-Max 3 Apr 2013 17:26:04 11,947 posts
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    I know someone with torettes and they keep wanting to be my friend.

    Knock knock?

    Who's there?

    Forky

    Forkywho......
  • wayneh 3 Apr 2013 17:52:28 2,538 posts
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    4 gay men all live in a house together when one of them suddenly pops his clogs and dies.
    The other three are all devastated and wanting to give their friend a good send off start planning the funeral.
    The first one says 'I know what to do, we'll have a nice traditional burial and give him a really good send off'
    The other two are horrified 'we can't possible do that, think of all them worms eating his beautiful body' they say
    The second one says 'why don't we cremate him? We can still have a wonderful service, with hymns, prayers and speeches but no worms'
    'No' cry the other two 'I can't bear the thought of burning him'
    The third then says 'I have an idea but it's a bit unconventional', 'Why don't we make a curry out of him'?
    'A curry!' say the other two 'are you out of your f'ing mind?'
    'Well' he says 'I just want to feel him dribbling out my arse one last time'.
  • Madder-Max 3 Apr 2013 18:05:41 11,947 posts
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    I made it up. Thought it wasn't bad
  • twelveways 3 Apr 2013 19:10:52 5,034 posts
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    you were wrong
  • mrpon 3 Apr 2013 19:12:59 30,426 posts
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    Actually it wasn't bad. It was fookin shite.
  • Nades 3 Apr 2013 20:36:36 2,095 posts
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    A hidden episode of Scooby Doo has appeared with Jimmy Saville as the villain. He would of gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for meddling with those kids.
  • Madder-Max 28 Apr 2013 23:21:21 11,947 posts
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    Irish girl tells her father she is pregnant. Her father says 'are you sure its yours"
  • Sponz 19 Jun 2013 13:22:08 662 posts
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    A young Portsmouth woman... was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.
    "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
    With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted.
    That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
    "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
    "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia.
    "I see," the captain says.
    Her conscience then got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
    "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry."
  • chopsen 19 Jun 2013 13:53:17 17,036 posts
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    I used to play triangle in a reggae band.

    I just stood there and ting
  • speedofthepuma 19 Jun 2013 13:55:44 13,347 posts
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    :D
  • smoothpete 19 Jun 2013 13:57:46 32,157 posts
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    :D Like it.
  • opalw00t 18 Jul 2013 10:14:02 11,669 posts
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    How many games testers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None. It's a hardware issue.
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