Does anyone know any really GOOD jokes? Page 43

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  • geeza2020 13 Oct 2011 12:45:48 1,886 posts
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    ok then
    /not a rugby game, match person thing. fan.
  • Madder-Max 13 Oct 2011 12:47:53 11,640 posts
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    geeza2020 wrote:
    ok then
    /not a rugby game, match person thing. fan.

    No worries. just for your info...Wales has gotten to the semi final stage, which is FURTHER THAN ENGLAND GOT and cardiff is Going to be hell on earth Saturday morning if we lose

    99 problems and being ginger is one

  • X201 13 Oct 2011 12:49:07 15,254 posts
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    geeza2020 wrote:
    ok then
    /not a rugby game, match person thing. fan.

    Its been 25 years since they progressed this far, so they're getting a bit over-excited about it. ;-)

  • beefycfc 13 Oct 2011 12:58:20 3 posts
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    why do women have legs???

    have u seen the mess a snail makes!!!
  • OllyJ 13 Oct 2011 13:16:43 3,259 posts
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    I dont get it.
  • richarddavies 13 Oct 2011 13:22:55 2,624 posts
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    Took me a sec but I got it. Think hat it would be like if women mooched around with no legs.
  • LeoliansBro 13 Oct 2011 13:23:50 43,746 posts
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    What did the lonely cheese say to itself?

    Haloumi.

    (I love that, so sweet).

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • OllyJ 13 Oct 2011 14:50:02 3,259 posts
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    What, I still don't get it, what WOULD women be like if they had no legs?
  • Ka-blamo 13 Oct 2011 14:58:19 7,313 posts
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    Think snail trails......its a crude vulgar joke, but come on, think about it.
  • Immaterial 13 Oct 2011 15:03:42 1,332 posts
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    OllyJ wrote:
    What, I still don't get it, what WOULD women be like if they had no legs?
    Easier to run away from? More portable?

    Think I'll just switch everything off.

  • cheeky_prawnking 13 Oct 2011 15:21:57 4,437 posts
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    Easier to catch.
  • geeza2020 13 Oct 2011 15:25:27 1,886 posts
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    They wouldnt be able to leave the kitchen thats for sure.

    /Oh no he didnt etc
  • robthehermit 13 Oct 2011 15:32:43 4,035 posts
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    Two plums were walking down the street. One says to the other "Plums can't walk", and they both fell over.

    GT: robthehermit

    Velim esset mundus iustus futuis procul et mori.

  • RyanDS 13 Oct 2011 15:36:33 9,199 posts
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    geeza2020 wrote:
    They wouldnt be able to leave the kitchen thats for sure.

    /Oh no he didnt etc

    Why do brides wear white?

    So they match the other kitchen appliances.
  • robthehermit 13 Oct 2011 15:46:22 4,035 posts
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    Why does everybody hate Tampax?

    Because they're stuck up c****

    GT: robthehermit

    Velim esset mundus iustus futuis procul et mori.

  • Big-Swiss 13 Oct 2011 15:51:02 8,076 posts
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    Immaterial wrote:
    OllyJ wrote:
    What, I still don't get it, what WOULD women be like if they had no legs?
    Easier to run away from? More portable?

    well, my favorite part of the woman would probably not be my favorite part anymore
  • Big-Swiss 13 Oct 2011 15:52:52 8,076 posts
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    why can't woman ski?

    because it ain't snowing in the kitchen
  • evilashchris 13 Oct 2011 16:10:01 6,970 posts
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    robthehermit wrote:
    Two plums were walking down the street. One says to the other "Plums can't walk", and they both fell over.

    Genuine IRL laugh :D

    Twitter: @COToole

  • localnotail 13 Oct 2011 16:15:01 23,093 posts
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    How can you tell if a man is well hung?
    If you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.


    Why do doctors slap new-born babies on the arse?
    To knock the cocks off the smart ones

    A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  • boo 13 Oct 2011 16:22:20 11,742 posts
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    A guy meets a hooker in a bar, and she says to him 'It's your lucky night. For 200 I'll do anything you like, as long as you can say it in three words.'

    The guy thinks about it for a while, pulls out his wallet and lays four 50 notes on the table.

    'Ok', he says...

    Paint my house.

    Just Another Lego Blog

  • Madder-Max 13 Oct 2011 16:33:53 11,640 posts
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    Steve Jobs isn't really dead. the nurses are just holding him the wrong way

    99 problems and being ginger is one

  • estoo 14 Oct 2011 16:04:14 2,817 posts
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    A man walks into a bar with an emu and a cat and orders a round of drinks. After they finish the first round, the man turns to the emu and says "Its your shout", to which the emu duly buys the next round of drinks. When it came to the cats turn, he looks sheepishly and says he lost 1/2 of his paycheck, but assures them he will get the next round.
    Each time it comes to the cats round, he comes up with a list of weak excuses to excuse himself from the round. After a while the man buys the final round and they head to the door, but not before the barman asks why he was drinking with an emu and a cat.
    The man replies that he had the good fortune to bump into a genie who granted him 3 wishes. When the barman asks what he wished for he replies "I wished for a tall bird with long legs and a tight pussy"
  • RedSparrows 14 Oct 2011 16:08:05 22,256 posts
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    evilashchris wrote:
    robthehermit wrote:
    Two plums were walking down the street. One says to the other "Plums can't walk", and they both fell over.

    Genuine IRL laugh :D

    Ditto. That's one of my favourite kinds of joke.
  • Sirbeety 14 Oct 2011 16:09:32 6 posts
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    A copper pulls up alongside a 13 year old girl spewing and spitting in coronation street, 'have you been drinking young lady' he asked her, to which she replied, 'yes, I've just swallowed a pint of Webster's!'




  • Deleted user 14 October 2011 16:47:36
    My son fell asleep at a recent house party, so I decided to play a prank on him and shaved his eyebrows off and drew a massive cock on his forehead. The wife went fucking mental when she looked in his pram.
  • Khanivor 14 Oct 2011 17:56:52 40,520 posts
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    Two chocolate biscuts rolling down a hill. One ask the other, "Where's your house?" He replies, "I'm not telling you, you'll come round and steal my washing".
  • guts 17 Oct 2011 21:35:58 1,690 posts
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    I have just been arrested for murdering someone with sandpaper...
    I only meant to rough him up a bit.

    My son came home and told me he had got a part in the school play. He said he is playing a man that has been married for 25 years, I said 'Don't worry son, next time you might get a speaking part'.

    I used to go out with a woman that punched me in the face everytime she orgasmed...
    It didn't bother me untill I found out she was faking them.

    Never go out with an immature dwarf because it aint' big and it aint' clever.

    I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. When I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short fat ginger bloke.

    Whassamattayou, whyoulookasosad, itsanicaplace, itsanotsobad, heyshaddupayourface.

  • _Price_ 22 Oct 2011 19:15:40 3,073 posts
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    A few people are feeling sorry for Muammar Gaddafi at the moment. To be fair he needed a popular uprising about a much as he needed a hole in the head....
  • guts 24 Oct 2011 20:41:27 1,690 posts
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    NGAB, that's bang out of order.

    Whassamattayou, whyoulookasosad, itsanicaplace, itsanotsobad, heyshaddupayourface.

  • Immaterial 25 Nov 2011 12:37:02 1,332 posts
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    I got so sick of the trick or treaters at Halloween that I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in.

    Fuck the ships. My lighthouse, my rules.

    Think I'll just switch everything off.

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