I'm aware of the general Ricky Gervais hate, but I love The Office.
"I think there's been a rape up there."
"I think there's been a rape up there."
The Office quotes thread
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JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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lost_soul 9,369 posts
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Registered 11 years agoDwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, all right 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection. -
Fat-Boy 4,300 posts
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Registered 9 years ago"Word of advice. Always carry your travellers cheques in a bumbag."
"Er, thanks I'll get one."
"What, while you're out there?
"Yeah."
/shakes head. "Word of warning. 'Fanny' means your arse over there.....not...your minge."
/scotch egg. -
JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoWelcome to Alcoholics Anonymous! No - purely social. I know someone who is an alchoholic and it is no laughing matter, particularly for his wife. And she's got alopecia. So... not a happy homelife. -
Fat-Boy 4,300 posts
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Registered 9 years ago"I'm seeing you on Sunday aren't I, for my sins?.....How is Elaine, has she left you yet? ....Yep, yep."
/puts phone down, stares at handset.
"She has left him, I forgot that." -
lost_soul 9,369 posts
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Registered 11 years agoCreed: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60's, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors... in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing. -
JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoThis is the accounts department, the number bods. Do not be fooled by their job descriptions, they are absolutely mad, all of 'em. Especially that one, he's mental. Not literally of course, that wouldn't work. Last place you'd want someone like that is in accounts. -
JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agolost_soul wrote:
Are yours from the American version of The Office?
Creed: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60's, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors... in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing. -
Fat-Boy 4,300 posts
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Registered 9 years ago"Oooh, I just want to be popular as the new boss, like me, like me. Pathetic." -
Fat-Boy 4,300 posts
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Registered 9 years agoJuanKerr wrote:
Well done, Poirotlost_soul wrote:
Are yours from the American version of The Office?
Creed: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60's, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors... in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing..gif)
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JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoThanks.
/ solves another unsolvable crime -
JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoGareth: I'm not homophobic, all right? Come around, look at my CD collection. You'll find Queen, George Michael, Pet Shop Boys. They're all bummers. -
Fat-Boy 4,300 posts
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Registered 9 years ago"My Dad's not as street-wise or up to date as I am. I mean, he'll say 'Birds' instead of 'women', 'poofs' instead of 'gays, 'blacks' instead of 'coloureds'..." -
Youthist 8,855 posts
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Registered 7 years agoThe American Office > The UK Office -
JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoWhere's the love for The Office on this bloody forum?!
This is copied directly from IMDB because I couldn't be arsed to write it all out. Worth it though:
Gareth: If you like Top Trumps, you should come to me. I've got about five different sets. Don't try to beat me at Monster Trucks, though, 'cos you won't. My speciality.
Rachel: Yeah, it's a game of chance though, isn't it? It's what you...
Gareth: No, it's not. I would know what cards you've got immediately just through what cards I've got. I used to play it by myself, with a dummy hand just testing out every different scenario of which cards would beat which other cards for hours, sometimes three or four at a time. But put in the work, the rewards are obvious. So I'd know exactly what card you've got in your hand from what cards I've got and I would know, probability wise, exactly what feature to pick on my card to defeat, statistically, any card that you could have in your hand at that precise moment. You will never win.
[pause]
Gareth: Could still be fun, though. -
JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoYouthist wrote:
Youthist = so very wrong
The American Office > The UK Office -
Fat-Boy 4,300 posts
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Registered 9 years ago"Look, all right, I'll ask outright. Could anything happen between us, while this is going on?"
"Like what?"
"Specifically?.....Handjob?" -
glaeken 10,428 posts
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Registered 8 years agoDavid Brent: “In fact, a postage stamp is legal tender. A bus driver would have to accept that as currency.”
Tim: “Yeah, that’d happen.”
David Brent: “Well, if he doesn’t, report him.”
Tim: “Yeah, I’ll report him while I’m walking home.”
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JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoI've sort of fused Flashdance with MC Hammer shit. -
LeoliansBro 35,925 posts
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Registered 7 years ago -
Fat-Boy 4,300 posts
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Registered 9 years ago"Max Wall's the name..." /walks
Miles and miles funnier than The Dance. It's from the training videos that Gervais and Merchant did for Microsoft, for those who haven't seen it. Gervais plays Brent in it. -
JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoGareth: Yes, I've had office romances. Not here. At another place I worked at. Good-looking ones, as well. But they're not a good idea, office romances. It's like shitting on your own doorstep. I've had loads of offers here, but I go 'no way, distracting'. And that's actually one of the major arguments against letting gay men into the army. And I haven't got a problem with that, right. A gay man's not gonna put me off, I can look after myself. But if you're in battle is he gonna be looking at the enemy or at me, going "Ooh... he looks tasty in his uniform" -
AcidSnake 6,692 posts
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Registered 7 years agoI'm backing up Youthist on this one...
Dwight>Gareth
Michael>David
Creed>whichever one of the UK extras
The only debate can be about Jim>Tim
Fax: "Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."AcidSnake - He can't see your sig, avatar, images or vids and talks about himself in the third person because he's proper old-skool...UID 24017
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JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoAcidSnake wrote:
/ tumbleweed
Fax: "Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."
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JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoFluffyTucker wrote:
I love that scene.
"Oh phew!!... oh no, no sorry I was expecting a blind date and I thought you were it! -
AcidSnake 6,692 posts
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Registered 7 years agoJuanKerr wrote:
Well sorry it's hard to remember all those very good scenes as I have over 3 and a half seasons to choose from!!AcidSnake wrote:
/ tumbleweed
Fax: "Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."
How long did the UK office last again?
AcidSnake - He can't see your sig, avatar, images or vids and talks about himself in the third person because he's proper old-skool...UID 24017
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JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoAcidSnake wrote:
Typical American attitude - quantity over quality.JuanKerr wrote:
Well sorry it's hard to remember all those very good scenes as I have over 3 and a half seasons to choose from!!AcidSnake wrote:
/ tumbleweed
Fax: "Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."
How long did the UK office last again? -
JuanKerr 35,509 posts
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Registered 7 years agoFluffyTucker wrote:
Mods?
Thread title should have been "The Office quotes thread - not the yank version, you stupid pricks" -
That Fray Bentos scene fucking cracks me up every time.
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