“Lawyer is Latin for liar”

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  • kalel 28 Feb 2008 12:23:27 83,823 posts
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    Somewhat shamelessly nicked from elsewhere, the below is apparently a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.


    Charlotte, North Carolina.

    A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

    Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

    In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

    The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

    The lawyer sued and won.

    Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable "fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

    Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".

    After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson.

    With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against hi m, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

  • Razz 28 Feb 2008 12:24:45 59,981 posts
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    Old, but still funny.

    I think Socrates was the first to post that :p

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  • kalel 28 Feb 2008 12:25:24 83,823 posts
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    Like me! :)
  • morriss 28 Feb 2008 12:25:42 70,748 posts
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    :D
  • phAge 28 Feb 2008 12:29:17 24,280 posts
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    /rains on parade
  • kalel 28 Feb 2008 12:32:46 83,823 posts
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    /changes thread title to “if you had a choice between raping your dog or being raped by your cat, which would you choose?” in effort to create a successful thread.
  • warlockuk 28 Feb 2008 12:34:39 19,101 posts
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    Heh and I always thought Mendax was Latin for liar :D

    I'm a grumpy bastard.

  • phAge 28 Feb 2008 12:35:42 24,280 posts
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    Definitely raping a dog. Cat's penises have hooks on them - painful. :/
  • StarchildHypocrethes 28 Feb 2008 12:37:31 24,552 posts
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    But if you were raping the cat that shouldn't be an issue.

    Unless you were inserting yourself in an unusual fashion...
  • lost_soul 28 Feb 2008 12:40:08 9,369 posts
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    I don't believe that a cat's penis would be long enough to allow it to rape a human.

    Of course, this is assuming you're talking about a domestic cat and not a big cat, or a thundercat.
  • phAge 28 Feb 2008 12:40:16 24,280 posts
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    Raping the cat is not an issue - its either you - dog, or cat - you. No you - cat.
  • TechnoHippy 28 Feb 2008 12:41:19 14,636 posts
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    lost_soul wrote:

    Of course, this is assuming you're talking about a domestic cat and not a big cat, or a thundercat.

    Lion-ho?

    My books, contests, reviews and author interviews on my blog

  • kalel 28 Feb 2008 12:44:03 83,823 posts
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    Heh, stealth inappropriate threads ftw1!
  • warlockuk 28 Feb 2008 12:46:12 19,101 posts
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    Skogcat just wants to cuddle...



    ...in your anus

    I'm a grumpy bastard.

  • lost_soul 28 Feb 2008 12:50:35 9,369 posts
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    Rapecat rapes.
  • StarchildHypocrethes 28 Feb 2008 12:52:04 24,552 posts
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    phAge wrote:
    Raping the cat is not an issue - its either you - dog, or cat - you. No you - cat.
    Ah yes, I miss read the thread, apologies.

    In that case, I'd ideally like to be raped by the dog.

    /waits for that comment to come back to haunt him when applying for a future job
  • phAge 28 Feb 2008 12:53:32 24,280 posts
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    StarchildHypocrethes wrote:
    phAge wrote:
    Raping the cat is not an issue - its either you - dog, or cat - you. No you - cat.
    Ah yes, I miss read the thread, apologies.

    In that case, I'd ideally like to be raped by the dog.

    /waits for that comment to come back to haunt him when applying for a future job
    NO!

    You can rape the dog, or the cat can rape you. There will be NO rape-by-dog in this thread!
  • StarchildHypocrethes 28 Feb 2008 12:56:04 24,552 posts
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    phAge wrote:
    StarchildHypocrethes wrote:
    phAge wrote:
    Raping the cat is not an issue - its either you - dog, or cat - you. No you - cat.
    Ah yes, I miss read the thread, apologies.

    In that case, I'd ideally like to be raped by the dog.

    /waits for that comment to come back to haunt him when applying for a future job
    NO!

    You can rape the dog, or the cat can rape you. There will be NO rape-by-dog in this thread!
    :D That has to go down as the worst mis-type I've ever made!
  • kalel 28 Feb 2008 12:56:56 83,823 posts
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    Of course you’d rather be raped by a dog, we all would, but that’s not a option for good reason. DUR!
  • Big-Swiss 28 Feb 2008 12:59:09 7,948 posts
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    kalel wrote:
    /changes thread title to “if you had a choice between raping your dog or being raped by your cat, which would you choose?” in effort to create a successful thread.

    is the dog a male and the cat a female? then the cat thing please, if not, then the other way around, are there Puppies in this? then nothing at all, I don't like to be called peado, plus acctually I could rape the one while the other one rapes me at the same time? no?
  • lost_soul 28 Feb 2008 13:01:02 9,369 posts
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    Is raping a dog whilst being raped by a cat allowed?

    Because if it is, I think I'll go for that.
  • Big-Swiss 28 Feb 2008 13:02:10 7,948 posts
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    lost_soul wrote:
    Is raping a dog whilst being raped by a cat allowed?

    Because if it is, I think I'll go for that.

    is there a echo on here?

    :D
  • RapeWhale 28 Feb 2008 13:03:44 50 posts
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    lost_soul wrote:
    Rapecat rapes.
    MEOW
  • phAge 28 Feb 2008 13:04:22 24,280 posts
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    lost_soul wrote:
    Is raping a dog whilst being raped by a cat allowed?

    Because if it is, I think I'll go for that.
    You can do that, yes. Is someone going to set up a poll, because this is all becoming extremely confusing and disorganised?
  • lost_soul 28 Feb 2008 13:06:38 9,369 posts
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    RapeWhale wrote:
    lost_soul wrote:
    Rapecat rapes.
    MEOW
    /gets freaky with rapewhale's blowhole

    /remembers why he's banned from Sea World
  • RapeWhale 28 Feb 2008 13:07:51 50 posts
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    lost_soul wrote:
    /gets freaky with rapewhale's blowhole

    /remembers why he's banned from Sea World
    Hey, I'm the reason the sea is salty.




    Left a bit.
  • PES_Fanboy 28 Feb 2008 13:09:39 11,604 posts
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    Cats only tend to thrust once or twice before ejaculating.

    This information may help you choose. I already made my choice a while back. A pony.

    /develops new pre-emptive strike approach
  • Razz 28 Feb 2008 13:10:38 59,981 posts
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    I would so shag that Lion female character from Thundercats. I'm sure black Panthero was giving her the purple love rod.

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  • Ignatius_Cheese Moderator 28 Feb 2008 13:12:00 10,783 posts
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    Razz wrote:
    I would so shag that Lion female character from Thundercats. I'm sure black Panthero was giving her the purple love rod.
    Now he definitely was the incarnation of Jesus as a cat, huh Razz...?
  • phAge 28 Feb 2008 13:12:41 24,280 posts
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    PES_Fanboy wrote:
    Cats only tend to thrust once or twice before ejaculating.

    This information may help you choose. I already made my choice a while back. A pony.

    /develops new pre-emptive strike approach
    :D

    /orders squadron to stand down

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