most embarrassing thing you have ever done at work Page 3

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  • catterz 16 Jun 2009 13:20:18 8,763 posts
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    A few weeks ago I had a shit in the work loos. The consistency wasn't bad, but I was on there for a good 5-10 minutes. Relaxed after my efforts I reached up for some loo roll and to my horror found none.

    After looking around for fresh rolls on the cistern or on the floor, then checking my pockets and wallet for paper I could use and still finding nothing, I was left with few choices. Using my sock could've been a bad idea as there were no bins in the toilets and luck says that the bastard wouldn't flush. I'd probably also get caught wearing one sock afterwards and looking like a nutter.

    At this point it was 5:05pm. The reception had closed, but it was too early to just leave and go home, so I pulled up my boxers and trousers, flushed the loo, then went back into the office with an arse-crack full o' shite and asked one of the ladies if they wouldn't mind running to the women's to fetch my a loo roll.

    "Let me just finish this email", she said... and took a few minutes to do so. Then her phone rang. "Answer that for me whilst I nip and get you some". So I did. I answered the phone to hear someone claiming they'd missed a call from us. When I asked for their name it came back as a random collection of letters thrown together out of nowhere. It was even unpronouncable after asking them to spell it. Eventually I managed to get the name and after ringing around 3 departments to see if anyone had tried them it turned out that they'd dialled the wrong number. During this time, the lady I asked had returned with some loo roll.

    I hung up the phone, took the paper and one of the guys in the office said "You're brave, asking for loo roll. I'd be too embarassed to do that". I was thinking "If only you knew what I was caked in".

    I'm pretty sure no-one knew what had happened.

    Still stalking this place, old-school style (UID: 1053)

  • mrpon 16 Jun 2009 14:22:30 29,388 posts
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    Schoolboy error. Always, always, always check for shite roll before displacement.

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • phAge 16 Jun 2009 16:38:19 24,411 posts
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    ... and then call you "son" while you're busy stabbing her with the ol' mutton dagger.
  • Lutz 16 Jun 2009 16:42:54 48,854 posts
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    Had sex.

    Thankfully not caught.

    /stealth "I'm a dirty whore" post.
  • iokthemonkey 16 Jun 2009 16:47:05 4,664 posts
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    phAge wrote:
    ... and then call you "son" while you're busy stabbing her with the ol' mutton dagger.

    I hope she's also fat and likes wearing floral print dresses. And if she's a gigglebiscuit* all the better.











    * An overweight, single woman whose entire character is based around being "naughty" - which involves spending most of her time going, "ooh, another biscuit? I shouldn't really but oh what the hey *giggles*"

    http://that-figures.blogspot.com/

  • mrpon 16 Jun 2009 16:48:12 29,388 posts
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    Lutz wrote:
    Had sex.

    Thankfully not caught.

    /stealth "I'm a dirty whore" post.
    Why was it embarassing?

    Give yourself 5 or gig, you're worth it.

  • Stickman 16 Jun 2009 16:48:59 29,664 posts
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    I had a posh wank and put the condom in my pocket to chuck in the bin somewhere else. Got outside to discover the only thing I had in my pocket was a hole.

    Went back to try and find it, but it was nowhere to be found. Next morning one of the women had a quiet word with me about something that she'd had to clear up before she left. Our relationship is strained to this day somewhat.

    Now I just spunk on the floor and rub it into the carpet.

    THIS SPACE FOR RENT

  • chopsen 16 Jun 2009 16:50:46 16,187 posts
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    mrpon wrote:
    Lutz wrote:
    Had sex.

    Thankfully not caught.

    /stealth "I'm a dirty whore" post.
    Why was it embarassing?

    It was with koti

  • bigshot316 16 Jun 2009 16:52:07 24,338 posts
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    Leolian'sBro wrote:
    Heh someone once was pressed up against me on the tube, and whilst rummaging around in her bag, grabbed my cock through the material. That was ... fun ...

    What the hell were you doing with live fowl on the tube anyway?

    I may need to inform PETA

    smoggo wrote:
    At weekends when my wife is away I like to wear her stockings and put Stickle bricks up my bottom whilst listening to Ke$ha songs.

  • Stickman 16 Jun 2009 16:53:41 29,664 posts
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    Yeah, but I'd have to fetch some, then bend down...it's a lot of work.

    THIS SPACE FOR RENT

  • iokthemonkey 16 Jun 2009 17:02:26 4,664 posts
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    I was once on a tube train in drag and I needed something out of my bag. I reached in and found some git was frotting himself against it. Thankfully he only had a tiny penis.

    http://that-figures.blogspot.com/

  • kinky_mong 16 Jun 2009 17:03:39 10,688 posts
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    Plus they don't have tissues in Madeupstoryland.

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • Youthist 16 Jun 2009 17:05:01 10,054 posts
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    % of made up stories in this thread : estimate: 65%

    "Good chess players think one move ahead. Great chess players think two or three moves ahead."

  • andywilkie35 16 Jun 2009 17:09:41 5,338 posts
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    1. About 4 or 5 years ago I was working in a massive open plan office of around 200+ people in our branch, all crammed onto one floor. It was winter so I had my winter coat with me, and for some reason I used to take it off after I sat down so it was almost like a blanket on my chair.

    Anyway I went to the toilet, and as I came back I noticed my mate who sat next to me crouching down at the other end of the office pissing himself laughing whilst talking to someone. I thought nothing of it. I noticed as I was walking towards my chair that a number of people were looking at me but I just assumed it was my rugged good looks that caught their attention. I went over to sit on my chair, complete with coatblanket, when *RASP*, cunts had put a fucking whoppee cushion on my chair. Pretty much the entire office turned round pointing and laughing at me.

    Still, was really funny, obviously stuff like that you just take on the chin, love a bit of banter!

    2. At my next job I was seeing the receptionist. However she was about to leave for uni so we were having fun but we both agreed it would be a casual thing that would end when she left. So I considered myself still on the market.

    I started seeing another girl and was emailing one of my mates about it whilst also emailing her separately. However I managed to get the emails mixed up somewhere along the lines so my reply to my mate went to her, reading something like "I'm meeting Laura again tonight, not sure what we're doing yet. Hopefully sex." Shit.

    PSN ID & Xbox Gamertag: Wedjwants

  • andywilkie35 16 Jun 2009 17:11:42 5,338 posts
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    kinky_mong can verify my stories as 100% fact! (Worked with him at the first job and he was the mate I was emailing at the second one)

    PSN ID & Xbox Gamertag: Wedjwants

  • mattigan 16 Jun 2009 18:35:25 1,429 posts
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    I acidentally pressed the big red button that electrically isolates the main comms room in our head office, effectively cutting the entire building off from the rest of the world...

    The great thing about it was that to turn the power back on in the 6th floor comms room, you have to flip a breaker switch located in a locked cupboard in the 2nd level basement.

    Happy days.
  • RabidChild 16 Jun 2009 18:39:59 2,293 posts
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    Was it like that bit in Jurassic Park when Laura Dern has to brave the raptor-filled bunker to turn the power back on?
  • RetardStrong 16 Jun 2009 18:45:44 3,229 posts
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    Do you work at Black Mesa ?
  • CosmicFuzz 16 Jun 2009 18:59:22 25,281 posts
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    :D That's what I was thinking too.

    @JP

    How patches are ruining the future of gaming My thoughts.

  • mattigan 16 Jun 2009 19:02:29 1,429 posts
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    It was a very similar deal, apparently all the colour drained from my face, it could have been worse though, if I had done the same on the 5th floor (where all the servers are) it would have potentially taken a week to recover (and I wouldn't have been there to see it all come up again!)
  • otto Moderator 16 Jun 2009 19:03:45 49,323 posts
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    Stickman wrote:
    I had a posh wank and put the condom in my pocket to chuck in the bin somewhere else. Got outside to discover the only thing I had in my pocket was a hole.

    Went back to try and find it, but it was nowhere to be found. Next morning one of the women had a quiet word with me about something that she'd had to clear up before she left. Our relationship is strained to this day somewhat.
    Massive WTF

    say no to Eurogamer sigs

  • mattigan 16 Jun 2009 19:06:16 1,429 posts
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    otto wrote:
    Massive WTF

    +10000000000000
  • M83J01P97 16 Jun 2009 19:08:47 6,699 posts
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    Is wanking at work more or less embarrassing than admitting to having 'posh' wanks?
  • GuiltySpark 16 Jun 2009 19:09:21 6,456 posts
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    otto wrote:
    Stickman wrote:
    I had a posh wank and put the condom in my pocket to chuck in the bin somewhere else. Got outside to discover the only thing I had in my pocket was a hole.

    Went back to try and find it, but it was nowhere to be found. Next morning one of the women had a quiet word with me about something that she'd had to clear up before she left. Our relationship is strained to this day somewhat.
    Massive WTF

    It's called a "lie". It's pretty common on these here interwubz.

    Get bent.

  • BTBAM 16 Jun 2009 19:13:42 1,635 posts
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    mowgli wrote:
    What's your new job?

    Telesales, selling some government funded scheme, and it's fucking shit. Had the worst day ever, nearly walked out but it's also the easiest work I've ever done, apart from when I worked for EDIT Wholesale making hash pipes. Got fuck all training today (which they apologised for, and I hope that makes up for the number of 'not available call back's I put in the system regardless of what they said), and watched with a mixture of jealousy and awe as another person who started today got up and walked out after half an hour.

    Didn't stick around afterwards to speak to my saucy boss as I was desperate to get home, though she stopped by my computer to say 'so, did you smarten up?', and although I'd shaved with a razor for the first time in 10 years she said 'well, not bad', and when I bemoaned how difficult it was to get anyone to listen to me she said she'd move me onto the other side of the office where it's a different campaign, and allegedly easier. The only funny (ish) part of the day was when I had to sit with someone who'd been there for a while, who called a Catholics Girls School and after they'd hung up said (I think...) 'I bet they all have massive cunts'.

    I start at 8 tomorrow, as apparently the whole company are a bunch of morons and need extra training. Still, 55 for absolutely fuck all today so I can't complain.

    Oh well, gotta wait for my degree classification and then I can worry about the BVC or LPC. When do you get your results?
  • chopsen 16 Jun 2009 19:33:18 16,187 posts
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    M83J01P97 wrote:
    Is wanking at work more or less embarrassing than admitting to having 'posh' wanks?

    Depends on what your job is
  • kungfubob 16 Jun 2009 20:15:26 160 posts
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    When i was an apprentice working for a builder i went to the toilet and walked in on a semi naked old granny wiping her ass after having a stinking turd. i froze in shock horror.It was and still is the single most gross thing ive ever seen. i saw her beaver and everything but the worst was she gave me a cheeky smile and flirted with me everyday until the work was done. I stupidy told my boss of the trauma so he went and told everybody on site.I still shudder and feel sick to my stomach when i think about it.
  • speedofthepuma 16 Jun 2009 20:18:14 13,310 posts
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    I think you have led a sheltered life.

    I lurk. If I've spoken to you, I'm either impassioned, or drunk.

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