A few weeks ago I had a shit in the work loos. The consistency wasn't bad, but I was on there for a good 5-10 minutes. Relaxed after my efforts I reached up for some loo roll and to my horror found none.|
After looking around for fresh rolls on the cistern or on the floor, then checking my pockets and wallet for paper I could use and still finding nothing, I was left with few choices. Using my sock could've been a bad idea as there were no bins in the toilets and luck says that the bastard wouldn't flush. I'd probably also get caught wearing one sock afterwards and looking like a nutter.
At this point it was 5:05pm. The reception had closed, but it was too early to just leave and go home, so I pulled up my boxers and trousers, flushed the loo, then went back into the office with an arse-crack full o' shite and asked one of the ladies if they wouldn't mind running to the women's to fetch my a loo roll.
"Let me just finish this email", she said... and took a few minutes to do so. Then her phone rang. "Answer that for me whilst I nip and get you some". So I did. I answered the phone to hear someone claiming they'd missed a call from us. When I asked for their name it came back as a random collection of letters thrown together out of nowhere. It was even unpronouncable after asking them to spell it. Eventually I managed to get the name and after ringing around 3 departments to see if anyone had tried them it turned out that they'd dialled the wrong number. During this time, the lady I asked had returned with some loo roll.
I hung up the phone, took the paper and one of the guys in the office said "You're brave, asking for loo roll. I'd be too embarassed to do that". I was thinking "If only you knew what I was caked in".
I'm pretty sure no-one knew what had happened.
Still stalking this place, old-school style (UID: 1053)