most embarrassing thing you have ever done at work Page 9

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  • LeoliansBro 26 Sep 2012 15:38:10 44,723 posts
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    I've:

    Wiped my arse with my tie.

    Put my foot through the bottom of my suit trousers getting up from the bog and had to send a friend to Next for an emergency pair.

    Woken up under a partner's desk using his prayer mat as a pillow.

    Sneeze farted.

    LB, you really are a massive geek.

  • kalel 26 Sep 2012 15:47:00 89,175 posts
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    I've had some quite bad Freudian slips in client meetings before. Just have a habit of making them when i'm a bit nervous in presentations.

    Said "tits" about three time before finally getting the word "tips" out once. My worst example was in a meeting with a retail client who had a promotion on Hunter Wellies, where I just started a sentence quite loudly with the word "willies" and then just froze up in embarrassment not knowing how to recover.
  • richarddavies 26 Sep 2012 16:15:36 2,831 posts
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    PhoenixFlames wrote:
    @richarddavies that's not embarassing. That is genius.
    THANK YOU!! At least someone on here appreciates the ingenuity behind it.

    You fuckers ;)
  • RobTheBuilder 26 Sep 2012 16:33:52 6,521 posts
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    @richarddavies It is definitely ingenious, however if I hated my boss that much I'd just move jobs!
  • FuzzyDuck 27 Sep 2012 04:42:16 4,697 posts
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    richarddavies wrote:
    Loads erm

    Once I had a bad stomach illness and went to the toilet and just wrecked the joint. I mean I dropped a bomb in there. I waited in the cubicle until the coast was clear due the the cringe factor but as soon as I opened the door the managing director walked in who was visiting from America. As soon as he looked at me I could see it in his face he knew what I'd done.

    I also dressed up as little red riding hood for the day for a charity event.

    And one time I worked with a boss who was a bit of a dick so I went to the toilet, got a chewing gum out of a pack, rolled my foreskin back and rested the chuddy on my helmet then rolled it back up and went to work for an hour (it was quite a sweaty job I had then too) after an hour I removed the chewy and popped back in the top of the pack and offered him one. He lapped it up. Cheese flavoured chewing gum!
    I wouldn't bat an eyelid at the first bit to be honest. If a man cannot cause an epic stink in the toilet then humanity is well and truly up the creek :)

    The second bit is only creepy if you stayed in costume for the rest of the day. It is possible to enjoy certain things a bit too much.

    As for the third bit, i don't know whether to internet high-five or enforce a strict, 'no one touches my food, only me' policy. I'm edging towards the former though :D
  • Vortex808 7 Dec 2012 16:56:39 7,453 posts
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    /o\

    My wife has been listing numerous items on ebay this week, all of which are ending now. I have just been walking down the corridor of our building where my phone must have managed to get reception to allow the app to produce the sound of ringing cash registers.

    For *every* sale and payment.

    I truly wish I had realised they were ending now, and I'd have put it on silent.
  • paulfurn 7 Dec 2012 18:50:28 237 posts
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    Not something I did, this was 2 years before I started in my current job, but the mail following what someone else did has gone down in company folklore... changed the names to protect the innocent :)

    From: xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx
    Sent: xx xxxxx xxxx xx:xx
    To: All
    Subject: Gents Toilets

    We all have our work to do, operators take calls, traders trade, IT sort all computer stuff out, canteen feed us and cleaners clean.

    It however takes the biscuit when someone soils his boxer shorts and leaves the whole mess on the toilet floor for one of our cleaners to clean after him I presume it was a him who wore boxer shorts.

    This was on Friday night and it must have made the cleaner concerned very sick when she found this mess.

    Whoever did this you could at least have picked your mess up, wrapped it up in a plastic bag and disposed of it in a bin.

    Next time the cleaners are just going to leave the mess on the floor.

    xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    HR

    Edited by paulfurn at 18:53:38 07-12-2012
  • paulfurn 7 Dec 2012 18:58:14 237 posts
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    Another one went out from HR after a chemical smell was coming going round the office.

    It went along the lines of:

    ==

    All,

    Re the chemical odour permeating around the office.

    This is because ***** ****** is currently dropping acid in the male toilets on the first floor.

    We will update when he is finished.

    ===

    I've no idea if that was meant tongue in cheek, but there is definitely a language barrier where I work (its not the UK btw!).

    :)
  • elvenscroll 9 Dec 2012 08:58:53 1,443 posts
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    My work has standard letter templates, we just change the name etc.

    Turns out someone made a typo and for years we had been sending a letter with the wording "if you park your car on a Pubic highway"...

    Nice.

    Xbox Live/PSN - Chipworm

  • Deleted user 9 December 2012 09:14:01
    This thread is hilarious!

    The only embarrassing thing I've done at work is trip up at the top of the stairs and rip the crotch of my trousers at the same time in front of most of the staff. I don't think anyone was looking at the time (too busy clocking out), but I felt like a right arse.
  • Lukus 7 Jan 2014 21:03:52 19,360 posts
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    So, you know when you balls up an answer phone message, and then end up talking to yourself saying stuff like "oh fuck, I'll have to record that again" and then you press the button you thought let you record it again, only for the line to give you the hung up tone, meaning you've accidentally left that message? Yeah, I did that today at work. On the phone of the person I had to go and see later this evening. Luckily I didn't actually say fuck, but I did witter on to myself like an idiot in a comedy squeaky voice. Sigh.

    Paintings & Photographs

  • reggy72 7 Jan 2014 22:16:28 318 posts
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    Many years ago as a trainee toolmaker the cleaner caught me wanking in the toilets, I'd not locked the door properly.
  • skuzzbag 7 Jan 2014 22:47:08 5,665 posts
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    During my first week or so at my current job I got sent out on-site to swap someones (we'll call her Jane) monitor out. We have 10 or so sites and I hadn't got used to the names of them all but set off with the monitor in my car and the sat nav taking me there.

    The place I was going to was named "Van Centre" and on the correct road I identified the place and went to the reception. I asked for "Jane" but had forgotten her surname so said "Can't remember her name but she needs her monitor replaced" The receptionist phoned the department that had Jane in and she was indeed waiting for IT to fix her screen so I got let into the building and through to the department Jane was in.

    I went to the department and was about to swap out the screen when Jane said "It's funny but I haven't actually reported that my screen was broken". At this point I asked what company I was in and she told me and I realised I was in completely the wrong building.

    I haven't lived this down yet despite my objection that there were two companies named "Van Centre" on the same feckin road not 40 yards from each other, and also two people named the same needing screens fixed? I mean come on!
  • spindle9988 7 Jan 2014 22:51:16 3,660 posts
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    I had to fart and was walking pass what I thought was an empty training room. I popped the door open and let a trumpet go and was horrified when I saw 2 people in the corner, having a one to one
  • Errol 7 Jan 2014 23:30:35 12,536 posts
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    spindle9988 wrote:
    I had to fart and was walking pass what I thought was an empty training room. I popped the door open and let a trumpet go and was horrified when I saw 2 people in the corner, having a one to one
    Made me lol.
  • EMarkM 8 Jan 2014 08:15:04 3,312 posts
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    spindle9988 wrote:
    I had to fart and was walking pass what I thought was an empty training room. I popped the door open and let a trumpet go and was horrified when I saw 2 people in the corner, having a one to one
    Has me grinning like a baffoon on the bus :D
  • Salaman 8 Jan 2014 08:50:48 19,446 posts
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    malteaserhead wrote:
    Trying to sort out an out of office reply for a colleague (ages ago) and instead sending out thousands of messages to everyone that had ever emailed me that I was a good girl and deserved a holiday and they didn't.
    This one was quite good as well. Together with MD's startled awakening on the train.
    The nice thing about ancient threads like this is that you can re-read entirely as if it's the first time since you've forgotten 80-90% of the entries.
  • quadfather 8 Jan 2014 08:56:51 13,144 posts
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    spindle9988 wrote:
    I had to fart and was walking pass what I thought was an empty training room. I popped the door open and let a trumpet go and was horrified when I saw 2 people in the corner, having a one to one
    Haha glol

    psn quaddy456, Dark Souls tips

  • ZuluHero 8 Jan 2014 09:15:39 4,232 posts
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    Not at work per se, but i was on my way to an interview for a new job and my trousers split - from the belt bit at the back almost all the way to the front. Manged to find a toilet and with a stapler, staple it closed.

    Panicking about what to do as the time of the interview was really close, and was wondering how i would conceal the stapled hole for the duration, which was also starting to hurt the insides of my legs where the staples had gone through but not closed properly. But then luckly passed a clothes shop and quickly ran in. Thankfully they had smart trousers.

    I had a funny look from the girl serving me when I asked if i could use their changing rooms again to wear the trousers now. Added to the embarrassment.

    Interview went well though, received an offer. After the embarrassment leading up to it, i think nothing could phase me after that! :)

    Edited by ZuluHero at 09:18:32 08-01-2014
  • mcmonkeyplc 8 Jan 2014 09:32:24 39,510 posts
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    Torn my jeans whilst bolting over a chair before a conference much the amusement of all around me.

    Come and get it cumslingers!

  • the_dudefather 8 Jan 2014 09:45:00 9,387 posts
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    Were you trying to do the Riker maneuver?

    (ง ͠ ͟ʖ ͡)

  • moixikrampeerzada 8 Jan 2014 09:50:16 8 posts
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    someone open the door while i was peeing at work toilet
  • funkyshaker 8 Jan 2014 17:35:21 479 posts
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    Had to send an email to someone called Poonam regarding something or other.

    Bloody outlook decides to autocorrect her name to Pooman. Only noticed after I had sent it - also copied in others! :/
  • neilka 8 Jan 2014 17:37:33 16,447 posts
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    Why is "pooman" in your Outlook dictionary?

    BAAANG!!!!! EXPLOTION!!!!!

  • funkyshaker 8 Jan 2014 17:40:40 479 posts
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    @neilka erm..... no idea!
  • CosmicFuzz 8 Jan 2014 17:43:06 25,302 posts
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    Because he's a massive racist.

    How patches are ruining the future of gaming My thoughts.

  • neilka 8 Jan 2014 17:43:44 16,447 posts
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    Who likes men pooing on him.

    BAAANG!!!!! EXPLOTION!!!!!

  • kinky_mong 8 Jan 2014 18:08:51 10,690 posts
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    Give the pooman a break.

    All the eurogamers who actually play with each other on xbl rather than just post pseudointellectual pc handwringing bollocks on the forums, love the shit out of biggy.

  • OptimusPube 8 Jan 2014 18:59:57 3,229 posts
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    This was a few weeks back, I work on a production line and it is monotonous boring shite, we're not allowed to wear headphones because of health and safety bullshit but a lot of us do, or did until this incident, there was a fire drill but with me wearing headphones I hadn't heard it, busy working away when I got a tap on the shoulder, looked around and it was only the security guard checking to see if the building was clear.

    Walked outside to my fire station point to the full factory of staff cheering and laughing at me, I was shitting it because I could have lost my job to it but one of the top bosses is good to me and bullshitted in the report for me saying I didn't hear the alarm through the nature of my job, I wear ear protection. That was a bad day and now no one wears headphones.

    Danny MacAskill gives me a boner

  • Errol 8 Jan 2014 19:24:01 12,536 posts
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    ZuluHero wrote:
    I had a funny look from the girl serving me when I asked if i could use their changing rooms again to wear the trousers now. Added to the embarrassment.
    She probably wanted to join you. I bet she was getting wet with excitement.
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