Mine turned out to be a fear of being responsible for my own life and how it hadn't turned out the way I felt it should've, coupled with a total inability to perceive how I could possibly be any other way.|
Almost a full decade of being an apparently helpless victim who couldn't cope with life, which was constantly overwhelming and far too much for me to cope with. The older I got, the worse it seemed to be, escalating me all the way to the point where I had to see a CPN and go to therapy every week. I didn't manage to do a full-time job until I was 31, even though I was smart enough to study medicine. I was absolutely convinced that I could not possibly cope with life, and my anxiety generated sabotage behaviour after sabotage behaviour to prove this point.
Not everyone is me though.
A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.