Thank you for your awesome feedback!
The viewpoint shifts are something I have to work on. They have to be made clear, or left out.
You are right the Kim bit is a bit rubbish. As the story progresses the point become more clear simply by her actions. She is very kind in a rabid way. So in the next draft that sentence is going to die.
Once I return to the text to edit I will have to work through the metaphors and similes. I think entering a city of constant rain brought me back into Europa mode. I will keep an eye on it.
The formal speech thing is probably my own voice bleeding over into the conversations, when I am typing faster than my brain can translate the ideas into the voices of the characters.
The Devil should be the most formal, then Turner, then D.C. and [other character] and Kim last. With Cray changing from one mode to the other.
The credit card bit is the result from me trying out the exact same thing for a film scene learning the hard way that things in real life do not fall a skitter in a dramatically appropriate fashion.
The Price of Turner's power is something that has me worried. I like how it is turning out but so far I am not convinced I am going to be able to pull it off in an effective way.
P.S. What made the musical story work for you? It is one of the things I was skeptical about while writing and I'd love to know what made it click for you.
P.P.S. and @everyone
Once things have quieted down would any of you try to find out what makes the omniscient narrator that can switch perspectives at will work? Obviously there is a trick to it which has to be rather counter intuitive else everyone would do it.
In the end the great thing about the 3rd person is that you get to see the story from everyone's point of view. Having to limit that it a bit crap...
Edited by sunjumper at 13:05:31 11-12-2012
#9218853, By sunjumper National Novel Writing Month 2012
sunjumper 3,253 posts
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