#8354200, By xandaca NaNoWriMo 2011

  • xandaca 21 Jan 2012 18:22:15 444 posts
    Seen 10 hours ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    @TechnoHippy: It has taken me a while, but I have finished Zen Masters. First things first, it's a very enjoyable read and I appreciate how ambitious you were with it. The first half, in particular, is compelling and has a lot of grit underpinning its fantasy elements, which feels quite distinctive. Mr. X was a thrillingly unpleasant piece of work. You have an elegant and evocative turn of phrase, albeit with the punctuation/sentence length niggles that are inherent to any first draft.

    I didn't enjoy the second half quite as much, because the shift in tone was a little jarring from relatively small-scale to nigh-on Biblical. I don't think it would be an impossible trick to pull off, but there's a bit too much to take in for it to flow as smoothly, and be as involving, as the first half. Lazarus is also 'only' a pretty good villain (the bricked up thing felt a little familiar, although I can't place it precisely. Maybe the TV series Heroes?) and so feels like a drop down from the thoroughly excellent Mr. X. It was all still a lot of fun, and as I said before, the ambition was hugely impressive, but the first half of the story was so vivid and engaging that it felt a shame to go into such a drastic change of tone. I'd definitely encourage you to keep working on it, though, as right now it's good verging on very good, and has the potential to be excellent. Sequel next year, please!
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