Some of that thread is gold My personal favourite:|
Myself, I'm just there to drink good beer and hang out, but I'm apparently too nice, and before I know it, her sights are set on me. Whenever we're in proximity to each other, she tries to talk to me, touches me, and laughsat every other word I utter. At one point she hugs me and says, "my god, you smell gorgeous!" and proceeds to continue to smell my neck for a few minutes as I semi-resign myself to be devoured by the mammoth beast.
While I'm trying to desperately figure out a way to eject from this planewreck, she says something like, "wow, you're dressed so well; are you trying to impress us ladies?" That catches me offguard so I pause, and before I can say something, she continues with "...or someone else other than ladies.. .?" in a really playful tone. Before I know it my brain goes instantly into action.
I change my stance, put all my weight on my back leg, rest one arm on that hip, stick my other hand out in a limp wrist, and in the most stereotypically gay voice, yell "OH U KNO IT GUUUUUUURL!" Whether she believes me or not, the woman realizes what's just happened, and stops all contact with me the rest of the night. I don't know what happened, but my friends still laugh about that to this day.
tl;dr my brain uses gay as self-defense against unsavory women
Oh for goodness sake, I've caught my scrotum in my zip again - Margaret Thatcher, 1986