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Virtual Console Roundup Review

Wii Retro Review by Dan Whitehead

12 May, 2008

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It's the second week of Nintendo's latest Hanabi Festival on the Virtual Console. After a long and painful drought, this means another week with a healthy selection of new games to choose from. Yay! Games that have never officially received a European release before. Yay! Games that have had their prices inexplicably increased because they're somehow still "import games" despite being funnelled down the internet wires just like any other data. Boo!

Metal Slug

  • Platform: NeoGeo
  • Wii Points: 900
  • In Real Money: GBP 6.30 / EUR 9 (approx)

Let's start with the good stuff. SNK's Metal Slug is a justifiably beloved shooter that has attracted a devoted following thanks to its relentless action, outrageous challenge and endearingly daft sense of humour. Scrolling left to right across a series of chunky terrains, you shoot in all directions (well, all four directions that existed on the old d-pads) exploding a never-ending stream of cartoony foes. It's a template that's still in use thanks to games like Alien Hominid, and one that really doesn't show its age.

It's an old-school arcade game in the best sense of that over-used phrase; a game of single-minded focus that requires fast reactions and excellent hand-eye coordination. It's not quite the rock-hard bastard that its reputation suggests, but nor is it for the faint of heart. Making real progress requires dedication and attention, but your reward for making the effort is a wonderfully crafted gamer's game that runs on pure premium-grade fun fuel.

'Virtual Console Roundup' Screenshot ms

On that basis alone, I can't help but recommend it as one of the brighter offerings on the Virtual Console. It's certainly the sort of game we should be seeing more of, and anyone who does part with their points will definitely have a blast. Purists will be dismayed to learn that the 50Hz presentation makes the game noticeably slower than the fast-paced original, but that's still not enough to dim the game's innate appeal for the average gamer-in-the-street.

However...putting this download in the wider context, it's not such great value. There is a two-player mode, but it doesn't really compare to the online co-op play that was added for Metal Slug 3's Xbox Live Arcade outing, a port that also boasted slick frame-rate and cleaned up graphics. Even if the Wii is the only console you own, there are better ways of enjoying the series - the Metal Slug Anthology, boasting seven complete games, can now be picked up for just over twice the price of this solitary offering.

A fantastic game then, in a slightly inferior technical presentation that offers poor value compared to the other available methods of sampling this fine shooter. Truly, Nintendo giveth and Nintendo taketh away.

7/10

Cho Aniki

  • Platform: TurboGrafx CD
  • Wii Points: 900
  • In Real Money: GBP 6.30 / EUR 9 (approx)

This really is about as culty as cult games get, a deliberately kitsch shoot-'em-up that formed the basis of an eclectic and long-running series of shooters, fighting games and even RPGs.

Much of the coverage surrounding this release makes excessive use of the word "gay", and that's because Cho Aniki is a very gay game. Or, rather, it's an incredibly camp game which isn't really the same thing but it's close enough for the purposes of a retro game review. In fact, it couldn't be more camp if the main character was made up from the exhumed bones of Liberace, turned into a puppet and operated using strings made from tinsel by an angelic cherub with the face of Freddie Mercury.

'Virtual Console Roundup' Screenshot ca

Levels are packed with garish sprites, depicting posing musclemen who slide gracefully onto the screen with an excitable wink. Flowers and magic dust also feature, as do sights like a phallic steam train with a man's face and big, strong, musky arms. The name roughly translates as Super Big Brothers. So, yes, it all looks very gay and very silly. It's Parodius crossed with Mardi Gras, and often referred to as an example of the Japanese subculture of baka-ge, or "idiot games".

Trouble is, as an actual shoot-'em-up it's a fairly tepid experience so flamboyant camp is all it really has to offer. In that regard, I can't help thinking it's slightly awesome - if only because of the terrified insecure reactions the game has inspired on various Virtual Console message boards. There's certainly a delicious irony in the way some gamers throw their hands up in dismay at the oily bodybuilders of Cho Aniki and then retreat to the unambiguously hetero male bonding of whatever wartime FPS is currently popular, and for that alone I'm glad games like this exist.

But, apart from the subversive nature of the presentation, there's no way this otherwise bland shooter is worth your money - especially in this price-hiked manner.

5/10

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Comments: 1-29 of 29 in total

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Azazel
12/05/08 @ 10:14
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I think the strapline for that front page pic should be: "It's only gay if you make eye-contact."
Verwandlung
12/05/08 @ 10:26
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lol@ Cho Aniki
japstersam
12/05/08 @ 10:29
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what a crap load of crap games :)
mingster
12/05/08 @ 10:34
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I'm frikin astounded nintendo have releases Cho -Aniki...
I thought they were a family values ..kiddy safe console..
this is possibly the most blatantly homosexual game ever released.
Machiavel
12/05/08 @ 10:41
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terrified insecure reactions the game has inspired

/looks up
HyperShadow
12/05/08 @ 10:45
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Save money, instead of buying Metal Slug off VC, get Metal Slug Anthology instead. It probably works out cheaper and you get MOAR GAMEZ!
DanWhitehead
12/05/08 @ 10:46
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I thought they were a family values ..kiddy safe console..
this is possibly the most blatantly homosexual game ever released.


There's very little in Cho Aniki that isn't safe for kids. It's not like you see uncut gay sex or anything. It's no more "dangerous" than a Right Said Fred video.
el_pollo_diablo
12/05/08 @ 10:58
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Wow. Pricey.

Are they all that much?
dr_faulk
12/05/08 @ 11:35
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Best. Picture. Ever.
homerramone
12/05/08 @ 11:36
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More pish.
Max_Powers
12/05/08 @ 11:46
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Since when is homosexuality a threat to children?

/looks at mingster
Nikanoru
12/05/08 @ 11:49
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and cleaned up graphics.


Now I haven't played that particular version, but please don't tell me they used that horrible, horrible, fugly as shit HQxX filter and you're talking about that. If there's any way to completely fucking destroy any visual appeal of these games, it's -that-.
Bagpuss
12/05/08 @ 12:22
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50hz.....ffs, its still the 1990's PAL land is it.

Think i'll stick to myNeo-Geo ROM sets and Emulator.

When these companies can be arsed to give us a decent version, then i'll be arsed to give them some money...lazy,money grabbing wankers.
BradMillette
12/05/08 @ 13:17
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@Nikanoru

No filters, near as I can tell. Still pixelly looking. I think they just brightened and polished it and upped the resolution. It looks great, as good as Metal Slug ever has on the original arcade standups.
DanWhitehead
12/05/08 @ 13:31
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Long and hard? Looks like even momentary exposure to Cho Aniki screenshots can turn a man all squiffy. WHO WILL SAVE US FROM THIS MENACE?
BradMillette
12/05/08 @ 14:05
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Army of Two is at least a thousand times gayer than Cho Buttsecksy or whatever it is could ever hope to be.
ChimneyBug
12/05/08 @ 16:52
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@Charm
" Charm
05 May '08 20:11:57

The blatant anti-scientological sentiment displayed by a certain mod on this forum is disgusting. I thought we lived in an age of tolerance."

" Charm
05 May '08 20:46:09

Today is a great day for equality and understanding.
Rock on, Scientologists. At least you don't follow that religion that everyone really hates."

What happened to your tolerance, equality and understanding?
smelly
12/05/08 @ 18:08
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>50hz.....ffs, its still the 1990's PAL land is it.

But yet no-one seems to mind most modern games running at 30 hz and below!
Bloodkult
12/05/08 @ 18:46
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"But yet no-one seems to mind most modern games running at 30 hz and below!"

What the hell are you talking about?
You wouldn't be getting refresh rates and framerates mixed up now would you...
CaoSlayer
12/05/08 @ 19:00
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Here is a link if someone is interested in the Cho Aniki series for whatever reason, there is even a ps1 game with digitalized people for more gayness.

http://hg101.classicgaming.gamespy.com/c...
Azazel
12/05/08 @ 20:31
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haha, nice link ^

Razorus
12/05/08 @ 21:15
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Haha, hilarious game. But yeah, we may live in an age of "tolerance" but it is not good to expose children to this sort of thing IMO. Most of us would prefer to raise our children in such a way that they may pro-create and not have to deal with bullies. I would hate to have to disown my children but that's what they'll get if they so much as hold a knife the wrong way.
omerga
12/05/08 @ 21:39
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I'll be downloading Cho Aniki just because of that amazing screenshot
stallion185
12/05/08 @ 23:04
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So it is OK to expose kids to murder, crime, horror and sex.... so long as it isn't homosexual???
Retroid [mod]
13/05/08 @ 00:01
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NeoGeo games *never* ran in 50hz. Never. They were 60hz and always meant to be played at 60hz.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE NINTENDO EUROPE

SNK (whatever is left of their namesake) seem to be determined to ensure I never buy any of their more recent offerings of their output; 50hz gimped versions on Virtual Console, and those FUCKING HIDEOUS graphical enhancements favoured by idiots on their XBLA releases.

Christ's sake.

/Decides to hunt out the Xbox releases in bargain bins
mk-1601
13/05/08 @ 01:16
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"Most of us would prefer to raise our children in such a way that they may pro-create and not have to deal with bullies. I would hate to have to disown my children but that's what they'll get if they so much as hold a knife the wrong way."

Nice bigotry/trolling. Don't the Daily Mail have their own website now?

...


That Puyo Puyo 2 review is odd. Marking a game down because there are objectively poorer, hideously reskinned versions of an earlier game in the series available for a few points less? Viewing the game on it's own merits, it's a good version of one of the all-time classic puzzle game series. Maybe a bit better than the 21st century versions in fact, which have rather noisy and hyperactive presentation.
andrewwd
13/05/08 @ 08:27
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@Nikanoru and BradMillette

Yes, they did use a horrible fucking filter on the 360 arcade game, and in the process completely ruined the look of the game (at least for anyone familiar with the original). And no, you couldn't turn it off.

And it made baby Jesus cry.
Zachm
13/05/08 @ 09:38
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I agree with mk-1601.
Puyo Puyo 2 is regarded by most fans as being the best is the series.
yagisencho
13/05/08 @ 19:04
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Puyo Puyo Tsuu is a classic puzzler, my friend. The repackaged knock-offs don't have half the charm of the original (which is why they were released on Virtual Console first).

Long live Karbuncle! Long live Arare-chan! I waggle my enormous tongue at you mischievously.

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