Velvet Assassin Comments by Ellie Gibson
Puts the ass into it.
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ChthonicEcho
08/05/09 @ 13:01
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Eurogamer's very own Zero Punctuation. Superb review. Atrocious game.
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JohnnyWashnGo
08/05/09 @ 13:12
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Oh crap - wait until the idiots on the Velvet Assassin boards hear about this score ;)
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DarthInsinuate
08/05/09 @ 13:18
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"Velvet Assassin is an incredible gaming experience." Ellie Gibson, Eurogamer.
You can't take it back now, that's definitely going on the box. |
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PearOfAnguish
08/05/09 @ 13:20
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The nightie thing is insane. Exactly how many drugs would you need to consume to think that is a good idea?
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20charactersmax
08/05/09 @ 13:21
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Does Ellie read the comments? I know other reviewers do, but I never noticed Ellie reply.
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Slabbathepave
08/05/09 @ 13:23
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I can in no way take this review seriously. Eliie is a girl and therefor cannot play games properly.
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Obiwanshinobi
08/05/09 @ 13:39
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I'd like to play a new Metal Gear game starring young The Boss as a playable character.
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kangarootoo
08/05/09 @ 13:49
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1. This game gives me dejaVu for a number of reasons.
2. Shutup about Darkfall ffs. |
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pankomentarz
08/05/09 @ 13:56
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I'm a bit surprised really, not by the score the game got, but by the sole tone of the review.
The humour's a bit lower than the average Eurogamer level and the whole text seems to be composed of psuedo-witty remarks (hahaha, straightforward sexual innuendos, way to go!), two, three sentence creatures that jump and jiggle trying to be funny... but they aint. Which doesn't mean I wasn't amused, being myself under an average intellectual level. |
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30 notes saved then. And I'm a steath fanatic, but only if I can do it my own way. What's all this nightie business then? Is that to show that she's on medication (i.e. hospital nightie, which looks slutty) or is it to appeal to randy teens (i.e. slutty nightie, which looks from a hospital)? Either way, I'd rather spend money on both halves of Arkanoid than this.
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kangarootoo
08/05/09 @ 14:06
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@pankomentarz
I think you are missing the sarcasm. Smutty innuendo can be used for several reasons, one of which is to mock source material that clearly finds that sort of thing amusing or titilating. |
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pankomentarz
08/05/09 @ 14:11
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May be. Straightforward innuendos revealing straightforwards attempts to lure the audience.
Nevertheless, not the best review ever (maybe my English's not sufficient enough, being one of those dirty foreign pigs as I am) |
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GordonBennett
08/05/09 @ 14:11
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Another interesting game that has failed to live up to expectations, then.
Oh, Pankomentarz, stop trying to sound clever; you ain't. |
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Petulant_Radish
08/05/09 @ 14:53
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Good god, you lot just want to have one big wank fest over this Ellie, are you really that devoid of ladylike interest that you’re practically junking your gunk into your keyboards over the fact she’s female?
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Excellent Review Ellie, BUT, I bought the game on Steam before any reviews came out, BUT, I also like this game very much.
I guess I am easily pleased!!!! I love Stealth games like Splinter Cell and Thief, although it isn't in the same league as Thief, the graphic style of the intro reminds me of Thief's cutscenes. |
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AphoticCosmos
08/05/09 @ 15:02
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Good god, you lot just want to have one big wank fest over this Ellie, are you really that devoid of ladylike interest that you’re practically junking your gunk into your keyboards over the fact she’s female?
No, she is genuinely the funniest writer on Eurogamer. Except for Ed Zitron. |
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Bummer. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for the story of Violette Szabo. She was an amazing woman and it sucks that the video game inspired by her incredible story blows chunks. Sigh.
On the other hand, a bad game resulted in an amazingly wonderful review by Ms. Gibson. You rock! More reviews by Ms. Gibson! |
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Petulant_Radish
08/05/09 @ 15:23
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“No, she is genuinely the funniest writer on Eurogamer.”
I wasn’t disputing that, merely that the excessive fawning and ejaculatory praise is a little sickening, it whiffs of a seeded desire to be noticed by the woman in question, yearning to get verification that she sees your opinion and it matters to her, get a life funboys! I’m off for a Donor Kebab pot noodle and a hand shandy over Razzle, bye! |
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Good god, you lot just want to have one big wank fest over this Ellie, are you really that devoid of ladylike interest that you’re practically junking your gunk into your keyboards over the fact she’s female?
Well, that's confirmed that you are petulant. How are you going to convince us you're a radish? Anyway, regardless of her gender, Ellie writes well. Unlike you. Pfffffffffffft! It's just coincidence that I was also wanking as I was reading it. /synchronicitywank
Edited 2 times,
most recently on 08/05/09 @ 16:24
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Petulant_Radish
08/05/09 @ 15:34
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/synchronicitywank
Mmmmmmm. Hang on, this just got weird. Now Fapula, I am bored at work, therefore within my rights to say ‘get a life funboys’ as I am clearly better than all of you here, as my days are made up of waltzing around like a queen and eating honey bee pie hats. That’s much more interesting than being sat at a desk looking longingly out a window, don’t get so defensive because I questioned your sexual prowess, it’s ok, we can all be the alpha male on the internet, no one is any the wiser!! |
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Petulant_Radish
08/05/09 @ 15:35
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Sorry I should’ve added nudge nudge, wink wink, for a bit of Carry On fun. How terribly rude.
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