So here it is, Merry Christmas, everybody's having to do end-of-year features because there are no more games to review. Time then for our annual look back at the highlights of the year, which involves raking through more than 4000 news stories - all of them hand-crafted, most of them accurate and only a handful written while drunk.
That's 4000 news stories about everything from release dates and downloadable content to Alec Baldwin, inflatable unicorns and tits. But mainly release dates and downloadable content. Don't worry though, we've focused on the most interesting and stupidest stories for these articles, so sit back and enjoy.
Always a quiet month for news, what with the games industry taking a month off to recover from having two weeks off. Hence the appearance of headlines like "Jade Raymond not doing I Am Alive" - perhaps the first incidence of a story about someone not doing something no one really said they were doing anyway. But probably not the last.
At least you can always rely on Sony and Microsoft to liven things up a bit with some silly statements about who is fairest of them all. Kaz Hirai started it by claiming Sony was the official industry leader. Microsoft's Aaron Greenberg hit back by calling Sony "complacent" and "out of touch". Nintendo kept quiet, too busy jumping around on bouncy castles stuffed with money.
2K boss Christoph Hartmann did have something to say though - he hit out at the number of "crappy" games for the Wii. Presumably 2K titles Carnival Games, Go, Diego, Go!: Great Dinosaur Rescue and Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer are exceptions to this.
In February, Halo Wars developer Ensemble Studios closed its doors just weeks before the game was released. Namco Bandai ditched BottleRocket Entertainment, which had been working on a Splatterhouse remake. Just two not particularly interesting facts in a month which was packed with them.
The Tokyo District Court outlawed sales of the R4 chip in Japan, for example. The R4 had been widely used to play pirated DS games, a practice which makes Eurogamer physically sick.
A group of dermatologists invented, sorry discovered, a condition they named 'PlayStation palmar hidradenitis'. Symptoms apparently include sores and sweating. "If you're worried about soreness on your hands when playing a games console, it might be sensible to give your hands a break from time to time," advised one of the dermatologists, who spent three years at university becoming clever enough to work that out.
Controversy abounded in March. Microsoft came under fire for its policy of refusing the use of "gay" in gamertags and profiles. Don't worry, said Live bossman Stephen Toulouse, we're "trying to make something a bit better". Still trying, Steve?
Meanwhile it was revealed that games are the new cigarettes and highly likely to make you die early. Not to mention turn your fingers all wizened and gnarly. If only Grandma hadn't spent all those years hammering Halo 3. Hang on what?
In Important Business News, Square Enix snapped up Eidos - getting the Tomb Raider, Hitman and Champ Man brands into the bargain. Nintendo pushed up the trade price of Wii, a hike which was reflected in shops. If only they hadn't had to do that because the console had proved to be a massive global seller and already earned them billions of pounds in profit. Hang on what?
The Game Developers Conference took place in San Francisco. Headline acts included Hideo Kojima, who banged on for hours and hours about his entire life's work before offering the hintiest of hints about what was next for the Metal Gear Solid series.
Meanwhile, Keita Takahashi revealed the Katamari games are comments on consumerism - and not comments on big sticky balls like everyone thought. Also at GDC, ICO creator Fumito Ueda ended the debate over whether his games are art by saying they're not.
The DSi launched in the UK complete with bigger, brighter screens, two cameras and better memory capacity. Nearly 100,000 units were shifted in two days, making it the fourth-biggest hardware launch in history. Good job they pushed up the Wii price to cover the cost of printing all that money. Hang on etc.
It was the end of an era as Spore and Sims creator Will Wright left EA. He went on to form a new "entertainment think-tank" and to star in a game which presented us with the first contender for headline of the year: "Will Wright to help Mr T fight Nazis". World War II would've been over a lot quicker.
Also packing his bags was David Reeves, who retired as president of Sony Computer Entertainment after 14 years with the company. Eurogamer paid tribute. We still miss him.
Yet more controversies were on the cards in April. Sony offended the Universal Society of Hinduism by releasing Hanuman: Boy Warrior, while BioWare offended one in 10 members of the global population by claiming there's no homosexuality in Star Wars. Meanwhile, Konami realised releasing a game about a war that's still actually going on might not be such a good idea.
In Stupid News some researchers found that three million Americans are addicted to games, some other researchers claimed racing games make you more aggressive than shooters and the King of Norway refused to let a child call himself Sonic X. He's probably in league with Dr Robotnik.
Still, it was good to know Duke Nukem Forever was coming along nicely.
Duke Nuke Forever was canned after 3D Realms ran out of money and closed its doors. Good work everyone, 12 years well spent.
As the global economic meltdown continued more games companies were bitten by the monster munch. Both EA and Sony made billion-dollar losses, while Empire Interactive went bust. THQ lost $430 million but found enough change down the back of the sofa to send the Queen a gold Wii.
With just weeks to go until E3 there were more leaks than you'd find in a boat made of cheese graters. Rumours that a motion-sensor controller was in development for PS3 abounded. In addition, video footage of a new game from the creators of ICO appeared, suggesting it would be about a little boy and a big cat-monkey-eagle thing. And to top things off, Sony accidentally unveiled PSPgo.
Another report predicted Nintendo would announce more Mario and Zelda for Wii and a new balance board title called Wii Fit Plus.
Meanwhile there were rumours Microsoft was set to unveil a motion-sensing camera capable of tracking full-body movement and registering sounds at E3. There were also reports of Metal Gear Solid for Xbox 360. Also apparently due to be shown were a new Lionhead title, Forza 3, Assassin's Creed 2, Alan Wake, Splinter Cell Conviction, Halo ODST, All Points Bulletin, BioShock 2 and Lost Planet 2.
Spokespersons for all the companies refused to comment on the rumours. Apart from Microsoft's Aaron Greenberg, who told Eurogamer, "I can confirm that this post is completely uninformed and does not even come close to matching our news for E3."
Microsoft unveiled a motion-sensing camera capable of tracking full-body movement and registering sounds at E3, along with Metal Gear Solid for Xbox 360. Also shown were a new Lionhead title, Forza 3, Assassin's Creed 2, Alan Wake, Splinter Cell Conviction, Halo ODST, All Points Bulletin, BioShock 2 and Lost Planet 2.
Rumours that a motion-sensor controller was in development for PS3 were confirmed. In addition, video footage of a new game from the creators of ICO was shown, proving it would be about a little boy and a big cat-monkey-eagle thing. And to top things off, Sony officially unveiled PSPgo.
Nintendo announced more Mario and Zelda for Wii and a new balance board title called Wii Fit Plus. But it also stunned the audience at its press conference with the previously unheard of Women's Murder Club and the world exclusive unveiling of the Vitality Sensor.
There was also some unexpected excitement as a galaxy of film, music and sports stars came out to pretend they care about videogames. James Cameron put in an appearance, as did Steven Spielberg, Pele, Pete Sampras and the two Beatles who aren't dead.
In addition Warren G, Jay-Z and Eminem performed at the DJ Hero party, which some of us were forced to miss due to having to stay at the hotel and write some stupid Project Natal exclusive. Thanks a LOT, some holiday THAT turned out to be er business trip.
Not much happened after E3. Bethesda bought id Software, EA annoyed some Christians, Obama said some things about games, Microsoft said Natal's not racist and something about Jade Raymond. Also: Tim Curry.
Also: more of yesterday tomorrow.