That Was the News 2008
Part 1: January to June.
April
Blizzard won the award for best April Fool's again with no less than three top quality spoofs. But Eurogamer came a close second, hilariously asking people to pay GBP 16 for a t-shirt. (They're of an extremely high quality though and are still available, by the way.)
Stevens Spielberg and King were revealed as big old gamers. The film director likes a bit of Crysis, it turns out. The horror author (yes all right he spells it with a PH actually) spoke out against politicians blaming pop culture for everything, and argued parents should pay closer attention to what their kids are doing. Particularly if they're going down storm drains to face off with giant tarantulas and terrifying clowns, presumably.
Capcom's Jun Takeuchi defended the African setting for Resident Evil 5 following accusations of racism. At least he admitted it's set in Africa. Julian Widdows, director of the new 50 Cent game, claimed it's not set in the Middle East, despite the fact it features lots of baddies in turbans who take cover behind distinctly Middle Eastern-looking bits of architecture, and is subtitled Blood in the Sand.
There was a right old furore over the European price of Rock Band (GBP 180 / EUR 240 for the full kit). "We're not trying to rip anybody off," said Harmonix's Rob Kay. "We're just trying to make sure we've got enough gold bars to build a staircase to the moon," he did not add.
Film directors Michael Bay and Uwe Boll became engaged in a public spat over artistic differences. Bay describing Boll as "a f***ing idiot", while Boll observed that Bay "sucks big time", before challenging him to a boxing match. Brilliant.
May
The biggest videogame release of the month, and arguably of the year, was Grand Theft Auto IV. More than 600,000 copies were sold in the UK alone on the first day of release, with the Xbox 360 version proving most popular. Within a week, 6 million copies of the game had been sold around the globe. Jack Thompson must have been pleased.
Eurogamer described GTA IV as "the best openworld game yet", predicting that it would "take something miraculous to rob it of game of the year status". Turns out all it took was Fallout 3.
The second annual UbiDays event was held in Paris. The highlight for the hardcore was the announcement that a sequel to Beyond Good & Evil is on the way. Ubisoft also revealed that the Prince of Persia had a new girlfriend, and unveiled "the first ever game you can play with your ass". This led to confusion amongst drunker attendees, who came away thinking Ubisoft was doing the first ever game where you could play with the Prince of Persia's girlfriend's ass.
Nintendo issued an apology after Wii Fit was accused of calling children fat. There was some confusion over the BMI system, it turns out. "People with more muscle mass than normal will have a higher BMI rating due to the heavy weight of muscle tissue," Nintendo explained. "They're also more likely to have really great personalities," the platform holder did not add.
Greenpeace had a go at hardware manufacturers for failing to produce greener games consoles. "There's no excuse for playing dirty," said a spokesperson who is probably brilliant fun at office parties. Rumours that PlayStation 4 will now be constructed from old newspapers and potato peelings instead of dolphin fins and panda skin are entirely made up.
June
This month it was Blizzard's turn to hold a big old party in Paris, where it unveiled Diablo III for the first time. More exciting than the BGE2 announcement? Perhaps, but can you play it with your ass?
A load of videogame-related info from market research firm Intellisponse leaked onto the internet. In a statement, Microsoft said the products referred to "may or may not be real". The products in question included a karaoke game called Lips, a sequel to Marvel Ultimate Alliance and something by the name of Call of Duty: World at War. Only time would tell, and it did.
Denis Dyack boldly took on the internet over whether his new game, Too Human, would be any good. "If I am wrong and gamers in general think the game is 'crap' then I am comfortable with getting tagged 'Owned by the GAF'," he stated. Curiously, Dyack did not state what he would be comfortable with if gamers in general thought the game was fair to middling.
Just over a month after it was reported that work on Eight Days and The Getaway PS3 was in full effect, Sony announced that work on Eight Days and The Getaway PS3 was no longer happening. At least fellow PS3-exclusive Metal Gear Solid 4 did well this month, with 1 million copies shifted in Europe alone during the first week on sale.
But the real issue of the month was the accidental breast reduction in new MMO Age of Conan. The bug meant Funcom was able to issue the best company statement of the year, telling players, "We are working on a fix for this and your breasts should be back to normal soon."
Check back tomorrow to find out what happened between July and December. Otherwise there is no way you could conceivably find out.