That Was the News 2008

By Ellie Gibson Published 24 December, 2008

Part 1: January to June.

Yes, it's that time of year again. As Cliff Richard would say, a time for forgiving, a time for forgetting, a time for looking back on all the events of the past 12 months and making snide comments about them.

Part one of our retrospective covers the first half of the year, logically. Remember the Manhunt 2 ban? The death of HD-DVD? The national outcry over accidental breast shrinkage in Age of Conan? Then you don't need to read this. But if not, carry on.

January

It was a bumper month for videogame-related controversies. First off, the High Court decided Manhunt 2 should be banned from sale, on account of how it might turn us all into big old murderers.

This must have pleased the Daily Mail but it also left the paper with empty pages, so it was time to turn on Nintendo. The newspaper reported that playing the Wii is no substitue for regular real-life exercise. In other news, burgers have more calories than apples.

'That Was the News 2008' Screenshot 1

"How's it going?" "Bit bored. Fancy doing scissors?" "Yeah okay I'll just take my hat off."

The Telegraph also took a pop at Nintendo, identifying what it called "Nintendo Wii syndrome". The newspaper reported that "thousands" of injuries had occurred, and found one man in Cheshire to confirm this.

Fox News had a go at Mass Effect, claiming that half a tit amounts to "inappropriate sexual content". One commentator described it as "Luke Skywalker meets Debbie Does Dallas". Which, come to think of it, could put Mark Hamill's career right back on track. I'll tell him when I see him.

The best news of the month, and indeed of all time, was the announcement of Gizmondo's imminent return. Or not so imminent, as it turns out, but hope springs eternal.

February

There was bad news for comic book fans this month as Cryptic stopped work on superhero MMO Marvel Universe Online. However, there was good news for comic book fans this month as Cryptic started work on superhero MMO Champions Online.

'That Was the News 2008' Screenshot 2

It's unlikely these three have Brain Ages in the teens.

Speaking of MMOs, EA rubbished reports of a new Knights of the Old Republic game. LucasArts also issued a statement saying its relationship with BioWare "has nothing to do with Knights of the Old Republic". Apart from, as it turned out, the Knights of the Old Republic MMO LucasArts is developing with BioWare.

Meanwhile, Toshiba dismissed reports HD-DVD was going in the bin. The following day, Toshiba confirmed reports HD-DVD was going in the bin.

Big Phil Harrison said goodbye to Sony after 15 years of service. Reasons for his departure were not given, but rumour had it he was off to Valinor with his brother Gandalf.

In comedy-games-in-the-media-news, Watchdog got upset with Brain Training for not being able to understand a word Northerners say. Nintendo advised people to "try to avoid using strong dialects" i.e. be a bit posher.

March

TV's Tanya Byron published her report on videogame age ratings. She sent the games industry to the naughty step for failing to educate parents properly, and recommended a film-style ratings system for games. Don't know what's wrong with marks out of ten, personally.

'That Was the News 2008' Screenshot 3

Yes please.

It was confirmed that Manhunt 2 would get a release when the BBFC decided it had "no alternative" but to give the game a ratings certificate after all. Presumably Rockstar had come round its house and threatened it with a carrier bag.

There was controversy over Alten8's Imagination is the Only Escape for DS, in which players take on the role of a Jewish boy struggling to survive under the Nazi regime. It's still too soon.

Everyone's favourite anti-games MP, Keith Vaz, stood up in parliament and claimed some videogames let players "rape women". It will always be too soon.

Big Phil Harrison announced he had a new job. No, not blowing dreams into children's bedroom windows, but being president of Atari. "As the game business moves rapidly online I believe we have an outstanding opportunity to create amazing network game and community experiences for players the world over," said Harrison. "Plus, they've promised me all the snozzcumbers I can eat."

April

Blizzard won the award for best April Fool's again with no less than three top quality spoofs. But Eurogamer came a close second, hilariously asking people to pay GBP 16 for a t-shirt. (They're of an extremely high quality though and are still available, by the way.)

Stevens Spielberg and King were revealed as big old gamers. The film director likes a bit of Crysis, it turns out. The horror author (yes all right he spells it with a PH actually) spoke out against politicians blaming pop culture for everything, and argued parents should pay closer attention to what their kids are doing. Particularly if they're going down storm drains to face off with giant tarantulas and terrifying clowns, presumably.

Capcom's Jun Takeuchi defended the African setting for Resident Evil 5 following accusations of racism. At least he admitted it's set in Africa. Julian Widdows, director of the new 50 Cent game, claimed it's not set in the Middle East, despite the fact it features lots of baddies in turbans who take cover behind distinctly Middle Eastern-looking bits of architecture, and is subtitled Blood in the Sand.

'That Was the News 2008' Screenshot 4

Here they come, racist or not.

There was a right old furore over the European price of Rock Band (GBP 180 / EUR 240 for the full kit). "We're not trying to rip anybody off," said Harmonix's Rob Kay. "We're just trying to make sure we've got enough gold bars to build a staircase to the moon," he did not add.

Film directors Michael Bay and Uwe Boll became engaged in a public spat over artistic differences. Bay describing Boll as "a f***ing idiot", while Boll observed that Bay "sucks big time", before challenging him to a boxing match. Brilliant.

May

The biggest videogame release of the month, and arguably of the year, was Grand Theft Auto IV. More than 600,000 copies were sold in the UK alone on the first day of release, with the Xbox 360 version proving most popular. Within a week, 6 million copies of the game had been sold around the globe. Jack Thompson must have been pleased.

Eurogamer described GTA IV as "the best openworld game yet", predicting that it would "take something miraculous to rob it of game of the year status". Turns out all it took was Fallout 3.

'That Was the News 2008' Screenshot 5

The GTA IV launch led to chaotic scenes at Brighton GAME. All right, some men standing around.

The second annual UbiDays event was held in Paris. The highlight for the hardcore was the announcement that a sequel to Beyond Good & Evil is on the way. Ubisoft also revealed that the Prince of Persia had a new girlfriend, and unveiled "the first ever game you can play with your ass". This led to confusion amongst drunker attendees, who came away thinking Ubisoft was doing the first ever game where you could play with the Prince of Persia's girlfriend's ass.

Nintendo issued an apology after Wii Fit was accused of calling children fat. There was some confusion over the BMI system, it turns out. "People with more muscle mass than normal will have a higher BMI rating due to the heavy weight of muscle tissue," Nintendo explained. "They're also more likely to have really great personalities," the platform holder did not add.

Greenpeace had a go at hardware manufacturers for failing to produce greener games consoles. "There's no excuse for playing dirty," said a spokesperson who is probably brilliant fun at office parties. Rumours that PlayStation 4 will now be constructed from old newspapers and potato peelings instead of dolphin fins and panda skin are entirely made up.

June

This month it was Blizzard's turn to hold a big old party in Paris, where it unveiled Diablo III for the first time. More exciting than the BGE2 announcement? Perhaps, but can you play it with your ass?

A load of videogame-related info from market research firm Intellisponse leaked onto the internet. In a statement, Microsoft said the products referred to "may or may not be real". The products in question included a karaoke game called Lips, a sequel to Marvel Ultimate Alliance and something by the name of Call of Duty: World at War. Only time would tell, and it did.

'That Was the News 2008' Screenshot 6

The lighting's a bit... Oh let's not start, it's Christmas.

Denis Dyack boldly took on the internet over whether his new game, Too Human, would be any good. "If I am wrong and gamers in general think the game is 'crap' then I am comfortable with getting tagged 'Owned by the GAF'," he stated. Curiously, Dyack did not state what he would be comfortable with if gamers in general thought the game was fair to middling.

Just over a month after it was reported that work on Eight Days and The Getaway PS3 was in full effect, Sony announced that work on Eight Days and The Getaway PS3 was no longer happening. At least fellow PS3-exclusive Metal Gear Solid 4 did well this month, with 1 million copies shifted in Europe alone during the first week on sale.

But the real issue of the month was the accidental breast reduction in new MMO Age of Conan. The bug meant Funcom was able to issue the best company statement of the year, telling players, "We are working on a fix for this and your breasts should be back to normal soon."

Check back tomorrow to find out what happened between July and December. Otherwise there is no way you could conceivably find out.

Picture of Ellie.

About Ellie Gibson

Since joining Eurogamer in the mid 2000s, Ellie has written about subjects as diverse as the fall of Gizmondo, the rise of Hollyoaks actresses in Red Alert games and the noise a bear makes under NSFW circumstances.

Read more articles from Ellie by visiting the Ellie Gibson archive page.

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Comments (25) Latest comment 3 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • GamesConnoisseur #1 3 years ago

    Yes please me too!

  • Kill_Crazy #2 3 years ago

    It's arse not ass. We're not American so an ass is a donkey.

  • dr_faulk #3 3 years ago

    "Fancy doing scissors"

    I knew it was Ellie when I read this. Only a woman could say that! Proper ROFLz.

  • rotmm #4 3 years ago

    T-Shirts are now only £13. Bargain.

  • Domovoi #5 3 years ago

    Any truth to the rumors that Eurogamer will be renamed UKGamer? I mean, it's pretty much UK centered anyway.

  • dr_faulk #6 3 years ago

    "Check back tomorrow"?

    Christmas Day!? Don't we ever get a chance to play our games!?

  • Windypops #7 3 years ago

    Ellie's rapidly becoming the best thing on this site. Not that she's a thing of course. Nor does she sit "on" the site. She make me laugh.

  • Eraysor #8 3 years ago

    This article was most fun for seeing companies lying about their projects constantly. I love how HD-DVD was destroyed in the space of 24 hours.

  • kangarootoo #9 3 years ago

    "This article was most fun for seeing companies lying about their projects constantly."

    "Lie" is my nomination for most overused and least understood word of gaming in 2008.


    And that is it, my last sarcastic and superior comment of the year.

    I am unlikely to show my face around here for at least a week, so I shall wish all staff and readers a Merry Xmas. May you all get the games you are hoping for, and maybe walk around the block every couple of hours or so whilst playing them, just to guard against dvt.

    :)

  • TheGoose126 #10 3 years ago

    Alle the best Eurogamer and fellow gamers over this festive period. The missus has just informed me that Midnight club racing has just arrived so I will be on there later before drinking white russians and passing out, The dude abides!

  • chrisis #11 3 years ago

    I love you Ellie. At least your writing (although wouldn't mind meeting you. If you happen to stumble upon the continent I will buy you a beer). It always makes me laugh and it's brilliantly written. You are definitely my favourite Eurogamer writer!
    (Actually I read the article without looking who wrote it, but after only after about two sentences I knew it was Ellie's)

  • Carpathian #12 3 years ago

    Without a doubt that's the item of the year so far AND we've still got the second part to come !

    The thing that makes this so good is that alongside the spot-on humour (genuine LOL's sitting at the desk in the office) it does actually sum up the year very well. When you hit the bullet points like this you realise just how crazy the industry is overall and how it only ever opens its mouth to change feet.

    Keep up the good work Ellie !

  • kinky_mong #13 3 years ago

    "They're also more likely to have really great personalities," the platform holder did not add.

    Brilliant! Great article from Ellie as usual.

    And I'd love Tanya Byron to put me on the naughty step.

  • kissthestick #14 3 years ago

    heh

    Eurogamer, dont forget July = FFXIII multiplatform = gaming forum boards explode

  • mouse Verified Graphic designer, Eurogamer Network #15 3 years ago

    Heh, still a few unfailingly angry posters around. C'mon guys, it's Christmas! Love'n'hugs.

  • optimusprym8 #16 3 years ago

    as long as there is PR, there will always be "lies" and bullshit

    Merry Xmas everyone

  • Les #17 3 years ago

    "C'mon guys, it's Christmas! Love'n'hugs."

    Stuff like that makes me angry... :p

  • sneetch #18 3 years ago

    @Aspic
    "Wonder if when they get to December, EG might actually do their fucking job and report on the Steam pricing issue"

    Their job? Really? Reporting about an online retailer overcharging? I think you want some kind of consumer watchdog site to be honest. That said I'd like to hear something as well. I for one won't be buying anything from Steam until they sort things out.

  • Doctor_What #19 3 years ago

    Raar! Grrgh! Yarrr!

    ... I'm not very convincing at being angry, even at the worst of times.

    I saw somewhere it had been posted that Ellie's name always gets mentioned in comments sections more than other writers. I think that's because she's got the most recognisable style to her writing. About the time that the made-up quotes begin kicking in you can be pretty sure who's sitting behind the keyboard.

    The article pretty much sums up the weirdness of our indutry where there's a big load of money floating around, like in movies, but not nearly the same amount of PR common sense. In the film industry all information is carefully controlled in the release of a game. It should be the same for games, but for some reason we constantly have PR, designers, producers, and others spouting off with hyperboles, only to find themselves eating their words days or months later. To me that says how young an industry we still are.

    It also says that it's for our own good that journalists, like the ones on EG, politely point it out and tease the silly people a bit!

    Anyway, merry winter-thingy to everyone!

  • Kanjin #20 3 years ago

    Ah, genius. I love reading about all the rubbish and weirdness that's happened over the year, especially everyone contradicting themselves!

  • bad09 #21 3 years ago

    Tanya Byron. Nice!

    I forgot that silliness over the ME "half a tit"! That news report was truly cringe worthy, Fox News LOL at the twats.

    Damn you Ellie! Bringing up old memories of buying HD DVD at Christmas and bloody Warner pulling out in Jan :(. Still over that now, enjoyed the fire sales and moving on with Blu.

    Good read Ellie, ta!

  • MilkYMoO #22 3 years ago

    I'm pilling on the pounds and about to explode. I hope wii fit works.

  • Landmaster #23 3 years ago

    Nice one Ellie, great bedtime read for me!

    Merry Christmas everyone!

    X x

  • neilka #24 3 years ago

    GTA IV came out on April 29, you silly sausages.

  • Rizzle #25 3 years ago

    "News from July to December", Eurogamer did not add.

    Until the appropriate time. Merry Christmas, folks.