DRIV3R Comments by Tom Bramwell

Just dropped in to say "Woah! Nice work fellas!". I work for a certain multinational (let's just say we're not "Macro" and we're not "hard"!) that I can't name due to complex non-disclosure agreements. I've got to tell you - we're mighty impressed with this 'viral marketing' approach that you guys in the Driver Dev Team have pulled off...

Great. Expect WinXP v12.7 to be pimped in this same manner. Thief!

At least get your own thread to do it in. We working very hard to promote our product and the last thing we need is for you likes of you to come along and rape our efforts.

Right, what am I getting everyone this morning? Take note, the cafe's out of bourbons.

FWB
Driver 3 Dev. Team
Coffee boy

Out.Of.Bourbons.AGAIN?!?!?

That's the third time this month! Really not on......Otto - Can we please have a bigger biscuit expenses budget? In fact I'm downing tools (Mouse and Keyboard) until this is sorted!

In response to some of the questions asked above - There will be a gas gauge and speedometer as we've worked in a in-car view, hell I ever put in some furry dice(Which you can edit at the start from a choice of over 30 types!!).

Also a little secret for you all - We going to include Driver 1 as a bonus unlockable!!! Keep reading all through today for the info on how to unlock this.

Right - My whole department has downed tools(And triple Vodkas) until the biscuit situation is sorted! Hope your all happy...

Driver 3 w1ll t0t4lly 5ucK, im0.

Jabba you workshy fop, you know full well that I keep the dev team fully supplied with Jaffa Cakes and twiglets as long as they stay on target, so pull your finger out and get back to your coding if you want more biscuit goodness.

Guys, I've just come up with this excellent equation re breast physics which gives feedback response to the madcap action in Driver 3 akin to a pair of Jordan's going through rinse cycle in a Smeg washing machine!

As we've no significant females planned for Driver 3, can we give any of the cars or buildings breasts?

Mach

Executive Assistant Programmer

Great thinking Machiavel.

/hands Machiavel employee of the week award and an extra packet of chocolate hobnobs

Allo,

Just to keep you 'in the loop', as you say - I'm sorry to say that McVities have pulled out of the Driver 3 product placement program, so I'll have to ask you to stop mentioning their products - check your internal mail for more details. The good news is that we've reopened our dialogue with Tunnocks.

A bientot.

Jiro Czech
Inforgrames Marketing
La France
H4W H33 H4W

Due to the utter idiocy of the comments in the Official Driver 3 Forum we
here have decided to cancel any futher work on this game. We had no idea
that our fan base was comprised of morons, retards and subnormal
illiterate fucks and we do not condone the playing of any game.

We are all quitting to become Professors of the English Language and
teach special needs children in the USA how the correct use of grammar,
spelling and vocabulary can influence, inform and persuade your fellow
man and earn you respect and credibility. This will occur not only on
internet chat boards, but also in 'real life.'

We apologose for making this announcement and hope that our true
fans will understand.

Regards,

A. Shatdonit
Project Co-Ordinator
Driver 3

Updated skins to reflect our new partners!

Thankyou.

That's the GBA version, right? Nice work.

FWB
Driver 3 Dev. Team
Coffee boy

OMG OMG!!1111 WTF IMM JUST TEH FUKNG BST CODAR OUT THEIR!1!1 WTF I CUD GAT A JOB WIT LIEK NMCO OR SOMASUCH!!111!!!!1!!1111!!!!1!1!!!!1!

Ahem, sorry 'bout that - Had too many Jaffa Cakes this morning...

Oh and never mind that "Shirubagan" character. I hardly think he's on our team, and if he is he must have been on the piss while writing that.


Oi you cheeky *hic* git! I'll have you programming the new Olsen Twins game if you keep up with that *hic* behaviour.

Driver 4 has been canned. You heard it here firsht.

© Official Playstation®2 Magazine-UK

jiroczech, that's some nice skinning of the car. I'm on 3/4 of a mile from the factory.

Thanks
st3ph3n
The kilroy team are waiting to take your call.

Amaarss, I would firstly like to compliment you on your intelligent questioning of the various team members. We are always on the look out for bright, young sparks like yourself to join our QA department and put those slack-jawed yokel code-monkeys through the wringer. However seeing as this is such a high profile position in a Triple-A dev environment, we do require a certain level of oratory and lexicographic skills which you must be able to demonstrate at the drop of the proverbial hat.

In that vein would you please, in no more than 100 coherent words, distill and critique all relevant Driver 3 information on the forum. Thank you in advance for your time.

Xendrine (Xensor) Sorin
In Humane Resources
Driver 3 Development Team

I'm actually looking for someone to help me out with my chores around the office. It requires alot of hard work, dedication and a love of all things driverish. I was actually considering offering Amaarss a position since he's been very helpful to us. Naturally I need to run it by the big cheeses first. What do you think?

FWB
Driver 3 Dev. Team
Coffee boy

OMG - He looks like a 12yr old boy !!!

I don't think the info on GTA4 by Amaarss is completely true, eventhough I like his thoughts more than any other's that i've seen . There are just too many speculations on where the game takes place. San Francisco, Las Vegas, Liberty City, and Carson City are 4 of about 10 cities it could be set in. Not to mention the assumptions on what era it will take place in. Present, Future... I also read that GTA4 may even be set in the 70's because there is chitchat that Rockstar lisenced over 100 songs from the 70's. Just thought you all should know.

I was just informed that GTA 4 will take place on neptune, and that there will be cars. What kind of hear brain idia is that? Neptune is a planet made up completely of gasses, and you guys talk about realism, give me a break!

If you guys make a game where you can realisticly drive on neptune, then i don't know what the hell is goin on. Because neptune is further from the sun from us and all they planets that match that featcher are make of only gas, not any place to build a road on neptune, but for your next game try mars.

Public Relations
Dev. Team
Sip. CO. 62851

Because neptune is further from the sun from us and all they planets that match that featcher are make of only gas, not any place to build a road on neptune

Actually you're wrong - only Jupiter is a gas giant, all of the other planets in our solar system are made of 'rock (tm)'. That is why we chose Neptune for our new game. Plus, it's so far away from the sun that it'll be really dark and everyone knows that dark games look really cool! And because Neptune is also the God of the Sea, we'll be able to feature this popular deity as one of the in-game crime bosses! He'll be armed with a trident and you'll have to fight him first before he'll let you work for him!

Blerk.
GTA 4 Dev Team.

"OMG - He looks like a 12yr old boy !!! "

LOL!


Today's news : Driver 3 has signed an exclusivity deal to produce future Driver titles for the WonderSwan and only the WonderSwan. We feel that the technology in this portable console, together with its cool name, will benefit the Driver franchise immensely. Plus they gave us a huge bag of money with a dollar sign written on the side.

Yours,

Peej "Geddafochouttahere" Maybe
Developer In Chief (Knowledgebase)

I don't see how sailors would have anything to do with Driver. And by the way, the comment i made long ago about Neptune and cars being realsitic was a Sarcastic statement not to be taken seriously.

Driver isn't gonna have Graphics like Stuntman will it, because the detail in the human figures was sloppy and so were "some" of the cars... eventhough the Car Physics were awesome, the graphics seemed a lil sloppy at times.

Hey look Blerk, don't be a dumb ass, this sight will tell you all you have to know and prove you wrong, http://www.solarviews.com/eng/neptune.htm

Sorry but the idea of roads on Neptune sucks!

Public Relations
Dev. Team D3
Sip. CO. 62851

By the way ObiJo, i heard about the neptune idea from alot of different sources.

Public Relation
Dev. Team D3
Sip. CO. 62851

What are a "Driver 3"?

Photocopier guy.
Some "games firm"
Somewhere

Yes, I heard about the the Neptune deal from other sources as well. I just didn't want to be known for agreeing with the Idea. Earth is a tad batter i believe..... Anywayz.. The question I asked, I'm still looking for an answer. "Driver isn't gonna have Graphics like Stuntman will it? In stuntman the Car Physics were awesome, but graphics seemed a lil sloppy at times."

More GTA 4 details:
* The game will mostly be set on Neptune, but you will be able to travel to Earth for a couple of the missions. These will be set in Glasgow.
* The game is set in the far, far, far future, but will feature a 70s soundtrack. Why? Because Elvis is alive and one of the main Neptunian crime bosses!
* There will be unlockable light-sabres as secret weapons!
* Sometimes while driving your car will conk out! You'll have to play a 'repairing the car' sub game in order to get going again - this might involve jump leads to another car or running to the nearest petrol station with a gas can!
* Some of the cars can FLY! Yes, FLY!
* Your main character is a WOMAN!

You heard it here first!

Blerk,
GTA 4 Dev Team.

Reuters, London Aug 15th 2003

"News just in - Reflections, the team responsible for the awesome Driver and Stuntman series have just announced that all development on Driver 3 has been postponed and that development will instead commence on Driver 4, the first true next gen implementation of their popular series. Reflections have recently acquired a development kit for the much-vaunted but ultra-secret PS3 Hardware (Which is codenamed "Foreverware") and have been so impressed that they have canned Driver 3 in disgust. Sources close to the development team have registered their pain"

Peej "Caffiene" Maybe
Driver 3...er, I mean 4 Development Trust Coordinator (NWA)

THEY'RE TAKING THE PISS YOU UTTER FUCKTARDS.

Amaarss - none of these people actually work on driver 3. They were all having a good laugh at your expense.

They're actually the programming team behind Doom 3.

Ignoring St3ph3n (who's just bitter because we had to kick him off the beta-tester team for masturbating excessively in the test room), I will address your comments as you posed them :

1) hi pjmaybe , i really did not understand your last statement
- That's perfectly OK, not many people do.



2) are they going to name driver 3 to driver 4
- Yes that's what we're going to do

3) or are they going to stop making driver 3 and make a new driver 4?
- Yes that's right.

4) and will driver 4 be on plastation 2 or plastation 3?
- Correct



5) When will it come out?
- "When it's done"

6) Will it have blood or violence?
- There may be some menstrual blood flying around as it will be the first in the Driver series to feature a female lead character, who shares all the normal trials and tribulations (including a bitch of a monthly cycle) that a normal female game character will have. We have assigned an animation and modelling team exclusively to the realistic breast-modelling part of the project (these puppies will make DOAXVB boobies look like Winnie Mandela's). There will also be a lot of violence, usually when the female lead character is asked to go to the fridge and get him a beer "when Cardinal Red is visiting"

Many thanks for your continued and valiable feedback, Amarss

Peej "Stroke that and you'll draw back a stump" Maybe
Driver 4 Arrested Development Team

How about this for the new subtitle..

DRIVER 4
on the rag

The official tag line for the game is :

"It's my time of the month, you're pissing me off and I'm holding a Colt 45 - was there something you wanted?"


Peej "Knicker Canoe" Maybe
Director of Operations, Driver 4 PantySmile team

it will be the first in the Driver series to feature a female lead character

You thieving bastards! We clearly announced that GTA 4 would have a female lead several posts before your shameless cash-in. Next thing you'll be setting it on fucking Neptune as well. And calling it DVR 4.

We'll see you in court!

Blerk,
GTA 4 Dev Team.

More information as a teaser...

We're currently developing the game so that it us completely based on Neptune...and we've decided that the whole "Driver" naming scheme is a bit passe' now so we're shortening it and making it a bit more "street", calling it "DVR-4"

Our marketing team took a solid week of work to come up with these ideas. Oh, and pfft on you WOPR, we've got Johnny Cochran...

Peej "Look at the wookie...look at chewbacca!" Maybe
DVR-4 Development Manager

We are going to finish the Wonderswan port of Driver 3 only, that way we can logically call the new one Driver 4.

Tiger_Walts
Not Driver 3 but Driver 4 Team
Tea Boy

I have come to the conclusion that there is not one of you that actually work for or on Driver 3. (which has been my assumption for weeks) If you were you would answer the questions that needed answers not the ones that are irrelevent. The only one that i've known that actually knew relevent shit about the game was matt_Jon and JabbaDaHut. I don't think any of you are even gaming experts like myself. Anyone can write something that sounds right and put a fancy signature underneathe what they had to say. My point is this, If your actually working on this game, shouldn't you be answering irrelevent questions and making people want to play the game instead of blabbering about GTA4, Driver 4, and Neptune.

ObiJo
God's father
Heaven's Gate entertainment

Amaarss. Since all these people are pulling your leg and being insignificant pricks, and there are no connections here to get you anywhere in the gaming world. If you'd like you can e-mail me your ideas for games since you are the only true soul here that may be helpful to SG Global Entertainment.

obijo@mail.com

We have better ideas than neptune, a little more realistic ones, ask any one that has their shit together,

NEPTUNE IS MADE OF GASSES, NO BUILDING PLACES!!!

Public Relations
Dev. Team D3
Sip. CO. 62851

kylerconnelly@hotmail.com
lets talk on msn

ObiJo, that was a great point i really admire what you said, and we have been wasting time on this sight, but if people are asking questions in this forum, they will probably be buying the game any way, so why give away what is inside the game, the people that brag about the game and what is in it are making the final push, less, and less exciting.

But i still like your style.

Publis Relations
Dev. Team D3
Sip. CO. 62851

Let me inform you all on a little thing that takes place in this world of ours. This thing is "stupidity." You say "If they ask questions they will buy the game anyways." Yea, that is the obvious thing some people think or do because of stupidity, but than there are those other people (the majority) who need those questions answered before they buy the game. Than you must think again about people who are obsessed with games. Those people are freakish oddities who are in denile about the outside world, those are the people who need these questions answered. You see you can answer a question without bragging because they are two completely different verbs unless you abuse them. and about the "final push", people don't give a damn about the final push. What a normal person calls a "final push" is buying the game, but before they buy it, they ask questions to see if its what there looking for.

With Driver 3, its better to answer the questions since none of the questions asked can have a negative answer to make someone not want the game. Thats because, in my opinion the game will kick more ass than imaginable, so each question asked and answered is another buyer.

Most useless double post ever.

Get the info for the game at ign.com , they wil answer most questions you asked in there game news section for Driver 3. Yes there are boats. The cars are very realsistic look alikes since its impossible to get real cars for a games like this. Rumor is that you can hit people but they will try to get out of the way unlike GTA games. I don't know about strip clubs. why do you want them ( the women aren't real.) I heard you can ride bikes and motorcycles but im not sure. I would think they would have mototrcycles.

ObiJo, the reason why people should have never let out inside information in the first place is because of "driver's" reputation. We all ready have a good reputation for high quality games that require thought and class. The point is that if we were to only anounce that there is a driver 3 comming out and say nothing more, people would be getting thrilled and excited and maby even angery, this my friend is what a gaming development team lives for. Is that thrill and excitment, the power to shock people in the most decieving and subductive ways, we missed our chance on this game, but maby the next, who knows? Trust me i know all about this, I am in public relations as you can see.

Public Relations
Dev. Team D3
Sip. CO. 62851

Can the regulars quit polluting the thread plz.

How the fuck is this shit meant to bloom if you go scaring them all off.

FFS!

anyone know if this is going to be playable at ECTS?

secondly, does anyone care about this series anymore (seriously, joking aside)??#

edit: can't type, won't type... sigh

ok, i understand chris63751 .. I'm an intellect guy anything you throw at me i will understand. You have failed miserabley at this chance, and yet, there is another team who could still complete this chance, GTA4. If they keep there mouths shut they will succeed at this "dream" all developer's dream up. Keep that in mind, eventhough i know Driver 3 will be better.. there are still more buyers in this world than I. but most likely the GTA 4 team will fail this dream. They always do GTA wise.

And since you failed this dream, I still think answering the relevent questions without giving away too much by bragging is the way to go.