Soulcalibur Legends Review

By Dan Whitehead Published 10 September, 2008

Chop of the flops.

Version tested: Wii

Why do they keep doing it? Why do they think that we want to see our favourite fighting game characters crudely stuffed into third-person action games? It didn't do Namco any favours the last time they blundered down this road, with the laughably inept Tekken spin-off Death By Degrees earning a measly 3/10 back in 2005, and Midway tried to turn Mortal Kombat into an action-adventure three times before they decided that fans would probably rather make Sub Zero punch Batman in the sweetmeats than suffer through another shonky mess like Mortal Kombat: Special Forces.

So now it's Soulcalibur's turn to be disgraced by an ill-advised exercise in genre-hopping. Telling the tale of how the brave knight Siegfried succumbed to the lure of a dark power and became the monstrous villain Nightmare, the debt to the Star Wars prequels couldn't be more obvious if you were constantly followed around by a gay robot and a jive-talking frog creature. Not that the story really matters, since it's told almost entirely through the sort of long-winded static subtitled scenes that'll soon have you instinctively hammering the A button to close each dialogue window as soon as it appears.

Even then, it's an arduous task. One particularly irritating story scene demanded fifty nine button presses to get through and, yes, I counted. The only moment when the impossibly dense plot comes to life is when our merry band of bickering swordsmiths teams up with Leonardo DaVinci. It's almost worth it just for the scene where DaVinci exclaims, "Of course I'm excited, my weapons are going to kill a dragon!" Even then, it doesn't make a whole lot sense - DaVinci's dragon-slaying weapons are just crossbows that shoot flaming arrows. Hardly the sort of thing you'd need a genius intellect to come up with.

'Soulcalibur Legends' Screenshot 1

Soulcalibur Legends is sponsored by the fine people at RealDoll Inc.

So, the game itself. Well, it came out in America a year ago, and is only now reaching Europe, so that probably tells you something about how much of a priority this off-shoot from the fighting series actually was. You control Siegfried, or six other characters unlocked during the single-player adventure, and roam around featureless linear levels mashing up waves of enemies with the evil Soul Edge sword. You'll enter a room, magic blue mist seals you in, and you twat everything to pieces until the game deigns to let you continue. Sometimes there'll be a sort of puzzle bit, where you have to hit statues or switches to open doors, but mostly it's the sort of game that assumes if you enjoyed killing one skeleton with a sword, you'll enjoy killing five hundred of them even more.

Despite what the cynics might expect, the motion control actually works very well. The nunchuk stick controls movement, while left and right motions with the remote translate to radial sweeping attacks. Flicking the remote up and down triggers uppercuts or crushing overhead strikes, and a forward thrust makes Siegfried do, well, a forward thrust. Add the block ability on the nunchuk's Z button, and jumping on the B trigger, and that's the basics of combat. There's more to it than that - characters have over twenty different combinations to use, and you can power-up your weapons by collecting orbs and icons - but thanks to the flatline game design you never really need to use anything beyond the same four entry-level attacks. In fact, most fights - including many boss battles - can be beaten simply by flailing around like a man assailed by wasps.

'Soulcalibur Legends' Screenshot 2

Twin flexible blades with a soothing aloe vera strip can shave even the roughest skin...

That's because the game offers no camera control and therefore defaults to a lock-on system that makes it all but impossible to not kill every damn thing in the room just by ensuring your sword never stays still. You have no say on who, or what, you lock onto though. Pressing the A button flicks your lock to another enemy, but it's seemingly chosen at random. The only other option is to switch the lock off, and activate it yourself with the A button. Even then, the game chooses what you lock onto. Just keep flapping your hands and everything should be fine.

Even so, with regular health refills and power-ups around every corner (naturally hidden in dozens of smashable jars and barrels) the game is pathetically easy. I only failed two levels in the whole game, and that was because of the outrageous reliance on cheap traps rather than any combat inefficiency. The game has this delightful habit of springing things on you as you stumble around corners, waiting for the camera to catch up. Volleys of arrows are a popular one, but my favourite is when you turn a corner only to be crushed by a trio of gigantic Indiana Jones-style stone balls. These perils can appear out of nowhere and, like the jets of health-sapping gas that burst out of unmarked walls, give you no warning as to when they'll strike.

The graphics are bland and stiff, the story is an absolute joke (the ending particularly so) and whatever depth the levelling system might offer requires acres of patience to unearth. Most Soulcalibur fans, and indeed any sentient human with a functioning brain, will have run screaming long before they reach that point.

2 / 10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
Picture of Dan.

About Dan Whitehead

Dan has been writing for Eurogamer since 2006 and specialises in RPGs, shooters and games for children. His bestest game ever is Julian Gollop's Chaos.

Read more articles from Dan by visiting the Dan Whitehead archive page.

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Comments (54) Latest comment 3 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Kryon #1 3 years ago

    This is what happens when you try and release a 'proper' game on the Wii.

    Wiilol.

  • MORZTAN #2 3 years ago

    Holy crap! Why do they bother making this shit!?

  • Freek #3 3 years ago

    No, this is what happens when you don't try to release a proper game. But try to sell a crappy spin off one on the strength of the franchise alone.

  • drumbaby #4 3 years ago

    Games don't belong on the platform, just lame motion sims.

  • Der_tolle_Emil #5 3 years ago

    I already knew it was bad but did not expect it to be that bad. I'm not disappointed though. I did not have much interest in this anyway.

  • Gnort #6 3 years ago

    In fairness, Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks was actually better than some of the later MK fighting games.

  • Pirotic #7 3 years ago

    Why couldn't they just water down IV and release that?

  • bad09 #8 3 years ago

    Wow, like Der_tolle_Emil I knew this would be poor but not that bad :)

    / clears throat

    Wiilol!

    / strokes his copy of SC4

  • CunningLinguist #9 3 years ago

    Have this guy review more, he's hilarious!

  • skullcommander #10 3 years ago

    I agree with my comrade above. MK Shaolin Monks was good. In fact one of the better scrolling beat 'em ups of recent times.

  • Krelle #11 3 years ago

    @CunningLinguist:

    You dont come here very often, do you?

  • Tomo #12 3 years ago

    Very funny review plus I enjoyed the fact it was only one page lo...

    /attention diverts

  • GordonCaladan #13 3 years ago

    But can you play it with your arse?

  • menage #14 3 years ago

    @frod

    Seeing as the tekken sidescolling minigames were crap as well, as was that Nina game I'd say Namco jst sucks at sidesacrolling beat em ups.

  • morriss #15 3 years ago

    Looks like I picked the right time to stop sniffing glue.

  • LlamaFarmer #16 3 years ago

    Thanks Dan, really funny review

  • Triggerhappytel #17 3 years ago

    Heh, great review; most amusing.

    You'd think Namco would have learned by now that no-one wants to play these shitty spin offs. Let's hope this is the last of them.

  • DFawkes #18 3 years ago

    I'd still have it, EG reviews never line up with my opinion anymore. It's almost like they read my mind then write the opposite of what I think.

    It isn't a priority buy though, it'll fall in price faster than Superman changes into his spandex.
    Edited by 1 at 10/09/08 @ 10:13

  • Triggerhappytel #19 3 years ago

    @ DFawkes - fucking hell, spoilers dude!

    Not all of us have played MGS4 yet!!

  • Quint2020 #20 3 years ago

    /Obligatory

    Wiilol

  • Steroyd #21 3 years ago

    LMAFO

  • viper_h #22 3 years ago

    @ Triggerhappytel: Did you know Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker's father?!

  • neonemesis #23 3 years ago

    To be fair, it was only ever going to be some sort of compensation for Wii owners disappointed at there being no SC4 on their console.

  • menage #24 3 years ago

    Some compensation right there. Makes a great frisbee I guess. Hey, there's an idea, Wii frisbee.
    Edited by 1 at 10/09/08 @ 09:46

  • Fernando #25 3 years ago

    oh dear oh dear.................oh dear

  • karstux #26 3 years ago

    Ouch, that hurts. I had really high hopes for this. I mean, what could go wrong with a nice medieval fantasy-adventure game with Soulcalibur fighting mechanics?

    A lot, apparently. :-(

  • DFawkes #27 3 years ago

    @Triggerhappytel
    Sorry about that, I'm usually not one for spoilers. To be fair, if you don't see that coming, most of the rest of the plot will be wasted on you anyway. Not that I even get it, there's so much exposition that it's hard to keep track. They had to give us a Database app. just to make sense of it properly, FFS. I do love the story though, as far as I understand it.

    Also, Bruce Willis is a ghost.

  • DanWhitehead #28 3 years ago

    Thanks for spoiling Die Hard 4.

  • kinky_mong #29 3 years ago

    This is what happens when you try and release a 'proper' game on the Wii.

    No this is what happens when you try and pass off a dodgy spin-off of an overrated series on to the Wii. When you try and release a "proper" game on the Wii very few people buy it and then a few months later I can find new copies for half price online (e.g. Metroid Prime 3 and Okami)

  • knightmt #30 3 years ago

    Having quite a few games on the wii have to agree it sucks. I do not mind that the graphics are shit(well I do), but what really gets me is the accuracy of the controls.
    I hope that they do bring out a proper open plan fighting game, I am a bit fan of tekken and soul caliber, and if they concentrated on one player and allowed the user to control the camera and lock on to whom ever they choose I could handle some serious destruction?

  • Kryon #31 3 years ago

    When you try and release a "proper" game on the Wii very few people buy it

    That's because the Wii is aimed at 6 year old girls and the elderly.

  • Mr_Brown #32 3 years ago

    Can't understand the Wii hate, Soul Caliber has long been going down hill, its not shit because its on the Wii, its a shit series now.

  • LunatikCajun #33 3 years ago

    Surely you must have been able to group together enough weka games for another Shame train Article?

    Outstanding review though. I will be reffering to Jar Jar as a Jive Talking frog creature for the rest of my life now.

  • Kryon #34 3 years ago

    its not shit because its on the Wii, its a shit series now

    Oh, really? Someone better tell Metacritic, because they seem to think the PS3 game gets 86/100 based on 55 reviews.

    2/10WiilolZORZ!!!1111!!
    Edited by 1 at 10/09/08 @ 11:52

  • viper_h #35 3 years ago

    As I've said before and I'll say again, IV is broken.

  • illusiondance #36 3 years ago

    embittererd sonyfanboyslolz
    everyone knew from last year this was a pitiful game so all the self proclaimed 'hardcore' responding to this review are really showing up their frustration by desperately trying to rub it in the faces of wii owners.

    The simple fact is that this was produced by Namco USA (hometek i think) and apart from inspiring the cover mechanic of GoW have a track record of really shit games.
    To assume this is supposed to replace the forth installment of SC is pretty stupid. It stinks of some designer proposing an SC version of Sengoku Musou and forgetting the tactics and variety.
    Please try harder in future namco.... just give us Taiko Drum Master and you are admonished

  • septimus #37 3 years ago

    A shit Wii game? Will wonders never cease!

  • Vin #38 3 years ago

    Christ, that was brutal.

  • bushwod #39 3 years ago

    If Ivy 'got them out' in it, would it be worth a 4/10?

  • theloz #40 3 years ago

    That last screenshot, with the dragon... wtf is Lloyd from Tales of Symphonia doing in this game?!

  • Kryon #41 3 years ago

    LOLcalibur, Only on Wii.

  • smelly #42 3 years ago

    THATS IT... I'M *NEVER* BUYING A WII GAME AGAIN!

    They're ALL SHIT!!!

    I'm going to only buy 360 games from now on... as NONE of those are shit.. And in the case of the 360 it's only the CONSOLE which is SHIT...

  • Gradius #43 3 years ago

    Surely the 360 and Wii are both shit, just for different reasons. One breaks down too often and one is based on the same technology used to create the gramophone and ZX spectrum.
    Edited by 1 at 10/09/08 @ 17:02

  • captainrentboy #44 3 years ago

    Bloody hell the Wii releases are going from strength to strength.
    When is another, even remotely decent, game going to be released on the console? Seriously, I can't see any :/
    Never mind, it'll still sell a few million more over Chrimbo. Fat mommas need to burn their turkey dinners off.
    Edited by 1 at 10/09/08 @ 18:58

  • bad09 #45 3 years ago

    @ Gradius

    Don't ever compare the Wii to a Speccy again!

    The Speccy had a much better software line up FFS!!!!

  • smelly #46 3 years ago

    "When is another, even remotely decent, game going to be released on the console? Seriously, I can't see any :/ "

    Did you not see the reviews for warioland

    Edited by 1 at 11/09/08 @ 00:32

  • Kryon #47 3 years ago

    LOL, gotta love Nintendo, the execs at the top must have been like, "hmm, I hope all those retards who paid £180 for our new Gamecube with fairy wand won't notice that we're totally milking the Mario franchise to within an inch of its life...Nah, course they won't, just turn the 'M' upside down and paint him yellow, anyone dumb enough to pay £180 for a Gamecube with a fairy wand certainly won't clock on to that spark of genius! lulz"...

  • stallion185 #48 3 years ago

    @ Kryon

    Dude, you have some serious Wii hate issues. Get help.

    Also, saying that Wario is just Mario painted yellow with the first letter of his name turned upside down is like saying every FPS is the same excepth that the faces on the main character and everything you shoot are different. Just stupid.

  • Kryon #49 3 years ago

    Dude, you have some serious Wii hate issues.

    Man, with a creative streak like that, I'm sure you could get a job with Nintardo. 'Wii hate' featuring Puigi (Puigi is painted in a gay pink colour but is just like Luigi, except gayer).

    It would sell like hotcakes, trust me.

  • Ranger101 #50 3 years ago

    But erm... Wario is Mario with the 'M' painted uposide down, and painted yellow. Thats the point. :D


    *runs*

  • Slipstream #51 3 years ago

    More to the point...

    Is that Lloyd Irving in the last Screencap? 0.o'

  • illusiondance #52 3 years ago

    wow, some people feel really threatenend by the humble Wii, its like the Y2K hysteria all over again but only on net forums.

    chill out ... we are all gonna die soon because of the large Hadron Collider anyway(!).

  • DFawkes #53 3 years ago

    I rented this from LoveFilm. It's not 2/10 bad. At first, anyway, then you realise it is. Not that I don't enjoy it, I wring enjoyment from pretty much anything (I'll probably even buy it), but for goodness sake don't spend any of your own money on this.

  • DFawkes #54 3 years ago

    Wow, I post on all threads. Anyway, I actually spent £10 on this and I'll agree with myself it isn't 2/10 bad. It's not great though, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. But I like it.