Soulcalibur Legends Review
Chop of the flops.
Version tested: Wii
Why do they keep doing it? Why do they think that we want to see our favourite fighting game characters crudely stuffed into third-person action games? It didn't do Namco any favours the last time they blundered down this road, with the laughably inept Tekken spin-off Death By Degrees earning a measly 3/10 back in 2005, and Midway tried to turn Mortal Kombat into an action-adventure three times before they decided that fans would probably rather make Sub Zero punch Batman in the sweetmeats than suffer through another shonky mess like Mortal Kombat: Special Forces.
So now it's Soulcalibur's turn to be disgraced by an ill-advised exercise in genre-hopping. Telling the tale of how the brave knight Siegfried succumbed to the lure of a dark power and became the monstrous villain Nightmare, the debt to the Star Wars prequels couldn't be more obvious if you were constantly followed around by a gay robot and a jive-talking frog creature. Not that the story really matters, since it's told almost entirely through the sort of long-winded static subtitled scenes that'll soon have you instinctively hammering the A button to close each dialogue window as soon as it appears.
Even then, it's an arduous task. One particularly irritating story scene demanded fifty nine button presses to get through and, yes, I counted. The only moment when the impossibly dense plot comes to life is when our merry band of bickering swordsmiths teams up with Leonardo DaVinci. It's almost worth it just for the scene where DaVinci exclaims, "Of course I'm excited, my weapons are going to kill a dragon!" Even then, it doesn't make a whole lot sense - DaVinci's dragon-slaying weapons are just crossbows that shoot flaming arrows. Hardly the sort of thing you'd need a genius intellect to come up with.

Soulcalibur Legends is sponsored by the fine people at RealDoll Inc.
So, the game itself. Well, it came out in America a year ago, and is only now reaching Europe, so that probably tells you something about how much of a priority this off-shoot from the fighting series actually was. You control Siegfried, or six other characters unlocked during the single-player adventure, and roam around featureless linear levels mashing up waves of enemies with the evil Soul Edge sword. You'll enter a room, magic blue mist seals you in, and you twat everything to pieces until the game deigns to let you continue. Sometimes there'll be a sort of puzzle bit, where you have to hit statues or switches to open doors, but mostly it's the sort of game that assumes if you enjoyed killing one skeleton with a sword, you'll enjoy killing five hundred of them even more.
Despite what the cynics might expect, the motion control actually works very well. The nunchuk stick controls movement, while left and right motions with the remote translate to radial sweeping attacks. Flicking the remote up and down triggers uppercuts or crushing overhead strikes, and a forward thrust makes Siegfried do, well, a forward thrust. Add the block ability on the nunchuk's Z button, and jumping on the B trigger, and that's the basics of combat. There's more to it than that - characters have over twenty different combinations to use, and you can power-up your weapons by collecting orbs and icons - but thanks to the flatline game design you never really need to use anything beyond the same four entry-level attacks. In fact, most fights - including many boss battles - can be beaten simply by flailing around like a man assailed by wasps.

Twin flexible blades with a soothing aloe vera strip can shave even the roughest skin...
That's because the game offers no camera control and therefore defaults to a lock-on system that makes it all but impossible to not kill every damn thing in the room just by ensuring your sword never stays still. You have no say on who, or what, you lock onto though. Pressing the A button flicks your lock to another enemy, but it's seemingly chosen at random. The only other option is to switch the lock off, and activate it yourself with the A button. Even then, the game chooses what you lock onto. Just keep flapping your hands and everything should be fine.
Even so, with regular health refills and power-ups around every corner (naturally hidden in dozens of smashable jars and barrels) the game is pathetically easy. I only failed two levels in the whole game, and that was because of the outrageous reliance on cheap traps rather than any combat inefficiency. The game has this delightful habit of springing things on you as you stumble around corners, waiting for the camera to catch up. Volleys of arrows are a popular one, but my favourite is when you turn a corner only to be crushed by a trio of gigantic Indiana Jones-style stone balls. These perils can appear out of nowhere and, like the jets of health-sapping gas that burst out of unmarked walls, give you no warning as to when they'll strike.
The graphics are bland and stiff, the story is an absolute joke (the ending particularly so) and whatever depth the levelling system might offer requires acres of patience to unearth. Most Soulcalibur fans, and indeed any sentient human with a functioning brain, will have run screaming long before they reach that point.
2 / 10
You may also like...
-
Happy Action Theater Review
-
Motorola Xoom 2 Tablet Reviews
-
ModNation Racers: Road Trip Review
-
Sony confirms PS Vita 1st Party digital only game prices
-
Call of Duty: Black Ops has best game ending ever, says Guinness World Records
-
Sony explains PlayStation Vita game price strategy
-
Mass Effect 3 Demo: The First 20 Minutes
-
Why Devs Owe You Nothing
-
3DS Ambassador Super Mario Bros. game updated
-
DICE working on multiple Battlefield 3 fixes
-
Rockstar mulling LA Noire 2 development
-
EGTV: Eurogamer playtests PlayStation Vita
-
The Witcher 2: Enhanced Edition Xbox 360 trailer
-
Mojang: no plans for Minecraft on Vita
-
Halo 4 Master Chief action figure flaunts new suit design
-
Tim Schafer: publishers aren't evil
-
Apple begins Foxconn factories inspections
-
Face-Off: Final Fantasy 13-2
-
Digital Foundry: PS3 Skyrim Lag Fixed?
-
App of the Day: Monkey Bump
-
Who Killed Rare?
-
Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning Review
-
Fallout: New Vegas dev asks fans what game they would like it to Kickstart
-
Retrospective: Star Wars Episode I Racer
-
UK Top 40: Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning beats Darkness 2









Comments (54) Latest comment 3 years ago
Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Wiilol.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
/ clears throat
Wiilol!
/ strokes his copy of SC4
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
You dont come here very often, do you?
Comment below viewing threshold Show
/attention diverts
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Seeing as the tekken sidescolling minigames were crap as well, as was that Nina game I'd say Namco jst sucks at sidesacrolling beat em ups.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
You'd think Namco would have learned by now that no-one wants to play these shitty spin offs. Let's hope this is the last of them.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
It isn't a priority buy though, it'll fall in price faster than Superman changes into his spandex.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Not all of us have played MGS4 yet!!
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Wiilol
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
A lot, apparently.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Sorry about that, I'm usually not one for spoilers. To be fair, if you don't see that coming, most of the rest of the plot will be wasted on you anyway. Not that I even get it, there's so much exposition that it's hard to keep track. They had to give us a Database app. just to make sense of it properly, FFS. I do love the story though, as far as I understand it.
Also, Bruce Willis is a ghost.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
No this is what happens when you try and pass off a dodgy spin-off of an overrated series on to the Wii. When you try and release a "proper" game on the Wii very few people buy it and then a few months later I can find new copies for half price online (e.g. Metroid Prime 3 and Okami)
Comment below viewing threshold Show
I hope that they do bring out a proper open plan fighting game, I am a bit fan of tekken and soul caliber, and if they concentrated on one player and allowed the user to control the camera and lock on to whom ever they choose I could handle some serious destruction?
Comment below viewing threshold Show
That's because the Wii is aimed at 6 year old girls and the elderly.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Outstanding review though. I will be reffering to Jar Jar as a Jive Talking frog creature for the rest of my life now.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Oh, really? Someone better tell Metacritic, because they seem to think the PS3 game gets 86/100 based on 55 reviews.
2/10WiilolZORZ!!!1111!!
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
everyone knew from last year this was a pitiful game so all the self proclaimed 'hardcore' responding to this review are really showing up their frustration by desperately trying to rub it in the faces of wii owners.
The simple fact is that this was produced by Namco USA (hometek i think) and apart from inspiring the cover mechanic of GoW have a track record of really shit games.
To assume this is supposed to replace the forth installment of SC is pretty stupid. It stinks of some designer proposing an SC version of Sengoku Musou and forgetting the tactics and variety.
Please try harder in future namco.... just give us Taiko Drum Master and you are admonished
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
They're ALL SHIT!!!
I'm going to only buy 360 games from now on... as NONE of those are shit.. And in the case of the 360 it's only the CONSOLE which is SHIT...
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
When is another, even remotely decent, game going to be released on the console? Seriously, I can't see any :/
Never mind, it'll still sell a few million more over Chrimbo. Fat mommas need to burn their turkey dinners off.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Don't ever compare the Wii to a Speccy again!
The Speccy had a much better software line up FFS!!!!
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Did you not see the reviews for warioland
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Dude, you have some serious Wii hate issues. Get help.
Also, saying that Wario is just Mario painted yellow with the first letter of his name turned upside down is like saying every FPS is the same excepth that the faces on the main character and everything you shoot are different. Just stupid.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Man, with a creative streak like that, I'm sure you could get a job with Nintardo. 'Wii hate' featuring Puigi (Puigi is painted in a gay pink colour but is just like Luigi, except gayer).
It would sell like hotcakes, trust me.
Comment below viewing threshold Show
*runs*
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Is that Lloyd Irving in the last Screencap? 0.o'
Comment below viewing threshold Show
chill out ... we are all gonna die soon because of the large Hadron Collider anyway(!).
Comment below viewing threshold Show
Comment below viewing threshold Show