Reader Reviews
First batch of 2004! Including C&C Generals: Zero Hour, Suikoden III, FFTA, Dungeon Siege: Legends of Aranna and plenty more.
Unlimited SaGa (PS2)
by Stevas mkII
Right. Apparently, I can review anything I like. That's what the man said. Or woman, if you're inclined to believe there's such a person as Mrs Biscuit. Personally, I have my doubts. Trouble is, I'd much rather review something I dislike - just to be different - but I haven't bought any games I'm unhappy with recently. Nope. Not one.
That's a lie, that is. Who said that? Oh, it was me. Damn this conscience. Okay, I did buy Unlimited Saga - I admit it - and I spent very little time with it. There. I took it back. Very quickly. In short, should you wish to gain some sort of recommendation on a gaming purchase out of this nonsense, then you've already had it right there. The fact is, very few of these reader reviews are going to be of a recently purchased duffer, simply due to the mind-numbing obviousness that is this: we'd prefer not to spend time with them if we could help it. We don't get paid to, for a start. And who would possess the sheer stupidity to slate a game off with but less than a couple of hours game time under their belt? That'll be just me, then.
So it's pretty clear that any forum reader sending in a review is probably going to be doing so after extensively playing the game - don't you think? Conversely, I'd be suspicious of anyone who gives a scathing review, purely on the basis that I myself would not have been able to force myself to play anything I don't like for more than the amount of time it takes me to form an opinion. Normally this isn't very long anyhow, but when folding stuff has exchanged hands it becomes almost instantaneous. What would you say is the optimum time for effectively reviewing a game? Ten hours? More? Until completion, even?
When was the last time you played any game you didn't like for that long? It's why we trust the chaps who are paid to do it. That we assume they do actually play the rubbish to the depths we demand a critical analysis requires is testament to this trust. I'm not sure I could. So. Unlimited Saga, then. It's... tripe. Really. No, I have no justification for that one word review. I have no argument. If you feel the need to tell me I didn't spend enough time with it, I'll silently direct you to a seat I've reserved, just for you, as you joined us right in the middle of an exclusive screening of a short movie I like to call "You Got Me There, Keith, And... Pfffft - So What?"
What, you still here? Show's over, already! A what? A 'score'? You want a score? Okay, I give the central premise of allowing forum members to submit reviews a score of three lemonade shandies and a packet of salted peanuts. In short, it's a nice idea, but it's not as good as Halo. Unlimited Saga, on the other hand, I'd rate that mixture of mouldy lager and tab ash you sometimes get in pub ashtrays. If I was feeling generous - and I guess it is Christmas [ulp -Ed] - I'd throw in a two week-old salt and vinegar Space Raider. Happy now?
No score supplied (in the traditional sense).