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The War on Terror Review

PC Review by Kieron Gillen

29 March, 2006

Videogames never cease to surprise. If before playing this you asked me to bet what I thought my introduction would contain, I'd have put serious money on some manner of the usual leftist pinko Guardian reading nonsense that Walker and I end up crowbaring into our reviews much to everyone's embarrassment. Evens odds on it featuring the line "We'll stop putting politics into our reviews when developers stop putting politics into their games". But no.

Heavens above: tastelessness is the least of the War on Terror's problems.

Despite its 'torn from the headlines' name, it's not particularly weighted in the real world. It offers three sides to play on and a campaign of each to play through. That is, the World Forces (i.e. America and chums), The Order (i.e. non-threateningly unspecific group of Terrorists) and China (i.e. China). Its key design points are based around a lack of base building; capture flags and you can call in reinforcements. Also, while the politics are fantasy, the game - like Deus Ex - takes pleasure in setting its conflicts in recognisable locations. Let's use the training level for an example, as i) It's actually an impressively accurate visual simulacra of Alcatraz Island and ii) It's the only one I played.

Bear with me.

'The War on Terror' Screenshot 1

Didn't get to this level.

Immediately you're overcome with a mass of faults. While the map is detailed, the characters have little or no interest in interacting with it. Those tempting steps up to the building? No, scenery only. At one point, even when there's an obvious clear pathway at least 10ft wide which leads directly to where you want to go, the pathfinding prefers to take the Alcatraz tourist route of the area.

Then you start seeing past the programming faults and realise no-one in the design team had a clue either. The camera wobbles around aimlessly, with a tap of the cursor when fully zoomed out making it lurch far too much to be vaguely controllable. You're introduced to a character's stealth abilities when you're asked to try and sneak past a group of people. "That close?" you think, and then find out it's actually a forced failure. While each soldier has a special ability, the actual combat engagements are utterly meaningless - you click at a far off destination then sit back to let the troops find their own way, killing everyone on the way with no help from you. When finally you get to the hostages you're told you have to clear a way out to avoid risking their lives. Fair enough, but what they actually mean is "Clear every enemy off the island". The level is divided into a long, meandering paths which your foot-soldiers slog around like a bunch of hobbled sloths, leading to excruciatingly annoying backtracking trying to find elusive terrorists. Can't find the last of them, save the game and go and look around online for a solution. There isn't one.

'The War on Terror' Screenshot 2

Or this one.

Sighing, I head back into the game and - marvellous! - manage to find one of the errant goits. Hostages march a bit further before the commander says there's some more I have to get rid of before it's safe to leave, despite no enemy of democracy having shown their face in the last twenty minutes or so. Back to the searching - at which point we discover the programmers have got fed up at the bad designers getting all the criticism, and all the holes in the barricades you made during the mission have been magically filled up via the simple process of loading a saved game, rendering the mission uncompletable.

Time to skip into the main campaigns and get on with it... oh dear. You can't play any of the campaigns until you've completed the training mission.

Right.

Had enough of this rubbish. I'm off to play Oblivion some more. 2/10.

No, only joking. Of course I persevere. While I'm not going to humour this team-up of terrible design and terrible programming by wasting another hour on the training level (The troop speed being so slow meaning that even knowing what I'm doing, I wouldn't be able to do it any quicker), I turn my attention to what I can play. Namely the skirmish (and multiplayer) mode itself. Except in very rare RTSs, always the heart of the game anyway.

'The War on Terror' Screenshot 3

This one looks fun. Alas, we'll never know.

The game's design thrust becomes more clear, with relatively small sized forces with individual special abilities in tight conflict. However, it very rapidly becomes clear that there's nothing really of note here - or rather, nothing particularly positive of note. Problems seen in the mother game only become worse: for example, the pathfinding. In the smallest of the maps, even the smallest of vehicles refuse to drive across the enormous girder-formed bridge. AI responses are questionable, with troops happy to be bombarded by enemies just outside their firing range. Most aggravatingly, some of the attempts at balancing are painfully obvious. While certain troop types being incapable of firing at other troop types are standard, having certain kinds of helicopter incapable of meaningfully fighting other helicopters is getting a little silly. It's even worse when, if you both play the same of the three sides, the units are virtually indistinguishable, and you can't work out whether you can't shoot someone because it's one of your units or because it's an enemy your unit can't shoot.

Oh - and at the end of the first game I play, as if sensing it needed to go for some kind of grand finale, it crashes.

Right.

Had enough of this rubbish. I'm off to play Oblivion some more. 2/10.

Some will say I should have played this more.

To be honest though, I wish there were some way I could have arranged - perhaps by a magic boon with a friendly fairy or selling my soul to the Daedra - to have played it even less.

2/10

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Comments: 1-40 of 40 in total

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Talha
29/03/06 @ 11:23
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Yay!!! First 2/10 of the year?
space ace
29/03/06 @ 11:26
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this means war.
Glitch
29/03/06 @ 11:26
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I feel sorry for the Devs who make games like this, the idea is their just they dont follow through.
Rev. Stuart Campbell
29/03/06 @ 11:26
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I see the subs are alert on the comments thread, at least...
krudster [mod]
29/03/06 @ 11:31
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Get back under your bridge!
Kami
29/03/06 @ 11:32
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Ahh well... you kinda know when a game is going to be poop.

This is no surprise... after trawling through this game (and making a change above) you deserve to go back to Oblivion mate... so do so and try and forget about this game...
UmBongo
29/03/06 @ 11:40
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Utter Tripe.

Crap name aswell. Shame on you Digital Jesters
cymro
29/03/06 @ 11:45
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Should have been called "The War Against Terror"
kangarootoo
29/03/06 @ 11:55
#9
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Should have been called "Big Sack of Irresponsible Shite".
urban
29/03/06 @ 11:55
#10
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i think you're just protesting against the warrrrrrrrrrrrrr the warrrrrrrrrrrrr on ter ROR

the warrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr the warrrrrrrrrrrrrrr on ter ROR

but i'd agree. looks pish
Genji
29/03/06 @ 12:05
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...why China?
N'Al
29/03/06 @ 12:13
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Because it wouldn't have been a complete rip-off of C&C Generals without China in it, would it?!?

Not only that, but it's a shit rip-off of a mediocre game (or so I'm told, haven't played Generals yet, although I do have the First Decade pack).
Eighthours
29/03/06 @ 12:14
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The first post-Oblivion review to mention Oblivion all the time. Trust Gillen to get in there first! :)
asphaltcowboy
29/03/06 @ 12:16
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"...why China?"

They're next on George's hit list ;)
Larkhill Jo
29/03/06 @ 12:24
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My money would be on China....
BremXJones
29/03/06 @ 12:27
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Reminds me more of Act of War than C&C actually.

Er... I know AoW is a C&C clone, but WoT's changes in approach are more like AoW than C&C.

KG
mazzl
29/03/06 @ 12:40
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nice review :) how does it feel to waste you're life on games.. you're mamma was right after all ;)
Katsumoto
29/03/06 @ 12:50
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it sounds enticing, like a shortbread.

BUT ONE WITH RABIES?
WideBoySlim
29/03/06 @ 13:03
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I have one simple question: why? Who funds such rubbish? Was it made especially for those fantastic games compendia I remember being bundled with new PCs - "30 fantastic arcade classics for £9.99". Never mind, back to oblivion.
UmBongo
29/03/06 @ 13:06
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Just make sure i dont buy any tripe from Digital Jesters! I used to have a half decent opinion about them but not after this rubbish
BremXJones
29/03/06 @ 13:08
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Er... it's not by Digital Jesters. It's by Deep Silver/Monte Cristo.

KG
Zuiyo
29/03/06 @ 13:11
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The review sounds like a 1/0.
Stickman
29/03/06 @ 14:06
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New for 2006: reviews in binary.
coojam
29/03/06 @ 14:19
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Christ don't be stupid, if China was next on Bush's hitlist, they'd lose and we'd all probably die.
nickthegun
29/03/06 @ 15:20
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If it was called "The War Against Terror" would that have been worth an extra mark?

How about "Countries United: No Terror"?
Furbs
29/03/06 @ 15:37
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Why does Eurogamer hate freedom?
Frogger
29/03/06 @ 15:54
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Mmmmm... Not as good as Oblivion, then...
Zuiyo
29/03/06 @ 16:05
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@ Furbs: best laugh I had in the day.

There is this column in G2 today about Iraq Veterans Against War movement (IVAW). Worth checking it out and finding out what's really going on there...
UmBongo
29/03/06 @ 16:17
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Er... it's not by Digital Jesters. It's by Deep Silver/Monte Cristo.

KG
--------------------------
Blimey so your right

I saw the digital then skimmed downand though jesters but yeah thanks for pointing that out Brem
UmBongo
29/03/06 @ 16:18
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How about "Countries United: No Terror"?
-------------------------------------------

Made a nice smile to my face :)
Artemis_Matsas
29/03/06 @ 18:20
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Sometimes you can tell the quality of a game just by its name...

I guess that THIS is one of those times!
Beano
29/03/06 @ 20:47
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2/10 ?... they'll propably try to stick this on Osama Bin Laden as well :)
miiiguel
29/03/06 @ 23:35
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Furbs: what's an axis of evil ? - If you know the answer you got yourself a good purchase here, look no more! - but be aware of where your PC was made, I bet it was China (should look at your sneekers as well).

by the way, I loved the "Didn't get to this level" sub-title.
Edited 1 times, most recently on 30/03/06 @ 00:39
Snooz
30/03/06 @ 10:22
#34
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So this isn't 'George Bush's: The Official Game Of The War Against Terror'?
jellyhead
30/03/06 @ 11:07
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Glitch said - "I feel sorry for the Devs who make games like this, the idea is their just they dont follow through."
They did follow through it seems. :) The game is like a brown, lumpy fart.

snooz said - "So this isn't 'George Bush's: The Official Game Of The War Against Terror'?"
Don't see why not, It's as well planned as the war on terror. :)
Edited 1 times, most recently on 30/03/06 @ 12:07
miiiguel
30/03/06 @ 12:04
#36
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I read somewhere that if you beat the game, you'll be able to do some previous "war on terror" episodes:
- Cuba "The Bay of Pigs"
- Vietnam "The Tet Offensive"
- Chile "Coup over a democratic elected government" (special award points if you manage to put a guy in power bloodier that Pinochet - very hard! -)

More expansion packs will be available... so I heard...
:)
jellyhead
30/03/06 @ 12:55
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You get extra missions if you complete the game?
Well there's an incentive to stay on the tutorial level eh? ;-)
Kismano
30/03/06 @ 14:04
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The world's shame is that somebody forced the great KG to write a review about an "one-from-the-dozen" clone (or clone of the clone) game.
Unfortunately this review doesn't help me to much to buy the game or not.
The only thing what I know that the great man stucked on a tutorial level - what's usualy made for newbies - and found it boring. Oh well, and he doesn't know the difference between "You should complete tutorial first..." and "You mustn't continue 'till You complete tutorial...".
So please continue it from the warning of load/save problems.
I wan't to read a real review, not just a side-kick :P

Or delete this blog notice style thing and ask them to leave you to continue playing Oblivion and put this game to @#$%!
LaundroMat
31/03/06 @ 08:45
#39
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I still like AP. What are you up to now, Mr. Campbell?
BremXJones
31/03/06 @ 14:52
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Kismaro: I know the difference, but it's just irrelevent when I specifically say that you *can't* continue until you complete the training level.

It's not that the training level was boring. It's that it's offensively bad in every single way.

(And the Skirmish wasn't much better, with all the units in. And - y'know - it did crash)

KG

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