Virtual Console Roundup Review

Wrecking Crew

• Platform: NES
• Wii Points: 500
• In Real Money: GBP 3.75 / EUR 5.00

Like all good bourgeois class traitors, I've currently got the builders in to transform my humble suburban semi-detached into a slightly larger suburban semi-detached with a downstairs toilet so I can go for a poo without having to lose sight of my precious, precious HD gaming telly.

Being surrounded by burly craftsmen, who can actually create and fix things of tangible value to mankind, I'm stricken with feelins of inadequacy as I sit there, joypad in hand, fannying about with games. "Seriously", I want to cry, "It's real work, honest." Wrecking Crew, an NES curio from 1985, may not have much to recommend it in 2007 but it does at least give me some measure of common ground with the musky tea-guzzling tradesmen slaving away to improve my home equity, as it involves Mario hitting things with a hammer.

Why, I think I can feel my proud working class roots stirring already...

One of those official-but-tangential Mario outings that saw the hairy plumber removed from his traditional environment, Wrecking Crew is actually a throwback of sorts to his origins as Jumpman in Donkey Kong. Once again, our hero scrambles up ladders and across girders but there's no giant ape this time, and no tumbling barrels. Instead you must demolish all the destructible items in the level without being grabbed by wandering monsters. As these destructible items also include ladders, there's a strong element of puzzling involved as you work out the correct sequence to smash things up.

The longevity is also marginally improved with a rudimentary level designer, which allows you to create and save four of your own creations for solo or two-player fun, a feature previously exclusive to the Japan-only NES Data Recorder. It's a decent time-waster, in a sort of sub-Dig Dug kind of way, though it mostly reminded me of the early Jon Ritman hit, Bear Bovver. I can think of more worthwhile ways to spend 500 points of pretend Nintendo money, but it ain't bad.

5/10

Neutopia

• Platform: TurboGrafx 16
• Wii Points: 600
• In Real Money: 4.20 GBP/6 EUR (approx)

There's irony at work here. Hudson Soft's 1989 adventure game features a young sword-waggling hero, who roams a contiguous overworld, descending into caves and dungeons at will. Combat is real-time, with wandering foes dispatched with a little stabby move. A fantasy kingdom is in jeopardy, and only a missing princess holds the key to unlocking the power of a shattered artefact, sought by a demonic bad guy. Any resemblance to Link, Zelda, the Triforce or Ganon is clearly a wild coincidence.

Back when the TurboGrafx was struggling to dent the vice-like grip of the NES such blatant copyism was par for the course. Now that both games are curled up together beneath the snugly VC duvet, it all seems rather silly. Neutopia has the advantage of the TG16's superior graphical muscle but, with four Zelda games and a smattering of other RPG style games already on the VC, there's nothing terribly essential about this offering.

Having said that, it's charming enough for all its derivative stylings and, if you're looking for maximum value for your Wii points, then even a nice-but-generic role player is a more useful addition to the roster than yet another sub-par platformer.

6/10

Lunar Pool

• Platform: NES
• Wii Points: 500
• In Real Money: GBP 3.75 / EUR 5.00

Talking of Bear Bovver, Artic Computing, the publisher of that ursine platformer also put out a 1983 snooker game for the Spectrum called (with typical early industry flair) Snooker. It was one of the first games I owned, and my curdled memory tells me it was actually a fairly decent simulation of the click-clacking coloured balls.

Lunar Pool, a gimmicky NES billiards game, is actually less impressive despite appearing several years later and on a more technically adept platform. Slap the balls into the pockets, using a rotating cursor to aim your invisible cue, and take the shot when the oscillating power bar is at the preferred level. Fail to pot a ball within three shots and you lose a life. It's all predictable enough so, as the lunar prefix suggests, there's a puddle of videogame wackiness right around the corner to "enliven" proceedings.

Different table shapes complicate matters with sharp corners, as does the ability to alter the friction of the table. Set it to zero and the balls will keep bouncing forever (or until they all find a pocket). Set it to 255 and the balls barely move at all. It's vaguely amusing the first time you tinker with it, but such desperate gimmickery isn't enough to compensate for the basic execution. The wacky layouts and prehistoric physics mean you can't really approach it as a proper game of pool, so it's only a matter of time before you fall back on the old "whack everything as hard as you can" mode of last resort gameplay.

3/10