Nintendo Touch Golf Birdie Challenge Review

Top draw.

Version tested: DS

Okey dokey. Right. On the green. Good. Seems to be sloping a bit. Okay. Left a little. A touch more. A little to the right. Okay, looks good. Fooooooooo. Okay. Draw back the club... and push. Gently does it. Geeeently. Geeeeeently. Almost there... Go on... Aaaaaaaaand...

There's a giant cock. Thanks Rob.

Nintendo Touch Golf Birdie Challenge has Pictochat built in. During wireless games, you can draw pictures using your stylus and dispatch them to appear on your opponent's top screen, which is otherwise used to offer a 3d picture of the game in progress. A well-timed penis can arrive just in time to obscure your opponent's view of the ball rolling into or indeed, as was the case here, past the hole.

This is worth noting for two reasons. 1) It demonstrates just how easily the thing can be integrated into multiplayer games, something we've wondered about ever since the Nintendo DS came out. And 2) we happen to be writing about it just days after bemoaning the lack of inter-player communication in Mario Kart DS. Touch Golf, alas, doesn't go online. You can still have lots of fun with Pictochat offline of course, but some of the above certainly does grate.

Novel though Pictochat's inclusion may seem, however, it's still worth getting out of the way at the top end of the review because it's probably the only startlingly exciting thing about Touch Golf. Note the emphasis, ponder the score, and then consider: Touch Golf has virtually no 'wow factor', but it's still the best golf game in ages.

'Nintendo Touch Golf Birdie Challenge' Screenshot drag

Drag it back and then push forward to club the ball.

Unlike Tiger Woods, for example, Touch Golf won't let you get away with complacency and autopilot golfing - much less reward them. Where in Tiger you can expect to collect at least a handful of birdies per round, and probably even a few eagles if you play the odd risky shot, Touch Golf demands that you really put some thought into planning shots and then precision into executing them - and even then you'll struggle to stay within par.

Initially, you'll take in the course overview via flyby on the 3d top-screen and bird's-eye on the touch-screen, use your stylus to reposition the marker somewhere in the center of the fairway, hit the "Swing" button at the very bottom of the screen, drag the stylus back and then thrust it forward to propel the ball toward your objective. The smoother, speedier and straighter the stylus stroke, the better and more accurate the shot. Then you'll use the free-cam to take in all the moving arrows painted across the face of the green to mark the lay of the land, and try to deposit the ball somewhere near the hole using the same stylus-swing mechanic.

It works reasonably well. But you probably won't hole out within par - you'll end up in the rough quite a bit due to unkind bounces on the fairway, your putting will be off-centre or come up short, and you'll probably feel that it's quite exacting.

Then you start to look more closely. At what affects the outcome of a drive, for example. You'll click the magnifying glass icon to zoom in or out and take in the obstacles in your flightpath. You'll also discover that you can examine where the ball will bounce, not just where it'll end up if it rolled in a straight line. You'll factor in wind conditions, the quality of your lie, and, as you approach the green, what sort of impact the ball will make once it lands - whether the slope will work in your favour or not, and whether it's worth compensating by switching up or down a club. You'll work out how to fade or draw the ball to escape tricky or obscured positions.

'Nintendo Touch Golf Birdie Challenge' Screenshot unlock

Fill the special shot bar with decent play to unlock a, well, guess.

These little touches make a real difference. Course design is such that if you play a tee-shot well, you stand a much better chance of reaching the green with a spare stroke to try and wrangle a birdie. Even so, it'll be all you can do to achieve impressive scores, even with plenty of practice. Golf isn't that easy, and Touch Golf understands this, and does a much better job of articulating it than Tiger Woods with its birdie-streak trophy balls and one-absent-minded-mechanic-fits-all approach to each situation. The difficulty curve is set up to reflect your burgeoning prowess - courses and the demands placed on you in single-player become more challenging as you start to understand the subtleties of the controls, and you become a more accomplished player. You're working from guiding lines that show you roughly where the ball will end up, but you still need to concentrate. In Tiger Woods it's simply a question of applying a bit of maths to club choice and terrain effects. Here it's about applying common sense and planning ahead. It's no arcade delight, there are no absurd chip spots spun into holes with aftertouch, it's just solid golf.

It's a bit unassuming to look at - simple polygon visuals on the top-screen, including a dodgy level-of-detail effect and some questionable texturing - and on the whole won't seem hugely exciting to begin with. Indeed, it's not a game you'll ever get hugely worked up about. But it quietly gets its claws into you as you develop, and you do find yourself dipping in and really getting into each round of the Championship. I felt like I was in competition with my AI counterparts, even though I only ever saw them on leaderboards.

Facing off against a real opponent (or three) - either using one game card for nine holes of stroke play, or multiple cards for the full range of options - is handled well, and the contest between decent players is never going to be as simple or fluky as it can be in Tiger Woods. It's a shame there's no option to set a handicap for people you're playing against who haven't tried it before, and it'd be nice if the Pictochat didn't obscure the actual play, but hey, Pictochat in multiplayer! You can doodle while the other player lines up his shot.

'Nintendo Touch Golf Birdie Challenge' Screenshot fairways

The fairways are quite narrow from the start.

There's an initial complexity and some occasional quirkiness that restrict its potential. The cursor's a bit fidgety, often switching clubs when you first grab it with the stylus tip even though you don't intend it to. And while the interface isn't necessarily too cluttered, it does demand quite a lot of you, and certain icons behave differently depending on the circumstance, which is hardly intuitive. There's also something rather anti-game about vast putts that you can't actually hole no matter how good you are at measuring them up.

But that's what golf is like. Most games of this sort that demonstrate subtlety have some distinctly arresting factor, or you take great joy in the way they work. This doesn't really work that way. It's not big or boisterous, the characters don't squeak at you in comedy accents and you don't get to unlock Bowser or anything (at least I should hope not), and that's what high-end golf is often like: quietly dignified, a sport of concentration. The occasional lucky chip-in is satisfying, but the real pleasure comes from getting it right because you thought about it. Complacency is the biggest threat you face. Don't buy it if you just want to smash a ball around, hole distant putts and collect obscure rewards for impossible feats; buy it if you want to play golf on your handheld. Because right now, it's the best way to spoil a good sit.

8 / 10

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Comments (25) Latest comment 6 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Murbal #1 6 years ago

    A well-timed penis can arrive just in time to obscure your opponent's view of the ball rolling into or indeed, as was the case here, past the hole.

    Somehow I just knew I'd be reading that today ;-)
    Edited by 1 at 07/12/05 @ 11:47
  • Teeth #2 6 years ago

    This thread is useless without pictures.
  • Scarbir #3 6 years ago

    Hahaha oh t3h laugh! Best intro evah!

    :D
  • Genji #4 6 years ago

    What the... I have never heard of this game until now. Great review, too.
  • myiagros #5 6 years ago

    sounds like a good laugh in multiplayer, but not sure how much fun this sounds in single player.
    The idea of being able to put people off sounds brilliant, but i agree it would probably work better for an online title, like Mario Kart.
  • Shinji #6 6 years ago

    It's not so much designed to put people off, really, as just to give the other players something to do while someone lines up their shot. As such, it works perfectly - the possibility of making Tom miss a vital putt by sending him a pictochat suggesting that the "ladies" at the table next to us in the pub might have been participating in commercial transactions of ill-repute is just a bonus.
  • Teeth #7 6 years ago

  • Gurgeh #8 6 years ago

    in other nintendo news Revolution details are starting to leak out

    "Our guys experimented with it and think they'll be able to get about twice the performance as GameCube," noting that the CPU will probably be a little less than twice as powerful as the GameCube's

    Launch price: approx $ 149
  • Tonka #9 6 years ago

    This sounds good. Last golfgame I played was Tiger Woods and the autopiloting mentioned in the review bored me to death.
  • myiagros #10 6 years ago

    Gurgeh do you have a link to this article, sounds interesting
  • Talha #11 6 years ago

    @myiagros: Go straight to IGN's Revolution channel.

    Even their reviews are improving.
  • SteveB #12 6 years ago

    It's on the IGN website. I like the idea of it, I think it will be a good compliment to the other 2 consoles.
  • Xerx3s #13 6 years ago

  • ImGameCube #14 6 years ago

    You mean you guys are old enough to go to the pub??????
  • Psi #15 6 years ago

    ALBATROSS18!!! sorry to shout but i can't stop playing this free game! it's great :)
  • Sid-Nice #16 6 years ago

    Great review, I've been contemplating getting this game; but the lack of reviews putt me off. Nice to see that Rob's cock got a mention an 8" isn't a bad score. :)
  • HolyJebus #17 6 years ago

    Hey ladies, i've a valid question for this game, can more then one player play this game with just the 1 DS? As in, a player takes his shot then passes the DS to another player to take their shot and so on.
  • Azu87 #18 6 years ago

    Well this was a surprise... I really thought that this was going to be a really bad game. Something that was just made fast to get some money.
  • jmctavish #19 6 years ago

    Credit for reviewing this Eurogamer. I've been looking everywhere for a review of this. I reckon this will be the perfect for sitting on the loo.
  • LucyT #20 6 years ago

    It's a great game but the putting is easy. Just point the red line at the hole.
  • HolyJebus #21 6 years ago

    Hey Lucy, you've played this so i'm guessing. Can more then one player play this game with just the 1 DS? As in, a player takes his shot then passes the DS to another player to take their shot and so on.
  • Feanor #22 6 years ago

    "Unlike Tiger Woods, for example, Touch Golf won't let you get away with complacency and autopilot golfing - much less reward them. Where in Tiger you can expect to collect at least a handful of birdies per round, and probably even a few eagles if you play the odd risky shot,"

    It always puzzles me that you didn't like Links 2004 on the Xbox more, since it offers a much greater challenge than the piss-easy Tiger Woods games.
  • lasermink #23 6 years ago

    No Mario in this game ?!? \o/
  • Luigi #24 6 years ago

    Well, another great game for the DS. Is there a Pool/Snooker game for the DS? The Stylus Pen would be great. Well done Nintendo.
  • tonkei #25 6 years ago

    Just got this yesterday. after a quick 18 holes (on easy mode, am not a big golf person), can happily say it's alot of fun. But sounds more enjoyable in multiplayer?