Jet Set Radio Future Review

By Tom Bramwell Published 25 April, 2002

Review - JSR grinds its way back into our hearts, but Smilebit's Xbox debut is far from perfect

Version tested: Xbox

Back to the Future

'Jet Set Radio Future' Screenshot 01b

It may look busy and tricky, but you're in no danger and it's like snapping your fingers...

Having invented cel-shading, it seems a mite unfair that Sega's Jet Set Radio didn't capitalise on the technique's popularity with roaring sales. Poor performance on the Dreamcast hardware and what I like to think of as the world's first vertical learning curve meant many players got sick of the game before they really got their fill. However, hoping to avoid that situation the second time around, developer Smilebit has dumbed down the long overdue successor to an almost infantile level, and we're still not sure we prefer the new approach. Like the previous game, Jet Set Radio Future gives you control of one of several skater teens, whose sole objective in the game is to cause trouble. They hang out at "The Garage", although unlike the first game this is now a rather enormous skate park with routes to all the game's major levels and lots of things to grind. At the centre of the skate park you can chat to a desperately annoying robot who saves your gave and gives you training objectives to complete, as well as acting as a doorway to the options menu and customizable graffiti. Missions begin with erstwhile DJ Professor K and his pirate Jet Set Radio station broadcasts. These usually consist of the mad professor bopping to beats and laying down your mission objectives, whether it's to (literally) paint the town red or knock down some Rokkaku bad guys. Unfortunately these short scenes are nowhere near as punchy as their counterparts from the original game, and they are completely unskippable. Thanks chaps. Beyond each unfathomable cutscene lies a sprawling level which is effectively split into a number of large areas which can be linked as you tick goals off on the objective list. As in the Dreamcast original you collect paint cans and use them to graffiti anything with a marker on it, but spraying graffiti no longer requires awkward analogue stick combos. This removes one of the toughest elements of the game, and manual tricks such as those witnessed in Tony Hawk allow you to skate slowly past marked areas spraying the whole thing in one go.

Bump and Grind

'Jet Set Radio Future' Screenshot 02b

He's weird-lookin', but he's also the bastion of FUNK

The streamlining continues elsewhere, and there's even further nods toward Neversoft's interminable skating franchise. The time limit for each level is gone, and the cop battles are no longer an ongoing distraction, now consisting of fenced off areas where you can bowl troopers over and spray them as they lie dazed on the ground. The joy of JSR was the way it gave you a lot of objectives and obstacles to overcome and gradually revealed the layout of the level as you completed them. The same is true of Future, but the challenge has been sapped, replaced by a series of connected "wow" moments punctuated by annoying cutscenes. Once again you have to recruit people for your skater gang the GG's by matching their skills on the street. This is often a case of grinding large areas of the level without putting a foot down, and thanks to the simplistic control system (no Tony Hawk style button to initiate a grind here - hit a rail and you're off without a hope of spilling) you're in a position to follow their lead without any difficulty. Sometimes the little nuts want a race to the finish, and that's a piece of cake too. Find a rooftop path which, once again, has been made drastically easier with the advent of grinding up telegraph poles, and you can't really lose. One further objective is to collect Graffiti Souls. Now, these souls are radio-shaped translucent white icons hidden in impossibly obvious places along the various paths you take. The game is quite generous, displaying the location of the souls after a while for confused players. In fact, presentation is generally of a high standard. The menus and speech bubbles are nicely drawn and in-keeping with the game's "funky" dynamic, although a plain old "cancel-the-hell-out-of-all-menus" button would have gone down a treat. As it is you can save your gave quite easily and there are mid-level save points too, which reveal themselves once you've sprayed the relevant area.

Night Rider

'Jet Set Radio Future' Screenshot 03b

Rokkaku troops cause much less trouble this time out

The most challenging aspect of the previous game was chasing down rival skater gangs, and this tug-o-war over territory endures. Poison Jam return, along with the Love Shockers, the Immortals, Zero Beat and others. There's a degree more storyline than JSR sported, but it's all very tongue-in-cheek. Taking out your competition is no longer an epic struggle, either. Having zipped through all of the game's main levels without even having to glance at the training area, I overran Gouji, the final boss, as though he were a first episode nasty. Compare some of the tasks in JSRF to those in Tony Hawk's seminal skater series and you begin to see why Smilebit want to make the distinction between the two so very significant. Or do they? Much to my chagrin, apparently they don't. Players are now encouraged (by way of bonus objectives) to amass points and tricks. Tricks are simple things like doing a 180 on a grind and hitting buttons during a jump, and obviously tricks amount to point before long. The difficulty here is that unlike Tony Hawk, the game won't throw you to the ground if you fail to keep the cursor in the right place, so if you find a loop of grinds (as with the 99th Street level), you can just keep going round and round forever. It's pretty pointless, and feels like a cheap gimmick to make the game "more accessible". Ultimately that's the impression this Xbox version of Jet Set leaves you with. It's a stunningly easy game, thanks in no small part to the simplistic control scheme (with jump, trick and spray buttons about as complex as it gets) and the consistently forgiving design. And although it seems like an obvious idea, there is no "hard" level or veteran's mode. If you fought your way through JSR, as I did, this is a slap in the face.

Small Victory

'Jet Set Radio Future' Screenshot 04b

Gum gets jiggy

Technically though, JSRF managed to impress me quite a bit. The cel-shaded visuals, for instance, are the nicest application of the effect I've ever witnessed, crushing rival efforts and knock-offs like the cheap cash-in products they are. Smilebit hasn't confined itself to a cartoon world, either, embellishing the funky white dust clouds and spark-spitting grinds with all sorts of particle effects and a boost effect that sees the colours bleed into one another to create the perfect illusion of speed. Apart from that, the character design has been tweaked to the nth degree and virtually everybody walking or skating around the game is minutely detailed. This is a 3D cartoon tour de force - developers currently working with the cel-shading technique would do well to pay attention. But just as they give themselves a break, the developers plunge themselves back into the quagmire from whence they came. I am, frankly, completely flabbergasted by the degree of slowdown present in Jet Set Radio Future, not so much because it's a game beyond the Xbox, and not so much because it's still present months after we complained about it at Xperience, but because it doesn't need to be there. If Smilebit hadn't been so darned overambitious with the design this thing would be as smooth as Teflon coated shit off a shovel, but apparently it didn't occur to them to do this when they were mapping out important areas like the Garage, which slows to a crawl if you go near the central island, nor the game's most iconic setting, the Shibuya Terminal used in the first game. Even the press briefings and the damn introductory movie are afflicted. Heaven help me. On the audio front, there are some 30 tunes of mixed interest. Some of them I enjoyed, like tone-deaf oddity Birthday Cake, which just sort of worked for me, but others I could barely endure. On the whole, with so many tunes you're bound to find a few you like, and you'll just have to put up with the rest. Sadly there's no jukebox mode that I could find, but you can set your Garage background music to a specific tune.

Conclusion

As you may have guessed, I'm disappointed with Jet Set Radio Future. There's a great game in here, but Smilebit has once again failed to strike a proper balance between technology and gameplay. It's agonizing, as a fan, to watch them fluff it up for the second time. Terrific graphics and diverse sounds have been woven together to unrivalled effect, but the slowdown, complete lack of any discernible challenge from start to stop (it took me about 12 hours to finish) and lacklustre padding leave me disenchanted on the whole. If you really sucked at the last one, you'll find a reasonable amount of gameplay and a welcome adjustment on the difficulty side of things, but please, don't buy the console to play this. And if you already bought the console, give it a rental to make your mind up.

Tom "Mugwum" Bramwell

-

6 / 10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
Picture of Tom.

About Tom Bramwell

Tom is Operations director of Eurogamer Network and Editor-at-Large of Eurogamer.net. He joined the company in February 2000.

Read more articles from Tom by visiting the Tom Bramwell archive page.

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Comments (163) Latest comment 5 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Blerk #1 10 years ago

    Please halve the score due to cell shading. Then knock another few points off just to annoy the 'everyone hates us' Xbox boys.

    Question: Is it cheaper to buy a DC with JSR than it is to buy JSRF for Xbox? :-)

  • Blerk #2 10 years ago

    p.s. this should sort out an otherwise slow day on the forums! Tea, anyone? ;-)

  • trooper77 #3 10 years ago

    give mugwum a break, guess m$ cant buy everyone.

  • Nemesis #4 10 years ago

    2 Sugs in mine Blerk!

    No chips mind. Or Crisps. Or anything judging by the Swedes.

    JSRF was ok, camera was a bit of a b1tch, and, sorry to say, I always saw meself as a skateboarder, so I detested the game by default. ;-)



  • otto #5 10 years ago

    "No chips mind. Or Crisps. Or anything judging by the Swedes."

    Even bread's off ffs! Just boiled rice & pasta. So curries (no naan) and spag bol it is then :)

    This actually looks exactly like my kind of game - pretty and not too challenging - now if only I had an xbox!

  • Whizzo #6 10 years ago

    Everyone who thinks this is harsh hasn't seen what Edge gave Jedi Knight 2... 4/10!

  • otto #7 10 years ago

    Incidentally, do you xbox lovers lurk here all day waiting for a less-than-stellar review to moan about? This had been up no more than 30 seconds before you all piled in...

  • Nemesis #8 10 years ago

    Heh.

    Soz to pi$$ on the fire, but no rice either!

    http://www.reuters.com/news_article.jht ml?type=sciencenews&StoryID=873399

    So it's Snap, Crackle, Pop, Slump, Thud then.......

  • otto #9 10 years ago

    Nem: no fried rice but boiled rice OK though eh? So no chinese but your Indian's OK as long as it's straight boiled white basmati, none of this pilau stuff...

    segafan: where did he say JSR was shit? He just said it had a learning curve that was a tad steep is all...
    Edited by 2 at 25/04/02 @ 15:30

  • Whizzo #10 10 years ago

    Looks like yet another don't eat anything at all or you'll die story.
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 15:31

  • Gestalt #11 10 years ago

    "why give him JSRF to review when he says in the first few lines that he thought the dreamcast original was shit"

    Er .. no he doesn't, he says the learning curve was too steep and the hardware couldn't keep up with the graphics.


    Edit - Damn otto, you beat me to it. :p
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 15:30

  • Concrete #12 10 years ago

    So what about the multiplayer?
    Its a bit unfair to liken it to Tony Hawks because it isnt trying to be like it. If anything JSRF is more of a platform game. I actually happen to like the music and the cutscenes as well.

  • Nemesis #13 10 years ago

    Er. Just a green salad then......

    /end quote/

  • Blerk #14 10 years ago

    "Just a green salad then"

    Salad?! Nooooo! Pesticides! Lethal!

  • otto #15 10 years ago

    checked that salad for pesticides Nem?

    edit - damn your quick-typing fingers Blerk...
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 15:37

  • Nemesis #16 10 years ago

    Just a glass of water then.

    (in best Dentian voice)

    Must be a Thursday.......

  • Blerk #17 10 years ago

    "damn your quick-typing fingers Blerk..."

    Arf arf... ooh, what's this? It mentions biscuits... And Nestle! :-o

    *drops Kit Kat*

  • Whizzo #18 10 years ago

    As the article says smoking is still more dangerous. Like no crap! It's like publishing an Xbox review and if you don't praise it as the greatest thing ever and being shocked when a flood of rabid Xboxen appear..
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 15:43

  • Gestalt #19 10 years ago

    "Must be a Thursday"

    I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

  • otto #20 10 years ago

    smoking more dangerous than eating toast & marmite? Holy Crap! :o

  • Nemesis #21 10 years ago

    ....and I was just starting to get addicted to those Marmite Crisps too........

  • Whizzo #22 10 years ago

    smoking more dangerous than eating toast & marmite?
    Nothing is more dangerous than eating Marmite, I'm firmly in the hate it camp.

    Crunchy peanut butter is the only thing to have on toast, well other than butter or marg, although that will be found to give you leprosy or something I'm sure.

    Since we've been able to edit I've really given up proofreading, I think it shows...
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 15:50

  • Nemesis #23 10 years ago

    Now, this does ask the question, I wonder the results on Pot Rice/Pot Noodles......

  • Blerk #24 10 years ago

    "I wonder the results on Pot Rice/Pot Noodles"

    They'll probably be okay - it's only food that kills you. Unless you're planning on smoking them.
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 15:55

  • st3ph3n #25 10 years ago

    Not the first bad review of this I've seen. Was the only launch game that I was thinking "I wish this was out for PS2". Must hold off on Xbox till after Cube is bought.

  • Nemesis #26 10 years ago

    Even MORE concerning (other than someone writing a FAQ on a jar of concentrated tar)

    http://www.gty.o rg/~phil/marmite.htm

    Note the top tip from James Kew that just makes me shudder. These people. They just aren't HUMAN.


  • Kylun #27 10 years ago

    FAQ on a jar of concentrated tar

    lol! I thought you we're talking about Java....! =]

  • binky #28 10 years ago

    Ok, serious question re: JSR...

    I absolutely loved this game on the Dreamcast, and was prolly my favourite game .... until i got to an extremelyyyyyyyy frustrating bit.

    Has anyone played it?
    Has anyone got past the dude with a tea towel wrapped round his head and a strange whip thing? u can only choose between some crap chick and some guy with a mass ghetto blaster.

    i havent picked the game up since, coz everytime i do i get sooo annoyed, coz u cant even play earlier levels, its either do or die.

    Absolutely annoying.

    HELP PLEASE>!>!>?!??!?!

  • Blerk #29 10 years ago

    "top tip from James Kew "

    AAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAARGH! This man needs serious psychiatric help! Lock him up somewhere so that he can't get near me!

    Eeeeeeeeeuugh! :-(

  • Nemesis #30 10 years ago

    I wonder if he let it cool down first tho

    ;-)

  • Kylun #31 10 years ago

    top tip from James Kew

    Whats wrong with that???

    Surely the "In some neighborhoods it is (apparently!) common for nursing mothers to dab a little on their nipples before feeding their infants" is worse / better?

  • otto #32 10 years ago

    The best thing about Marmite is the look on people's faces when they try it for the first time. This is why we always take a mini-tub on holiday. Cue the scene at the guesthouse somewhere foreign: wife takes out tub of Marmite, American/Frenchwoman/German/Italian (delete as appropriate) sitting next to us asks, "What's that?" and we try to to explain then say, "Hell, why don't you try it on that brioche?"

  • Blerk #33 10 years ago

    Kylun: Thanks. I didn't read any further than the first 'top tip' for precisely that reason. :-(

    otto: You evil bastard, you. ;-)

  • Nemesis #34 10 years ago

    Now I know why the rest of the world tries to do us over with RRP's. It's revenge for tasting Marmite. Now it all becomes clear.

  • Gestalt #35 10 years ago

    "we always take a mini-tub on holiday"

    No wonder the French don't like us.
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 16:27

  • otto #36 10 years ago

    A favourite memory was a Swede who thought it was Nutella, lathered it on a croissant and stuffed it in his gob before we could warn him. Bwuhahahaha! >:)

  • Nemesis #37 10 years ago

    Bah, fairs fair, they give us Nutella. Squirrel $hit. In a jar. Lovingly packed by the Ladies.With.Hairy.Ankles.

    (and bright rucksacks judging by the lot that invade The Smoke)

  • Kylun #38 10 years ago

    It (marmite) only ever once got into my mouth - usually I gag at the smell. I was playing Tekken, Michelle says "anyone for toast?" I say "yes". Minutes late she brings the toast back, and without taking my eyes of the screen, put it in my mouth........ wake up call or what?!!?!?

    Horrible, horrible, horrible - scared me for life!

  • binky #39 10 years ago

    /me stands on the side of the room that likes marmite....

  • otto #40 10 years ago

    /me stands with Binky

  • Blerk #41 10 years ago

    Possibly the worst moment of my life so far:
    Playing 'Dare' at University. Accepting the dare to eat a heaped tablespoon of Marmite. Seconds later - running screaming to the toilet wishing I'd pulled the 'show your arse to the other players' dare instead.

  • Nemesis #42 10 years ago

    Then BinkyBo, you stand alone you FREAK.

    GET BACK TO THE CIRCUS

  • Whizzo #43 10 years ago

    /Me stands in hates camp.

    If someone throws a chip or packet of crisps at you can you now have them charged with attempted murder?

  • Concrete #44 10 years ago

    Binky - that bits a bitch :|
    Put me off the game for about 6 months, use the girl as she’s alot faster and time is really important to get away from the assassins. Grab a load of cans from the playground area and get up onto the roof tops. Spray each roof before moving on, Once you've done one side jump onto the railway then off to the other roofs. If you do it quickly you can pull it off before the evil whip dudes show up. The other tags are alot lot easier to do as they don’t require you to stay still long enough for them to catch you.

    Good luck :)
    Its worth continuing with because there’s quite a few easy levels after that are really fun.

  • sup4 l33t h4x0r #45 10 years ago

    Man.. This was the one game that was convincing me to buy an xbox, too :-( I hope Smilebit bring it out for the 'cube :-)

  • otto #46 10 years ago

    Actually this is an important point, if toast now gives you cancer, we're going to have to find a way to eat marmite with spaghetti. Hrm.

  • Nemesis #47 10 years ago

    ...and if your mortal enemy has a wheat allergy, a loaf of bread is guaranteed to do double the damage!

  • binky #48 10 years ago

    cheers concrete. although i have seen some really hard to reach tags along the wall by the playground. i assume u have to grin ur way up the wall to reach them but they are DAMNED hard to reach!!! grrrr...

    maybe i'll give it another go...

    but then again, i still have to push on with Rallisport to unlock that damned hill climb!! :)

  • Gestalt #49 10 years ago

    My dad likes Marmite, but that foul pungent odour spreading through the house each morning was enough to convince me to leave it well alone. Horrible stuff.

  • otto #50 10 years ago

    I think I must be the only person on the planet who hated marmite as a kid but likes it as an adult... oh well...

  • binky #51 10 years ago

    i was the same with mushrooms.

  • Nemesis #52 10 years ago

    I was the same with McDonalds.

    But u still can't beat Wimpy Kingsize IMO.

    ;-)

  • ssuellid #53 10 years ago

    Nope. I used to hate marmite and bovril but liked the smell of bovril. Nowadays I use marmite all the time in cooking. Lovely with egg + toast, beans + toast, spaghetti + toast etc. Also a good replacement for beef stock in sauces.

  • binky #54 10 years ago

    i use it on top of steak when grilling.

    and dont mention mcdonalds in my company... yuk... tis the devils place.

  • ssuellid #55 10 years ago

    McDonalds is to be used purely as a public toilet.

  • Nemesis #56 10 years ago

    ...sometimes in the milkshake machine itself Ssuellid ;-)

  • skalmanxl #57 10 years ago

    Being Swede, I couldn't care less about the warnings that they blew out of their horn from the top of the mountain at tuesday. Oh, I can get cancer by eating toast, fried potato, fries, chips/crisps. Well then maybe I should sort it into the same slot as choclates, licorice (fine food indeed), hardfried meat (crazy moo anyone?), eggs and every other damn piece of eadible biomatter. I can get cancer from the air, from my TV, computer, or other form of electronic equipment. I might get it via the actual house I live in, it might be by friends/family smoking or it might even appear in the unholy form of Stefan Sauk when I least expect it.

    Having said that, I frankly don't give two shits about getting it from anything at all. We can get cancer from food, shocking annoncement of the day! Or not.

    Hmm...I never actually played JSR on the DC, might give this one a go though, one of the few releasetitles I actually want.

    I'm not brit, or I might have lost the translation for it, but what's marmite?

  • Whizzo #58 10 years ago

    but what's marmite?
    An evil space goo, it's as nasty as Strontium 90 but won't give you the mutant powers.

  • Nemesis #59 10 years ago

    Marmite...it's like concentrated essence of skunk, but without the hair (unless you buy it from France).

  • skalmanxl #60 10 years ago

    Sounds like "tapernad" olives, garlic, oliveoil and something else, grinded to a grey matter. People smear it on bread and find it yummy, I find them odd.

  • Whizzo #61 10 years ago

    Liquorice is lovely, eating the plant itself is an acquired taste I'll admit but a packet of Allsorts or similar is great. There's no comparison between it and the evil brown spread gunk!

  • Whizzo #62 10 years ago

    I mean, who in the wolrd actually likes the little blue bobbly ones?
    I do...

  • Fixxxer #63 10 years ago

    Don't ever, EVER speak ill of the unrivalled perfection that is Marmite

  • reto #64 10 years ago

    (quote)

    [binky] - 25-Apr-2002
    cheers concrete. although i have seen some really hard to reach tags along the wall by the playground. i assume u have to grin ur way up the wall to reach them but they are DAMNED hard to reach!!! grrrr...

    maybe i'll give it another go...

    (/quote)

    I have managed to get every tag on this level but those two high up tags. They drive me bloody mad, played the level 10 times straight, failed everytime, havent played since.

  • Sucram #65 10 years ago

    Since Microsoft Have just decided to send us an XBox I just wish to state the every XBox game will 'blow you away' they're just all 'darn cool'

  • otto #66 10 years ago

    yeah, especially if it's salty

    *shudder*

  • Khab #67 10 years ago

    it might even appear in the unholy form of Stefan Sauk when I least expect it.


    LOL!

    As another Swede, I agree whole-heartedly with skalman. And salty licorice is the best thing there is.

    Then I have two questions:

    1. No, what is Marmite?? Gimme the 'Contents'.

    2. (And more On Topic) What the hell is 'grind'?

  • otto #68 10 years ago

    OK, once again for those who missed Nemesis' post earlier: marmite

  • Khab #69 10 years ago

    Double post, sorry, but I just read an interview with the scientist who apparently was the one to start looking at that poison stuff, and she says that she's not going to worry overly about her kids having a Happy Meal now and then and so on... So don't nobody get all worried.

  • Khab #70 10 years ago

    otto: Thanks... sounds a bit weird, but not too off-putting. I'd at least smell it if I got the chance. :D

  • otto #71 10 years ago

    "she's not going to worry overly about her kids having a Happy Meal now and then"

    THE EVIL WOMAN!!!

    Oh and 'grinding' is I believe the practice of making your way along railings, fences, hedges, hi-voltage cables, guttering etc while in possession of a skateboard/rollerblades/snowboard/toboggan/BMX bike or whatever other stupid mode of transport the under 12s are using this week.

  • Whizzo #72 10 years ago

    Hmm salty licorice/liquorice (both spellings are valid if anyone's curious) sounds interesting, certainly better than Marmite.

    Oh if there's any Australians lurking here, Vegemite's rubbish, not evil like Marmite, just rubbish! ;-)

  • snale #73 10 years ago

    Well, I don't think we have to worry too much about the cancer warnings. Heard a finnish scientist on TV about an hour ago stating that a normal sized man had to eat about 70 kg of crisps a day to be in the danger zone.

  • otto #74 10 years ago

    Whizzo, it's not interesting, it's revolting. Fortunately the gag reflex kicks in before you can swallow any of it. Unfortunately it gets stuck to your teeth so you can't spit it out.

    On the other hand, the Finns take it and steep it in vodka for twelve years and end up with a thoroughly excellent drink that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Pernod. Certainly worth a try if you ever get near any.

  • Nemesis #75 10 years ago

    And I'll make a stand here and now and say I don't like Jelly Babies. Jelly sweets should be rock 'ard like American Hard Gums, not all mushy like my Nans overcooked veg!

  • otto #76 10 years ago

    Well now let me say something controversial here. The Americans may not be good for much, they make shit cars & consoles etc, but one thing they *can* make is jellybeans, and if you've never tried those jelly belly things then you owe it to your tastebuds to give them a twirl. They're probably cancer in coloured bean form but they would be worth swapping the family cow for, I swear.
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 19:46

  • Whizzo #77 10 years ago

    Nemesis is obviously insane, please ignore his comments in future. No one can possibly dislike Jelly Babies, unless perhaps they are The Master or even worse Davros!!

    Something that is digusting is Dr Pepper, I like their ad campaign though "What's the worst that could happen?" You get a bloody horrible fizzy drink that's what.

  • otto #78 10 years ago

    Whizzo, you belong in a circus, Dr Pepper is lovely!

  • Whizzo #79 10 years ago

    I bet you like root beer too you freak! You've been eating too much Marmite, it's killed your taste buds.

  • Nemesis #80 10 years ago

    Jelly Baby goes to the Doctor and says "Doctor, I think I've got AIDS".

    "AIDS?" says the Doctor "Er, excuse me, you're a Jelly Baby, there's no way you can contract AIDS."

    "Yeah, I know" says the Jelly Baby "But I've been $hagging Allsorts".

  • otto #81 10 years ago

    root beer, ugh, no, that stuff tastes of toothpaste Xp

    I think we're nearly at the 100 post mark, about 4 of which have been about JSRF. Hmm.

  • Nemesis #82 10 years ago

    (and that's why I don't eat em!)

  • Whizzo #83 10 years ago

    root beer, ugh, no, that stuff tastes of toothpaste
    I've always thought it tasted like Germalene (sp?) that stuff your Mum would always insist on putting on grazes.

    about 4 of which have been about JSRF
    Yeah but we're all going to die so why the hell do we care about a game review?
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 19:55

  • otto #84 10 years ago

    I've always thought it tasted like Germalene (sp?) that stuff your Mum would always insist on putting on grazes.

    YES!! That's IT!!

    Whatever happened to germolene anyway? You don't see it any more. I think my Mum must have cleared them out or something.

  • Whizzo #85 10 years ago

    You don't see it any more.
    It's all been made into root beer.

  • mal #86 10 years ago

    It's a shame that there's no decent successor to JSR, though it does mean I'll save money on an X-Box now. Incidentally, in JSR the introduction of the hard bastards (whip guys, choppers etc) is based on how many tags you've made, not time. So leave the easy tags down at lower levels until last.

    That said, it was only when me and a friend spent hours on that level, one go each, that we completed it. It's too frustrating for one man to complete.

    Now, on to the important stuff. Blue/pink bobbly bits in allsorts? Lovely. Took be a while to acquire the taste, but one day I was left with only those in a box and I found I rather liked them. It's only coffee cremes I still don't like in my christmas assortments.

    As for marmite, I think I'm standing in the corner with all the Europeans who've never tried it. I was not brought up in a marmitophile household. I thought you could get it in Euroland, except it was called Vegemite. It's certainly called Vegemite in Australia, and rather popular too.

    The Finns like weird aniseed/licorice/salty sweets too, and those really are disgusting.
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 20:15

  • Whizzo #87 10 years ago

    Vegemite and Marmite are different, they're practically the same thing (yeast extract) but Vegemite is certainly a lot weaker. Still bloody horrible and only the Australians have the stuff, fortunately.

  • otto #88 10 years ago

    "I thought you could get it in Euroland, except it was called Vegemite."

    Not so. Marmite is freely available in Brussels supermarkets, but that's probably because of the large number of brits living here. I've never seen Vegemite anywhere this side of the Channel and I've shopped in a lot of supermarkets in a lot of countries. Mind you I wouldn't touch Vegemite with a shitty stick, that stuff's for girls.

  • skalmanxl #89 10 years ago

    A person who keep complaining about what other people think and say, really need to get a life. If someone makes choises due to one review, they really are a victim and need to broaden their mind. Get off it, we all think diffrent.

  • BartonFink #90 10 years ago

    Oh what a surprise Mugwum yet again doesn't like a great Xbox game.

    Here broaden your minds and have a look at these other reviews of the game on these other sites and make your own minds up

    http://www.gamespot.co.uk/filters/products/0,219 3,260112,00.html
    http://www.gamesdomain.co.uk/xbox/reviews/Jet _Set_Radio_Future.html
    http://www.gamesradar.com/published/reviews/game _review_528.html
    http:/ /xbox.ign.com/articles/354/354328p1.html
    http:// www.xboxweb.com/reviews/xbox/jsrf.html

    P.S. don't believe Mugwum...this game is brilliant
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 22:33

  • benjamin #91 10 years ago

    "No matter what some people here will try to tell you, there is a bias against the Xbox among these reviewers."

    not giving every xbox game 10/10 isn't a 'bias'.

    EG is far from alone - EDGE gave DOA3 7/10 (it was overrated), rallisport challenge 6/10 (cough) and gunvalkyrie 5/10. there have been a lot of well-deserved 4s,3s and a 1 as well.

    the xbox is a powerful machine that raises the bar on what should be expected from a console game. if the goods don't deliver - and in a lot of cases they don't - then they should be marked down for it. why people think that's some implicit criticism of the box is beyond me: it's a criticism of first-generation software. when you make as much noise about the quality of your gaming experience as MS did, it's going to disappoint if they're less than perfect. they should have learned better from sony's mistakes: flawed games, no matter how brilliant, don't do you any favours.

    tch.
    Edited by 1 at 25/04/02 @ 22:27

  • Gestalt #92 10 years ago

    "it is obvious that (for whatever reasons) the reviewers here don't care for the Xbox in general and wouldn't mind a bit to see if fail"

    Yes, that's why I gave Rallisport Challenge 10/10 and Halo 8/10. Because I really hate the Xbox. *coughs* I like my Xbox, I like some of the games for it, I don't want to see it fail, and now that they've dropped the price to a reasonable level it hopefully won't fail in Europe. But if we play a game and it's flawed, we're going to tell you, whatever system it's on. Look at the Xbox games that have got fairly negative reviews on EuroGamer so far and it's mostly dodgy ports (Max Payne and Onimusha) and second-rate PC rejects (Obi Wan). The good games (Halo, Project Gotham, Rallisport, Tony Hawk etc) have all got good reviews, scoring 7 or higher. You might not agree with our opinion on every game we review, but that doesn't make us biased against the system.

    FWIW, I think the Xbox is probably doing better so far score-wise than the PS2 did when it launched in Europe. That had a truly awful launch line-up. :)

  • BartonFink #93 10 years ago

    Gestalt any chance of a review of GunValkyrie any time soon? That should make interesting reading...

  • skalmanxl #94 10 years ago

    Gestalt any chance of a review of GunValkyrie any time soon? That should make interesting reading...

    It isn't out for another month is it? I've heard VERY mixed things about it. Everything from mediocre to absolutley great.

  • Hard Stiff Penis #95 10 years ago

    Dr.Pepper is a great drink, all fizzy and strong tasting. Its truely a drink of the gods, truely. As for those jellybeans, please, try a real jelly candy, like Jawbreakers or Atomic fireballs.. Those two are kickass, in particular the fireballs because you could be nawing on one of those for like a hour before it even starts to crack. It makes those jellybeans look like baby food.

  • Tricky #96 10 years ago

    Ah forget normal jelly beans for I have found the ultimate sweet - Rowntrees Megabeans!! Really strong flavour in them things and they've got this great, kind of soft outer shell and then a really chewy centre - almost like wine gums but "boingier". You really should seek these out and try them if you're into your fruit-flavoured sweets.

  • Pirotic #97 10 years ago

    what worrys me is that somebody who might be tempted to buy this game will be put off by your review.

    in all truth i wasn't to sure on getting it at first, i remembered jet set radio on the dreamcast was brilliant but ended up being frustrating rather than difficult, the controls were a bit messy and the time-limits and un-kill-able enemys just pissed me off.

    anyway, i needed more games so i decided what the heck and in my humple oppinion its the best game out on the xbox.

    the control system is tweaked, its ALOT better.. the only annoyance is the inability to control your character in the air, once you press jump in the wrong place you have to stand back and watch him fall right back down to the start (u know what lvl im talking about :p)

    the time-limits are gone, and rather than the buyguys being undefeatable it now goes into a sub-game where you must spray-paint them, once you have spray-painted them all you return to the level without having to worry about bumping into them again.

    inlight of the changes you now have far more time to explore the worlds and just to mess about, a sort of Mario64 on skates if it were.

    i love it, if you liked the original then you'll adore this, and if you didnt because of all the nay-sayers then atleast rent JSFR and let its funky goodness make you a better person (or something like that)
    Edited by 1 at 26/04/02 @ 08:44

  • #98 10 years ago

    "What you guys have not realised is that in Sweden, they eat salty liquorice... *shudders*"

    Woo-yeah, in Norway too! Salty Liquorice kicks ass!

    ..I will be the first to die from eating too much salty liquorice.


  • Kylun #99 10 years ago

    Isn't it called droop?

  • DNM #100 10 years ago

    >> what worrys me is that somebody who might be tempted to buy this game will be put off by your review.

    And there's me thinking a review wasn't supposed to do that! /me smacks ample forehead. A review is a guide nothing more, nothing less. I mean fs, if people had read my Martian Gothic review in that light it would've been a huge success!!! But then if they'd have read my All Star Tennis review, there would have been mass-suicides.

  • mook #101 10 years ago

    Here in Norway my gf eats salty licorice, and when we are in Finland she eats a sweet called ' Dracula Blood' - very strong and salty and locoricey. Strange tastes these scandibabies.

    No snogs for me when that shit goes down.

  • mook #102 10 years ago

    I am glad Mugwum pointed us towards JSRF flaws (it is easy to find out what is good about the game, it takes a good reviewer to find the important flaws). I was thinking about purchasing the xbox, and this would have been one of the first games I would play.

  • skalmanxl #103 10 years ago

    in particular the fireballs because you could be nawing on one of those for like a hour before it even starts to crack.

    Sounds like a piece of candy that I once bought. It was the size of a billiard ball, maybe a tad smaller, and it was impossible to bite in. It was like concrete. It turned out, you had to suck it, so...sucking a gumball look-a-like in the size of a billiard ball, how comfortable is that? I gave it up, smacked it with a blunt knife in pure frustration, not a scratch...

    what worrys me is that somebody who might be tempted to buy this game will be put off by your review.

    I've said this several times before, but I can say it again. If someone base their purchase on one review solely, I don't think that's very clever. I can only speak for myself, but I normally buy games which I've read ALOT about, in several diffrent places.

    As both a consumer and a reviewer, I've found myself being really harsh towards games myself. I for one simply cannot recomend games like Halo or MGS2 to other people, as I think they are a waste of money. Sice I do buy a lot of games for private use, I think it's a good thing that certain folks can be critic about things. But the big feckoman knows I don't take one person's advice for it.

    A review is a guide nothing more, nothing less. I mean fs, if people had read my Martian Gothic review in that light it would've been a huge success!!!

    I've been searching high and low for that game, can't seem to find it anywhere, neither on PC nor PSX.

  • Blerk #104 10 years ago

    Skal - try here. Cheap too.

  • #105 10 years ago

    another xbox review, another bunch of xboxfans cry out about someones personal opinion .. *falls asleep*

  • skalmanxl #106 10 years ago

    Thanks Blerk!

  • Max Diablos #107 10 years ago

    The high scores for most popular games aren't evidence that the reviewers are sheep. They're evidence that there's a lot of quality in games nowadays.

    Pardon me while I die laughing. Most games are shite. I'll say that again just in case you missed it. Most games are shite. Even the good ones are fairly crude affairs.

  • Blerk #108 10 years ago

    "Most games are shite"

    Sad as it may sound, I agree with Max. 95% of everything is poor. Out of the remaining 5%, I'd say 4% is only very good, leaving a measly 1% of everything being excellent. That's not the way it should be. Then again, it's also the way it's always been - the cack has always far outweighed the good.

  • Nemesis #109 10 years ago

    MOHAA is the only game I've really enjoyed playing this year on the PC, everything else has kinda been a bit mediocre TBH.

    Roll of Soldier of Fortune 2 say I.

  • LaundroMat #110 10 years ago

    "Most games are shite".
    That's not a bad thing per se. Compare it to my attitude towards movies: most are bad, some are good. Many fall in between. In knowing why bad movies/games are bad (to know this, you have to play/see them), you start to appreciate the good things in mediocre games/movies and jump ecstically up and down when seeing/playing a good game.

  • Dis #111 10 years ago

    Well, never tried marmite. The mere smell of vegemite makes me want to vomit.

    According to all the Australians I know (and I do know 1 or 2) vegemite is the king of yeast extract vomit inducing spreads and marmite...isn't. Guess it all depends on how you are mistreated as a child.

  • Nemesis #112 10 years ago

    SOF2 MP demo is ok, but with only one level it gets old pretty quick. Plus the damage is toned down for MP which is a bummer.

  • Max Diablos #113 10 years ago

    Blerk summed it up well with his 95:4:1 ratio. This seems to be reflected across all mediums and content, and a crude measure I use myself. Sad. But, true.

    Just because Fan-boys and Hype-babies want a game to be good doesn't mean it is. Just because a game looks slick doesn't mean it has gameplay. Just because a game contains tits and violence doesn't mean it's mature.

    The fact that Eurogamer is prepared to reflect this, aside from producing well written reviews, is why I regard Eurogamer as the leading game review site in the English speaking world.

    I'll shut up now...

  • Blerk #114 10 years ago

    "Just because a game contains tits and violence doesn't mean it's mature"

    Indeed. In fact it usually means exactly the opposite.

  • #115 10 years ago

    well said Max, i agree.

  • Max Diablos #116 10 years ago

    Comics, films, and games, all suffer from the same problem.

    Take a moment and think about what makes a comic deserving of a mature readers tag. I suspect that swearing, violence and sex spring to mind, most probably in that order. Where do challenging subject matter, complex adult issues and honesty in storytelling feature in that list? Were they even factors in your mind when thinking about mature readers comics?

    ...

    The comic industry is at an interesting point right now. The maturity displayed in many of the comic books aimed at the adult readership often comes up wanting. The full potential of mature readers lines to draw in new readers is not really being exploited by publishers. The industry needs to make a choice about what it does next. The easy option is to do nothing and carry on with business as usual. The industry can keep patting itself on the back about being so mature because it can put bare breasts, exploding heads and the word fuck into comics. It can also continue drawing its audience from the same small pool of readers.

    Ninth Art - Suggested for mature readers
    Edited by 1 at 26/04/02 @ 12:02

  • otto #117 10 years ago

    According to all the Australians I know (and I do know 1 or 2) vegemite is the king of yeast extract vomit inducing spreads and marmite...isn't.

    This is because Australians all have a chip on their shoulder and feel the need to prove their masculinity by insisting that Vegemite is a man's spread but anyone who has tried them both will tell you, Vegemite is for girls, only Marmite is for real men. :)

  • Max Diablos #118 10 years ago

    Vegemite is for girls, only Marmite is for real men.

    I understand you can buy Vegemite in Britain. I'm guessing it's from the same place Social Workers get their Mary Jane.

    Not half the kick as English mustard with full afterburners...

  • Whizzo #119 10 years ago

    Not half the kick as English mustard with full afterburners...
    English mustard is truely the condiment of the gods.

    Sturgeon's famous law states "Sure, ninety percent of science fiction is crud. That's because ninety percent of everything is crud."

    Which is something I've always believed to be true.

  • otto #120 10 years ago

    wise words, o whizzo.

  • Max Diablos #121 10 years ago

    Here is a story from the vaults of 2000 AD Online and Thargs Tales of Terror. Nothing whatsoever to do with the topic, marmite, or full-throttled English mustard. Just a way of amusing yourself for five minutes.

    Page one, two, three, four, five.
    Edited by 2 at 26/04/02 @ 12:02

  • otto #122 10 years ago

    Heh, I remember that one.

  • ssuellid #123 10 years ago

    "I understand you can buy Vegemite in Britain" - in major supermarkets everywhere. Not very nice stuff tho but Australia is not the gourmet capital of the world. Vegemite, little grubs, and BBQs ....

  • Jesus: Action Figure #124 10 years ago

    You're all just a bunch of Marmite fanboys!

    Hehehehe... ;o)

  • Nemesis #125 10 years ago

    Vegemite suxxxxxxxxxxx marmite rulllllllllllez

    Oh dear God, what have I become

  • ssuellid #126 10 years ago

    Sounds like a good way to confuse the American fanboys. Next PS2/XBox/GC fanboy comment gets a Marmite rules response.

  • ssuellid #127 10 years ago

    Edited by 1 at 26/04/02 @ 12:23

  • Nemesis #128 10 years ago

    ...not that's they'll be many Americans left judging by the lethal chip consumption over that way.

  • Whizzo #129 10 years ago

    Would you like cancer with your fries?

    Rather reminds me of the classic "Would you like fries with your fries?", name the game 10 points.

  • pjmaybe #130 10 years ago

    Don't care - still want it!

    Peej

  • Dis #131 10 years ago

    This is because Australians all have a chip on their shoulder and feel the need to prove their masculinity by insisting that Vegemite is a man's spread but anyone who has tried them both will tell you, Vegemite is for girls, only Marmite is for real men. :)

    Otto - I told my wife on you....she'll be coming over to beat you up any time now...and believe me - she is very scary!

    English mustard....now there is a condiment I can enthuse about. Even my wife is starting to change from cheese and vegemite sandwiches to cheese and English mustard. Can't stand the french stuff but Dijon is reasonably acceptable for a bit of a change.

  • skalmanxl #132 10 years ago

    Rather reminds me of the classic "Would you like fries with your fries?", name the game 10 points.

    Zak Mackracken?

  • Whizzo #133 10 years ago

    Try again
    Edited by 2 at 26/04/02 @ 14:30

  • skalmanxl #134 10 years ago

    I honestly can't recall hearing that line, must be from a game I haven't played...

  • binky #135 10 years ago

    tiddles - doing that AND plugging my dreamcast back in = too much effort. i think i'll just go home and play my newly aquired Fifa World Cup™ 2002 on xbx by those great guys at EA SPORTS™

    :o)

  • skalmanxl #136 10 years ago

    by those great guys at EA SPORTS™

    Who happened to do the piss-poor F1 2002.

  • binky #137 10 years ago

    dont be mean. they pay my wage ;)

  • Nemesis #138 10 years ago

    Soooooooooooooo Binky, you sold yer soul to the Devil.....

  • LaundroMat #139 10 years ago

    Whizzo said:
    Try again

    Edited 2 times. Most recently by Whizzo at 13:30 on 26/04/2002

    Now, that was hard, wasn't it? :)

  • Whizzo #140 10 years ago

    Now, that was hard, wasn't it? :)
    I tried to do a big X in the style of Family Fortunes but the middle bit wouldn't align properly! ;-)

    Here's a clue to the game I was on about anyway : It came out in 1991 on the PC...

  • otto #141 10 years ago

    Whizzo, you got me stumped, I recognise the quote but have no idea where it's from.

    Dis, very sorry, didn't want to call your wife's masculinity into doubt ;) (j/k)

  • otto #142 10 years ago

    Incidentally, this thread has inspired me to give my one-yr-old her first taste of marmite. I gave it to her about an hour ago, she wolfed it down greedily, and hasn't thrown it up yet. So ner :p

  • ssuellid #143 10 years ago

    "Would you like fries with your fries?"

    Sam + Max ? or Day of the tentacle?

  • otto #144 10 years ago

    Got to be Sam & Max. Can't think of another game featuring a diner.

  • Nemesis #145 10 years ago

    My eldest is definately like her Mum, she eats the stuff too. My son is like me, he doesn't. He's like me in every way actually, as he kindly demonstrated by being car sick in my new car. Bless him.

  • Whizzo #146 10 years ago

    Got to be Sam & Max. Can't think of another game featuring a diner.
    Nope, I'll admit it's a reasonably obscure game, although it was published by Sierra and isn't an adventure...

  • skalmanxl #147 10 years ago

    Got to be Sam & Max. Can't think of another game featuring a diner.

    It came in 93 I belive. The two games I can think of that came in 91...would be Kings Quest 5 or Monkey Island 1...but it's hardly them...

  • skalmanxl #148 10 years ago

    Just give us the answer...

  • ssuellid #149 10 years ago

    It was one of the below: -

    Dagger of Amon Ra
    Hoyle 3
    Laffer Utilities
    Leisure Suit Larry 1 remake
    Leisure Suit Larry 5
    Mixed Up Fairy Tales
    Police Quest 3
    Space Quest 4
    Zeliard
    Edited by 1 at 26/04/02 @ 16:47

  • otto #150 10 years ago

    I'm proud to say I've not played any of them (unless you count the original Leisure Suit Larry - look it was fun at the time OK?)

  • ssuellid #151 10 years ago

    I must admit I nicked the list from a classic games site. Apparently its all Sierra games released in 1991.

  • BartonFink #152 10 years ago

    Seem to remember this from somewhere in the distant past was it Leisure Suit Larry 1 remake by any chance?

  • Whizzo #153 10 years ago

    Maybe I the site I got the year from was a bit out then? Anyway the line comes from "Jones In The Fast Lane" not the most successful game ever created but a lot of fun during boring lunch hours at work...

    I did say it was obscure, the copy I had came bundled with a soundcard.
    Edited by 1 at 26/04/02 @ 16:53

  • otto #154 10 years ago

    o_O

    Well I definitely didn't hear that line there then. Sounds like a line that might have been used in the Simpsons at one time.

  • ssuellid #155 10 years ago

    1990 according to the site I looked at : -
    www.classicgaming.com

  • skalmanxl #156 10 years ago

    Jones In The Fast Lane

    SWELL GAME! Made by Sierra, the true origial of The Sims, only a lot better. Does anyone know where one can find a boxed original?

  • ssuellid #157 10 years ago

    [skalmanxl] - its available enhanced and on CD-ROM - not too sure if you can get it from the following link but they link to places that sell it.

    http ://www.mobygames.com/game/sheet/gameId,1004/

  • Khab #158 10 years ago

    I remember reading a review of that in Datormagazin once upon a time... They were very excited about it, since they had gotten their hands on the CD-enhanced version, and were going on and on about the revolution...

  • Whizzo #159 10 years ago

    SWELL GAME!
    I'm glad to see someone else remembers it! The date I had came from here, the site shows you a couple of screenshots, including one of the infamous Monolith Burger where the "fries" line came from. I played the enhanced CD version that had speech and some reasonable character video stuff, remember this was in the Windows 3 days and all those MPC standards!

  • skalmanxl #160 10 years ago

    We all have diffrent taste in games, you like it, Tom don't. Do we need to go any further from there? It's all down to the personal likings.

  • FWB #161 10 years ago

    I think ive made my point.

    Not really. Would you mind saying taht again? :)

  • #162 10 years ago

    "DO NOT BUY THIS GAME UNLESS U LIKE THE DC VERSION!!!!
    This game is waay too simplistic and repetitive. Each level involves you sprayin' somtin' (Which is easy unless u can't find what to spray) then doing a chalenge and then most of the time fighting the police - WITH SPRAY CANS!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!! -"

    ..so basically what you are saying is : don't buy this game unless you like it! ..... sensible enough, i think.

  • Whizzo #163 9 years ago

    Well it's nice to be appreciated, even if it does come from someone who can't even spell the name of the character they've used as their nickname.

  • Blerk #164 9 years ago

    Is he even speaking English?

  • Machiavel #165 9 years ago

    Apart from his obsession with sucking things, he did write the unintentionally hilarious:

    "this game has no REAL cheats all it has is stupid outlines it has no cheats no guides no nothing"

    Anyhoo, nice and quiet on the roads during the half-term holidays...

  • tiddles #166 8 years ago

    Hmmm, might get this in the Play sale (£15), especially since I thought it had been discontinued...

    Typical bloody EG comments thread - it's mostly about effin' Marmite!

  • BBIAJ #167 5 years ago

    I've never hd the Garage slowdown on me, althought it has slowed down in other places when playing it BC on the 360..