Final Fight: Streetwise Review

By Matt Martin Published 28 March, 2006

Cardboard city.

Version tested: Xbox

This remake of the arcade classic is about as streetwise as a politician in a baseball cap. And not a Roc-a-wear one either, but an elasticated cap he got free when he filled up with a full tank of petrol. "Yo kids! Vote for me, I listen to Slim Shifty and Dr. Ray!"

It's nothing more than a simple beat-'em-up, where our hero Kyle shuffles around the four districts of Metro City to find his kidnapped brother Cody and bring down an evil drug dealer. Fighting is basic with a series of punches and throws that can be strung together, while baseball bats, guns and knives can be picked up for that extra little sting to the ribs. There's also quite a few 'features' that aren't listed on the back of the box: Ropey Cam, old-gen graphics, an entire free-roaming cul-de-sac and a cheap-ass soundtrack.

The fighting system works but it's completely soulless and lacking any dynamism. Hold the left trigger to drain the Instinct meter, which boosts attacks enabling Kyle's limited fist animations to move faster and cause more damage. There's on-screen encouragement like in Devil May Cry, as punches and combos are met with 'Decent!', 'Bring It!', and our favourite, 'Bangin'!' They may as well read 'Cripes!', 'Blinking Flip!' and 'Lordy!' for all the good it does.

Bum Fight

New moves can be bought with cash, but so long as you power up your health and Instinct on a regular basis, there's really no need. Money's better spent buying replenishments from the local corner shop, and this is the only part the game gets right, realistically noting that beer, crisps and whisky boosts a man's energy and life skills.

'Final Fight: Streetwise' Screenshot 1

"Don't call me a twerp, you big... rubbish!"

As well as cash, Kyle gains Respect by completing side quests, like saving a ho's kid brother from a life of crime. When we say 'saving from a life of crime', we mean pummelling some gang members' faces down to their arses. It's the same for retrieving stolen items and any other tasks you decide to help out with. Just slap the taste from some punk's mouth and earn some respect, dude. You'll lose Respect for punching drunks and other innocents, but it's not really clear what having a high rating does anyway, aside from alternate on-screen reactions from NPCs.

Mini-games litter the experience like a wheelie bin has been kicked across the gameplay. You can gamble with a card shark for ten dollars but you'll just as easily find twenty dollars lying on the street. Mini-games crop up in boss fights too, where you have to repeatedly mash buttons to slam an enemy's head into a door. You can also enjoy the thrills of stomping on fifty-odd cockroaches or putting out flames with a fire extinguisher that doesn't work, while a cruel time limit ticks down to your moment of doom.

The camera is awful, and the smaller the location you find yourself shuffling around, the worse it gets. We particularly like the way it zooms in so close you end up punching people off-screen. Not that there's anything worth looking at, unless you're interested in discovering how many shades of grey and brown there are in the world. Final Fight: Streetwise is so cold and dull-looking it makes Nuneaton on a cold March evening seem joyous. With non-existent textures and signs that are so blurred you can't read them, you'd get lost if it wasn't for the big green arrows pointing the way. It would like to claim it's a free-roaming game, but when you can only wander down five or six different streets and into a couple of buildings, it's like saying a racing game has a free-roaming circuit because you can go in the pits.

Talking trash

'Final Fight: Streetwise' Screenshot 3

Triplets even have the same dress sense.

There isn't even in-game dialogue outside of the cut-scenes and repetitive voice samples. You have to READ words on the screen (remember that?), and what dialogue there is is laughable. Along with the random swearing to, you know, make it look hard in front of the bigger kids, there's the kind of language you've not heard since the mid '80s. Since when have nasty, aggressive, knife-wielding thugs gone around calling people 'twerps'? Call me that again, and I'll tell my mummy. It would like to be gritty and edgy like Fight Club, but it's not even The Breakfast Club. It's more like S Club 7, and that's being a little harsh on Bradley and friends.

You have to question Capcom's judgement when releasing something this sub-standard and it's perfectly acceptable to take a cynical stance. Just consider the gorgeous and stunning packages of Resident Evil, Maximo, Devil May Cry or Killer 7. How are we supposed to accept this unpleasant lump of gristle in comparison? Capcom is one of the few publishers that commands a loyal following who will willingly take a chance on the blue and yellow logo. Final Fight: Streetwise is pure exploitation of that fanboy mentality. And if you're a retro-head looking for the original Final Fight, just buy the Capcom Classics Collection from last year.

Final Fight Streetwise is a remake no-one asked for, to be filed next to Sega's Altered Beast or Midway's NARC as completely pointless retreads. Fair enough, it's not completely broken and you can play through it, but you could go outside and 'play' with a crisp bag and pair of tramps shoes if you wanted to. As a modern brawler, Final Fight: Streetwise is worthless.

3 / 10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
Picture of Matt.

About Matt Martin

Read more articles from Matt by visiting the Matt Martin archive page.

You may also like...

Comments (25) Latest comment 6 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Halo.Jones #1 6 years ago

    Have capcom really lost their way with games? If they continue publishing crap like this, I doubt anyone will take them seriously for nextgen games.

    Oh, I forgot, all they have to do is make it look good and forget about the gameplay and they will sell shitloads...

  • #2 6 years ago

    If only the last Final Fight was just that.
    Why, WHY?

  • Scientist #3 6 years ago

    As good as Urban Reign!

  • Blerk #4 6 years ago

    Ouch. Did we find out for sure whether the studio who created this had been shut down or not? It was still just rumour last I heard, but from a fairly good source.

  • BravoGolf #5 6 years ago

    \0/

  • presh #6 6 years ago

    I blame the fact it's not in High Definition.

  • Eldritch #7 6 years ago

    "Have capcom really lost their way with games?"

    That's a yes then.

  • alimokrane #8 6 years ago

    First the Crappy "Without Warning" game and now this. Pff, money developing this crap should have been spent adding more value to resident evil 5

  • nickthegun #9 6 years ago

    Theres no middle ground with Capcom at the moment. Its either lovely innovative brilliance or generic, repetetive crap.

  • The-Bodybuilder #10 6 years ago

    For cheaper car insurance deals,
    girls come over to shiela's wheels.

  • Zuiyo #11 6 years ago

    Urban Reign is way better than this.

  • Lagto_Soa #12 6 years ago

    They may as well read 'Cripes!', 'Blinking Flip!' and 'Lordy!' for all the good it does.

    I would buy that in an instant.

    6-hit combo: 'Erk!'
    10-hit combo: 'Crumbs!' (extra points if it was in the voice of Penfold)

  • reality_cheque #13 6 years ago

    There's a remake of Altered Beast?!

  • Xerx3s #14 6 years ago

    Wow, so its even worse than suggested by the screens! 0_o

  • Stickman #15 6 years ago

    'Decent!'

    WTF? What kind of crappy encouragement is that?!

  • Milbe #16 6 years ago

    The 2-player arcade mode is fun. But you have to play the crappy single-player only story mode to unlock the arcade levels. This kills the game as it should have been an arcade game from the start.

    P.S.: Without Warning is very underrated. Played it extensively and it is definitely more fun (and more quality) for a low-budget game then those rehashed Clancy games.

  • Darth_Flibble #17 6 years ago

    I'm sure Beatdown was done by capcom (or one of their shitty developers) and that was crap

  • Helios #18 6 years ago

    File game under: What was the point?

  • frod. #19 6 years ago

    A whole review and 19 comments and not ONE mention of Hagar. I'm sickened.

  • media_junkie #20 6 years ago

    So they've ruined Final Fight now? Shame, the original was one of my all time faves.

    Why can't they just come up with an update thats true to the original? Stick to the grim n' gritty 80s urban gangster scrolling beat em um formula and update it with features like power bars, combos, more destructable scenery, variety of weapons ect.

    Some would say the scrolling beat-em-up is an inherently tired, repetitive and worn out genre, but look at Viewtiful Joe! Why not take the 2.5D formula of VJ, sub in Final Fight characters and backgrounds, add multiplayer and viola: beat em up nirvana. Or if it has to be fully 3D make it sort of like a scrolling Smackdown vs Raw on the streets, not this GTA on foot nonsense.

    If anyone gave me devo team and licence to make any game I wanted it, it would be an FF update.
    Edited by 1 at 29/03/06 @ 04:45

  • 3william56 #21 6 years ago

    Dangermouse themed bear-em-up? I'm there!

  • Stickman #22 6 years ago

    Bear-em-up? Sounds brutal.

    "Take this!"

    "GRRRRAAAAUUUUGH!"

  • Kami #23 6 years ago

    Why does this not surprise me?

    It looked awful in the screenies...

  • Wrestlevania #24 6 years ago

    I can't quite see how Capcom allowed this to be released, fan-boy cash not withstanding. It sounds dire, and needlessly so at that. All that potential and none of it capitalised on - take the "Where's Hagar?!" sentiment for example; exactly.

    Having said that has there ever actually been a decent, free-roaming 3D beat 'em up? I'm struggling to think of anything since (the truly rubbish) Fighting Force, which in itself was the still-born foetus of the canned Sega/Eidos "Streets of Rage 3D" collaboration.

  • Norgy #25 6 years ago

    "Fair enough, it's not completely broken and you can play through it, but you could go outside and 'play' with a crisp bag and pair of tramps shoes if you wanted to."

    Quality, this line really cracked me up for some reason.