Performance drugs for pro gamers
It has come to this.
German outfit Tomarni has developed a new drug designed to make you better at gaming.
FpsBrain was created with help from Free University Berlin. The capsules are said to accelerate neural processes, heighten perception and improve reactions.
For EUR 19.90 you get 60 capsules. And a quick glance at the ingredients (the recipe has been approved by German law) reveals it contains amino acids, vitamins and other harmless-sounding things. Could be naughty. We're no chemist.
Essentially FpsBrain is a coffee, guarana or Berocca replacement you can pop in your daily routine to wake up a bit and pay more attention.
Tomarni staff take it four times a week so it must be safe, and they used to make computers for professional gamers. Explains choosing gamers over an office, health or university audience.
"The alertness and mental clarity I get from FpsBrain helps me to maximize my gaming performance with every move!" declared user Craig W. from Toronto.
And, if you don't like it, you can always claim your 110 per cent money back guarantee.
Shuffle nervously to the FpsBrain website to find out more.
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Comments (45) Latest comment 6 months ago
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can't really have drug testing for online gaming can we?
Kinda shakes the "no cheating possible" thing on some of those earning money games...
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Sad but I can understand it.
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I'll stick with mountain dew, tho.
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20€ for something that doesn't hurt you seems a bit expensive.
I don't think there are many useful legal or illegal drugs to improve gaming.
I wonder if EG gets payed for ads like this?
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Some good, health-related ingredients at such a small quantity it makes them negligable.
It's main active ingredient (as expected) is caffeine, and anyone who thinks constant doses of caffiene is safe needs to re-think, or else thier adrenal glands and insulin response will have a say in it.
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My guess is that speed or cocane would help, they both improve concentration and reflexes. Speed (Amphetamines) were prescribed to fighter pilots in the Gulf War. And what is flying a warplane if not just a realistic flight sim?
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Cocaine would leave one paranoic, IMO. Doesn't sound like a good call to perform well on a video-game.
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I'm sure they will make a fortune. Its like the national lottery in pill form.
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SNORT K!!!
With out new patented formula we can not only slowdown your perception of the game but also help REALLY get into it. Fancy having 10 seconds to turn a corner at 120mph? Now you got it!
Warning: Coordination may deteriorate until tolerance is acquired
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My cousin is a bio chemist, who i have just sent the fpsbrain link to. His reply was basically what a load of bollocks, this product basically contains vitamins, stabilizers, non essential amino acids and caffeine. The only ingredient that would be of any use is Tyrosine. Tyrosine basically helps neurotransmitters start firing but they give patients between 1000 and 1500 mg's as a daily dose and even then there is only a noticeable change in patients already under physical or emotional stress. Judging by the 100 mg dose they state this is just a con.
Just go out and by some redbull or go full wack and get an ounce of coke.
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From my experiences about ten years ago - coke yes, but speed, hell no, just the opposite in terms of concentration.
Though considering I've got tourette syndrome and ADHD I guess I might not be the best candidate for demonstrating the effects of CNS stimulants
In more recent years I've found that guarana does seem to have a slight positive effect on concentration - and keeping you awake if you're a bit tired. If I take it (and only in prescribed doses) for more than a few days in a row, I actually tend to get unnaturally tired though (though obviously nothing even remotely close to how battered you feel after a weekend on speed) - even though I may not stay up for much longer or move around much more than I otherwise would have done.
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However, it does make users altert, as in "not sleepy", for prolonged periods. So a bomber pilot is able to squeeze in another bombing run before absolutely having to sleep. Theres is a bit of a chance that he'll confuse a kindergarden for a zombie-producing plant, of course, or bomb a civillian car that sorta looked a bit like a tank, or even hit a civillian hospital because he figured there might be some taliban mujahedin contras national guard terrorists hiding in there.
That is sort of the downside to applying speed to warfighters, but in shock and awe type situations, personal judgement and precision is not all that important anyway. More of a canvas bombing thing, rather than "surgical strikes".
That said, I don't know if the speed-popping pilotes heroes of Desert Storm are urban legend or actual fact. Anyway, I would not reccomend anyone in a warzone to pop speed unless they're:
A) Rather close to collapsing from exhaustion, AND
B) Are pretty much guaranteed to die if they fall asleep.
BTW: The guys dying after marathon sessions of WoW and the like, probably had downed a whole lot of Red Bull, which sound pretty similar to this FPSBrain-drug-thing.
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you want to play games better? PRACTICE!!!!!
edit: or get yourself an oxygen bar, that way you won't care when you lose
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Anyone who would pay that money for what essentially amounts to a caffeine fix is a complete idiot.
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Sad but I can understand it."
Hasn't a major US athlete just been jailed for taking performance-enhancing drugs? Are you actually saying that as long as you are earning money playing sports professionally then performance-enhancing drug taking is 'understandable'?
Which isn't really related though admittedly, as this thing as about as much a drug as Red Bull is.
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Although 500mg is quite a *lot* of caffeine... Isn't that like five or six red bulls? Taken at once? Isn't that kinda worrying?
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People who take gaming seriously are pussies.
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"playing videogames requires nowhere near the amount of skill as a professional sport"
How exactly do you compare two things that aren't the same? "skill" is not a universal unit you know.
"and if anyone says otherwise they seriously need to get laid"
Ah, cunningly infering that you get laid all the time, I see what you did there... methinks the gentleman doth protest too much. Hmmm, I wonder if Einstein ever relied on that proof.
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Although it does completely subvert any form of mental bullshit-filtering.
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What is consistently said about the effect of alcohol on driving, is that its imparing effects on judgement make the test subject THINK their performance is increased, when in fact the oppostire is the case right from the off.
This has been proved under strict test conditions, and to be honest I would expect to the same to apply to games. It might feel like you are doing a better job, but you are hardly the best judge, because you've been drinking
A beer might make you enjoy playing the game more however, which I wouldn't argue with.
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