Otomedius Gorgeous! Review

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There are so many instances of Gradius homage throughout Otomedius G that you'll soon become sick of the word 'homage' (if you weren't already). There are giant comets of fire to circumnavigate and dart between - remember those? - while Gradius' trademarked blue-and-pink hoops and zigzags of laser fire tend to zip across the screen just when you think you're in the clear. Those arching dragons from Gradiuses III and IV reappear, too, and in the unlikeliest of settings - between the sails of an airship that looks a lot like the one in Super Mario Bros. 3, for example. One of the game's later stages even has grainy screenshots of various Gradius vintages (plus some Salamander and Parodius shots) appearing and disappearing inside hexagonal tiles across the background. I almost expected a Japanese Bob Holness impersonator to appear as a mini-boss.

Holness or no Holness, there are a lot of penguins in Otomedius G. Penguins have long been associated with Konami's 2D shooters, so it's logical that the Big K's latest features these cute creatures. Less logical are the varieties and vocations of Otomedius' birdlife: penguins piloting UFOs and driving ice cream vans in Tokyo, mummified penguins and construction worker penguins in ancient Egypt... the silly list goes on. Partly because of the volume of penguin matter on display, it can sometimes be difficult to work out what can be shot at (and is therefore part of the foreground) and what can't (and is therefore of no consequence). The higher the level you play at, the more this becomes problematic. The solution is to learn stages by design as much as by enemy patterns, so bear that in mind if you're an impatient sort.

Tokyo: city of Choro-Q cars and bandana-wearing penguin assassins.

Otomedius Gorgeous! has more personality - and more obvious idiosyncrasies - than any shmup this side of Choaniki (And really, who wants to stand next to Choaniki?). It uses clever animation routines to imbue kamikaze traffic cones with real menace; the cones don't have comedy eyes or teeth, but they still look well scary. Elsewhere, you can try hitting the 'Burst' button when you're all out of ammo and your young lady pilot character will quip (in Japanese): "What's that - no Burst attacks left?! Ah well, not to worry; we can make do without..."

They're quite charming, really, these otome (lit., 'maiden') characters... to a point. But while they talk a good game, they're the victims of Konami's overly imaginative/hopeful designers, whose art direction will likely relegate Otomedius Gorgeous! to your secret stash of guilty pleasures alongside DoA Beach Volleyball, Sexy Parodius and, uh, Wii Sports. Most worryingly, half of the game's Achievements are dependent on your willingness to use the right analogue stick to direct a cursor and thereby cop a virtual feel of characters' 'special areas' on the select screen. Yep!

The answers are: 1) Gradius. 2) Four penguins. 3) No, she doesn't.

Oddly, though, once you're into the actual game and away from the camp menu screens, the gratuitous borderline-hentai sketches (is 115 gratuitous enough for you?) found in Otomedius G's Gallery Mode are rendered irrelevant by the tiny stature of your player character, who sits astride a nifty Viper ship. Unless you're playing Otomedius G at a Multiplex cinema - which, let's face it, you'll probably never get around to doing - you'll have to squint and use a magnifying glass to find any sauciness here. In-game, Otomedius Gorgeous! is basically sexless.