BloodRayne film officially sucks

By Ellie Gibson Published 10 January, 2006

Boll to direct Metal Gear film?

In news that will come of absolutely no surprise to anyone at all, Uwe Boll's latest big screen videogame adaptation has been slammed by US critics following its Stateside release.

According to Hollywood news site Variety.com, BloodRayne netted $1.2 million in its opening weekend - which might be enough to buy yourself an Xbox 360 off eBay and still have change for a bag of chips, but it's actually not very much at all in movie terms. Schlock horror Hostel, for example, pulled in more than $20 million over the same weekend.

And it gets worse. Distributor Romar had announced that the film would appear on more than 1900 US screens - but in fact it only ended up on 985. Variety claims that hundreds of prints were sent to cinemas who never asked for them in the first place, and who remained insistent that they would not show the film.

No doubt BloodRayne star and Romar investor Billy Zane will be disappointed - just last week he was reassuring us that Boll "has totally made his mark and put his naysayers and critics to rest with this film."

Er, sorry Bill. The first reviews are in, and it seems the critics and naysayers are up to their old tricks again.

"This is the type of film that studios push toward dead months like January with the tact of a landlord sweeping rats under the fridge," said the Michigan Daily, while the San Francisco Chronicle went for: "Uwe Boll is such a bad director that it must be intentional."

"Even the costumes are silly," according to the Dallas Morning News, which specifically referenced Michael Madsen's wig - "Think Billy Ray Cyrus as Conan."

But cheer up, Uwe, it's not all bad - TV Guide reckons BloodRayne is "indisputably the best" of your videogame adaptations. Although the review did go on to state that, "This gory, ludicrous horror-action picture isn't good by any standard."

At least the New York Daily News had something positive to say, in a manner of speaking: "In the domain of bad taste, Boll has become an acknowledged master. By those standards, 'BloodRayne', with its riotously atrocious performances, boldly gratuitous nudity and laugh-out-loud hairpieces, is his finest work yet."

You might think that no one would dream of letting Boll near a director's chair now - but you'd be wrong, apparently. In fact, Boll is even claiming that he's been offered the chance to direct the Metal Gear Solid film, according to horror movie site Bloody-Disgusting.com.

In an interview conducted at the premiere of BloodRayne, Boll told the site: "Now people are coming to me with Metal Gear Solid. They wrote a script, and Konami basically paid these people to write it. And I hope that Metal Gear Solid will be working."

So is Boll keen to take up the challenge? Oh dear, you betcha: "Yeah, absolutely. And especially with the Doom situation. I think we could do it a lot better... It's one of the top five of all time." What?

Boll went on to announce that his other forthcoming videogame epic, Dungeon Siege, will not be appearing in cinemas as two separate movies as previously planned.

"No, we do a movie for theaters, and then we had a longer one for DVD. Like, we have a theater version that is 150 minutes and a 190 minute DVD," Boll said.

"This is a good movie. I think that Bloodrayne is a good genre movie. It's fast, it's bloody, it's gory, it moves forward but it's not... Like... Great in a way. Dungeon Siege gets you. It's emotional, the story is good, the characters are good... It’s over two and a half hours and it's exciting and heart breaking."

Can't wait.

Picture of Ellie.

About Ellie Gibson

Since joining Eurogamer in the mid 2000s, Ellie has written about subjects as diverse as the fall of Gizmondo, the rise of Hollyoaks actresses in Red Alert games and the noise a bear makes under NSFW circumstances.

Read more articles from Ellie by visiting the Ellie Gibson archive page.

You may also like...

Comments (59) Latest comment 6 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Psi #1 6 years ago

    I bet he has another film out this year.... He's the reincarnation of ed wood jnr.

  • ssuellid #2 6 years ago

    Why do people keep using him?

  • Psi #3 6 years ago

    I've no idea.. If you learnt his secret you could sell oil to the arabs.

  • Eldritch #4 6 years ago

    He must be making money somehow. Otherwise, he'd be out of business.

  • Blerk #5 6 years ago

    Why do people keep using him?

    Cheap to hire and willing to work on obviously bollocks projects?

  • Stickman #6 6 years ago

    "boldly gratuitous nudity, and laugh-out-loud hairpieces"

    Combine the two for big laughs!

  • Kostabi #7 6 years ago

    Hostel is out? Sweet, thanks for the heads up EG.

  • HarryB #8 6 years ago

    shocking, why do people tarnish the name of their games using this guy

  • Artemus #9 6 years ago

    He's a complete hack with nothing but critical and commercial failures under his belt, yet people keep using him. Maybe I should go into film making.

    Please, someone with common sense don't let him near MGS.

  • praetorian #10 6 years ago

    I don't get it. Ben Kingsley and Christian Slater are household names, I bet they didn't come too cheap. Why didn't their publicists warn them about Uwe Boll? And still he's got funding for Dungeon Siege, Postal and Far Cry?

  • Kostabi #11 6 years ago

    I suppose the agents argue that nobody is going to see the film, so why not take the cheque and run?

  • pauleyc #12 6 years ago

    Wait, doesn't this mean Boll's funding is about to dry out?

    edit: Anyway, this article says it all.
    Edited by 2 at 10/01/06 @ 13:29

  • StixxUK #13 6 years ago

    Surely there must be some young, good directors that would jump at the chance to make a film that would get into cinemas and do a hell of a lot better than Boll in order to prove themselves... Give them the money and resources, not this twat. He must be raking the cash in off these fools that keep paying him to bury their IP.

  • Markusdragon #14 6 years ago

    "I don't get it. Ben Kingsley and Christian Slater..."


    'Thunderbirds' and 'Churchill: The Hollywood Years' respectively.

  • SonicBoom #15 6 years ago

    Surely Hideo Kojima knows about this guy and wouldn't give out his most prized franchise to be dragged through the dirt... or maybe its one of those situations where he has no control over movie rights, I'm not sure.

  • Orange #16 6 years ago

    It's all about exploiting the tax system that's where he keeps getting the money, even with all the flops.

    Although the germans are closing their tax loophole, there are other countries where it still exists.

  • Carpathian #17 6 years ago

    Boll gets seat on film.
    People hype film up as the one where he hits the target.
    Boll misses the target, the targets surround and the wall they're hung on.
    Everybody says they knew Boll would do this.
    Things go quiet.
    Boll gets seat on film
    ....repeat ad nauseum......

    Am I the only one who wonders who keeps throwing money at this painful loop ??

  • mouse Verified Graphic designer, Eurogamer Network #18 6 years ago

    If they let this twat anywhere near MGS, I am going on a personal crusade to wring the life out of him before he can start.

  • lasersrule #19 6 years ago

    Did anyone see the .NFO for the warez release of Bloodrayne?

    Ahem:

    So with that enjoy this movie from hollywoods
    numero uno hack director uwe boll. We're proud to
    pirate this peice of shit to save you people from
    being ripped out of ur hard earned money. Note to
    hollywood cuz we know u track these. Seriously stop
    financing crap like this. The money you save will
    enable bob the carpenter and the teamsters to stay
    in work for at least another year. Piracy doesnt hurt you
    SHIT fucking waste of money movies like this do.

    Even the warez monkeys have had enough!

  • praetorian #20 6 years ago

    @Markus:

    That's my point exactly. The guy got an Oscar nomination just two years ago for "House of Sand and Fog" and now he's reduced to this? His publicist/agent isn't doing their job properly.

  • trevd72 #21 6 years ago

    I saw Alone in the Dark over xmas and that was so bad. It remided me of those very cheap straight to video films that you got from the video man who came round in his van in the 80's

    I would so love to get into movies or even TV productions. I reckon this fella gives me hope for that one day. Cos if he can do it so can I!!

  • trevd72 #22 6 years ago

    Funny enough this is what I was ranting about on a thread before xmas except it was stop making crap games.

    "Did anyone see the .NFO for the warez release of Bloodrayne?

    Ahem:

    So with that enjoy this movie from hollywoods
    numero uno hack director uwe boll. We're proud to
    pirate this peice of shit to save you people from
    being ripped out of ur hard earned money. Note to
    hollywood cuz we know u track these. Seriously stop
    financing crap like this. The money you save will
    enable bob the carpenter and the teamsters to stay
    in work for at least another year. Piracy doesnt hurt you
    SHIT fucking waste of money movies like this do.

    Even the warez monkeys have had enough!"

  • asphaltcowboy #23 6 years ago

    Would it be apt for him to do "Springtime for Hitler"? ;)

  • Salvia #24 6 years ago

    Ah Uwe Boll... the only thing that everyone on the Eurogamer forums can agree on :-)

  • Lukus #25 6 years ago

    Ha ha! Uwe Boll has no shame! I read about the tax loopholes in Germany too. Apparently he can still make money from a flop. It really is like The Producers! At least if more videogame film adaptations come out in the future which aren't directed by Mr. Boll, people maybe more inclined to take them more seiously.
    Edited by 1 at 10/01/06 @ 13:46

  • davyuk #26 6 years ago

    Fear Effect (2008) (announced)
    Postal (2007) (announced)
    Far Cry (2006) (announced)
    Hunter: The Reckoning (2007) (pre-production)
    In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2006) (post-production)
    BloodRayne (2005)
    Alone in the Dark (2005)
    House of the Dead (2003)

    Methodically, one by one, destroying videogame franchises. Astonishing. Saddening.


    edit: not that I care for Postal. It was such a shit game that his film may actually be an improvement!
    Edited by 1 at 10/01/06 @ 13:47

  • Sko #27 6 years ago

    "I suppose the agents argue that nobody is going to see the film, so why not take the cheque and run?"

    Heh. Uwe Boll's output as the filmic equivalent of doing adverts in Japan. :)

  • trevd72 #28 6 years ago

    you can tell i have joined this thread late.

    House of Sand and Fog was a very good film. That is the one with ben kingsley in it? I did not realise that it was directed by uwe.

    His other films (i watch them just to see how bad they are) have nowhere near the subtley, the tension, the drama. It painted deep characters on a collage of human emotion and self delusion. (i also wanted to be a pretensios critic)

    So seeing as he is good at drama why did he make the other rubbish?? Its like woody allen doing the next Alien film - "in space no one can here you complain about everything."


    ***err, i read praetorian post wrong but i will leave my post in for a laugh. I checked with IMDB. HoSaF was directed by first time director Vadim Perelman. A sign of true talent that this film was his first and he is from Kiev.***
    Edited by 2 at 10/01/06 @ 14:02

  • asphaltcowboy #29 6 years ago

    I think you may have joined the planet too late!
    In absolutely no way was Boll responsible for The House of Sand and Fog!!!

  • davyuk #30 6 years ago

    For fun: Petition

  • Rodafowa #31 6 years ago

    You should listen to your friend Billy Zane. He's a cool dude.

  • Feanor #32 6 years ago

    Here's an interview with the man that was done yesterday. Despite making terrible movies he seems like an alright guy.

    http://www.g4tv.com/attackofthes how/blog/AOTB/post/544411/Uwe_Boll.html#comments
    Edited by 1 at 10/01/06 @ 14:28

  • penhalion #33 6 years ago

    Boll is litterally out of the Producers. He makes movies that flop in order to take advantage of a ludicrous tax loophole. The people who invest in his movies are the kind that you would expect to leave a horses head in your bed if you cross them.

    In short, he isn't out to make good movies, he is out to make tax breaks for his investors and a few million into the bargain for himself.

    The only mystery here is how the German and American governments have let it go on for so long without any arrests!?!

  • feinry #34 6 years ago

    somewhere, i admire this guy. he must be a dreamer will enormous balls...

  • El_MUERkO #35 6 years ago

    Dream situation:

    The moon drops briefly out of orbit and squishes Jack Thompson and Uwe Boll as they mee to dicuss 'Jack Thompson: Greater than God!'

  • Psi #36 6 years ago

    i don't understand, how on earth by having his movies flop do they make money?

    i honestly aint got a clue how that works and the links provided don't explain it to me with glove puppets.

  • absolutezero #37 6 years ago

    Name-dropping an Eli Roth movie and Bloody Disgusting = Eurogamer is awesome.

    Hostel is'nt out here until March though, what a crime.

    Basically if the movie don't make back the money they took to produce the German government repays what was lost. Then there are dvd sales on top of that. Mainly in Poland and America most likely. They'll buy any old crap.
    Edited by 1 at 10/01/06 @ 15:14

  • Xerx3s #38 6 years ago

    Imagine, beeing locked inside a cinema room for 150 minits, having to watch another uwe film. Cant think of a worse fate. i wouldnt even wish that to me worst enemies. 0_o

    Well, as long as he is banned from touching halo, its fine by me.

  • Lagto_Soa #39 6 years ago

    Name-dropping an Eli Roth movie and Bloody Disgusting = Eurogamer is awesome.

    Cabin Fever = one of the worst horror films ever made. Hostel = unlikely to be much better.

  • pauleyc #40 6 years ago

    @absolutezero: "Basically if the movie don't make back the money they took to produce the German government repays what was lost. Then there are dvd sales on top of that. Mainly in Poland and America most likely. They'll buy any old crap.'

    I believe you overestimate the local demand for over-the-top crap movies - unless you have some data to back it up?

  • Universal_Hamster #41 6 years ago

    "Put a cork in it, Zane!!!"

  • trevd72 #42 6 years ago

    is that german tax law left over from the war when they made propaganda films and as the war went on less people paid to see them because they were either fighting in russia, drinking wine in france or being gassed in poland.

    Those crazy germans!! 3 million unemployed and they still have the money to help uwe pollute our minds. I will have to see if there is any national socialist messages in his movies, perhaps thats thier purpose.

  • Kami #43 6 years ago

    'Churchill: The Hollywood Years'

    Oi. None of that, y'hear? Let's not bring decent-enough british comedies into the same topic as... well... HIM...

  • firefly #44 6 years ago

    Surely there are enough video game franchises that nobody cares about for Uwe Boll to never have to make films based on the likes of Metal Gear Solid.

    Or if he must make movies of much loved games franchises let him do so based on those that would make no sense as a film (as you'll see soon my ideas are mostly Nintendo titles) in order to see what he makes of them. For instance...

    Advance Wars: Cinema Wars.
    Mario Kart The Movie (featuring some low rent Tom Cruise wanabe as Mario the greatest Mario Kart racer ever - despite Toad obviously being the best - who has a crisis of confidence until he meets female Mario Kart racer Peach who inspires him to reclaim his title).
    WarioWare: Projected.
    When Nintendogs Attack.

    As a sidenote it's interesting that all the best ideas I could think of there came from my DS game collection. Have to say if he did tackle some of these it would make for interesting cinema.

  • Chtulie #45 6 years ago

    Cabin Fever = one of the worst horror films ever made. Hostel = unlikely to be much better.

    Which is also exactly the reason why all the positive comments I've read on Hostel are 50% praise and 50% total surprise.

  • trevd72 #46 6 years ago

    found these two links which are very interesting.

    http://www.slate.com/ id/2130781
    http://www.slate.com/ id/2117309

    explain the whole tax loophole thing.

    the bit about lord of the rings is most suprising!
    Edited by 1 at 10/01/06 @ 16:29

  • Eldritch #47 6 years ago

    "3 million unemployed"

    That's 4.5 million, mate.

  • Kingsadist #48 6 years ago

    This is one reason why I hate Planet Earth.

  • Irisheejit #49 6 years ago

    He should get himself a job at E.A games.

    Making crap and selling it off to the public would be an everday occurence for him then.

  • JohnnyC06 #50 6 years ago

    If Uwe Boll wants to direct any game-movie in the world then let him. Just please dont him direct stuff like MGS or even GTA, PDZ or even Resident Evil. That would make RE twice as worse as it already is.

  • TheEnd #51 6 years ago

    I'd say it's unlikely that Konami would let Boll near it's biggest franchise. Roger Avary and Christophe Gans had to work hard to convince Konami to allow them to make Silent Hill into a film, so I really couldn't see Konami changing it's policy, especially on Kojima's masterwork.

  • tengu #52 6 years ago

    lol, they should hand this guy the Halo movie, as it's going to take a madman or a genius to scrape out a story for that. Or at the very least someone with a marker to write the word 'Halo' over the front of some Starship Troopers DVDs :D

  • sheksh #53 6 years ago

    Kojima is a movie buff, I think he's seen Uwe's CV, and might not wanna hand the project to such person.

  • reality_cheque #54 6 years ago

    Uwe Boll + Bloodrayne license = Shit film. How is this news? :p

    If anyone didn't see this coming, you need to get some glasses.

  • Zuiyo #55 6 years ago

    You see, he is so bad, he makes headlines, and that is good for the movie at the end because people go see the movie just to see how bad it is.

  • MrGrumpy.au #56 6 years ago

    firefly you beat me to it, i.e. games that should never be made into a movie.

    I was thinking a movie based on Gran Turismo starring "The Stig" as the elite driving instructor and Jeremy Clarkson as the "Middle aged balding guy, wannabe racer in training (with a bad back)".

    The first 1.5 hours would be The Stig/Clarksons characters going through around 100 license tests followed by the finale where he races at the Nurburgring only to come last (3 laps down) in a 4 lap race (but he managed to do a lap of 9m59s before he crashed out).

    Offtopic:
    BTW, Top Gear is a great show (pitty here we are only seeing last season now).

  • reality_cheque #57 6 years ago

    @Tengu: Read the Halo books. OK, so they're not exactly LOTR-level epics, but they're a damn good read. THEN you can complain about the Halo film :p

  • tengu #58 6 years ago

    Or I could stfu and wait until the film's out first even? :)

    Sorry, I just found the games' plots to be pretty weak(Story, not game now), and honestly I don't think I could bring myself to read books based off a story I never really got into in the first place.

    As for not being 'LOTR style epics'... I found the LOTR books to be utter bores tbh.

  • Feanor #59 6 years ago

    "As for not being 'LOTR style epics'... I found the LOTR books to be utter bores tbh."

    Boooo.