Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball Comments by Rob Fahey

They've even assigned the R-trigger on the Xbox pad to be a "boob cam" - press it and you automatically zoom in on your character's breasts or crotch. That says it all, really.

Yes, it says they are truly enlightened individuals with excellent taste.

In the meantime, quite frankly, if you want porn - buy porn

Any chance of the Eurogamer shop stocking the top 10 Porn DVDs ?

"Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball has been embarrassingly terrible for the entirety of the three or four hours we've played it for..."

LOL - What was the last really shit game I played for four hours... =D

Selling like hot cakes in Jap land at the moment. Always thought it would be average, but it is funny

As expected - a 3D version of Pong with added tits. :-)

Errol wrote:
They've even assigned the R-trigger on the Xbox pad to be a "boob cam" - press it and you automatically zoom in on your character's breasts or crotch. That says it all, really.

Yes, it says they are truly enlightened individuals with excellent taste.


Well, here's one person who'll buy it....
:o)

Excellent read, it's always fun when something gets really torn to bits. Though the enthusiastic reader reviews at gamefaqs aren't bad either, like "the game has a lot of depth because you can press the analogue buttons harder or softer, and there are 300+ swimsuits".

Shinji must be a GC or PS2 fanboy. Or he just prefers men :D

ahh I am glad to say Beach Spikers appears to be much better then. However there are certain scenes even in that game that are sooo just verging on lesbianism..

Could they not use this engine for a 'Virtual Porno' game ?

The game could be based around filming a porn movie, and you could 'play' around with the girls, fixing them in position etc etc, before rolling the camera. People could then save their films, and exchange them with friends. Different props could be made available on the internet etc.

especially the fruit machines, which don't even offer anything as interesting as a set of hold buttons.
I've seen this criticism in other reviews, one thing you should be aware of is the slot machines in Vegas have no such thing either, nor do the pokies in Oz usually. The only thing you have a choice on is how much money you're going to bet on one spin, the more coins bet affects much you win and how many win lines you have. There's no skill element what-so-ever.

So strictly speaking at least this aspect of the "game" is realistic. Not that it matters it's pants!

I noticed there wasn't as much swearing in this first impressions than Mugwum's! :-)

However there are certain scenes even in that game that are sooo just verging on lesbianism.."

What's wrong with that?

Nothing as long as we get to watch :)

Brrr, so this crap is on the same level as the BMXXX game then! Errol, I like your game idea, bet it's just a matter of time before such games come out, complete with 3d scanned porn stars and everything!

You know, this is possibly the first instance in which I think I'd be entirely justified in describing one of my detractors as a wanker. :)

Euroshiter! Haha.Ha...Ha.......Ha.

Word joke, eh?

You know, "Rob is a twat", you're the kind of reader that really isn't welcome here. I sat and played DOAX last night too, and in 25 years of playing videogames, I've never seen something so non interactive, and gratuitously targeted at sad little boys that want to see giggling big breasted girls jump around.
You can play it with one hand FFS! Say no more!

....it's as bad as we all knew it would be.

More worryingly, we have a suspicion that within twenty minutes of sitting down to play, we'd seen everything on offer.

...and, er, wahey! A one liner that Errol didn't pick up on. Blimey.

I think there are plenty of people like "Rob is a twat" though, it'll sell I'm sure of it.

"Rob is a twat" -

I presume that your name is Rob ?

Just EG opinion. Maybe IGN has better taste :p

Aw, someone doesn't like us criticising their virtual jazz mag. Well, as I said last night, as a game this is so unfathomably atrocious that I was really quite taken aback. It's a shame that pointing this out is attracting tossers!

I think it's just coincidence, they're here to get the screen grabs...

This is THE most expensive softporn I've ever seen.... whats that? It's a game??? Really? "Volleyball simulation" you say? Mmmmm.... interesting...

Well with what the game costs, I could have fun in a brothel as round my way you can have REAL sex for under £40. But the girls ain't all that to look at. :)

Get Beachspikers instead. I picked it up for £15 and its really starting to grow on me. I'm finally finding out that you really need some tactics in order to get anywhere on hard level (let along v.hard). My mate and I got beaten twice by the yankee pig-dogs yesterday.

Warning to anyone waiting to pick this up "Pre-Owned" from Game.

Not only do you have to check that the game's case is undamaged, the manual not ripped nor the disc sratched, you need to ensure no one has, err, "sneezed" all over the manual and disc.

Tis good advice, heed it !

A crisp new fiver to the man who successfully manages to knock one off to this game. I can't see how it can be done, myself. Unless you've got a copy of Razzle propped up next to the TV.

'Get Beachspikers instead. I picked it up for £15 and its really starting to grow on me. I'm finally finding out that you really need some tactics in order to get anywhere on hard level (let along v.hard). My mate and I got beaten twice by the yankee pig-dogs yesterday.'

Well, already have Beachspikers, and it's quite a good game. But pressing A when you're near the ball, isn't that what you're doing 95% of the time in this game as well?

The point is, you don't even have to move the bleedin players around in DOA XBV. That's the bit that really kills any hope of gameplay. Hence, it can be played one handed!

Well, already have Beachspikers, and it's quite a good game. But pressing A when you're near the ball, isn't that what you're doing 95% of the time in this game as well?

yes, but in doaxbv it really feels like you have no control, it sends the ball where it likes, often into the net, it seems random in sometimes it spikes, sometimes you just do a normal hit. even the great virtua tennis series consists of you moving into place and pressing the same button most of the time, but you are in control of what is happening. that is not the case with doaxbv

Can everyone also bear in mind that we were all looking forward to DOA XBV at EG! We're not rubbishing this for a laugh...

"The point is, you don't even have to move the bleedin players around in DOA XBV. That's the bit that really kills any hope of gameplay. Hence, it can be played one handed!"

Gobsmacked.

Well at least Tecmo know their target audience then.

Don't think you have to empasize this, krudster, the preview reeks of justified disappointment.

"Not only do you have to check that the game's case is undamaged, the manual not ripped nor the disc sratched, you need to ensure no one has, err, "sneezed" all over the manual and disc."

Eweeee

Well, already have Beachspikers, and it's quite a good game. But pressing A when you're near the ball, isn't that what you're doing 95% of the time in this game as well?

Yes, but you need to be in the right position. Have you tried playing the computer or a decent human player? I find myself constantly moving around the court after a toss or spike, just to get into a good receiving position. Of course its nothing to hit the ball, but you need to be able to under it in order to do so. Plus there's the tactics involved in spiking or drop shoting. The easy CPU is no contest though.

For 15 I'm pretty chuffed. I wouldn't have even looked at it on the shelf if it had been £30+. I'm not a beach volleyball fan.

As for DOA, I can't comment. I've never played it and have no interest in doing so.

The one thing I must say i would really like to see in sports games is an extension of the "franchise" modes. I like having to earn cash through competitions which is used to improve my team, but alas very few games do that. It need not be on the level of Championship Manager, but I just want to feel like I'm building something as opposed to just moving from competition to competition.

Sounds to me like Rob spent his pocket money on importing the game, doesn't like it, hates to admit it and so starts laying into people. :)

Can everyone also bear in mind that we were all looking forward to DOA XBV at EG! We're not rubbishing this for a laugh...
Can I just ask WHY... most people were assuming that there was a 95% chance that this would be sh!te designed to take advantage of 15 year old XBox gamers.

"Can I just ask WHY"

Because you'd be hard pressed to name a previous Tecmo game which was actually poor? The Dead or Alive series has, of late, focused a lot on the lovely ladies it features, but has remained a hugely enjoyable series of beat 'em ups regardless.

If this had the gameplay of Klonoa Beach Volleyball or Beach Spikers, it'd actually be a really good game.

"Well it does say something about liking David Hasselhof in his bio :P"

I did once watch an entire David Hasselhoff movie. It was called "Gridlock" and was laughably bad, but the key item in my defence here is that I was in Mugwum's living room at the time and he had the remote control.

The defence rests, m'lud.

ahh I am glad to say Beach Spikers appears to be much better then. However there are certain scenes even in that game that are sooo just verging on lesbianism..

Bah, it's just their natural exuberance when they win a game, though I'm not saying anything about the slow motion 'nice spike' replay. But the PAL packaging is absolutely atrocious and whoever wrote the text on it should be sent back to writing the blurb for those dutch imports.

At least the game's a good one. And I still can't win a final against Brazil in World Cup mode even with a fully trained up teammate. That's on Normal difficulty too.

oh dear. and there i was thinking that this would be a worthy game with some tittilation (been using that word a lot today :P). But judging by the absolute pasting y'all be giving it, it just some schoolboy tittilation with a pointless shower of shit tacked on. as i said , oh dear.

BTW, ain't there a game out (if you can laughingly call it that) which is basically DOA:XBV without the volleyball? Obviously only in Japan, but it seems that developer has the right idea - dispense with any flowerly rubbish like 'gameplay', or even the pretense of gameplay, and give the salivating teens what they want - digital mannequins to pose, photograph and tommy over.

Edit - sp.

You've got to be worried about our future generations when they spell 'write' as 'right', lol.

Not even 12 years olds spell that badly, do they?

I quite like Beach Spikers World Cup mode myself though I'm not a big fan of the vs mode unless you use one of your own defined teams, because I don't think that when you keep swapping between players you can cover the court like you need to - when the AI is controlling the other player it's a bit dumb.

Djeezus what a bunch of up-thight wankers here !
I think this game might be quite entertaining.
Get some friends over, put this one on and have a laugh.
At least for once you don't have to kill anyone.
But yeah, this is eurogamer and yes, this is an xbox game.Like water and fire...
Maybe a little frutration because one boob in DoAXbVb has more polys than mario on GC ?

What's uptight about giving a crap game a crap score because it's crap Fezz?

First I'd like to say that (as mentioned many times) I have full confidence in the reviewing abilities of the staff at eurogamer. I don't beleive i've read a review that they honestly didn't feel deserved the review or post mortum it deserved. I haven't played this game at all ( i will rent it though !). I am a little disapointed though at the rebutal back which may have unintentionally hurt the feelings of other posters who may have bought or like the game. eg. "gratuitously targeted at sad little boys that want to see giggling big breasted girls jump around. "
Personally the quoted poster has a right to defend themselves against any obnoxious or hurtfull comment, but if I was sensitive (which i'm not ) I may feel bad about owning this game even if it is gratuitous!.(am I a sad little boy if I rent it?).........
p.s. due to the review i'll wait for ninja gaiden! thanks for a humourous and insightfull review guys...

p.s. p.s. funny how theres lots of new posters on both sides i've never seen before! btw if the game had a stellar volleyball engine, even with the dating sim thing this would have been a buy for me! (especially if it had live support!!)

Nick, they think it's crap because it has stuff like a boob cam.
It sounds like good fun to me.
Am I a perv ?
No sir

fezz they think it's crap because it's crap

get over it already

Zerogunner, I really hope the "LOL" indictated the irony in your post...