Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball

By Rob Fahey Published 5 February, 2003

First Impressions - the only balls we'll be volleying, etc

Quite a long time ago, a little-known Japanese developer called Tecmo made a beat 'em up game called Dead or Alive for the Saturn and PlayStation. It had nice graphics, a fast and fluid fighting system not dissimilar to the mechanics of Virtua Fighter, and although it was sold as a serious fighting game (and it was indeed a very good one), it did have one fun little feature - the ability to set the level of "bouncyness" on the breasts of the female characters.

Fast forward a few years, and we find Tecmo gradually refining the Dead or Alive series - with more and more bouncyness, and arguably, less and less gameplay. Sex sells, and Tecmo knows it; and with Dead or Alive 3 on the Xbox, not only did it feature more voluptuous female characters than ever, but it also redefined the cutting edge of real-time 3D graphics. Best of all, the game attached to this magnificent slice of digital artwork wasn't too shabby either.

We'd prefer it Dead, to be honest

'Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball' Screenshot nov0213b

In light of this, we can be forgiven for thinking that maybe, just possibly, Tecmo's next foray into Dead or Alive territory might be something more than the exploitative cash-in it appeared to be. Perhaps the competent fighting game of Dead or Alive might be replaced with an equally competent simulation of the fascinating sport of beach volleyball? Don't laugh too hard - there are precedents, in the form of Sega's quite entertaining Beach Spikers, and Namco's downright wonderful Klonoa Beach Volleyball.

Well, now we've played Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball for a few hours, and the news from the front is not good. In fact, it's downright terrible. From what we have now seen of the game, every single person who dismissed this as shoddy oversexed rubbish when the trailer videos appeared was completely right, although they probably weren't quite vehement enough about just what a load of utter rubbish this "game" actually is.

Xtremely pretty beach volleyball

'Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball' Screenshot e308b

Good points first. Don't worry, this section will be brief.

The graphics in the game are absolutely outstanding in places. As ever, the characters are rendered amazingly well; it's only a couple of years since we were seeing characters worse than this in pre-rendered video, and watching them move in real-time is very impressive indeed. The environments, however, don't seem to be as ambitious as the ones in Dead or Alive 3 - although there are lots of nice touches like the sand being shuffled about by the characters feet as they play volleyball, or the shadows of the palm trees rippling on the shore, on the whole there's nothing breathtakingly impressive here. Even the FMV isn't as impressive as stuff we've seen Tecmo do before; perhaps because they had to make so much of it for DOAX, the quality of it seems to have suffered accordingly.

More worryingly, we have a suspicion that within twenty minutes of sitting down to play, we'd seen everything on offer. There are a very small number of locations on the island, and you can visit most of them from the outset - with no sign of any locked locations or anything interesting like that. Most of the game revolves around acquiring new swimsuits and accessories to dress your character in, and it looks like this is really the only reason to keep playing - there's nothing apart from that to unlock.

Xtremely rubbish beach volleyball

'Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball' Screenshot jan036b

Which brings us neatly to the whole thorny issue of the gameplay; or should I say, the lack of gameplay. DOAX features the most piss-poor attempt at simulating volleyball I have ever seen, with almost every aspect of the game being completely awful. You have little control over what your character does - hit the A button at the right moment and she hits the ball in a seemingly random way. That's it. That's just about the whole game in a nutshell; you can pass with the B button and run around a bit, but at the end of the day the whole game revolves around pressing the A button when the ball is near you and nothing more.

To make life even less fun, half the time you can't even see your character on screen because of the unbelievably dire camera - and that's when you get to play volleyball at all. Often you'll find yourself in the position of having nobody to partner with or play against, and will have to run off to the shop and buy presents for people until you manage to push the right buttons with someone and they agree to be your playing partner. This is utterly impenetrable and not fun at all; it's like playing a Japanese dating game, but without any plot, any indication of what you're meant to be doing or even any decent reward for doing the right thing. [And Rob knows a thing or two about Japanese dating games! - Ed]

Bite-sized games, bite-sized fun

'Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball' Screenshot jan035b

Volleyball isn't the only thing vying for your attention on Zack Island though. Oh no. There are a selection of utterly tedious subgames, the most interesting of which is "tap the A button to bounce across a row of floats in the swimming pool". I kid you not, this is the best thing we've found in the whole game so far. There's an entire casino on offer, but all the games in it are extraordinarily dull - especially the fruit machines, which don't even offer anything as interesting as a set of hold buttons.

Of course, what's really vying for your attention is the lovely ladies themselves, and really, Tecmo know they're not fooling anyone with the shamefully diabolical gameplay they try to use to justify this as a serious videogame. They've even assigned the R-trigger on the Xbox pad to be a "boob cam" - press it and you automatically zoom in on your character's breasts or crotch. That says it all, really.

Making an early impression

Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball has been embarrassingly terrible for the entirety of the three or four hours we've played it for. First Impressions pieces on Eurogamer are sometimes lenient on problems with a game because, after all, we've not really given it a proper run out yet; but with DOAX, we can do little but be brutally honest, because there simply aren't any redeeming features here other than the graphics. Even the music is terrible - possibly the worst game soundtrack we've ever heard, although thankfully you can replace it with your own music from the Xbox hard drive.

Are we being too harsh to the game? Perhaps. If it suddenly turns into a masterpiece of videogaming and begins to reveal hidden depths as we play further into it, we'll be sure to let you know in our full review of the title nearer to its UK release date. In the meantime, quite frankly, if you want porn - buy porn. If you want a videogame - don't buy Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball.

Picture of Rob.

About Rob Fahey

Rob Fahey is a former editor of GamesIndustry.biz who spent several years living in Japan and probably still has a mint condition Dreamcast Samba de Amigo set.

Read more articles from Rob by visiting the Rob Fahey archive page.

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Comments (74) Latest comment 9 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Errol #1 9 years ago

    They've even assigned the R-trigger on the Xbox pad to be a "boob cam" - press it and you automatically zoom in on your character's breasts or crotch. That says it all, really.

    Yes, it says they are truly enlightened individuals with excellent taste.

  • Errol #2 9 years ago

    In the meantime, quite frankly, if you want porn - buy porn

    Any chance of the Eurogamer shop stocking the top 10 Porn DVDs ?

  • gamesb*tch #3 9 years ago

    "Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball has been embarrassingly terrible for the entirety of the three or four hours we've played it for..."

    LOL - What was the last really shit game I played for four hours... =D

  • Tiitiz #4 9 years ago

    Selling like hot cakes in Jap land at the moment. Always thought it would be average, but it is funny

  • Blerk #5 9 years ago

    As expected - a 3D version of Pong with added tits. :-)

  • Alastair #6 9 years ago

    Errol wrote:
    They've even assigned the R-trigger on the Xbox pad to be a "boob cam" - press it and you automatically zoom in on your character's breasts or crotch. That says it all, really.

    Yes, it says they are truly enlightened individuals with excellent taste.


    Well, here's one person who'll buy it....
    :o)

  • UncleLou #7 9 years ago

    Excellent read, it's always fun when something gets really torn to bits. Though the enthusiastic reader reviews at gamefaqs aren't bad either, like "the game has a lot of depth because you can press the analogue buttons harder or softer, and there are 300+ swimsuits".
    Edited by 1 at 05/02/03 @ 09:46

  • Tiitiz #8 9 years ago

    Shinji must be a GC or PS2 fanboy. Or he just prefers men :D
    Edited by 1 at 05/02/03 @ 09:50

  • DB2k #9 9 years ago

    ahh I am glad to say Beach Spikers appears to be much better then. However there are certain scenes even in that game that are sooo just verging on lesbianism..

  • Errol #10 9 years ago

    Could they not use this engine for a 'Virtual Porno' game ?

    The game could be based around filming a porn movie, and you could 'play' around with the girls, fixing them in position etc etc, before rolling the camera. People could then save their films, and exchange them with friends. Different props could be made available on the internet etc.

  • #11 9 years ago

    "However there are certain scenes even in that game that are sooo just verging on lesbianism.."

    What's wrong with that?

  • Whizzo #12 9 years ago

    especially the fruit machines, which don't even offer anything as interesting as a set of hold buttons.
    I've seen this criticism in other reviews, one thing you should be aware of is the slot machines in Vegas have no such thing either, nor do the pokies in Oz usually. The only thing you have a choice on is how much money you're going to bet on one spin, the more coins bet affects much you win and how many win lines you have. There's no skill element what-so-ever.

    So strictly speaking at least this aspect of the "game" is realistic. Not that it matters it's pants!

    I noticed there wasn't as much swearing in this first impressions than Mugwum's! :-)

  • TennesseeStiff #13 9 years ago

    However there are certain scenes even in that game that are sooo just verging on lesbianism.."

    What's wrong with that?

    Nothing as long as we get to watch :)

  • valli #14 9 years ago

    Brrr, so this crap is on the same level as the BMXXX game then! Errol, I like your game idea, bet it's just a matter of time before such games come out, complete with 3d scanned porn stars and everything!

  • Shinji #15 9 years ago

    You know, this is possibly the first instance in which I think I'd be entirely justified in describing one of my detractors as a wanker. :)

  • UncleLou #16 9 years ago

    Euroshiter! Haha.Ha...Ha.......Ha.

    Word joke, eh?

  • krudster #17 9 years ago

    You know, "Rob is a twat", you're the kind of reader that really isn't welcome here. I sat and played DOAX last night too, and in 25 years of playing videogames, I've never seen something so non interactive, and gratuitously targeted at sad little boys that want to see giggling big breasted girls jump around.
    You can play it with one hand FFS! Say no more!
    Edited by 1 at 05/02/03 @ 11:07

  • Nemesis #18 9 years ago

    ....it's as bad as we all knew it would be.

    More worryingly, we have a suspicion that within twenty minutes of sitting down to play, we'd seen everything on offer.

    ...and, er, wahey! A one liner that Errol didn't pick up on. Blimey.

  • Whizzo #19 9 years ago

    I think there are plenty of people like "Rob is a twat" though, it'll sell I'm sure of it.

  • Errol #20 9 years ago

    "Rob is a twat" -

    I presume that your name is Rob ?

  • Tiitiz #21 9 years ago

    Just EG opinion. Maybe IGN has better taste :p

  • Mugwum Verified Operations Director, Eurogamer Network #22 9 years ago

    Aw, someone doesn't like us criticising their virtual jazz mag. Well, as I said last night, as a game this is so unfathomably atrocious that I was really quite taken aback. It's a shame that pointing this out is attracting tossers!

  • Nemesis #23 9 years ago

    I think it's just coincidence, they're here to get the screen grabs...

  • ®enzo #24 9 years ago

    This is THE most expensive softporn I've ever seen.... whats that? It's a game??? Really? "Volleyball simulation" you say? Mmmmm.... interesting...

  • BLACKSHEEP #25 9 years ago

    Well with what the game costs, I could have fun in a brothel as round my way you can have REAL sex for under £40. But the girls ain't all that to look at. :)

  • FWB #26 9 years ago

    Get Beachspikers instead. I picked it up for £15 and its really starting to grow on me. I'm finally finding out that you really need some tactics in order to get anywhere on hard level (let along v.hard). My mate and I got beaten twice by the yankee pig-dogs yesterday.

  • ReGuRgIt8oR #27 9 years ago

    Warning to anyone waiting to pick this up "Pre-Owned" from Game.

    Not only do you have to check that the game's case is undamaged, the manual not ripped nor the disc sratched, you need to ensure no one has, err, "sneezed" all over the manual and disc.

    Tis good advice, heed it !

  • otto #28 9 years ago

    A crisp new fiver to the man who successfully manages to knock one off to this game. I can't see how it can be done, myself. Unless you've got a copy of Razzle propped up next to the TV.

  • ToxicTed #29 9 years ago

    'Get Beachspikers instead. I picked it up for £15 and its really starting to grow on me. I'm finally finding out that you really need some tactics in order to get anywhere on hard level (let along v.hard). My mate and I got beaten twice by the yankee pig-dogs yesterday.'

    Well, already have Beachspikers, and it's quite a good game. But pressing A when you're near the ball, isn't that what you're doing 95% of the time in this game as well?
    Edited by 1 at 05/02/03 @ 12:07

  • krudster #30 9 years ago

    The point is, you don't even have to move the bleedin players around in DOA XBV. That's the bit that really kills any hope of gameplay. Hence, it can be played one handed!

  • eviltobz #31 9 years ago

    Well, already have Beachspikers, and it's quite a good game. But pressing A when you're near the ball, isn't that what you're doing 95% of the time in this game as well?

    yes, but in doaxbv it really feels like you have no control, it sends the ball where it likes, often into the net, it seems random in sometimes it spikes, sometimes you just do a normal hit. even the great virtua tennis series consists of you moving into place and pressing the same button most of the time, but you are in control of what is happening. that is not the case with doaxbv

  • krudster #32 9 years ago

    Can everyone also bear in mind that we were all looking forward to DOA XBV at EG! We're not rubbishing this for a laugh...

  • Rowley #33 9 years ago

    "The point is, you don't even have to move the bleedin players around in DOA XBV. That's the bit that really kills any hope of gameplay. Hence, it can be played one handed!"

    Gobsmacked.

    Well at least Tecmo know their target audience then.

  • UncleLou #34 9 years ago

    Don't think you have to empasize this, krudster, the preview reeks of justified disappointment.

  • TennesseeStiff #35 9 years ago

    "Not only do you have to check that the game's case is undamaged, the manual not ripped nor the disc sratched, you need to ensure no one has, err, "sneezed" all over the manual and disc."

    Eweeee

  • FWB #36 9 years ago

    Well, already have Beachspikers, and it's quite a good game. But pressing A when you're near the ball, isn't that what you're doing 95% of the time in this game as well?

    Yes, but you need to be in the right position. Have you tried playing the computer or a decent human player? I find myself constantly moving around the court after a toss or spike, just to get into a good receiving position. Of course its nothing to hit the ball, but you need to be able to under it in order to do so. Plus there's the tactics involved in spiking or drop shoting. The easy CPU is no contest though.

    For 15 I'm pretty chuffed. I wouldn't have even looked at it on the shelf if it had been £30+. I'm not a beach volleyball fan.

    As for DOA, I can't comment. I've never played it and have no interest in doing so.

    The one thing I must say i would really like to see in sports games is an extension of the "franchise" modes. I like having to earn cash through competitions which is used to improve my team, but alas very few games do that. It need not be on the level of Championship Manager, but I just want to feel like I'm building something as opposed to just moving from competition to competition.

  • FWB #37 9 years ago

    Sounds to me like Rob spent his pocket money on importing the game, doesn't like it, hates to admit it and so starts laying into people. :)

  • #38 9 years ago

    Can everyone also bear in mind that we were all looking forward to DOA XBV at EG! We're not rubbishing this for a laugh...
    Can I just ask WHY... most people were assuming that there was a 95% chance that this would be sh!te designed to take advantage of 15 year old XBox gamers.

  • Shinji #39 9 years ago

    "Can I just ask WHY"

    Because you'd be hard pressed to name a previous Tecmo game which was actually poor? The Dead or Alive series has, of late, focused a lot on the lovely ladies it features, but has remained a hugely enjoyable series of beat 'em ups regardless.

    If this had the gameplay of Klonoa Beach Volleyball or Beach Spikers, it'd actually be a really good game.

  • Shinji #40 9 years ago

    "Well it does say something about liking David Hasselhof in his bio :p"

    I did once watch an entire David Hasselhoff movie. It was called "Gridlock" and was laughably bad, but the key item in my defence here is that I was in Mugwum's living room at the time and he had the remote control.

    The defence rests, m'lud.

  • mal #41 9 years ago

    ahh I am glad to say Beach Spikers appears to be much better then. However there are certain scenes even in that game that are sooo just verging on lesbianism..

    Bah, it's just their natural exuberance when they win a game, though I'm not saying anything about the slow motion 'nice spike' replay. But the PAL packaging is absolutely atrocious and whoever wrote the text on it should be sent back to writing the blurb for those dutch imports.

    At least the game's a good one. And I still can't win a final against Brazil in World Cup mode even with a fully trained up teammate. That's on Normal difficulty too.

  • Xensor #42 9 years ago

    oh dear. and there i was thinking that this would be a worthy game with some tittilation (been using that word a lot today :p). But judging by the absolute pasting y'all be giving it, it just some schoolboy tittilation with a pointless shower of shit tacked on. as i said , oh dear.

    BTW, ain't there a game out (if you can laughingly call it that) which is basically DOA:XBV without the volleyball? Obviously only in Japan, but it seems that developer has the right idea - dispense with any flowerly rubbish like 'gameplay', or even the pretense of gameplay, and give the salivating teens what they want - digital mannequins to pose, photograph and tommy over.

    Edit - sp.
    Edited by 1 at 05/02/03 @ 15:54

  • gizmo #43 9 years ago

    You've got to be worried about our future generations when they spell 'write' as 'right', lol.

    Not even 12 years olds spell that badly, do they?

  • mal #44 9 years ago

    I quite like Beach Spikers World Cup mode myself though I'm not a big fan of the vs mode unless you use one of your own defined teams, because I don't think that when you keep swapping between players you can cover the court like you need to - when the AI is controlling the other player it's a bit dumb.

  • Nick #45 9 years ago

    What's uptight about giving a crap game a crap score because it's crap Fezz?

  • jimbo #46 9 years ago

    First I'd like to say that (as mentioned many times) I have full confidence in the reviewing abilities of the staff at eurogamer. I don't beleive i've read a review that they honestly didn't feel deserved the review or post mortum it deserved. I haven't played this game at all ( i will rent it though !). I am a little disapointed though at the rebutal back which may have unintentionally hurt the feelings of other posters who may have bought or like the game. eg. "gratuitously targeted at sad little boys that want to see giggling big breasted girls jump around. "
    Personally the quoted poster has a right to defend themselves against any obnoxious or hurtfull comment, but if I was sensitive (which i'm not ) I may feel bad about owning this game even if it is gratuitous!.(am I a sad little boy if I rent it?).........
    p.s. due to the review i'll wait for ninja gaiden! thanks for a humourous and insightfull review guys...

  • jimbo #47 9 years ago

    p.s. p.s. funny how theres lots of new posters on both sides i've never seen before! btw if the game had a stellar volleyball engine, even with the dating sim thing this would have been a buy for me! (especially if it had live support!!)

  • otto #48 9 years ago

    fezz they think it's crap because it's crap

    get over it already

  • krudster #49 9 years ago

    Zerogunner, I really hope the "LOL" indictated the irony in your post...

  • Scientist #50 9 years ago

    I am sorry to admit this but I thought the soundtrack was pure genius. It sounds pretty much like any Dance Dance game but I do not recall you slating those (it suits the holiday atmosphere superbly. I am not a pop fan by any means but to hear Bew*tched, Bob Marley and Spice Girls as part of the DOAX experience is far better than hearing nu-metal or uniform Brit-videogame-trance which pollute most games).
    As a way of understanding the Japanese gamer this game is a perfect example. It is effectively a holiday sim game incorporating the classic Japanese pursuits of 'catchin' 'em all' item collection with the other Japanese pastime, girls in swimsuits. I went to Japan four years ago and was amazed by what I saw.
    If any of you would describe yourself as a Japan-o-phile (amine, RPGs, etc) this will be right up your street.

  • Henrik #51 9 years ago

    LOL, the IGN score of 9.2 is ridiculous for a volleyball game with T&A.

  • Super Stu #52 9 years ago

    I'd just like to say... This game is fun.

    heh :)

  • Super Stu #53 9 years ago

    [otto] - 05-Feb-2003
    A crisp new fiver to the man who successfully manages to knock one off to this game. I can't see how it can be done, myself. Unless you've got a copy of Razzle propped up next to the TV.

    I'll take that challenge, sir, un-aided by dubious literature.

  • Pirotic #54 9 years ago

    dont place that bet, no doubt errol could get off on the thumbnail of the vollyball&leg alone

  • otto #55 9 years ago

    video evidence certified by an independent third party will be required before I surrender the fiver

  • Khab #56 9 years ago

    From what we have now seen of the game, every single person who dismissed this as shoddy oversexed rubbish when the trailer videos appeared was completely right, although they probably weren't quite vehement enough about just what a load of utter rubbish this "game" actually is.

    Ah HAVE been VINDICATED!

  • Shinji #57 9 years ago

    Any stuff we've missed in the First Impressions will be in the Review. That's the whole point of a first impressions piece - and we admit freely that this is only based on a few hours of play.

    Maybe that's why we called it "First Impressions"....

    ZeroGunner, your accusation is a bit groundless really. We're reviewing on the basis of the gameplay here, and frankly there's sod all of it. I think you'd find that I'm pretty unlikely to sit there fiddling with the right trigger - frankly, the DOA girls don't really do anything for me! :)

    I know that the presents affect your teammates. However I also know that in decent Renai games, when you do something like giving a gift you get a proper response and either visual or audio feedback to indicate what the person thinks of it and how it's affecting their opinion of you etc. Even the most basic dating game has this mechanism; DOAXBV lacks it. It's the poorest beach volleyball game out (even shareware titles in Japan like Azumanga Daioh Beach Vollayball are better!) and it's also probably the worst Renai game I've ever seen on a console.

    By the way, take the previous posters comment about Jap-o-philes enjoying the game with a pinch of salt. I'm about as hardcore Jap-o-phile as they come (I've watched about 500 hours of anime in the last year by my own reckoning, I'm learning to speak and read the language and I just spent christ knows how much cash during a two week stay in Tokyo...) and I think it's utter bloody rubbish.

  • Shirow #58 9 years ago

    Hey, no need to get all grumpy and defensive (or maybe I'm just being the sensitive one for taking it that way..).
    Either way, I'm fully aware that this is merely a FI and not a proper review though you must admit that one can't help getting the feeling that the minds of the EG crew are already made up on this one. Hm, I think I'll stop here before I go off on a rant like my first post..

    Though if Mugwum cares to debate the DOA3 score I'm all ears ;) DOA3 is pretty much DOA2 with nicer graphics and a couple of new moves and levels, is that reason enough to lower the score from 8 (doa2 on dc) to 6 (doa3 on xbox)? Granted, that's not a huge amount of progress but still, 6 seems a bit harsh. I mean sure, VF4 is really the greatest fighting game there is right now as far as I'm concerned. It has unmatched depth and demands on skills (gotta love Kumite mode also..) but DOA3 on the other hand is just plain fun to play against against a pal. Both doa2 & 3 are easy enough even for my girlfriend to pick up and put up a match though they're deep enough to make sure that the most skilled player always wins (when he wants to and isn't trying to keep his gf in a happy mood). To me vf4 vs doa3 is somewhat like comparing a real life fight to a kung-fu movie, I enjoy both (as long as I'm not the one doing the fighting), they just appeal in different ways...

  • Shinji #59 9 years ago

    I don't know what Tom's justification for the DOA3 score was, but I know that I personally wouldn't rate it highly because, well, it's an exact remake of a game which was out not eighteen months previously. I played DOA3 for about an hour, tops, when I got it - because I'd played the whole thing before on my DC and PS2. The review explained this I'm sure - and pointed out that to people who hadn't seen DOA2, it was probably worth significantly more. (I hope it did now and I haven't embarrassed mugwum :) )

  • Shirow #60 9 years ago

    Allright, fair enough. Though for me, I was spending crazy amounts of quality time with doa2 on my ps2 and wasn't tired of it when I got my xbox so for me it was a natural progression to switch to doa3 and keep on playing. I don't even want to think of how many hours I've spent on the doa fighting games...

    Anyway, just noticed that there's no EG review for vf4. What's up with that? The best fighting game of the year according to you (and me) (also, the only fighting game to make it in your top 50, correct me if I'm wrong) and it's not even reviewed?? I'd really enjoy reading a vf4 review here, albeit a late one.. or how about a preview of the seemingly juicy vf4:evo? :9 Any word if it's even going to be published outside Japan?

  • Polymath #61 9 years ago

    Guys,
    I won't go as far as to say it's a great game, but the gameplay is actually deeper than is at first obvious. Not that deep, but the preview is a little harsher than I feel is justified. Once you understand the general mechanics of the game, there actually is a relationship of what you enter into the controller with what goes on on the screen.

    That said, this game isn't a volleyball sim in the vein of a sport centered game.

    It's really quite japanese... and I don't mean it in a pejorative way... just that it's not designed with winning or losing in mind. Winning was never really an issue in final fantasy games... it was what you could do within the game constraints.

    So... I think the game succeeds in achieving a certain feel. I think it's quite deliberately crafted. In the same breath, I suspect there will be a good number of people who find it pointless.

    I think the best way to think of this game is as watching girls play beach volleyball in an interactive fashion.

    It's a sim "day on the beach".

  • Xensor #62 9 years ago

    I get the feeling that a lot of people (myself included) had far too many preconceptions about what this game will be like. I know i was thinking (hoping, praying :p) that it would be an excellent volleyball game with the added bonus of plenty of skimpy polygons and tanned pixels. But thats not what the developer was after. As polymath said, its sim day at the beach, probably perfect for the Japanese audience, but disappointing for the rest of us. Ho hum.

  • Super Stu #63 9 years ago

    video evidence certified by an independent third party will be required before I surrender the fiver

    superstu.camwhores.com

    Mail me to arrange a time. Heh.

  • otto #64 9 years ago

    er ta stu

    spose it should be obvious but that link is nsfw :)

  • eviltobz #65 9 years ago

    played this a little bit more last night, and got a handle on what i was doing wrong to make my spikes go into the net every single time the last time i had a go. having this new found mastery of the game i did find it quite a bit more enjoyable. i'd go as far as to says that it was good fun for a few matches. no way would i buy it, but its probably worth a rent for a couple of days before the simplistic nature of the gameplay becomes boring, which i'm pretty sure that it will do soon.

    edit - my kind of playing, and stu's kind are completely different i hasten to add.
    Edited by 2 at 07/02/03 @ 15:28

  • otto #66 9 years ago

    awww, did the nasty men hurt the widdle fanboy?

  • #67 9 years ago

    Yeah. This game is no doubt the best game EVER!! Come back in 2 months and tell us if you still remember it..

  • cyber_nicco #68 9 years ago

    Actually a pretty good game. Didn't care much for the volleyball until I got the hang of it.

    The partner and relationship system is much more complex (and subtle) than this review would have you believe. True, you largely just control if people like you more or less, but the effect it has on the volleyball gameplay is interesting. Especially once you learn that you can do much to undermine another team's relationships. Get a player on another team to wear the bathing suit you gave them and watch as their partner gets bitchy. Furthermore, if you really get another team's player to start liking you, the will obviously take it easy on you - even taking a dive on a couple of plays.

    I really didn't know what to expect from this game when I got it. I suppose I just wanted to see the girls and what the hype was all about. After playing for about a week, I've become quite enamored with the game.

    Do yourselves a favor if you've never played this game - don't write it off too fervently.

  • cyber_nicco #69 9 years ago

    You've never played it, have you?

  • #70 9 years ago

    20years ago eh? How nice.. *rolls eyes*

  • Machiavel #71 9 years ago

    "20 years is a common time frame from concept to retail release."

    Wow - what have you been playing now that we'll see fully realised in 20 years time?

    Duke Nukem Forever?

    Badoom...

    /looks for the eleven o'clock cymbal
    Edited by 1 at 13/02/03 @ 23:19

  • #72 9 years ago

    "fanboy fanatic... puts the "boy" in fanboy! Thanks for the insight, pup. I'm sure you know best. Haha."

    Kelley... puts the "keyboard" up its own arse. I'd say that was all very interesting to read.. except, it was not.

  • Pirotic #73 9 years ago

    Kelly, i dont know if you have a good sense of humour or a bad imagination but your story is blatantly madeup.

    it was named DoAX 20 years ago? tecmo didnt exist 20 years ago, and if you look up the copyright it was a measy 2 years ago. not to mention the fact the lead designer, from team ninja, would of been about 12 at the time.

    actually, why am i even validating this.. nobody is mad enough to beleive that story in the first place..

    i suppose u also played Mario64 on the ZX Spectrum? of course, it was called Mario128k back then and came in a blackbox :p
    Edited by 1 at 07/04/03 @ 01:27

  • #74 9 years ago

    Heh. I used to have a guy that made up stories like that about computers and computer-stuff all the time in my class like.. 7-8 years ago. He always had lots of floppy discs with him to have on his desk, and .. well it was to be geeky, I guess. Once the teacher asked him why he never marked the disks with what was on them, and he answered to the teacher that he had made a command for his computer to interpret what was on the disk so he wouldn't have to write on them. He told the teacher he had called the command 'dir'. Amazing guy, naturally he was beat up a lot.
    Edited by 1 at 07/04/03 @ 03:29

  • JaysonG #75 9 years ago

    20 years is a common time frame from concept to retail release. In the same summer that I saw DOAX the first time I also saw Morrowind, and Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell.

    LMFAO! Jesus H. Christ thats the funniest thing I've read in ages!

  • Sleepy Magpie #76 9 years ago

    The statement "If you want porn, buy porn" really ticks me off. I want luscious, sparkling CGI babes! Not skanky porn!

    If you want to discuss the philosophical ramifications of men preferring their pygmalion fixes to real women, and that it spells out the impending doom of civilization, then invite that!

    If you want to say that you don't get turned on by stylized, graphical representations of women - then say that!

    DON'T pigeonhole me into supposedly wanting porn!!! Grrr! That says more about you than me!

    THANK you.

  • pjmaybe #77 9 years ago

    Issues there perhaps?

    Peej

  • Rosalind #78 9 years ago

    I love this game, and I'm definitly not using it as a Porn substitue. I have always thought that it was aimed slightly more at girls (who never truely grew out of playing with barbies). A few female friends of mine love this game, maybe your just assuming that it was targeted at the undesexed male market, when in fact it was targeted at girls who wanna play dress-up. Or maybe not.

  • Sleepy Magpie #79 9 years ago

    Issues? Sure I got issues.. Almost everyone has. Farting an easy, effacing comment like that belies an aloof and somewhat holier than thou attitude, so I'd say you got some too.

    But really - The whole problem with picking up the piece of harmless fluff and fantasy that is DOAXBV and chucking it in the same bag as porn is that it reveals a somnabulistic reasoning shuffling between political correctness and puerile remnants of guilt-fuelled puritanism.

    Relax. Enjoy. The girls got nice boobies. The game isn't half bad actually. Put in a good soundtrack. Mellow out.

    If you don't like stylized graphical representations of this sort then it probably isn't your cup of tea.

    If girls liken it to erzats digital Barbie, and enjoy it, great. If guys get off to it, why not?

    *Me ponders tea, page 3, and a country with odd standards when it comes to sexual mores, from somewhere in darkest Scandinavia*.

    Sleepy