FaceBreaker Review

By Kristan Reed Published 5 September, 2008

Slapdash.

Version tested: Xbox 360

In a fight to be the most irritating game of the year, FaceBreaker would undoubtedly box its way hyperactively onto the podium. Far from being part of EA's great new era of 'no more crappy games', it's a prime example of how to miss the point with game mechanics so ill-conceived you'll wonder how they ever made it past the design stage, never mind EA's apparently harsh new quality control process.

The first questionable decision is to reduce boxing to a basic fighting game with stripped-down controls. Opting to reject the refined, logical brilliance of the Fight Night control set, EA has instead mapped most of the controls to a pair of face buttons and the right trigger. There's a high punch, a low punch and a block, and blocking allows you to pull off high and low parries with the punch buttons.

They can also be held down to charge up punches, but obviously at the risk of taking one on the chin. On top of that, you've got the option of throwing your opponent with another button and landing a powerful Breaker punch with the fourth. Left stick, meanwhile, handles movement, with the added option to dash by flicking left or right at the appropriate moment.

On paper it sounds refreshingly straightforward, but in reality it's a Tartrazine-fuelled game of rock-paper-scissors, where proceedings degenerate into wild flurries of cheap attacks and flashy jaw-wobbling animation. If you're ten and wired on Sunny Delight, FaceBreaker probably makes perfect sense, and maybe that's the point. But we're not.

'FaceBreaker' Screenshot 1

As the game itself says: "Why don't you take a screenshot? It'll last longer."

As ever, EA nails the presentation and front end in such a way that it's hard to see how it can't be fun. Viewed from the sidelines it looks irresistible, and comes rammed with boxers. It's Punch-Out brought bang up to date: crazy, exaggerated cartoon boxing with wild signature attacks and bags of personality. How could you screw that up?

It starts off innocuous enough, with an approachable array of simple gameplay modes like Brawl For It All, where you get to fight through four tiers of three boxers in sequence. At this point you can either dive straight in and choose one of the preset fighters or go off and create your own. The options here are excellent, with the facility to put your own ugly mug in the game via the Xbox Live Vision Camera or a photo uploaded to an EA website. Although your mileage may vary, it's always fun to mess around with these sorts of features - especially as you can actually upload and share your creations with the rest of the world.

Sadly, boxer-customisation was about the peak of our enjoyment. Diving into the ring with pad in hand, it completely unravels. We pine for Ready 2 Rumble. FaceBreaker is just too damned eager, and way too excitable to be fun for more than a few bouts. Look at me! Look how fast I can go! Look how many times I can repeatedly spam you with an array of unbalanced attacks! Wheee! It makes Dragon Ball Z look sedate.

After the initial bewilderment, you start to cotton onto the fact that every fighter has an Achilles heel, and that's where the rock-paper gameplay comes in. Some are impossible to fight toe-to-toe, and the game wants you to fail - and even warns from the first loading screen that you should expect to fail often. The reason for this is fairly straightforward: you need to be able to predict what attacks are incoming and react accordingly. So, for example, if your opponent charges up attacks and comes dashing at you, an appropriate counter just as they launch their punch leaves them exposed. Once you get into a rhythm, it's surprisingly easy.

But the process of trial-and-error is so ludicrously frustrating that the 'reward' of another murderously annoying bout feels more like punishment than anything. The process of learning through failure is compounded by only being given three chances to beat any given fighter before you're basically relegated, and forced to battle the previous fighter again. Quite why anyone thought that was a good idea is just one of long list of quirks and foibles you'll discuss with your increasingly grumbly inner monologue.

But, now and again, you feel like you're making progress. Out of the blue you might find yourself stringing together an awesome array of unbroken attacks. While this is going on, a power meter rises and, when full, you're able to unleash an incredible Breaker attack, which launches your opponent high off the canvas and ends the match in slow-motion, slack-jawed glory. It's a fitting climax to the chaos and nonsense. Sadly, when it happens to you, the same can't be said. You could have been completely on top of the match, winning by two knockdowns to nil, and then get caught in a loop and end up on the end of a Breaker. Game Over, better luck next time.

'FaceBreaker' Screenshot 2

Come back Prizefighter, all is forgiven.

Some characters are worse than others when it comes to slightly suspect - some would say cheap - attacks. With so many unbalanced elements at the core of the experience, it takes almost no time before people (and the AI, come to that) fall back on repetitive attack loops to win. Any serious fighter will find these exploits in a matter of minutes, and it's at that point you might as well stick two fingers to FaceBreaker and its cheap, ill-conceived mechanics and potty dodge system. It starts off bewildering, gets slightly better, and then fails dismally.

In multiplayer things do improve an awful lot. For a start, no human on Earth has the psychic ability of the AI to react as quickly as it does in FaceBreaker, but there's still the overall suspicion that, in the wrong hands, the mechanics are easily abused. When certain characters allow you to stun your opponent for several seconds, you know all too well that such pointless attacks will be used over and over again. And they are. In addition to all those kinds of shenanigans, it's simply too frantic for its own good, and no more enjoyable for feeling like you're playing on fast-forward.

Whatever your thoughts are on the finer points of the game, it all boils down to one thing, really, and that's the fact that you're essentially mashing the same two or three buttons repeatedly, and largely winging it most of the time. It's rhythm-action, if you like, but the very worst kind. As a boxing game it's useless, and taken as a fighting game it's almost as bad. Rarely before has a game looked so technically polished and been this bad to play. If this is representative of what EA Freestyle is all about, then there are some interesting reviews ahead.

4 / 10

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Picture of Kristan.

About Kristan Reed

Kristan is a former editor of Eurogamer, dad, Stone Roses bore and Norwich City supporter who sometimes mutters optimistically about Team Silent getting back together.

Read more articles from Kristan by visiting the Kristan Reed archive page.

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Comments (45) Latest comment 3 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • rotmm #1 3 years ago

    I really wanted this to be good. It seems like it could have been the ultimate party fighter.

    Sadly, I'll probably still pick this up for exactly those times :/

  • lambtron #2 3 years ago

    Got the impression that this was dire just from watching the videos.

  • Slipstream #3 3 years ago

    ""Why don't you take a screenshot? It'll last longer."
    Hahaha that was funny xD
    Can't say I didn't see this coming after the awful demo, give me Ready 2 Rumble any day.

  • SeesThroughAll #4 3 years ago

    Shame. I hoped it would be good.

    I really wanted this to be good. It seems like it could have been the ultimate party fighter.

    Tekken still handles that job perfectly, methinks.
    Edited by 1 at 05/09/08 @ 11:09

  • captainrentboy #5 3 years ago

    As I thought after playing the demo, absolute shite!!
    It wasn't even remotely fun to play, and just felt as cheap as hell.
    EA, just get on with FN4 already.

  • Darren #6 3 years ago

    The demo of this game was awful so the EG review comes as no surprise to me.

  • YoshiIsland #7 3 years ago

    I quite enjoyed the demo but will steer well clear now....

  • jonsaan #8 3 years ago

    Demo was pretty good I thought. I'll pick it up when it hits the bargain bins.

  • rotmm #9 3 years ago

    @SeesThroughAll,

    Not really. You get a bunch of people visiting, many who've rarely (if ever) picked up a controller before and Tekken and its ilk are not really ideal. If I had a Wii SSBB would probably be the one to go for. But I don't, so it isn't ;)

  • Redeye #10 3 years ago

    'Let's get ready to...oh.'

    Nice to see EA's vaunted new ethos putting those development dollars to good use, eh?

  • SeesThroughAll #11 3 years ago

    Aye, but some characters are button-mashing friendly. You just point them out "hey, that one is easy to play with" and fun is still assured.

  • ciril #12 3 years ago

    If something ain't broken - don't fix it. Now bring on new Fight Night with new animations and features please.

  • defdaz #13 3 years ago

    Give us Fight Night Round 4 NOW!!!!!!111!!!!one

  • anomagnus #14 3 years ago

    WHERE THE INFINITE UNDISCOVERY REVIEW!!!!!!!!!

  • dr_faulk #15 3 years ago

    Why would anybody think of creating a boxing game that's not like Fight Night? Especially EA!

  • markypants #16 3 years ago

    The demo was really really bad. Especially as this is the game that has seemingly replaced another Fight Night game. I can't believe that they didn't release a new Fight Night with deeper career mode and new fighters. Makes no sense to me? I'm sure they had their reasons?? I just hope to god they move on from this cock up and get cracking on a new Fight Night game. Me wants it... Me wants it long time!!

  • Xerx3s #17 3 years ago

    I'm seeing that quality that EA promised oozing off their products here...

  • BBIAJ #18 3 years ago

    GamesTM reported last month in their Facebreaker preview that Fight Night Round 4 is on the cards...

  • Gearskin #19 3 years ago

    Please stop comparing this to Fight Night. If you're going to compare it to something then compare it to Rockstar's Table Tennis. It has the same frantic pace and intensity.

    I think it's a lot of fun, in short bursts. Took it online last night and had some manic bouts. Holds up really well online considering it's so fast. Molotov FTW!

  • smernicki #20 3 years ago

    i was vaguely hopeful for this, downloaded demo, lasted about 90 seconds and had no desire to ever go near this product again in my life

  • patchbox360 #21 3 years ago

    casual gaming

  • frostcircus #22 3 years ago

    Women.

  • Nillsens #23 3 years ago

    It felt so ridiculously simplistic when I was playing the demo that I thought I was doing something wrong.
    Edited by 1 at 05/09/08 @ 12:35

  • Lionheart #24 3 years ago

    The picture on the home page looks like Jules and Vincent out of Pulp Fiction :)

  • Ainudil #25 3 years ago

    FaceBreaker is in my opinion a contender to Worst of the Year, up there with that olympics game.

  • Triggerhappytel #26 3 years ago

    Oh EA; why?! One step forward, one step back.

  • rotmm #27 3 years ago

    @Gearskin "Please stop comparing this to Fight Night. If you're going to compare it to something then compare it to Rockstar's Table Tennis. It has the same frantic pace and intensity."

    Except that Table Tennis was (and still is) a superb game.

  • Zebula77 #28 3 years ago

    Heh, I knew this was gonna be horrible.
    I downloaded the demo and fiddled around with the character creation bit, which was fun. I thought 'that was cool, now let's see what the game's like proper'
    Played the demo for about four minutes and was completely revolted by the random gameplay and controls and promptly deleted the demo.
    Good riddance.

  • Stepharneo #29 3 years ago

    i actuqally enjoyed the fact that there aren't any combo lists to trawl tghrough like in....uggg, tekken. anyone can pick up and play, and it means that when your at a party all really drunk except for that one guy, usually the person who spends 10 minutes memorising combo's, he won't win all the time. thats usually what happens, winner stays on, so its basically all the drunk guys versus mr. Sobriety.

  • rock27gr #30 3 years ago

    The game sounds a lot like Super Punch Out, from the game mechanics right down to the "3 Categories, 4 fighters each" structure. And that as a classic. How can this have gone so wrong?

  • Gearskin #31 3 years ago

    @rotmm

    And what makes TT so great? It has the same amount of depth, the same barran single player, the same pick-up-and-play gameplay. Simple, accessible, fast. Pick it up, put it down.

    Honestly, I don't see why TT received so much praise for being the exact same sort of game. I played FB last night for a good while, and it's just as much mindless fun. I enjoyed the intense scuffle with other players online. It was lolz.

  • Gearskin #32 3 years ago

    Did you guys who deleted it after "30 seconds" because you were getting beat up actually try to play the game as intended? Or did you uninstall it purely because you didn't understand what was going on?

  • ParanoidZombie #33 3 years ago

    After spending 2 straight ranked online sessions against nothing but kilik spammers in soul calibur4, I think that the gaming community deserves a game like facebreaker....
    Edited by 1 at 05/09/08 @ 13:57

  • Clive_Dunn #34 3 years ago

    "Did you guys who deleted it after "30 seconds" because you were getting beat up actually try to play the game as intended? Or did you uninstall it purely because you didn't understand what was going on?"

    Nope, I'm guessing they uninstalled it because they thought it was shite ?

  • NorfolkNClue #35 3 years ago

    I love it when EG savages a game. You lot are so mercilessly sarcastic and withering that it brightens up my lunchtime immeasurably.

    /me removes nose from tea-towel holder.
    Edited by 1 at 05/09/08 @ 15:06

  • Gearskin #36 3 years ago

    MoBiUGeArSkIn calls you all out on XBL. Tag me up. I shall attempt to break your face.

    It'll be interesting to see how well this sells.

  • markypants #37 3 years ago

    Quote: "It'll be interesting to see how well this sells."

    Hopefully as well as AIDS flavoured biscuits.

  • bad09 #38 3 years ago

    OUCH!

    TBH honest it's no surprise, I saw this on Plyr (I know, I'm sorry, but it's all that's on the box worth watching games wise!) and it looked TERRIBLE! Shame as FN was awesome, stick to that EA!

    / sits and waits for Ready 2 rumble sequel (and FN4).....

  • welshben23 #39 3 years ago

    "Come back Prizefighter, all is forgiven"

    There is seriously something wrong with Eurogamer and has been for the past couple of weeks. Prizefighter is just a broken, horrible shitfest of a game. This isn't that good but is far better than that game. Also, to give Mercenaries2 5/10 is just stupid. Its at least a 7.

  • frostcircus #40 3 years ago

    Freemasons have infiltrated

  • tomwhitaker #41 3 years ago

    Screw this bullshit. Do another Fight Night for everyone who wants one and do me a proper update of Def Jam: Fight For New York. That shit was tight, dog.

  • Gearskin #42 3 years ago

    I've been uploading faces for the past few hours. It works amazingly well through EA Sports World.

  • drumbaby #43 3 years ago

    The demo was pixels-made-mirconium.

  • 3william56 #44 3 years ago

    3...2....1... you're out.

  • Derblington #45 3 years ago

    I haven't read the review for this yet but the score seems a little unfair imo. I'm actually quite enjoying it.