Assassin's Creed Reader Review
Well, I was suckered in by the hype, as were many, so this was my main game for Christmas last year and by chrimbo I was really looking forward to it.
This is less of a review, more of a "what you can expect", and of course, it'll make more sense to those who've played the game, for you see, my play time went like this :
WARNING - CONTAINS SPOILERS !
Tutorial - What the hell is this ? Why the hell is the game telling me about puppetry ? Oh I see, the buttons make the character do what every other 3rd person adventure game does automatically without the need for such protracted explanation. Oh well, let's get playing.
1st mission Damascus - Wow Medieval Damascus! I can't believe how good this looks, oh man, this is beautiful, I'm free-running, yeah, stealth kills rock !
1st mission Acre - WOW Medieval Acre, this is the most beautiful city I've ever seen, yeah, taste my blade.
1st mission Jerusalem - Medieval Jerusalem, wow, not as nice as Acre, but still, wow. Man, you'd think these assassination targets would stop talking after I kill them...
Masayaf - Christ, my BOSS knows how to talk, hmmm, can't skip it, must mean I need to pay attention....
2nd mission Damascus - Wow, damascus. Oh, the exact same missions again again eh ? No probs just means I'll know what to do. Hey, I can't skip the talking of my targets either....
2nd mission Acre - What ?!?! You're going to engage me in a sword fight cos I RUN ?!?! That's just policing gone mad ! Jesus CHRIST this dead guy can talk....But Acre is beautiful, and that cathedral is stunning
2nd mission Jerusalem - Same again then eh ? Yup. Oh come on, just climb the bloody thing. Free-running is pants ! Right that's it, I'm going for a pee while that guy is talking....
Masayaf - SHUT UP BOSSMAN. OH. COME. ON......STOP. TALKING ! ......GET ON WITH IT......SKIP....SKIP.....I BET YOU'RE THE MAIN BAD GUY.....
3rd mission Damasucs - I hate this game.100 flags to collect ? And only 20 acheivment points ? B******s Why won't it let me skip this talking dead guy !?!?!?! I want to assassinate the guy whose decision it was to make cut scenes unskippable.
3rd mission Acre - Ok, I don't mind this as much, cos it's still beautiful. But now I HATE it again. I'm a top assassin you swine, why should I collect YOUR flags for you, you got legs ! Please stop the talking - you're dead, you can't talk !!!!
3rd mission Jerusalem - I really hate this game. Really hate this game. Sitting on a bench and listening to someone really isn't my idea of next-gen gaming. DEAD GUY, SHUT. UP ! I'm putting the kettle on now, you keep talking. I can literally put the kettle on, and let it boil and then pour myself a cup of tea and you're still talking
The rest - Oh so you WERE the main bad guy, there's a shocker. I hate you.
The End - That's it ? I'm gonna boot Jade Raymond in the teeth if I ever see her, but probably not cos she's still gorgeous.
And there you go.
Sorry if that made absolutely no sense to you, but that means you haven't played the game. You're very lucky.
So to the score. 5 being an average game, i'd award Assassins Creed a 4. The visuals, whilst unlike anything you've thought capable before, could have increased the score, but the boredom forced apon you by the game and the tedium experienced by "playing" some of the missions drag it back down.
As we can all see from such examples as Geometry Wars, you don't need amazing visuals if the core gameplay is solid, and Assassins Creed just flounders in that department.
4 / 10